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  1. Assalam-o-Alaikum, This is my first thread , i am very confused and i want an answer from Sharia or from our Prophet or Imam's view point. Note: I am using "MEL" instead of her name I love a girl and we both really wanted to marry. We both are Shia Muslim from Pakistani background.She (MEL) is a British Pakistani whereas I was working in the UK . I am a Pakistani guy from a very religious family background. In 2010 MEL told me to go back to Pakistan and settle their before sending a marriage proposal therefore i did what she said and sent the proposal to her parents as soon as i got settled in Pakistan, They visited us in 2012 and after 2 days they said NO to my parents.They made the following issues to support their decision: 1) I am based in Pakistan 2) They don't want their daughter to move to Pakistan or anywhere and they want her to stay close to them in UK. 3) I am not well settled financially even though I was doing a good job ( and i am from a well off family and owned my own house ) 4) I am from an Urdu Speaking background whereas they are from Punjabi background 5) They don't like the fact that their daughter has chosen her life partner I truly loved her and had no other intentions other than spending a happy life with her therefore I always wanted to live in Pakistan with her and she was also wanted to live in Pakistan with my family but after the refusal i even told her parents that I will move back to the UK if they don't want to send their daughter to Pakistan but still they refused:(. I took that refusal to heart and started seeking inner peace from Allah, before that i was totally opposite to my family and i was a very open minded and liberal kind of person. That refusal changed my life and now I strictly follow my prayers, read and follow Quran , dua's and try to be a good Muslim .I still speak to her sometimes but just as a friend although i still love her and want her to be my life partner. I did istekhaara twice and both the times it comes as good / yes. Now there is another Pakistani based guy and he wants to marry MEL too .This guy has not sent any proposal yet because he has not disclose or told anything to his parents about MEL but MEL's family knows about him that he likes their daughter. Now MEL's parents are forcing her to talk to this guy because he is from a very rich family and they don't want to lose this potential proposal .Her parents wants her to start liking him so he will send an official proposal. Moreover That guy wants to move to USA.Now MEL's parents don't have any aforementioned issues which they made when i sent my proposal Her parents are being greedy and giving importance to financial status over everything.They are going against their own decisions which they made when I sent my proposal. My Question is : 1)What does our Prophet or Imam (A.S) says about love marriage? 2) Is she allowed to marry against her parents' will because they are giving importance to worldly and financial status over my dedication , Islamic way of life and sincerity ?? 3) If that girl stands against her parents and tell them that she will not marry anyone because its a hypocrisy and she will only marry me is that stance is allowed in Islam?? 4) Also suggest what is the best thing I should do in this matter as i am really confused Kindly Answer my question in the light of our Prophet's (pbuh) or Imams (A.S) teachings as I don't want to go or do anything which is against the teaching of Islam.
  2. From www.yaali.co.cc [All In One Shia Website] Chapter 11 Raising Children ________________________________________ 40 Akhlāq Points on Interacting with your Child[388] 1. Give gifts to your daughter(s) first. 2. Play with your children.[389] This has an important effect in the training and nurturing of your child. Our leaders in Islam have stressed the importance of this issue, and recommended it highly to Muslims. It is narrated from the Prophet (s): “The person who has a child, should behave like a child with him.”[390] It is also narrated from Imām ‘Alī (as): “Anybody who has a child, should, for his/her training, bring themselves down to their level of childhood.”[391] 3. Do not hit your child when they cry, because it is narrated from the Prophet (s): “Do not hit your babies since their crying has a meaning. The first 4 months of crying is professing the unity of Allāh ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì, the second 4 months of crying is sending blessings upon the Prophet (s) and his family and the third 4 months of crying is the baby praying for the parents.”[392] 4. Kiss your child. It has been narrated from one of the Imāms that: “Kiss your children a great deal because for every kiss, you will be granted a Divine heavenly rank which would otherwise take 500 years to achieve!”[393] It is also narrated that a man once came to the Prophet (s) and said: “I have never kissed my child.” The Prophet (s) said: “Surely a man like this will be a resident of the fire of hell.” 5. By saying Salām to your child, build their sense of personality and character. If youngsters say Salām, it is obligatory for elders to reply; however, it was a characteristic of the Prophet (s) to say Salām first, whether to elders or youngsters.[394] 6. Do not ridicule the actions of your child, nor call them silly. 7. Do not order or forbid your child too much, as this emboldens them and leads to rebellious behaviour when older. 8. Build your children’s characters by respecting them. We read in traditions that the Prophet (s) prolonged his sajdah until his grandson came down from his shoulders, and at other times he recited Salāt al-Jamā’at faster as he heard children of praying mothers crying. Likewise, Imām ‘Alī (as) used to ask his children questions about religious matters in the presence of others, and even passed on people’s questions to them to answer. When parents don’t satisfy the natural urges and desires of the child, the child then resorts to wrong ways and means (often linked to sin) to try and give himself the necessary push to build his sense of self and importance. Personality, independence, will, self-trust, and likewise, weakness, baseness and lack of self-trust are all characteristics the foundations of which are in the lap of the father and bosom of the mother. A child who has not been treated like another human being or a valuable member of the family cannot be expected to have a well formed personality in adulthood. 9. Keep your promises. Keeping promises in Islam is a sign of one’s faith, and Allāh (swt) mentions it in the Qur’an. } æóÃóæúÝõæÇ ÈöÇáúÚóåúÏö Åöäóø ÇáúÚóåúÏó ßóÇäó ãóÓúÄõæáÇð { “And fulfil the covenants; indeed all covenants are accountable.”[395] } æóÇáóøÐöíäó åõãú áöÃóãóÇäóÇÊöåöãú æóÚóåúÏöåöãú ÑóÇÚõæäó { “And those who keep their trusts and covenants.”[396] Keeping promises is one of the pillars of the prosperity of mankind and one of the best qualities of one’s Akhlāq, its base lying in one’s raising and training. It is narrated from the Prophet (s): “Like your children and treat them with affection and kindness. When you make a promise to them, you must keep it, because children consider you their sustainer.”[397] 10. For the sexual training of children, the parents must first teach their children not to enter their bedroom without asking permission. Allāh (swt) has pointed to this important point in Surat Nūr, Verse 58: } íóÇ ÃóíõøåóÇ ÇáóøÐöíäó ÂãóäõæÇ áöíóÓúÊóÃúÐöäõßõãõ ÇáóøÐöíäó ãóáóßóÊú ÃóíúãóÇäõßõãú æóÇáóøÐöíäó áóãú íóÈúáõÛõæÇ ÇáúÍõáõãó ãöäßõãú ËóáÇóËó ãóÑóøÇÊò ãöä ÞóÈúáö ÕóáÇóÉö ÇáúÝóÌúÑö æóÍöíäó ÊóÖóÚõæäó ËöíóÇÈóßõã ãöøäó ÇáÙóøåöíÑóÉö æóãöäú ÈóÚúÏö ÕóáÇóÉö ÇáúÚöÔóÇÁ ËóáÇóËõ ÚóæúÑóÇÊò áóøßõãú { “O you who have faith! Let your permission be sought by your slaves and those of you who have not reached puberty three times: before the dawn prayer, and when you put off your garments at noon, and after the night prayer. These are three times of privacy for you.” It is also recommended to keep a close watch and control over their actions with others and prevent those actions that increase one’s sexual instinct (e.g. going out in mixed gatherings). It is important to mention that their curiosity is very high in childhood. In addition, they are very sensitive to what they watch and see, and fearlessly want to put it into action and try it out for themselves, without knowing or thinking that what they are doing may not be right. Some useful points to be noted a. Mothers should be careful that when tending to the cleanliness of their children (e.g. giving them baths), even newborns, other children are not present, especially those who are of a different gender. b. From childhood, parents should not play with the child’s genital organs, or even their chest and thighs. c. Never leave children alone or in private for long periods of time and when they are going through an inquisitive phase. It is also not recommended to leave them unattended with someone else during this time, especially a brother or sister. d. Do not let girls of 6 years sit on a non-mahram man’s lap or be kissed by non-mahram men. e. Do not let girls be naked in front of others. In particular, their chests and thighs should be covered. f. Create love for Salāt in your child, as Allāh (swt) clearly states in the Noble Qur’an that Salāt makes one far from ugly acts. } Åöäóø ÇáÕóøáÇóÉó Êóäúåóì Úóäö ÇáúÝóÍúÔóÇÁö æóÇáúãõäßóÑö { “Indeed the prayer prevents indecencies and wrongs.”[398] 11. Spoiling a child creates weakness, and a lack of will and determination. These types of children trouble their parents in their childhood, and make them encounter many problems. The spoilt children themselves face two types of problems a. They have expectations that the rest of society will, like their parents, comfort and respect them no matter what, and carry out their wishes without any questions. When they realise that people will not only not do this, but will also ridicule these expectations, they become upset and feel humiliated and debased. b. Such experiences form the base of contempt and make them angry, aggressive, lacking patience and weak. They become the type of people who think low of others and treat them with harsh words and actions. 12. Nothing silences the sense of self-trust in a child more than forcing him to do things they may not have the capability of doing. This is especially the case when, if the child is unsuccessful, it is followed by belittling statements like: “Don’t bother trying, you can’t, you don’t have the capability.” 13. Pray for your children, both during pregnancy and afterwards.[399] 14. Reminders and requests should be given with gentleness and softness so as not to create a barrier between parents and child. One day, Imām Husain (as) called his children and his brother’s children together and said to them: “All of you are the children of today’s society and, it is hoped, the leaders of tomorrow’s society. So learn and make efforts in the acquisition of knowledge, and whoever does not have a good memory and cannot memorise the subjects taught by the teacher in teaching sessions, (should) write them down and keep them at home.” Thus we see that the Imām created the love of acquiring knowledge in them without using techniques like scaring or forcing them, but by making them understand that knowledge is the path to honour and esteem. 15. If your child is respected, he/she is less likely to rebel against the rules of the house. Respect and good interaction between parent and child are the bases in forming the child’s character. It is narrated from the Prophet (s): “Respect your children and talk to them with (good) manners and a likeable method.” 16. A good role model is someone who adjusts their children’s desires wisely and with the correct techniques. 