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Hi all, I am not sure if this is the right place for this or if I should even be doing this but here goes. Quick back story- I come from a Syed family who like to think they are respectable but their actions prove otherwise. My mum and dad have been married forever and my dad abused my mum physically, mentally and emotionally for around 26 years until me and my sisters decided we had had enough. Growing up in an abusive household was horrendous and the trauma will stay with us forever. This is very common in our family and majority of the couples we know are unhappy with their husbands and lives. We now live separately to my dad and Alhamdulillah, life has been much better. We have always been told to marry Syed’s and never to look elsewhere but I have never agreed with this nor understood why this has to be the case. Shouldn’t it be everyone’s personal preference? I do not agree with imposing your personal views and interpretations upon someone else, especially if the consequences will not affect you in any way. So because of the trauma, I have naturally been very anti marriage and never thought I would have kids, ever. I downloaded some Muslim dating apps to see if there were any decent men out there but I had no luck. I couldn’t even find someone I got along with, never mind someone who is Syed and Shia etc. My mum keeps saying there are loads of good decent Syed men out there, not saying this isn’t true, but I have yet to meet one. I am a big believer in people coming into your life for a reason. Recently I have become closer to my deen and I have been trying to keep my intentions pure and I just genuinely want to be better for the sake of Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). Cut to- I have been talking to a Non Syed guy, I know I shouldn’t have carried on after finding out he was Non Syed, but when I tell you the connection was instant. I felt in my heart, almost straight away, that this man will be my husband and the father of my kids. He is everything I have ever prayed for, wanted and more. He has already made me a better person, and has brought be closer to my deen. I genuinely feel like I don’t deserve him and I never thought someone so perfect for me existed. I can now imagine a happy future with him.. I can see us with kids and it makes my heart so full for the first time in forever. He prayed so much during Ramadan and asked Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) for a sign and had a beautiful dream of us that night. My mum said she would disown me and tell everyone I am dead to her if I go through with this. And she said she would never eventually come around like some families do and will hold on to the hate forever. She said I will make the rest of her life miserable as the family will blame her for this because she left my dad which is a disgusting mentality. I feel so incredibly torn. I have to either sacrifice my family for my future or my future for my family.. and either my mum will never forgive me or I’ll never forgive her. It’s such an awful situation and I feel so helpless and empty. Any advice in this scenario is appreciated. I know upsetting my mum is so wrong but I truly believe Allah sent him to me. I just feel like this is not a good enough reason to justify disowning someone. It seems so extreme and unnecessary, but I guess that’s what happens when you prioritise culture over religion. Thank you AS

I have researched and this question has not been addressed as I am asking here. Recently I heard an audio lecture of a person in Urdu here where he says Syeds are entitled to more respect because they are from lineage of Prophet Mohammad (sw) with one thing in mind 'A non-syed can attain more spiritual highness through Taqwa'. He gives references of Ahadis from Shia books, I will mention just few Lawamay Ilahiyah by Shaikh Miqdad Uyun ul Hikam wal mawaiz Fawaid ul Ulama and Faraid ul Hukama Manaqib by Allama Ibn e Shahr e Ashub Mir Baqir Damad He says those Syeds who don't have good character, they should be respected just like we respect those verses of Quran who are no more valid now (I don't know which Ayah of Quran are so). Interestingly whenever he quotes a Hadis from books, he uses the word 'Zuriyat' first and them implies it on Syeds (descendants of Prophet). I don't have extensive studies of Islam, but my question is that if it is true as this person says, then what about story of Prophet Noah (as) where God told him that his son is not from him and is not worthy of to be protected. Also narration of Prophet (sw) where he said 'Salman is from Ahlulbayt'. Is respect linked to lineage? Positive discussion is awaited.