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Salaaam dear friends, I was wondering if anyone would like to practice their Persian/Farsi with me? It's exciting to have pen-pals! There is more time for me now because of the quarantine, I'd love to make friends and learn. Please let me know if you're interested! Thank you

Salam, If you're a brother, please stop reading. I have never spoken about this to anyone. So please, stop. So far I have rejected every proposal out of fear of being taken for granted (all proposals made through an aunt). Sure, I don't have great talents, I'm not the most beautiful and I have flaws, but that applies to almost everyone- doesn't it? I don't want to be treated like a second class citizen. I feel like men easily take their wives for granted. It seems this way in every marriage I have come across. An exception to this are my parents (explained further below). Some men bully their women so much that many have gone under the knife to fix a few things. It upsets me. Most wives are much better looking than their spouses but their partners don't seem to care. Women never seem to counter remarks made by their spouses. No comments are made about their huge noses, the short/chubby stature, hairiness or lack thereof (bald) etc. Also, going under the knife isn't reversible! Most women I know work too. But they come back to take care of their children and prepare supper/dinner, while their husbands are still out with friends. It feels as though a wife is a replacement for a mother, only a wife does a little more than that. I don't want that. I can't handle that. Question is, are there healthy marriages where both husband and wife are happy? Are these arranged or love marriages? How can I overcome my fear? How do you actually find the right spouse? Do I just wait for God to deliver? I have never spoken to a muslim man for longer than 5 minutes or so in real life. Will that cause any trouble for me? You can stop reading here. The rest is just a ramble or elaboration. My parents are a little different since I have a disabled younger brother and both my parents are beautiful (in appearance/character) and pious. My father was brought up by a single mother (his father passed away while he was still young), so he appreciates and respects women. The only thing my mother ever complained about is his lack of romance and emotional expression, but that's ok. He's improved extensively since they've married. He brings my mother flowers and asks her to go on long night walks with him too :3 They also take a holiday together with my younger brother to Iran every year. My mother almost cancelled this year (she's a workaholic), he got very upset. His love for her is pretty clear; my mum even teases him about it. He laughs awkwardly when she does and actually blushes- A LOT xD He still has trouble expressing himself though. I help where I can since he's comfortable talking to me. But their marriage wasn't always like this, not until my younger brother was born. They were already broken from the wars (sadam hussein's forced emmigrations, iraq-iran war) and loss of loved ones- but my younger brother's diagnosis broke them more. The final blow was when my father lost his mother (may God bless her soul). Two broken pieces that didn't fit fell just right to support each other. My father has never said anything hurtful to my mother- ever! My cousin recently married, her husband didn't even wait till after the wedding before he whispered something offensive in her ear during their first dance. She laughed. I assumed she liked his offensive humour, but recently she complained about his frequent remarks regarding her weight. She fainted twice already trying to lose weight. Normally, she eats a balanced diet- she's just naturally bigger in her lower half. She's VERY tall too. She can't lose any more weight. You can literally see the bones on her upper body. She just has wide hips and thick thighs she can't seem to get rid of. She's now considering liposuction to get rid of it. So it's not a generation thing either. It still happens. I don't want this for myself. If marriage doesn't work for me, I don't know whether it would actually upset me. I have 3 backup plans: 1) adopt children 2) Lifelong support of parents and younger brother 3) Join the iraqi forces as medical support in the fight against ISIS (if they don't accept me, then support innocent wounded citizens) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1) Sometimes I wonder whether I'd be happier alone. I could adopt children and live as a single mother, but I doubt finding agencies who accept single muslim mothers will be easy (ISIS/media). Also, ideally I want to have 2 sons and a daughter (iA). But I understand adoption works differently in islam, so it'll be hard with sons since I won't be able to treat them like most mother's would (can't hug them, need to wear headscarf). Still, I yearn to have children so much that I even have names: Levi, Benyamin and Amalia. I dream about the christmases we'd spend together, decorating the tree, the gingerbread house we'd build, how I'd buy them a lab puppy once they're around 5-9years old and pretend it's come from Santa. I even thought about and researched ways to hype up eid to match or even surpass christmas as a holiday. I'd make a little something like an advent calendar during ramdan and put small toys or treats for the children, we'd spend weeks together preparing decorations for eid too (lanterns, and some arts/crafts to make our own decorations), we'd put donations every day in our eid jar to buy things during 2nd day of eid for the poor and hand them out ourselves, visit grandpa/ma on the first day, and then later on the third day reward ourselves with a deserved 5 day long holiday to a resort/theme-park. How we'd compete to have the scariest house and costumes during halloween on our street. How we'd backpack and trek across iraq during muharam. and much more! I don't want to share this with someone who's self-absorbed, a bully and someone who can damage my children's character. Still I realise that adopting has complications of its own. 2) I thought if it doesn't work out for me, I might specialise in A&E and perhaps dedicate my life to supporting my parents and my younger brother as well as working for the return of the mehdi (which I hope/strive to do anyway). My parents won't be young forever. Someone needs to take care of my younger brother. If I stay single, it will be easier for my older brother to have a normal married life and I could take care of my younger brother till I too grow old (if I grow old). 3) Or instead I join the iraqi forces as a medic in the fight against ISIS (if God forbid, they still exist by then). Though here I'm not sure if they would accept a female medic :S Perhaps I could help the citizens instead? Still, my father would most probably forbid me form doing this. I've never set foot on my homeland (iraq) because he fears for my safety- to walk into the eye of the hurricane, doubt he'll let me :/ But he might allow this if I explain my intention to help rid the world of terrorism and how honourable this would be. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Am I overcomplicating things? thanks for reading