17. Foster the faith of your child. Children that have been raised from the beginning with faith in Allāh (swt) have a strong will and powerful soul and from their early years are mature and courageous; this is easily observed by their actions and words. The readiness of the soul of a child to learn faith and Akhlāq is like fertile ground in which any type of seed can grow. Therefore, parents should teach their child love for Allāh (swt) and the Ahlul Bayt (as) and leaders of Islam from the earliest opportunities. It is narrated from Imām as-Sādiq (as): “Teach traditions to your children as soon as possible, before opposers (to your beliefs) reach them before you do.”[400] In traditions, parents who do not take the future life (aakhirat) of their children into consideration are reproached. It is narrated that the Prophet (s)’s gaze fell on some children and he said: “Woe upon the children of the end of time (before the coming of the 12th Imām) because of the disliked methods of their fathers.” It was asked of him: “Oh Prophet (s) of Allāh (swt)! Because of their polytheistic fathers?” He replied, “No, because of their Muslim fathers who didn’t teach their children any religious duties. They were content with worthless material things for them. I am weary and exempt of such people…”[401] It is said that in communist Russia, they used to eliminate the existence of God from the ground roots level; for example, when a child was hungry or thirsty their parents would let them cry and say to them, “Ask God to provide for you.” When the children would do this, and still remain hungry and thirsty, they used to say to them, “See, you cried to God he gave you nothing! Now ask Lenin (the Russian leader) to provide for you!” When the children would do this, then only would they give them food and drink. The effect of this was that it was instilled in the children from childhood that God doesn’t exist through this very deluded manner. This same concept is condemned in Surat Yāsīn, Verse 47: } ÞóÇáó ÇáóøÐöíäó ßóÝóÑõæÇ áöáóøÐöíäó ÂãóäõæÇ ÃóäõØúÚöãõ ãóäú áóøæú íóÔóÂÁõ Çááñøåõ ÃóØúÚóãóåõ Åöäú ÃóäúÜÊõãú ÅöáÇóø Ýöí ÖóáÇóáò ãõøÈöíäò { “The faithless say to the faithful, ‘Shall we feed (someone) whom Allāh (swt) would have fed, had He wished? You are only in manifest error.’” However, this is a wonderful lesson to us as to how Allāh (swt) should be introduced to a child from young age. Whenever a child gets to that age that he understands that whenever they desire something they need to ask their parents, their parents should ask them first to ask from Allāh ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì. Then when they provide the desired object, they should stress that it reached them through the blessings of Allāh ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì. Thus, as they grow up, they will be able to see Allāh (swt) as the underlying principal behind every action. 18. Stay away from wrist-grabbing and bossy behaviour with children. 19. One of the duties of parents is to foster the innate nature of telling the truth in children. Their behaviour in the house should be such that this becomes a habit. However, this is one of the more difficult areas of raising a child and attention to knowledge and action is very important. It is narrated in a tradition from the Prophet (s): “May Allāh (swt) have mercy on the person that helps his child in (doing) good.” The narrator of the tradition asked: “How?” In his reply, the Prophet (s) gave 4 instructions: a. Whatever the child has in his power and has carried out, accept it. b. Don’t expect that which is hard for him. c. Prevent him from sin. d. Don’t lie to him, or do silly things. 20. Do not use fear as a method of raising your child, as this causes damage to their personality and leads to psychological problems. In particular, excess punishment by the mother weakens the relationship and value that the child has for his mother in his heart. Often a look or silence can be more effective in making the child understand their mistake than hitting them or scaring them. 21. Cuddling and kissing a child is one of their soul-foods, and it is necessary that enough of this is given to them. One of the reasons that a child is crying may be that they are thirsty for this expression of love. Children who grow up with plenty of love have confident personalities which are not swayed by the difficulties that crop up in life. It is narrated from Imām as-Sādiq (as): “Certainly Allāh (swt) shows mercy upon His servants who have strong love for their offspring.”[402] It is also narrated from the Imām: “Prophet Mūsā (as) said the following to Allāh (swt) when he was on the mountain of Tur: “O Allāh (swt)! Which act is the best one according to you?” Allāh (swt) replied: “Loving children is the best act.”“ 22. Parents have a responsibility to make their children understand the indecency of sin and create an aversion for people who partake in this, and likewise, to reproach the bad and encourage the child’s good actions. However, reproach and admiration has its time and place and should not be overdone as this itself can corrupt a child. 23. The beds of children of 6 years and above should be separated from each other, even if they are both daughters or both sons.[403] 24. As well as the natural characteristics that the child inherits from his parents, the environment and Nurture of the child have a profound effect. It is highly unlikely that in a family that does not function properly, a normal and natural child is raised. In particular, the instructions of parents only have an effect if the parents lead by example. The first step of raising children is the Nurture of the self. Somebody who does not possess good Akhlāq cannot guide another to this, and similarly, hot-tempered parents cannot usually raise a calm and patient child. Children need to be taught that characteristics such as lying, back-biting, bad language, etc. are disliked, and naturally, the child will refrain from such when the parents themselves have set such examples. 25. There should be a difference in the order and expectations of the behaviour of a child inside the home, and out. At home, allow the child to play freely. 26. Always bear the unexpected behaviour of your child to a limit and do not always take the mistakes of your chid to be unforgivable, so that you are not always compelled to punish. Patience, coping and forgiveness are a must when raising children. If your child has a quality that you do not like, it should be corrected in a wise manner without displaying contempt of the child, and the correct manner of doing things should be shown at the same time as stopping him/her from old ways. When parents constantly tell the child off, they are belittling the child and not only are they not going to be successful in reforming the child, but are also going to create stubbornness in them. It is narrated from Imām ‘Alī (as): “Excess reproach fuels the fire of stubbornness.”[404] 27. When instructing your child, don’t mention the names of other children constantly, or compare them with others. 28. Stories are a useful and important method of encouraging good qualities and characteristics, and discouraging bad ones, such as the rights of friends, faith, etc. The Noble Qur’an uses this method to do the same as mentioned in Surat Yūsuf, Verse 111: } áóÞóÏú ßóÇäó Ýöí ÞóÕóÕöåöãú ÚöÈúÑóÉñ áöøÃõæáöí ÇáÃóáúÈóÇÈö { “There is certainly a moral in their accounts for those who possess intellect.” It is important to keep the following in mind when selecting stories: a. They should mention Allāh (swt) in some form or the other, and be narrated with the intention of Nurturing the personality and characteristics of your child. b. Attention should be paid to the child’s age, intelligence and mental state when choosing a story. c. There shouldn’t be extremes, or lies or rumours far from the truth in the stories. d. They should contain answers to the questions of the child. e. The best stories should be chosen, just as Allāh (swt) has stated in Surat Yūsuf, Verse 3: } äóÍúäõ äóÞõÕõø Úóáóíúßó ÃóÍúÓóäó ÇáúÞóÕóÕö { “We will recount to you the best of narratives.” f. Truth and righteousness should always prevail in the stories. g. The main character (who is the role model) of the stories should not possess deviations or bad characteristics. h. The stories should not be too lengthy or tiring for the child. 29. The mischievousness of your child in the early years is a sign of increased intelligence in the older years, so you shouldn’t be too worried or punish it too much. 30. Make your children perform Salāt from 7 years, and fast from 9 years, either half day or more or less, depending on their abilities. It is narrated from Imām as-Sādiq (as): “When our children reach 5 years of age, we tell them to pray Salāt, so you tell your children to do this when they reach 7 years of age; and we tell our chidren at the age of 7 years to fast however much they have the ability to, half a day, or more, or less, and to break their fast when they become hungry or thirsty so that they get used to fasting and develop the ability for it, so you tell your children at the age of 9 years to fast however much they have the ability for, and when thirst overcomes them, to break their fast.”[405] and [406] It is also narrated in a tradition: “We command our children to (do) the tasbih of Hadrat Fātima, just like we command them to (pray) Salāt.”[407] It is important to remember that in acts of worship, just like everything else, there should be moderation. It is narrated from the Prophet (s): “Islam is the firm religion of Allāh ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì. Go forth with moderateness and don’t do something that will make your heart pessimistic to the worship of Allāh ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì.”[408] 31. Do not be quick to accuse your children of lying because until 5 years, real lying or lying out of self-interest is rare; rather it is due to their active imagination, related to playing or creating astonishment in others, or to the child’s exploration of the self. 32. Do not condemn a child who has tired you with their questions, as this weakens their sense of curiousity. 33. Try not to quarrel, especially in front of the child, as this troubles them greatly and affects their personality. 34. Children have a particular fear of the word death, especially death of their mother or father. Therefore, where it is not necessary, don’t speak constantly of your death, or the like. However, do teach your child the truth about death, clearly and calmly and without eliciting fear. 35. Find out about your child’s talents and develop these as much as possible. 36. In terms of wordly aspects, do not over-saturate your child so that they go on the wrong path, nor under do it, as both these methods are dangerous. 37. The single most important cause of the happiness of the child is the kindness of the parents. No other quality can create happiness and calmness in a child like love, and likewise, no other quality can disturb and trouble a child like the lack of affection from the parents. Children of parents who are successful in this area try their best to please their parents and stay away from actions that will displease and trouble them, both in their childhood and when they are older. Therefore, love and affection not only satisfies the needs of the child but ensures their obedience. Allāh (swt) has referred to this impact of kindness in the Noble Qur’an, in Surat Āli-‘Imrān, Verse 159: } ÝóÈöãóÇ ÑóÍúãóÉò ãöøäó Çááñøåö áöäÊó áóåõãú æóáóæú ßõäÊó ÝóÙðøÇ ÛóáöíÙó ÇáúÞóáúÈö áÇóäÝóÖõøæÇ ãöäú Íóæúáößó { “It is by Allāh (swt)’s mercy that you are gentle to them; and had you been harsh and hardhearted, surely they would have scattered from around you.” It is important to note that there should not be extremes; too much love, just like too little, is destructive to the child; therefore practise the middle path and raise your child in such a manner that they are able to stand on their own two feet when older. It is narrated from Imām as-Sādiq (as): “The worst fathers are those who, in their goodness and love towards their child, go over the limits and incline to excesses.”