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In the Name of God بسم الله
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Salams Everyone, first time poster here! This has been on my mind for almost 10 years now and I have joined Shiachat with the intention of getting some advice. To summarise, about 10 years ago, I was diagnosed with a terminal condition. I didn't tell my family (and still haven't) as they would be devastated and I couldn't put them through that and I would still never tell them to save them the pain. Instead, I kept it to myself and I turned to Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) and I prayed, and prayed hard - vowing to go to visit the Imam (عليه السلام) in either Iraq or Iran - wherever I could go. All I needed was a sign. Whether or not I was right, I believe received that sign soon after - I dreamt one night that I was in a jamaat salaat, and as I was about to go into Sajda, A man very tenderly kissed the side of my neck exactly where the 'condition' was diagnosed. It was SO real that I woke up. I felt it, I actually heard it and I could feel it even after I was wide awake and sitting up in bed. I even considered the possibility that my father was in the room. I got the feeling straight away that this was Imam Reza ((عليه السلام)). I should add that this dream was particularly odd for me as I had never regular at prayers, let alone in a Jamaat. Miracle / Sign or not, It felt real enough for me to jump on the next Ziyarat Trip to Iran and visit the Imam ((عليه السلام)) personally. In Iran, I really felt connected with the Imam ((عليه السلام)), and begged him that I wouldn't leave empty handed (those were my specific words). Randomly one evening, an average, normal looking man (who I can only think must have worked there) approached me very directly near the Zari of Imam and handed me a handful of petals. I had no idea what this was so I asked him, and he pointed at the Zari. I still didn't know what this was for, so I asked another Ziareen and he said something like 'Make a dua and put in the Zari'. Not knowing better, I did exactly that, but ended up keeping one single petal. Only later did I realise that these were the petals from the top of the Zari of Imam Reza, and this may have been the gift I begged for. For the last 10 years I have kept that petal safely and very, very carefully, not knowing what to do with it. But I inherently feel like I'm meant to do something with it. Life, career etc have all kept moving (Alhumdulilah) but I'm not cured and can't help but wonder if it's because I haven't done what I'm supposed to do with this gift. I'm curious to get my fellow brother / sisters take on the following: 1. What should I do with this? I've considered everything from eating it to putting it in water and drinking the water. 2. Could this have been the gift I was asking for, which I haven't benefitted from? 3. If this is, in fact, a gift from Imam ((عليه السلام)) with shifa then I desperately want to share it first with my family who are also suffering in other ways - how should I do this? I'm known to be pretty bright, intelligent and a very rational person - and very open to the possibility that all of this is my imagination or a random series of coincidences. However, if this is a gift that I haven't realised, I feel I MUST do it in the right way. There may be shifa given to me that I haven't benefited from. Anyway, as I said this has been on my mind for a decade. Any advice / insight / thoughts / knowledge anyone can share? Jazakallah Brothers / Sisters
I am 16, and a brother, and ever since I was in the 8th grade I've been suffering from panic attacks......my eyes start to hurt intensely, and they feel like they are rolling into my head......I also feel a sense of impending doom, the greatest fear anyone can feel, and my speech gets slurred, and i lose balance....I have tried taking psychiatric pills, but they dont work all the time...i even had to start taking heavy supplements......in the 9th grade, it was so bad i kept trying to escape school, and once even made terroristic threats out of frustration, and had to go to alternative school.....they have ruined and debilitated my life, and made me afraid of going places, as they can happen at any time.....i was wondering if Allah swt is punishing me or testing me, and what I can do to stop it.... Also, ever since I was 13, I have lusted after pre pubescent children.....I know it is wrong, and i feel guilty, but sometimes i dont feel guilty, though I have never acted on it, and don't plan to, since it would ruin a child's life, and I would be behind bars (and probably get killed behind bars), I thought this was just an adolescent phase but it wasn't, it still persists, and I am, about to turn 17.....i have prayed for a cure, but nothing....i take heavy doses of antidepressants (which is used to lower libido) but no luck..... I have tried therapy, but no luck..... I have even tried relieving my frustrations by masturbating, but it only made it worse.... and I realized it was haram and felt even more guilty.... The pedophilia seems to be wearing off though, and my feelings seem to have faded to admiration for children (which is still sick, in this context) But the panic attacks are what really worry me.... i have tried ruqyah but it has not helped...i have tried black magic cures, reciting sakinah dua, but no luck...i have tried black seed oil, but no luck....what should I do?
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