السلام عليكم
I am someone who has been diagnosed with depression and social anxiety disorder due to serotonin deficiency. I have seen that antidepressants (SSRIs) work for me but when I take them I feel like I'm a different person. I also feel less inhibited and may even consider Islamic things less important.
I notice that when I am depressed I spend more time in prayer and studying Islam because in a depressed state I am more introspective and conscious of my role as a mortal creation and of the despair that is inherent in a life without Allah from whom all Hope is derived.
I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm in a state of constant suffering and though Allah provides me just enough strength to overcome it so that I don't fall to utter perdition in terms of suicide or complete social withdrawal (though I contemplate it at times, especially the latter), this medication can boost me up in an easier way. The struggle, the burden is lifted without any effort, but in the process I lose "me" and I feel alienated from my "soul" and its realization of the rights Allah has upon it.
I apologize if I can't articulate myself properly. I just don't know whether I should be "me" and face this struggle or take a medication to assuage all my discomforts in one fell swoop.
If you have any advice or know of any ahadith the Aimmah عليهم السلام said about the constant struggle of depression or any struggle that seems futile from a worldly perspective, I would greatly appreciate it.
Thank you
في امان الله