[409] 38. It is important that the parents give freedom and independence to their children according to their capabilities, so that they develop their initiative, innate independence and self-trust. At the same time, one must be careful not to exceed the limits so that children bring harm to themselves. Some parents, either to free themselves of their responsibilities or because of misplaced love, leave their children completely to their own devices; however, before long, the child grows up without knowing anything of their responsibilities in the house, or otherwise. It is at this point parents try to instil this in their children, not surprisingly without any effect. Other parents however, do the opposite and do not give their children enough opportunities to lead their own activities, constantly interfering in what their children are doing and how. Both are wrong and have negative consequences. 39. Raising your child properly is one of the responsibilities of a parent, and lack of attention to this responsibility is a cause of reproach of the Imāms.[410] One should try their best through various ways to create the love of Allāh (swt) and the Ahlul Bayt (as), so that the child follows the right path. Insofar as the requisite of love is acquaintance and knowledge, one should try their best to instil this in their children.[411] 40. Teach your children the Qur’an. Recitation of Qur’an in the home spreads the superior words of the truth and reality of Islam. Being in an environment where one is familiar with the Noble Qur’an, listens to the recitation of the Noble Qur’an and acts upon the instructions of the Noble Qur’an, has a strong effect on the child’s life. Every time parents recite Qur’an, children are encouraged to do the same and follow them in this habit. In particular, those children who have a naturally strong memory and are talented can easily memorise the Qur’an, which will benefit them forever. [412] 14 Ways to Instil the Love of the Ahlul Bayt (as) in your Children[413] 1. Conception, the pregnancy period and the mentality of the parents all have an effect on the child in this area. As well as following the recommendations mentioned in this manual, the following things are emphasized: eating the tabarruk (blessed food) of the Imāms, going to majalis and listening to lectures, being careful of what one sees or hears, listening to the Noble Qur’an, Nauhas and Qasidas when breastfeeding, etc. 2. Use Euphrates water and Khāke Shafā (dirt from around the grave of Imām Husayn (as) in Kerbalā. 3. Develop love and emotional attachment. Teach your children that love of the Ahlul Bayt (as) leads to them being loved by both Allāh (swt) and the Ahlul Bayt (as), and that the love of Allāh (swt) and the Ahlul Bayt (as) go hand in hand. 4. Pay attention to the Ahlul Bayt’s (as) favour to their Shī‘as. It is narrated from Imām as-Sādiq (as): “We know our Shī‘as the same way one knows their family.” It is also narrated that on the Day of Judgement, the Shī‘as of Imām ‘Alī (as) will be satiated, saved and successful. 5. Relay the benefits of friendship with the Ahlul Bayt (as), such as: “Know that whoever dies with the love of the family of Muhammad is a martyr,” and “Know that whoever dies with the love of the family of Muhammad, two doors to heaven will open from his grave.” The value of a person is according to how much love is in their hearts. The more valuable the object of love is, the more valuable is the one that loves. 6. Relay the need of this love. People usually are attracted to those things that satisfy their needs, and we are indeed extremely needy of the Ahlul Bayt (as). It is narrated from the Prophet (s): “Love of me and love of my Ahlul Bayt benefit one in 7 places where there is a lot of agitation: At the time of death, in the grave, at the time of being raised from the grave, at the time of getting the book of deeds, at the time of accounting, at the time of the weighing of deeds, and at the time of (crossing the bridge of) Sirāt.”[414] 7. Show your appreciation, and encouragement of certain acts, so as to make an example of those acts for the future. It is narrated that the Prophet (s) gave an Arab a piece of gold that had been gifted to him, because the Arab had presented himself humbly to Allāh (swt) in his meaningful and sincere Salāt. The Prophet (s) said: “I have given this gold to you because in the presence of Allāh ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì, you praised him with goodness and deservingly.” However, it is important that encouragement should not be in the form of a bribe. 8. Practice what you preach, as the state of being and actions of the parent are indirect but important teachers of the child. 9. Celebrate and mourn the wiladats and wafats (birth and death anniversaries) of the Ahlul Bayt (as), such as Muharram, ‘Eid al-Ghadīr, the wiladat of the 12th Imām, etc. This includes not only going to mosque, but programs at home, madrasa, etc. There should be ties between the happiness of the child’s life and the lives of the Imāms, for example, making their wiladats a happy experience in the child’s memory by having a party, giving sweets, gifts, and thus indirectly having a beneficial effect on the child. 10. The child’s desire for growing up and reaching perfection is highest in the teenage years and early adulthood, and this causes them to automatically look for role models in life. This innate desire must be utilised well and the vacuum filled by the Ahlul Bayt (as). Indeed, the Ahlul Bayt (as) are the manifestation of perfection of beauty of Allāh ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì. Relaying their bravery, virtues, miracles, generosity, ability to cure people and solve difficulties and their station of intercession with Allāh (swt) all have a beneficial effect in creating an attachment between the child and them. One of the Qur’anic methods of Nurturing human beings is also by the use of good role models to guide one to the right path, as mentioned in Surat al-Ahzāb, Verse 21: } áóÞóÏú ßóÇäó áóßõãú Ýöí ÑóÓõæáö Çááñøåö ÃõÓúæóÉñ ÍóÓóäóÉñ áöøãóäú ßóÇäó íóÑúÌõæ Çááñøåó æóÇáúíóæúãó ÇáÂÎöÑó æóÐóßóÑó Çááñøåó ßóËöíÑÇð { “In the Apostle of Allāh (swt) there is certainly for you a good exemplar, for those who look forward to Allāh (swt) and the Last Day, and remember Allāh (swt) greatly.” 11. Stay away from those acts that remove love of the Ahlul Bayt (as) from the child; this goes side by side with those actions that incite love. For example, if the many majalis that take place in the first 10 days of Muharram are tiring and make the child weary, or the atmosphere is not good for the children in that they are not treated well, or the child is forced to do lots of worship, these all can create obstacles to a close and loving relationship with the Ahlul Bayt (as). 12. Create a spiritual and meaningful atmosphere. Even if children are left mostly to their own devices and not pulled in this direction or that, if they are systematically placed in such an atmosphere, the attraction to the Ahlul Bayt (as) will automatically arise. Cultural and Islamic camps, ziyarats, going to the harām, meetings with meaningful personalities, constantly being with friends of the Ahlul Bayt (as), community activities and participation in majalis, can all contribute to creating such an atmosphere. 13. Acquaint your child with books, articles, paintings and poems relating to the Ahlul Bayt (as). This can take place in a number of ways such as competitions, discussions, studying, writing of articles, exchanging opinions, etc. 14. Encourage the formation of youth groups specifically to commemorate events in the lives of the Ahlul Bayt (as), including activities such as azadari, plays, speeches, etc. Memorisation of the Noble Qur’an[415] Below are some points to help both parents and children memorise the Qur’an, so that this honourable act will provide continuous benefits forever, inshallāh ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì. 1. Start memorisation of the Noble Qur’an with children at a young age, as it is said that what is learnt in the early years is never forgotten. Indeed, it is narrated from Imām ‘Alī (as): “The hearts of youngsters are like uncultivated ground, it accepts whatever is strewn on it.”[416] It is also narrated from the Prophet (s): “Knowledge in childhood is like engraving on a stone.” 2. Memorise the Noble Qur’an with sincerity. All actions should be for seeking nearness and closeness to Allāh (swt) alone. As this is not something easily conveyed to children, they must be observed to see what their motivation for memorising the Noble Qur’an is. There is no harm in giving the child gifts to encourage them in the beginning, and then, as they get older, gradually and suitably making them aware of the true goal behind their actions. 3. Memorize each verse, section or Surat with the intention of a Ma’sūmīn (as) or a marytyr, and gift that individual the reward upon memorising it. Not only does doing this increase one’s reward but these individuals will also become our intercessors. Thus one will insha-Allāh (swt) become the recipient of the increased mercy, blessings and tawfiq of Allāh (swt) and the verses will be memorised faster and better. 4. Trust in the eternal power of Allāh ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì. 5. Never underestimate the power of prayer. For Allāh (swt) says in Surat Furqan, Verse 77: } Þõáú ãóÇ íóÚúÈóÃõ Èößõãú ÑóÈöøí áóæúáÇó ÏõÚóÇÄõßõãú { “Say: What store my Lord would set by you were it not for your supplication?” 6. Have resolution, aspiration, perseverance and hope. To realise this goal, as well as desire and enthusiasm, struggle and determination is a must. 7. Eat simple, halāl and pure foods as these are most effective in preparing the mind and memory. 8. Have a precise timetable. Without a good timetable, it will be a lengthy and difficult process, and maybe even impossible, to reach this noble goal. For memorisation, specify a certain time every day, a certain time-period as well as a certain amount (e.g. a number of pages per day). Do not wait for opportunities to come, rather actively create the necessary conditions required, and try not to skip even a day of carrying out the timetable. 9. Use a Qur’an that is simple, has a clear script, is easy to read and has tajwid rules in it. If you are not familiar with the translation of the Noble Qur’an, it is better to use one that has the translation under the script (or on the side), which is fluent and easy to read, as reading the translation as well will help memorisation. It is important that the numbering of the verses in the Qur’an is correct and reliable. The background of the pages should not be completely white, as this leads to tiredness of the eyes. 10. Correct your pronounciation by learning under the supervision of a competent recitor, or listening to a good recitor. The use of audio and video tapes and CDs is helpful for this as well.[417] 11. Repeat what you have learnt, melodiously and often. Don’t move to a new set of verses/Surat until the previous set has been perfected. Recite it to others to correct and test the memorisation, and constantly return to what has been memorised in order to maintain it. 12. At the time of memorisation, have complete concentration and free the mind from all types of thoughts. This is one of the main factors leading to successful memorisation. Removal of all types of distractions, such as hunger, thirst, agitation, tiredness is necessary, as is the choosing of a suitable time and place. It is narrated from Imām as-Sādiq (as): “The recitor of the Noble Qur’an needs three things: a humble heart, a free body (from disturbances) and a private place.” 13. Be in Wudū when memorising the Noble Qur’an, and as much as possible, face the Qibla. 14. Encourage participation in memorisation and recitation competitions and programs. 15. Recite the following Du‘ā before beginning: Ãóááñøåõãóø ÇÑúÍóãúäöí ÈöÊóÑúßö ãóÚóÇÕöíßó ÃóÈóÏÇð ãóÇ ÃóÈúÞóíúÊóäöí æó ÇÑúÍóãúäöí ãöäú ÊóßóáõøÝö ãóÇ áÇó íõÚúäöíäöí æó ÇÑúÒõÞúäöí ÍõÓúäó ÇáúãóäúÙóÑö ÝöíãóÇ íõÑúÖöíßó Úóäöøí æó ÃóáúÒöãú ÞóáúÈöí ÍöÝúÙó ßöÊóÇÈößó ßóãóÇ ÚóáóøãúÊóäöí æó ÇÑúÒõÞúäöí Ãóäú ÃóÊúáõæóåõ Úóáóì ÇáäóøÍúæö ÇáóøÐöí íõÑúÖöíßó Úóäöøí Ãóááñøåõãóø äóæöøÑú ÈößöÊóÇÈößó ÈóÕóÑöí æó ÇÔúÑóÍú Èöåö ÕóÏúÑöí æó ÝóÑöøÍú Èöåö ÞóáúÈöí æó ÃóØúáöÞú Èöåö áöÓóÇäöí æó ÇÓúÊóÚúãöáú Èöåö ÈóÏóäöí æó Þóæöøäöí Úóáóì Ðóáößó æó ÃóÚöäöøí Úóáóíúåö Åöäóøåõ áÇó ãõÚöíäó Úóáóíúåö ÅöáÇó ÃóäúÊó áÇó Åöáóåó ÅöáÇó ÃóäúÊó. “O Allāh (swt)! Have mercy on me by enabling me to abandon acts of disobedience to You forever as long as You keep me alive, and have mercy on me by (keeping me from) burdening myself with that which does not concern me. And grant me that I may have a good opinion of all that I must do to make You pleased with me. And make my heart adhere to memorizing Your Book as You have taught me, and grant that I may recite it in the manner that makes You pleased with me. O Allāh (swt)! Through Your Book, enlighten my sight, expand my breast, gladden my heart, make my tongue expressive and my body active. Make me strong for it (the Book), assist me therein. Verily there is no assistant for it save You; there is no god but You.”[418] Notes: [388] Mostly derived from Rayhāneye Beheshtī, pg. 221-241 [389] Mustadrak al-Wasāil, vol. 15, pg. 171 [390] Wasāil ash-Shī‘a, vol. 21, pg. 386, no. 27659 [391] Ibid., vol. 21, pg. 386, no. 27658 [392] Bihār al-Anwār, vol. 60, pg. 381 [393] Raw¤atul Wāidhīn [394] Mustadrak al-Wasāil, vol. 2, pg. 69 [395] Sūrat al-Isra, Verse 34 [396] Sūrat al-Mu’minūn, Verse 8 [397] al-Kāfī, vol. 6, pg. 49 [398] Sūrat al-’Ankabūt, Verse 45 [399] Recommended supplications for a righteous child have been covered in more depth in Chapter 6: Pregnancy, Recommended Supplications. [400] al-Kāfī, vol. 6, pg. 47 [401] Mustadrak al-Wasāil, vol. 2, pg. 625 [402] Bihār al-Anwār, vol. 103, pg. 7 [403] Mustadrak al-Wasāil, vol. 2, pg. 558 [404] Tuhaf al-’Uqūl, pg. 84 [405] al-Kāfī, vol. 3, pg. 409, no. 1 [406] This tradition specifically refers to boys; the general implication, however, is that children should be trained to pray and fast a few years before they reach buloogh, so that they develop the ability for it. [407] al-Kāfī, vol. 3, pg. 343, no. 13 [408] Ibid., vol. 2, pg. 86-87 [409] Tarikh Ya’qūbī, vol. 3, pg. 53 [410] Mustadrak al-Wasāil, vol. 15, pg. 164 [411] This is covered in more depth in 14 Ways to Instil the Love of the Ahlul Bayt B in your Children in this chapter. [412] This is covered in more depth in Memorisation of the Qur’an in this chapter. [413] Mostly derived from Rayhāneye Beheshtī, pg. 244-247 [414] Mizān al-Hikmah, vol. 2, pg. 237 [415] Mostly derived from Rayhāneye Beheshtī, pg. 235-238 [416] Nahjul Balagha, Letter 31 [417] Recommended recitors include Muhammad Siddiq Menshawi, Khaleel Hussari, Muhammed Jibrail, Abu Bakr Shaatri. These and others can be found at: http/www.hidayahonline.org/?page=audio. [418] al-Kāfī, vol. 2, pg. 577 From www.yaali.co.cc [All In One Shia Website]
  3. From www.yaali.co.cc [All In One Shia Website] Chapter 10 Important Fiqh Rules 2 , For Mothers ________________________________________ Nifās What is Nifās? From the time when the child birth takes place, the blood seen by the mother is Nifās, provided that it stops before or on completion of the tenth day. While in the condition of Nifās, a woman is called Nafsa. 1. The blood which a mother sees before the appearance of the first limb of the child is not Nifās.[377] 2. It is possible that Nifās blood may be discharged for an instant only, but it never exceeds 10 days.[378] 3. It is not necessary that the baby is fully grown. Even if a deficient baby is born, the blood seen by the mother for ten days will be Nifās. The term ‘child birth’ must be applicable to it.[379] 4. If a woman doubts whether she has aborted something or not, or whether the thing aborted is a child or not, it is not necessary for her to investigate, and the blood which is discharged in this situation is not Nifās.[380] Things which are obligatory and forbidden for someone in the state of Nifās On the basis of precaution, halting or pausing in a Masjid and other acts which are forbidden for a hāidh (a woman in the condition of haydh) are also forbidden for a Nafsa and those acts which are obligatory for a hāidh are also obligatory for a Nafsa.[381] How long does Nifās last? It is possible that Nifās blood may be discharged for an instant only, but it never exceeds 10 days. Depending on the normal habit of the woman’s haydh, the rules of the length of Nifās differ as follows[382]: 1. For a woman who has a fixed habit of haydh: a. Her Nifās will be equal to then normal duration of haydh. b. If her habit is less than ten days, after this time she has a choice to leave out her Salāt until ten days, or act as a mustahadha (a woman in the condition of istihadha); however, it is better to leave out Salāt for one day (in addition to the regular number of days she had a period for before pregnancy). c. If, however, the blood continues to be seen even after ten days, then all they days after the normal duration of haydh, until the 10th day, will be istihadha, and she should give Qadha of the acts of worship not performed during this time upto the 10th day (as she will have followed the rulings of istihadha after the 10th day anyway). d. When acting as a mustahadha, she must refrain from acts forbidden to a Nafsa as well until the 18th day. Example: If the haydh duration of a woman has always been six days and her blood comes for more than six days, she should treat six days as Nifās and on the 7th, 8th, 9th and 10th day, (if the bleeding does not exceed ten days) it will be her choice either to abstain from all acts of worship or adopt the rules of istihadha. If, however, she sees blood for more than ten days, all the days in excess of her habitual duration of haydh will be treated as the days of istihadha and qadā will have to be offered for Salāt missed if she chose to abstain from all acts of worship on the 7th, 8th, 9th and 10th day. 2. For a woman who does not have a fixed habit of haydh a. Her Nifās will be ten days, and the rest will be istihādha. b. It is a recommended precaution that while acting as a mustahadha, to refrain from acts forbidden to a nafsa from the 10th to the 18th day. When the period of Nifās is over[383] When a woman becomes ritually clean from Nifās, she should do Ghusl and perform acts of worship. If she sees blood again, once or often, there are two possibilities: 1. The total number of days on which blood is seen immediately after childbirth and the intervening days during which she remains ritually clean is 10 days or less than 10 days, then all of it will be Nifās. In the intervening days, as a precaution, she will perform all that is obligatory for a ritually clean woman and also refrain from all acts which are forbidden to a woman in Nifās. So, if she had kept fasts, she will give their qadā. 2. If the blood which she saw later exceeds ten days then again, the rules differ depending on the normal habit of the woman’s haydh: a. For a woman who has a fixed habit of haydh As a precaution, she should consider the blood seen after the normal haydh duration to be istihādha; therefore she should act as a mustahadha, and also avoid all that is forbidden to a nafsa. b. For a woman who does not have a fixed habit of haydh She should count the first ten days as Nifās, and the rest as istihādha. Determining haydh[384] The rules of determining a woman’s first haydh after childbirth is again depending on the normal habit of the woman’s haydh: 1. For a woman who has a fixed habit of haydh: a. If blood is seen continuously for a month or more after giving birth to a child, the blood seen for the days equal to her haydh habit will be Nifās, and the blood seen after that for ten days will be istihādha, even if it coincides with the dates of her monthly haydh. b. After the lapse of ten days of istihādha, if bleeding continues, then it is haydh if it falls in the days of habit, irrespective of whether it has the signs of haydh[385] or not. If bleeding does not occur in the days of haydh habit, she should wait until the days of her habit, even if it means waiting for a month or more and even if blood has the signs of haydh. Example: A woman has a fixed haydh habit is from 20th to 27th of every month. She gives birth on the 10th of a given month, and she continues to see blood for a month or more; her Nifās will be seven days, equal to her haydh days, and will be from 10th to 17th of that month; now, the blood which she continues to see from the 17th to the 27th, i.e. for ten days, will be istihādha even though it falls in her days of haydh habit. c. If she has no fixed habit of commencement time of haydh, she should make an effort to recognise her haydh by its signs, and if that is not possible (because the blood seen after Nifās often remains of one type for a month or more), then she should adopt the habit prevailing among her blood relatives (mother, sisters, etc.) to determine the days of haydh. If that also is not possible, then she has an option of fixing her days of haydh.[386] 2. For a woman who does not have a fixed habit of haydh a. As explained earlier, the blood seen for the first ten days will be treated as Nifās, and as for the next ten days it will be istihādha. The blood seen thereafter can be either haydh or istihādha, and in order to ascertain whether it is haydh, she should follow the rule as above, i.e. recognise haydh by its signs, by the prevailing habit among relatives, or fixing her own days of haydh. Baby’s Urine Making things ritually clean from the urine of a suckling child If anything becomes najis with the urine of a suckling child, who has not yet started taking solid food, and, as a precaution, is less than two years old, the thing will be ritually clean if water is poured over it once, reaching all parts which had been najis. As a recommended precaution, water should be poured over it once again. If it is a carpet or dress, etc. it will not be necessary to squeeze it.[387] Notes: [377] Islamic Laws, Rule 515 [378] Islamic Laws, Rule 517 [379] Islamic Laws, Rule 516 [380] Islamic Laws, Rule 518 [381] Islamic Laws, Rule 519 [382] Islamic Laws, Rule 523, 524, 525, 526 [383] Islamic Laws, Rule 520 [384] Islamic Laws, Rule 525 [385] Signs of haydh: Usually thick and warm and its colour is either black or red. It is discharged with a pressure and a little irritation. [386] Please refer to the haydh section of the Risālah for more information. [387] Islamic Laws, Rule 162 From www.yaali.co.cc [All In One Shia Website]
  4. From www.yaali.co.cc [All In One Shia Website] Chapter 8 After Delivery ________________________________________ Recommended Foods 1. Fresh dates[315] a. It is narrated that the Prophet (s) said: “The first thing a woman should eat after delivery should be ratb (a type of fresh date), as Allāh (swt) told Hadrat Maryam after delivering Prophet (s) ‘Isā to eat ratb.[316]” When asked, ““If it is not the season for ratb?” He replied, “Then nine dates from Medina, and if these are also not available, then any nine dates. Surely Allāh (swt) has stated: ‘I swear by My Honour and Glory, that any woman who has recently delivered and eats ratb, I will make her child patient.’” b. It is narrated from Imām ‘Alī (as) that feed Birni dates (a type of date) to women after the birth of their child, so that the child becomes clever and patient. c. Eating dates is not only beneficial for the mother but has an effect on breast milk as well, and is also beneficial when fed to children.[317] For newborns, it is narrated from Imām ‘Alī (as) that put a little bit of date in the mouth of the child, and the Prophet (s) did the same with Imām Hasan (as) and Imām Husain (as). 2. Euphrates Water and Khakhe Shafaa[318] (on the roof of the child’s mouth) a. It has been narrated that Euphrates water and khakhe shafaa should be placed in the mouth of the child, and if Euphrates water is not available, then rain water.[319] and [320] b. It is narrated from Imām as-Sādiq (as) that khakhe shafaa should be placed in the mouth of the child, as this protects him/her from pains and tribulations.[321] c. In another tradition from Imām as-Sādiq (as), it is narrated that he said: “There isn’t a person who drinks Euphrates water and puts it in the mouth of his child, except that he is a friend of ours, because the Euphrates is the river of a mu’min (believer).”[322] 3. Other a. It is narrated from Imām as-Sādiq (as) that when a child is born, obtain some milk from the mother (the size of a lentil), mix it in water and put two drops in the right nostril of the baby, and then the left, and recite Adhān in his right ear and Iqāmah in his left, before they take the umbilical cord away. If this is done, fear will never reach the child and Umme Sabyān (a Jinn) will never trouble him/her.[323] Recommended Acts 1. Acceptance of the child, whether boy or girl Unfortunately, even today, many still have the stereotype that girls are undesirable and treat sons and daughters differently. Whereas, it is clear in the Qur’an that the child is a creation of Allāh (swt) and He grants a boy to whomsoever He pleases and a girl to whomsoever He pleases.[324] It is narrated that when Imām Zain al-’Abidīn (as) was given glad tidings of the birth of his child, he didn’t ask whether it was a boy or a girl, but rather first asked, is his creation ok? Then, if told that the child was healthy and there was no defect in the creation, he recited: ÃóáúÍóãúÏõ áöáñøåö ÇáóøÐöí áóãú íóÎúáõÞú ãöäöøí ÔóíúÆÇð ãõÔóæóøåÇð. “Praise Be to Allāh (swt) who did not create from me something disfigured.”[325] It is narrated from the Prophet (s): “It is prosperous for the woman that her first child be a daughter.”[326] It has been narrated that daughters are goodness and blessings and sons are favours. One will be questioned about the favours given to them, whereas goodness and blessings will be increased.[327] 2. Recitation of Adhān and Iqāmah The Prophet (s) stated that whomever a child is born to, should recite Adhān in the right ear and Iqāmah in the left ear, as this is a protection from the evil of Satan.[328] Additionally, in another tradition it is stated that the mid-wife or someone else should be told to recite the Iqāmah in the right ear so that the Jinn will never trouble the child, nor will it become mad.[329] It is also narrated that the Prophet (s) ensured that Adhān and Iqāmah were recited in the ears of Imām Hasan (as) and Imām Husain (as), as well as Surat al-Fātiha, Ayat al-Kursī, the end of Surat al-’ashr, Surat al-IkhlāS, Surat al-Falaq and Surat al-Nās.[330] 3. Clothes of the child From traditions at the time of the birth of Imām Hasan (as) and Imām Husain (as), it is apparent that it is Makrūh to tie the child in yellow cloth just after birth; rather it is recommended to tie him/her in white cloth.[331] 4. Ghusl It has been mentioned in Fiqh al-Ridā that one of the emphasized mustahab acts (some even call it obligatory) after the birth of a child is giving it a Ghusl. One should make a intention that I am giving this child a Ghusl for the pleasure of Allāh (swt) , and then first wash the head, then the right side, and then the left side.[332] However, it should be noted that this should only be done if it is medically safe and not harmful to the baby. 5. Shaving the hair[333] This involves shaving of all the hair of the child (from in the womb) once after birth, and giving gold or silver according to the weight of the hair as Sadaqah. The hair should then be buried in the ground. It is recommended to do this on the 7th day after birth. The hair should completely be shaved off, leaving no forelock or ringlet. It is narrated that a boy who had a forelock was brought near the Prophet (s); the Prophet (s) did not pray for him and said that his forelock should be shaved off. It is recommended that after the shaving of the hair, saffron should be massaged into the head. Massaging the blood of the aqīqah however, is strongly discouraged, and has been called an act of ignorance (Jāhiliat). 6. ‘Aqīqah[334] and [335] This involves slaughtering an animal in the name of the child for his/her protection. ‘Aqīqah is a highly recommended sunnah for anyone who has the capability (some even call it obligatory), and it is better if performed on the 7th day after birth. [336] NOTE: It is recommended that the shaving of the hair, giving of the gold/silver as Sadaqah and ‘Aqīqah should be carried out in the same place and at one time, although it is sunnah that the shaving of the hair takes place first. NOTE: It is narrated from Imām as-Sādiq (as) that aqīqah is not the same as sacrifice (qurbānī 7. Circumcision of boys[337] Circumcision is obligatory on boys, and as with shaving and aqīqah, it is recommended that it be done on the 7th day after the birth of the child, although if done earlier, there is no harm.[338] If not done then, it is sunnah that it be done until the bulugh of the child, after which it is obligatory on the child himself to do it. However, other ulema have stated that as the child nears puberty, it is obligatory on the guardian. Indeed, it is narrated from Imām ‘Alī (as) that a person who becomes a Muslim should be circumcised, even if he is 80 years old. It is narrated from Imām as-Sādiq (as) that children should be circumcised as it makes the body cleaner, makes the meat of the body grow faster, and the earth has an aversion to the urine of an uncircumcised person. It is narrated from the Prophet (s) that the earth becomes najis for 40 days from the urine of an uncircumcised person, and in another tradition, it is narrated that the earth groans to Allāh (swt) because of his urine. It is also narrated that if you circumcise a boy, and the sheath grows again and covers the penis, circumcise him again, because the earth groans to Allāh (swt) for 40 days because of the covering of his circumcision. It is narrated from Imām as-Sādiq (as): “Somebody who has not been circumcised should not lead prayers, and his witness is not accepted, and if he dies, do not pray for him as he has left the biggest sunnah of the Prophet (s), unless he has left it for fear of death (resulting from circumcision).” It is recommended to recite the following Du‘ā at the time of circumcision[339]: Ãóááñøåõãóø åñÐöåö ÓõäóøÊõßó æó ÓõäóøÉõ äóÈöíöøßó (ÕóáóæóÇÊõßó Úóáóíúåö æó Âáöåö æó ÇÊöøÜÈóÇÚñ ãöäóøÇ áóßó æó áöÏöíÜäößó ÈöãóÔöíóøÜÊößó æó ÈöÅöÑóÇÏóÊößó áöÃóãúÑò ÃóÑóÏúÊóåõ æó ÞóÖóÂÁò ÍóÜÊóãúÊóåõ æó ÃóãúÑò ÃóäúÝóÐúÊóåõ ÝóÃóÐóÞúÊóåõ ÍóÑóø ÇáúÍóÏöíÏö Ýöí ÎöÊóÇäöåö æó ÍöÌóÇãóÊöåö áöÃóãúÑò ÃóäúÊó ÃóÚúÑóÝõ Èöåö ãöäöøí. Ãóááñøåõãóø ÝóØóåöøÑúåõ ãöäó ÇáÐõøäõæÈö æó ÒöÏú Ýöí ÚõãúÑöåö æó ÇÏúÝóÚö ÇáÂÝóÇÊö Úóäú ÈóÏóäöåö æó ÇáÃóæúÌóÇÚö Úóäú ÌöÓúãöåö æó ÒöÏúåõ ãöäó ÇáúÛöäìð æó ÇÏúÝóÚú Úóäúåõ ÇáúÝóÞúÑó ÝóÅöäóøßó ÊóÚúáóãõ æó ÅöäóøÇ áÇó äóÚúáóãõ. “O Allāh (swt)! Surely (what we are performing) is in line with Your tradition and the tradition (Sunnah) of Your Prophet (s) (may Your blessings be upon him and his family) - to obey You and Your religion and to fulfill Your will, intention and to carry out the rules which You have decided to make to be followed unconditionally. You have thus given him the taste of the heat of the iron through his circumcision and cupping for a matter which You definitely know better than I do. O Allāh (swt)! Then cleanse him of sins; increase his age; and release from his body, epidemics and pains; and increase his wealth; and save him from poverty; since surely You know better and we do not know.” 8. Walīmah This involves feeding the believers upon the birth of the child and for the circumcision of the child (these can be combined). It is highly recommended to invite family and friends on the 7th day after the birth of the child (or near that day) to share in the auspicious occasion of the birth of the newborn. It is narrated from the Prophet (s): “A walīmah on the first day is a duty, on the second day good, and on the third day, riyā (i.e. for the sake of other people and not for the sake of Allāh (swt)).”[340] It is Makrūh that all the invitees be rich, but a mix of rich and poor is not a problem. It is also mustahab that the invitees should accept the invitation to a walīmah. 9. Piercing the ears Piercing the ears of the child is recommended.[341] 10. Contact of child and mother and breastfeeding[342] and [343] One of the best acts after birth is cleaning the child and returning him/her next to the mother’s skin and covering them with one blanket. Half an hour after birth, the child is completely aware and alert and it is the best time for him/her to become familiar with breastfeeding and the mother’s touch. The first few day a lot of milk is not produced; however, the amount produced is enough, useful and necessary for the new-born child. It is important that as much as possible, tiredness of the mother and lack of milk are not used as reasons to bottle-feed the child as this results in delayed milk production from the mother and the child not being able to suck properly. It also increases the possibilities of infections in the child. ‘Aqīqah – A Closer Look[344] Importance of carrying out ‘Aqīqah It is narrated that the life of a child is bound by ‘Aqīqah[345], and if it is not carried out, it exposes one to tribulation and death. If delayed, it is sunnah on the father until the bulugh of the child, and after bulugh, it is sunnah on the child himself.[346] It is narrated from Imām as-Sādiq (as) that aqīqah is necessary for any rich man, and if one is poor, he should perform aqīqah once he obtains some money, and if he does not obtain any money, then it is ok. If one has not performed aqīqah, and he carried out a sacrifice (qurbani), this will suffice. It is narrated that somebody asked Imām as-Sādiq (as): “We have asked for a sheep for aqīqah but cannot get one, what do you suggest? Should we give the value of the sheep as Sadaqah instead?” Imām replied, “No, ask until you get one as Allāh (swt) likes the feeding of (others)...” ‘Umar bin Yazīd narrates that he asked Imām as-Sādiq (as): “I don’t know if my father performed aqīqah for me or not.” Imām replied, “Perform it,” and so he performed aqīqah in his old age. In another tradition it is related that somebody asked Imām as-Sādiq (as) that if a child dies on the 7th day, should aqīqah still be carried out? Imām replied if the child dies before Zuhr, aqīqah is not necessary, but if the child died after Zuhr, then do it. What should be slaughtered? It is common among the ulema that the ‘Aqīqah should be a sheep, a camel or a goat, and that the ‘Aqīqah of a boy should be a male animal and the ‘Aqīqah of a girl should be a female animal. If it is a camel, it should be 5 years or older. If it is a goat, it should be 1 year or older. If it is a sheep, it should be at least 6 months or older and it is better if the 7th month has been completed. Its testicles should not be cut and it is better if the testicles is not squashed either. Its horn should not be broken (such that it bled) and its ears should not be cut. It should not be too thin, nor blind, nor should it be so lame that walking is difficult for it. However, it is important to note that as narrated from Imām as-Sādiq (as), ‘Aqīqah is not the same as sacrifice (qurbānī which has stricter criteria for the type of animal that is sacrificed. Therefore, if it is not possible that the above criteria be met, any sheep is fine, although the fatter it is the better. Du‘ās at the time of ‘Aqīqah[347] At the time of slaughtering the animal for ‘Aqīqah, the following supplications should be recited: 1. At the end of the supplication, one should say his name and the name of his father [for example, if the father’s name is Tāhir and his father’s name is ‘Abdullah you would say, Tāhir ibne (the son of) ‘Abdullah]. This supplication begins with Verses 78 and 79 of Surat al-An’ām followed by Verses 162 and 169 of Surat al-An’ām: íóÇ Þóæúãö Åöäöøí ÈóÑöíÁñ ãöãóøÇ ÊõÔúÑößõæäó. Åöäöøí æóÌóøåúÊõ æóÌúåöíó áöáóøÐöí ÝóØóÑó ÇáÓóøãñæóÇÊö æó ÇáÃóÑúÖó ÍóäöíÝÇð ãõÓúÜáöãÇð æó ãóÇ ÃóäóÇ ãöäó ÇáúãõÔúÑößöíäó. Åöäóø ÕóáÇóÊöí æó äõÓõßöí æó ãóÍúíóÇíó æó ãóÜãóÇÊöí áöáñøåö ÑóÈöø ÇáúÚóÇáóãöÜíä áÇó ÔóÜÑöíßó áóåõ æó ÈöÐñáößó ÃõãöÑúÊõ æó ÃóäóÇ Ãóæóøáõ ÇáúãõÓúáöãöÜíäó. Ãóááñøåõãóø ãöäúßó æó ÅöáóÜíúßó ÈöÓúãö Çááñøåö æó Çááñøåõ ÃóßúÜÈóÑõ. Ãóááñøåõãóø Õóáöø ÚóáÜì ãõÍóãóøÏò æó Âáö ãõÍóãóøÏò ÊóÞóÜÈóøáú ãöäú... [Name of father and his father] “O my nation! Surely I disown myself from that which you associate (with Allāh (swt)).” “Surely I have turned my entire presence towards He who has brought forth the Heavens and the Earth, sincerely and I am not of those who set up partners (with Allāh (swt)). Surely my Salāt and my sacrifice and my life and my death are all entirely for Allāh ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì, the Lord of the All the Worlds, He has no partners and to this I have been commanded (to attest to) and I am the first of those who submit as Muslims.” “O’ Allāh (swt)! Surely this (animal) is from You and it goes back to You in the Name of Allāh (swt) and Allāh (swt) is greater than any description which can be mentioned of Him. O Allāh (swt)! Shower your prayers upon Muhammad and the family of Muhammad and accept this from [your name and your father’s name.]” 2. The following supplication should also be read while the animal is being slaughtered (whether the child is a boy or girl): ÈöÓúãö Çááñøåö æó ÈöÇááñøåö æó ÇáúÍóãúÏõ áöáñøåö æó Çááñøåõ ÃóßúÈóÑõ ÅöíúãóÇäÇð ÈöÇááñøåö æó ËóäóÇÁð ÚóáÜì ÑóÓõæáö Çááñøåö (Õóáóøì Çááñøåõ Úóáóíúåö æó Âáöåö æóÓóáóøãó æó ÔõßúÑÇð áöÑöÒúÞö Çááñøåö æó ÚöÕúãóÉð ÈöÃóãúÑö Çááñøåö æó ãóÚúÑöÝóÉð ÈöÝóÖúáöåö ÚóáóíúäóÇ Ãóåúáó ÇáúÈóíúÊö. “In the Name of Allāh (swt) and in Allāh (swt) and All Praise belongs solely to Allāh (swt) and Allāh (swt) is Greater than any description which can be mentioned of Him. With full faith in Allāh (swt) and admiration upon the Messenger of Allāh (swt) (may the blessings of Allāh (swt) be upon him and his family) and they are thankful for the sustenance of Allāh (swt) and the protection afforded by the command of Allāh (swt) and complete cognizance with His bounties upon us the Ahlul Bayt.” If the child is a boy, then the following supplication should also be said: Ãóááñøåõãóø ÃóäúÊó æóåóÈúÊó áóäóÇ ÐóßóÑÇð æó ÃóäúÊó ÃóÚúáóãõ ÈöãóÇ æóåóÈúÊó¡ æó ãöäúßó ãóÇ ÃóÚúØóíúÊó æó áóßó ãóÇ ÕóäóÚúäóÇ ÝóÊóÞóÈóøáúåõ ãöäóøÇ ÚóáÜì ÓõäóøÊößó æó ÓõäóøÉö ÑóÓõæáößó (Õóáóøì Çááñøåõ Úóáóíúåö æó Âáöåö æóÓóáóøãó æó ÃóÎúÓöÁú ÚóäóøÇ ÇáÔóøíúØóÇäö ÇáÑóøÌöíãö¡ áóßó ÓóÝóßúÊõ ÇáÏöøãóÇÁó áÇó ÔóÑöíßó áóßó æó ÇáúÍóãúÏõ áöáñøåö ÑóÈöø ÇáúÚóÇáóãöÜíäó. “O Allāh (swt)! You have gifted us with a son and You know better what You have gifted us, and back to You is that which You have granted to us and back to You is that which we make - so then accept from it (this sacrifice) from us upon Your Tradition (Sunnah) and the Tradition (Sunnah) of Your Messenger (may the blessings of Allāh (swt) be upon him and his family) and keep us distanced from the accursed Satan. For You the blood (of this animal) has been spilt, and You have no partners and all the Praise belongs solely to Allāh ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì, the Lord of all the Worlds.” 3. The follow supplication should also be recited at the time of the slaughtering of the animal. When one reaches to the square brackets, you would say the name of the child and his or her father [for example, if the child’s name is Jābir and his father’s name is Kumayl, then you would say: Jābir ibne (the son of) Kumayl] and then continue on with the rest of the supplication. The first version of the supplication is for a boy, the second supplication is if the child is a girl. ÈöÓúãö Çááñøåö æó ÈöÇááñøåö Ãóááñøåõãóø åñÐöåö ÚóÞöíÞóÉñ Úóäú [Name of child and his father] áóÍúãöåóÇ ÈöáóÍúãöåö æó ÏóãöåóÇ ÈöÏóãöåö æó ÚóÙúãöåóÇ ÈöÚóÙúãöåö. Ãóááñøåõãóø ÇÌúÚóáúåóÇ æöÞóÇÁð áóåõ ÈöÂáö ãõÍóãóøÏò Õóáóøì Çááñøåõ Úóáóíúåö æó Âáöåö æó Óóáóøãó. “In the Name of Allāh (swt) and by Allāh ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì, this aqīqah (slaughtering of an animal) is for [name of the child and his father’s first name]. Its flesh instead of his flesh; its blood instead of his blood; its bones instead of his bones are all offered to You. O Allāh (swt)! accept it for that by which this child may be protected and preserved, in the name of the progeny of Muhammad, blessings of Allāh (swt) be upon him and his progeny.” ÈöÓúãö Çááñøåö æó ÈöÇááñøåö Ãóááñøåõãóø åñÐöåö ÚóÞöíÞóÉñ Úóäú [Name of child and her father] áóÍúãöåóÇ ÈöáóÍúãöåóÇ æó ÏóãöåóÇ ÈöÏóãöåóÇ æó ÚóÙúãöåóÇ ÈöÚóÙúãöåóÇ. Ãóááñøåõãóø ÇÌúÚóáúåóÇ æöÞóÇÁð áóåóÇ ÈöÂáö ãõÍóãóøÏò Õóáóøì Çááñøåõ Úóáóíúåö æó Âáöåö æó Óóáóøãó “In the Name of Allāh (swt) and by Allāh ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì, this aqīqah (slaughtering of an animal) is for [name of the child and her father’s first name]. Its flesh instead of her flesh; its blood instead of her blood; its bones instead of her bones are all offered to You. O Allāh (swt)! accept it for that by which this child may be protected and preserved, in the name of the progeny of Muhammad, blessings of Allāh (swt) be upon him and his progeny.” How should it be distributed? It is recommended that the bones should not be broken; rather they should be separated at the joints. It is also better that the meat be distributed cooked (with at least salt and water) and the raw hide be given as Sadaqah. It is recommended that the legs and thighs of the aqīqah (this can either be counted as one third or one fourth of the sheep depending on the method of division) should be given to the mid-wife (or doctor) that helped during the delivery and the rest should be given to the people to eat as Sadaqah. If the mid-wife or doctor is a Jew, then the value of a quarter of a sheep should be given. If the child was born without a mid-wife or doctor, it should be given to the mother who can give it to whomever she wants; she should give it to at least ten Muslims, and if she can give it to more, it is better. It is not necessary that the meat should only be given to the poor; however, it is better that it is given to the pious and the poor. It is recommended that the father and mother (and those who are dependant on them, such as parents and children) do not eat from the cooked meat of the ‘Aqīqah, and this has been emphasized especially for the mother. Recommended Method of Congratulating One on the Birth of a Child It is narrated from Imām as-Sādiq (as) that he congratulated someone for the child that God had blessed him with in the following manner (there have been many similar narrations from Imām Hasan (as) also)[348]: ÑóÒóÞóßó Çááñøåõ ÔõßúÑó ÇáúæóÇåöÈö æó ÈóÇÑóßó áóßó Ýöí ÇáúãóæúåõæÈö æó ÈóáóÛó ÃóÔõÏóøåõ æó ÑóÒóÞóßó Çááñøåõ ÈöÑóøåõ. “May Allāh (swt) bless you, and bless that which He has granted you, and make him reach physical maturity, and (May) Allāh (swt) bless you with his righteousness.”[349] Naming the Child[350] Importance of naming the child It is narrated from Imām al-Kādhim (as) that the first good a father can do for his child is to give him a good name. It is the right of the child that his parents give him a good name and treat him well.[351] In another tradition it is narrated that among the rights of a child are a good name, teaching him to write and marrying him off when he reaches the age of bulugh.[352] When to name the child It is narrated from Imām ‘Alī (as): “A child should be named while in the stomach, and if not named and is miscarried, on the Day of Judgement it will ask its father, “Why did you not name me?” The Prophet (s) named Muhsin, the son of Hadrat Fātima while in the stomach, and Muhsin is that child that after the Prophet (s) passed away, he was still in the stomach when ‘Umar made him a martyr.” It is narrated from the Imāms (as) that: “A son is not born to us, the Ahlul Bayt, except that he is named Muhammad for 7 days, and then if desired, it can be changed or removed.”[353] It has been mentioned in Fiqh al-Ridā that fix the name (i.e. announce the name to others) on the 7th day. Recommended names Naming the children after the Ahlul Bayt (as) is an open declaration of love and friendship towards them, and religion is nothing but love and friendship of the Ahlul Bayt (as), as Allāh (swt) states in the Noble Qur’an, in Surat Āli-‘Imrān, Verse 31: } Åöäú ßõäúÜÊõãú ÊõÍöÈõøæäó Çááñøåó ÝóÇÊóøÈöÚõæäöí íõÍúÈöÈúßõãõ Çááñøåõ... { “If you love Allāh ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì, then follow me (the Prophet (s)); Allāh (swt) will love you…” It is narrated from Imām al-Bāqir (as) that the most suitable names for a child are those that denotes servitude to Allāh ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì, like ‘Abdullāh (servant of Allāh (swt)), and the best names for a child are those of the Prophet (s)s. The Prophet (s) said that whoever has four children and has not named any of them after me, has oppressed me.[354] It is narrated from the Prophet (s): “In a house where the names of some of the individuals are of Prophet (s)s, the blessings of that house will never disappear.”[355] In another tradition, it has been narrated from Imām al-Kādhim (as) that poverty and indigence will never enter the house in which the name Muhammad, or Ahmad, or ‘Alī, or Hasan, or Husain, or Ja’far, or Tālib, or ‘Abdullāh, or Fātima is present.[356] It is narrated from Imām Husain (as): “If I had a hundred children, I would have liked to name all of them ‘Alī.”[357] It is narrated that a person came to the Prophet (s) and asked, “A son has come to us, what should I name him?” The Prophet (s) replied, “Name him the best of names with me, and that is Hamza.” It is narrated from Jābir who said: I went with Imām al-Bāqir (as) to someone’s house and a child came out. Imām asked him, “What is your name?” He replied, “Muhammad.” Imām asked him, “What is your title (kunyah)?” He replied, “Abu ‘Alī.” Imām said, “You have taken yourself out of Satan’s stronghold. Surely, every time Satan hears someone being called, Ya Muhammad! Ya ‘Alī! he withers away and when he hears someone being called by the name of our enemies, he becomes happy and takes pride in that.” In another tradition it is narrated that someone came to Imām as-Sādiq (as) and said that Allāh (swt) had given him a boy. Imām congratulated him, and asked, “What have you named him?” He replied, “Muhammad.” Imām turned his head down towards the floor and kept repeating the name Muhammad until his face almost touched the ground. Then he said, “My life, my children, my wives, my father, my mother and all of the people of this earth be sacrificed for the Prophet (s). Because you have given him such a blessed name, do not abuse him and do not hit him and do not make bad reach him. And know this that there is not a house in which the name of Muhammed is present, but that everyday, that house is made Noble and pure.” In another tradition it is narrated that one should respect a daughter whose name is Fātima and not abuse her and never hit her.[358] The titles of Hadrat Fātima (as) can also be used for names of daughters: Mubāraka: The one who is blessed. Tāhira: The one who is pure. Zakiyya: The one who is wise. Rādiya: The one who is content. Mardiyya: The one whom Allāh (swt) is pleased with. Siddīqa: The one who is truthful. Muhaddathah: The one that angels talk to. Muhaddithah: The one that narrates traditions. Zahra: The luminous one. Names not recommended In several traditions it has been narrated that the Prophet (s) has forbidden naming a child with the following names: Hākim, Hakim, Khālid and Mālik. And he has said that the worst names with Allāh (swt) are Hārith, Mālik and Khālid. And when the name is Muhammad, he has forbidden 4 titles (kunyah): Abu ‘Isā, Abul Hakim, Abu Mālik and Abul Qāsim, as both the name and title are not agreeable to the Prophet (s). In tradition, it has been narrated that one should not name the child Yāsīn, as that is specific to the Prophet (s). Notes: [315] Halliyatul Muttaqīn, pg. 125-127 [316] Sūrat Mariam (19), Verse 25 [317] Isrār khūrākīhā, pg. 96 [318] The Noble earth of Kerbala, Iraq [319] This is only recommended in areas where one is sure the rain water is not polluted. [320] al-Kāfī, vol. 6, pg. 24, no. 4 [321] Halliyatul Muttaqīn, pg. 145-146 [322] Bihār al-Anwār, vol. 104, pg. 114, no. 33 [323] Halliyatul Muttaqīn, pg. 126 [324] Sūrat al-Shura (42), Verse 49: “He gives females to whomeve He wishes, and gives males to whomever He wishes.” [325] al-Kāfī, vol. 6, pg. 21 [326] Bihār al-Anwār, vol. 104, pg. 98, no. 64 [327] al-Kāfī, vol. 6, pg. 6, no. 8 [328] Ibid., vol. 6, pg. 24, no. 6 [329] Halliyatul Muttaqīn, pg. 126 [330] Bihār al-Anwār, vol. 104, pg. 126, no. 86 [331] Halliyatul Muttaqīn, pg. 146 [332] Ibid., pg. 130 [333] Ibid., pg. 132 [334] Ibid., pg. 130-133 [335] ‘Aqīqah will be covered in more detail under ‘Aqīqah: A Closer Look in this chapter. [336] Mustadrak al-Wasāil, vol. 15, pg. 145, no. 17807 [337] Halliyatul Muttaqīn, pg. 1343-135 [338] Ibid., pg. 134 [339] A Mother’s Prayer [340] Wasāil ash-Shī‘a, vol. 16, pg. 455 [341] Ibid., pg. 134 [342] Rayhāney-e Beheshtī, pg. 167 [343] This is covered in more depth in Chapter 9: Breastfeeding. [344] Halliyatul Muttaqīn, pg. 130-133 [345] al-Kāfī, vol. 6, pg. 25, no. 3 [346] Halliyatul Muttaqīn, pg. 150 [347] A Mother’s Prayer [348] Halliyatul Muttaqīn, pg. 127 [349] al-Kāfī, vol. 6, pg. 17 [350] Halliyatul Muttaqīn, pg. 128-130 [351] Mustadrak al-Wasāil, vol. 15, pg. 128, no. 17748 [352] Ibid., vol. 15, pg. 166, no. 17876 [353] al-Kāfī, vol. 6, pg. 18, no. 4 [354] Tahdhib al-Balāgha, vol. 7, pg. 438, no. 11 [355] Mustadrak al-Wasāil, vol. 15, pg. 129, no. 17751 [356] al-Kāfī, vol. 6, pg. 19, no. 8 [357] al-Kāfī, vol. 6, pg. 19, no. 7 [358] al-Kāfī, vol. 6 From www.yaali.co.cc [All In One Shia Website]
  5. From www.yaali.co.cc [All In One Shia Website] Chapter 7 Delivery ________________________________________ Recommended Acts[311] 1. Recite Surat al-Inshiqāq after Salāt in the 9th month. When labour pains start, recite this, and if it is not possible to recite it with your tongue, recite it in your head. 2. Drink saffron syrup during labour to ease the pain (not before as it may lead to miscarriage). 3. At the time a woman thinks labour pains are going to begin, take a warm (not hot) shower. 4. At the time of labour, have pleasant smelling things around you and breath with your mouth open. 5. Do not eat large quantities of food, but eat good quality and high energy food, and stay away from foods that cause constipation. 6. Recite the recommended Du‘ās for delivery.[312] 7. Ibn ‘Abbās has related that to write the names of the AShāb al-Kahf (Companions of the Cave) down and tying these names around the left thigh of a woman going through a difficult labour is recommended.[313] Their names are: ãßÓáãíäÇ ãáíÎÇ ãßÓíäÇ ãÑØæÓ íæÇäÓ ÇÑíØÇäÓ ÇæäæÓ ßíÏ ÓØØíæÓ ÞØãíÑ In another tradition, it is narrated that their names are: ãßÓßãíäÇ ÊãáíÎÇ ÑØíæäÓ íäÈæäÓ ÓÇÒíæäÓ ßÔíØØæäÓ ÞØãíÑÒÈÇä ÊäæÑ 8. Do not wear nylon, as this prevents sunrays reaching the body, and therefore a lack of Vitamin B and a more difficult delivery. 9. One of the reasons of difficult labour for many women is fear and lack of preparation. Therefore, it is recommended that you prepare in advance for labour, mentally and physically. Reading and becoming familiar with what will occur helps tremendously in reducing fear. 10. Recommended exercises also help in reducing labour pains.[314] Notes: [311] Rayhāneye Beheshtī, pg. 120-123 [312] Please refer to ‘A Mother’s Prayer’ by Saleem Bhimji and Arifa Hudda [313] Tafsir Minhāj al-Sadiqīn, vol. 5, pg. 334 [314] Refer to your doctor or other pregnancy manuals for more information. From www.yaali.co.cc [All In One Shia Website]
  6. From www.yaali.co.cc [All In One Shia Website] Chapter 5 Conception ________________________________________ Recommended Foods The food one eats not only has a great impact on the physical aspect of a person, but on the soul and psyche as well. Therefore, it is strongly recommended that parents-to-be stay away from forbidden food, and even those that food which is doubtful.[160] Additionally, some foods have also been specifically recommended by the Imāms for a beautiful and righteous child. Before the conception of Hadrat Fātima (as), the Prophet (s) by the command of Allāh (swt) stayed away from Hadrat Khadīja for 40 days. During these 40 days, he performed acts of worship and fasted, and his iftār consisted of food that had been brought from the heaven. It is recommended to eat the following foods before trying to conceive: 1. Chichory[161] a. It has been recommended that the father should eat chicory.[162] 2. Pomegranate a. It is narrated from the Prophet (s): “Eating pomegranate is a cause of increased sperm production for men and makes the child beautiful and healthy as well.”[163] b. It is narrated from Imām al-Ridā (as): “Eating sweet pomegranate makes a man powerful in the sexual act and greatly affects the beauty of the child.”[164] 3. Qawoot a. Qawoot is a powder made by grinding and sifting the following ingredients in relative quantities: Roasted wheat, Roasted Barley, Roasted Sun-flower seeds, Roasted Water melon seeds, Roasted Melon seeds, Roasted Roasted Deep Ribbed melon seeds, Roasted Purslane seeds, Roasted Coriandor, Roasted Hemp-seeds, Roasted Fennel seeds, Roasted poppy seeds, Roasted Peas, Sesame, Pistachio, Coffee, Cardamon, Cinamon, Almond, Sugar. As this mixture is not readily available in most countries, it is suggested that the above contents are eaten on their own, e.g. pistachios and almonds. b. It has been recommended that both the father and mother should eat qawoot: It is narrated that a man told Imām as-Sādiq (as): “O son of the Messenger of Allāh ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì, a son has just been born who is weak and simple-minded.” Imām replied: “Why didn’t you eat qawoot? Eat that and recommend your family to do so too. Surely, qawoot makes flesh grow and makes the bones firm, and a son will not be born from you except that he is strong.”[165] c. It is narrated from Imām as-Sādiq (as): “Eating qawoot with olive oil and meat fattens a person, makes bones firm, makes the body bright and with Nūr (Noble light) and increases the sexual power.”[166] 4. Quince a. It is narrated that Imām as-Sādiq (as) saw a beautiful child and said, “It is very likely that the father of this child ate the fruit quince on the night of conception.”[167] b. It is also narrated from him that: “Eating (quince on the night of conception) makes the face (of the foetus) beautiful and good, and the heart strong and firm.”[168] c. Another tradition from Imām as-Sādiq (as) narrates “Anyone who eats quince on an empty stomach, the source of his seed production (sperm) becomes pure and healthy, and his child will be beautiful and decent.”[169] d. It is narrated that the Prophet (s) cut his quince into pieces and gave one to Ja’far ibn Abī Tālib and told him: “Eat! This quince gives colour lustre and makes the child good.”[170] Recommended Acts It is important to note that many of the acts mentioned in this section are similar to those outlined in the Sexual Etiquette section, with the addition of how it affects the conceived child. State of mind The state of mind and soul of the parents has an important effect on the child. The following incidents reflect the importance of the state of mind when conceiving, and its consequences. a. While Prophet Mūsā (as) was working as a shepherd for Prophet Shuaib (as), they made an agreement that any sheep from the flock that were parti-coloured (both black and white) would be paid to Prophet Mūsā (as) as his wage. After this agreement, Prophet Mūsā (as) covered parts of his stick with coloured skin and left some parts as they were, hung a similar parti-coloured cloth (Aba) on the stick and then put this stick up in the sheep’s pasturing ground. At the time of reproducing, the sheep would look at this. At the end of the year, when it was time to collect wages, Prophet Shuaib (as) noticed that most of the children of the sheep were parti-coloured! Prophet Mūsā (as) explained that this was the direct effect of looking at the stick and cloth at the time of reproduction.[171] b. In an African family, where both husband and wife were black-skinned, they had a tan-skinned child (like that of an American Indian). When researching this, scientists found that the husband had an American Indian friend and had stuck a picture of that friend on the wall. At the time of conception, his gaze fell on the picture and he thought of his friend; this very thought had an effect on the sperm and a tan-skinned child, similar to his friend, was born.[172] Therefore, when trying to conceive, it is strongly recommended in Islam that the recommended acts below are adhered to in order to conceive a pure and good child: 1. Try and be relaxed, as this results in increased blood circulation and thus, a normal child. It is narrated from Imām Hasan (as): “(If) at every time of conception, the heart is relaxed, blood circulation is normal and the body is without agitation and anxiety, the child will resemble his father and mother.”[173] 2. Likewise, a healthy relationship between husband and wife and a strong physical attraction is beneficial for the child, whereas fear and worry will have a negative effect on the child.[174] 3. Be in Wudū and in the remembrance of Allāh (swt) as this results in relaxation and calming of the heart and has positive effects on the sperm and thus the child.[175] Allāh (swt) states this in the Noble Qur’an, in Surat al-Ra’d, Verse 28: } ÃóáóøÐöíäó ÂãóäõæÇ æóÊóØúãóÆöäõø ÞõáõæÈõåõãú ÈöÐößúÑö Çááñøåö ÃóáÇó ÈöÐößúÑö Çááñøåö ÊóØúãóÆöäõø ÇáúÞõÜÜáõæÈõ { “Those who have faith and whose hearts find rest in the remembrance of Allāh (swt); Look! The hearts find rest in Allāh (swt)’s remembrance!” 4. Start with the following Du‘ā: It is narrated from the Imām al-Bāqir (as) that before the act, recite the following: Ãóááñøåõãóø ÇÑúÒõÞúäöí æóáóÏÇð æó ÇÌúÚóáúåõ ÊóÞöíøÇð áóíúÓó Ýöí ÎóáúÞöåö ÒöíóÇÏóÉñ æó áÇó äõÞúÕóÇäñ æó ÇÌúÚóáú ÚóÇÞöÜÈóÊóåõ Åöáóì ÎóíúÑò. “O Allāh (swt)! Bless me with a child, and make him pious. Let there not be in his creation any excess or any defect, and give him a good destiny.”[176] State of body The state of the body of the parents too, has a perceptible effect on the child, and can lead to weaknesses and illnesses in the child if one is not careful. 1. Do not make love the night that you return from a journey, or the night that you intend to leave for a journey, as one is usually stressed and tired on these nights. It has also been narrated that this results in the child being a wanderer and a pedlar,[177] and the child will use up his wealth in the wrong ways.[178] 2. Do not make love in the first hours of the night, with a tired body and a full stomach, as this results in the child being a sorcerer and choosing the world over the hereafter.[179] Rather, make love in the late hours of the night, when your tiredness is almost gone, and your stomach is empty. It has also been found that a child conceived in the late hours of the night is more intelligent.[180] Protection from Satan[181] In order to prevent the effects of Satan on this important night, the following acts are also recommended: 1. Make intention that you are trying for a child, for the sake of the pleasure and nearness of Allāh ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì. 2. Before engaging in the act, recite Qur’an and thank Allāh (swt) for the blessings He has given. 3. Before engaging in the act, start with: ÃóÚõæÐõ ÈöÇááñøåö ãöäó ÇáÔóøíúØóÇäö ÇáÑóøÌöíãö “A’udhu billahi min ash-Satan ir-rajeem” because this ensures that the child conceived will not have qualities of Satan. 4. Recite: ÈöÓúãö Çááñøåö ÇáÑóøÍúãñäö ÇáÑóøÍööíãö “Bismillah ir-Rahman ir-Rahim” 5. Remember Allāh (swt) often, especially during the act. It is narrated from Imām as-Sādiq (as): “Whenever a person makes love to his wife, Satan is present. Then, if the name of Allāh (swt) is remembered, Satan goes far from there, but if the act occurs and the name of Allāh (swt) is not taken, Satan takes part in that he is one with the sperm.”[182] It is also narrated from Imām as-Sādiq (as): “Anytime you want to make love to your wife, remember Allāh ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì. Because anyone who does not do so and a child is born from him in that state, he/she is from the polytheism of Satan. And the purity or lack of purity of the child is determined by the love and enmity of us, the Ahlul Bayt.”[183] 6. Recite the following Du‘ās: ÈöÓúãö Çááñøåö ÇáÑóøÍúãñäö ÇáÑóøÍöíãö ÇáóøÐöí áÇó Åöáñåó ÅöáÇó åõæó ÈóÏöíÚõ ÇáÓóøãñæóÇÊö æó ÇáÃóóÑúÖö. Ãóááñøåõãóø Åöäú ÞóÖóíúÊó ãöäöøí Ýöí åñÐöåö ÇááóøíúáóÉö ÎóáöíÝóÉð ÝóáÇó ÊóÌúÚóáú áöáÔóøíúØóÇäö Ýöíåö ÔöÑúßÇð æó áÇó äóÕöíÈÇð æó áÇó ÍóÜÜÙðøÇ æó ÇÌúÚóáúåõ ãõÄúãöäÇð ãõÎúáöÕÇð ãõÕóÝðøì ãöäó ÇáÔóøíúØóÇäö æó ÑöÌúÒöåö Ìóáóø ËóäóÇÄõßó. “In the name of Allāh ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì, the Beneficient, the Merciful. The one whom there is no God but He, the creator of the heavens and the earth. O Allāh (swt)! If you have decreed for me in this night a successor, then don’t let Satan have any part, share or portion in him, and make him a sincere believer, pure from Satan and his evil deeds (great is Your praise).”[184] ÈöÓúãö Çááñøåö æó ÈöÇááñøåö. Ãóááñøåõãóø ÌóäöøÈúäöí ÇáÔóøíúØóÇäó æó ÌóäöøÈö ÇáÔóøíúØóÇäó ãóÇ ÑóÒóÞúÊóäöí. “In the name of Allāh ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì, and with Allāh ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì. O Allāh (swt)! Keep Satan away from me, and keep Satan away from that which you bless me with.”[185] 7. Inculcate the love of the Ahlul Bayt (as) in yourselves. It is narrated from Imām as-Sādiq (as): “Sometimes Satan comes near to the wives like their husbands.” When asked how to determine whether Satan has a part in the conception of our children or not, Imām replied: “By the way of love or grudge to us. So anyone who loves us, Satan has no part in the conception, and anyone who is our enemy, his seed (sperm) is from Satan.”[186] It is narrated in a tradition that Satan has said: “Anybody who is an enemy of Imām ‘Alī, without a doubt I took part in the act between his father and his mother.”[187] It is narrated from Imām as-Sādiq (as): “Inspire (teach) your girls and women friendship of the family of ‘Alī (as) and (thus) leave them with the state (of pure heart and far from crooked Akhlāq).”[188] NOTE: Love of the Ahlul Bayt (as) does not simply mean professing a liking for them, but rather taking them as a role-model for every aspect of our daily lives and striving to work towards their example. 8. Ensure your relationship is permitted and legitimate. The Prophet (s) said to Imām ‘Alī (as): “Oh ‘Alī! Anyone who likes me and you and the Imāms from your offspring (should) then thank Allāh (swt) for his legitimacy, because nobody but those who are legitimate (born) likes us and nobody but those who are illegitimate (born) are our enemies.”[189] Indeed, during the time of Imām ‘Alī (as), the method of distinguishing whether children were legitimate or not was by bringing them near the Imām and seeing whether they liked him or not.[190] Acts not Recommended It is important to note that many of the acts mentioned in this section are similar to those outlined in the Sexual Etiquette section, with the addition of how it affects the conceived child. Makrūh acts As some actions have a negative effect on the child such as spite against the Ahlul Bayt (as)[191], it is recommended that the acts mentioned below are refrained from: 1. Looking at the private parts of the woman during the actual act, as this leads to blindness in the child.[192] 2. Speaking during the actual act (with the exception of dhikr of Allāh (swt) ), as this leads to dumbness in the child.[193] 3. Having henna on (the man), as this leads to effeminacy of the child (i.e. a girl has characteristics of a boy and vice versa).[194] 4. Thinking of or desiring another woman during the act, as this leads to insanity of the child.[195] 5. Making love in the presence of a child, who can either see, or hear the sounds of the act, as this results in that child never being delivered (from the fire of hell) and becoming an adulterer.[196] 6. Making love when someone is awake in the house that can see, or hear the sounds of the act, as this results in the child never being delivered (from the fire of hell), and becoming an adulterer.[197] 7. Making love standing, as this results in the child having a bed-wetting problem.[198] 8. Making love on the rooftop, as this results in the child being hypocritical, and a heretic (innovator).[199] 9. Making love under a fruit tree, as this results in the child being an executioner and a leader of oppression.[200] 10. Making love directly under sunlight, as this results in the child being poor, even until his death.[201] 11. Making love when the man is muhtalim (i.e. become in the state of janabat during his sleep) and before doing Wudū or Ghusl, as this results in the child becoming insane.[202] It is important to also keep in mind the other Makrūh acts during normal sexual etiquette (as mentioned in Chapter 2: Sexual Etiquette). These are: 1. Having Qur’an or the dhikr of Allāh (swt) on you. 2. Making love bare (without a covering). 3. Making love on the road or in a boat. 4. Facing, or having one’s back to, the Qibla. 5. Refusing to have sexual intercourse (for various reasons). NOTE: Once the woman has conceived, it is recommended to refrain from making love without Wudū, as this results in the child being miserly and inwardly blind.[203] Recommended Times It is important to note that many of the times mentioned in this section are similar to those outlined in the Sexual Etiquette section, with the addition of how it affects the conceived child. Mustahab times 1. Sunday night (next day Monday). A child conceived on this night will be content with whatever Allāh (swt) gives him, will have an excellent memory and will be Hāfidh (memorizer) of the Qur’an.[204] 2. Monday night (next day Tuesday). A child conceived on this night will have the prosperity of Islam, the opportunity of shahadat and he will not be punished with the polytheists. He will have a good smelling mouth and a merciful heart. He will be someone who gives in charity and his tongue will be clean from lies, back-biting or making false accusations.[205] 3. Wednesday night (next day Thursday). A child conceived on this night will be a ruler from the rulers of Sharī’ah or a scholar from the scholars of religion.[206] 4. The day of Thursday, at the time of decline of the day. This is the best time and is highly recommended for conception. Satan will not go near the child conceived on this night until he/she becomes old and the security of religion and the world will be his/hers.[207] 5. Thursday night (next day Friday). A child conceived on this night will be a preacher, orator and reciter.[208] 6. The day of Friday, after the time of ‘Asr. A child conceived will be well known amongst the wise and learned people.[209] 7. The day of Friday, after the time of Isha. A child conceived will be from the good and suitable people.[210] 8. 1st night of Ramadān.[211] Times not Recommended It is important to note that many of the times mentioned in this section are similar to those outlined in the Sexual Etiquette section, with the addition of how it affects the conceived child. Harām times 1. During the woman’s menstruation, even on the last day, until the last drop of blood. Pregnancy is still possible, and a child conceived will be troubled with phagedenic ulcers and leprosy.[212] It is also narrated from Imām as-Sādiq (as): “There is no enemy to us, Ahlul Bayt, except one who is illegitimate and one who was conceived during haydh.”[213] It is important to also keep in mind the other harām acts during normal sexual etiquette (as mentioned in Chapter 2: Sexual Etiquette). These are: 1. During Nifās. 2. During fasting in the month of Ramadān. 3. During the state of ihrām. 4. When it may cause serious harm to either husband or wife. Makrūh times 1. Between Subh as-Sādiq (as) (Adhān of Salāt al-Fajr) and sunrise.[214] 2. Between sunset until the redness of the sky has gone.[215] 3. The night of a lunar eclipse.[216] 4. The day of a solar eclipse.[217] 5. At the time of an earthquake (or other events necessitating Salāt al-Ayāt).[218] If a child is conceived in the above times the parents will not see any qualities that they like in their child, because they did not consider these signs of Allāh (swt) as important.[219] 6. On the first of the month (with the exception of the 1st of Ramadān, where it is Mustahab), the middle of the month (full moon) and the end of the month (when there is no moon), as it will become a cause of insanity, black leprosy and paralysis of the mother and child.[220] Another tradition relates that conception at the beginning and middle of the month results in insanity and the child being possessed by Jinn[221], and conception at the end of the month increases the likelihood of miscarriage.[222] 7. After Zuhr (until around the time of ‘Asr), as this results in the child being squint-eyed.[223] 8. Between Adhān and Iqāmah, as this results in the child being greedy to kill.[224] 9. The night of ‘Eid al-Fitr, as this results in the child being the source of evil.[225] 10. The night of ‘Eid al-Adhā, as this results in the child having 6 or 4 fingers.[226] 11. The night of 15th Sha‘bān, as this results in the inauspiciousness of the child, and a black mark on his/her face.[227] 12. The last day of the month of Sha‘bān, as this results in the child’s being a helper and tax-collector for oppressors.[228] 13. ‘Ashūrā night. Planning Pregnancies We can conclude from all of the above that the aim of sexual relations is two-fold: satisfying one’s natural desires and procreation. Guidelines from the Prophet (s) and his Ahlul Bayt (as) clearly indicate the lengths one has to go to to have desirable offspring. Sexual relations for purposes of conception have to be treated differently, both mentally and physically. Sometimes, it may so happen that due to lack of information or other reasons, the circumstances of the conception of a child are not planned. The above information may then be a source of worry for the parents as to the possible consequences of conception at times and with acts not recommended. It is necessary to keep in mind that there are many factors that contribute to the physical and psychological make-up of the child, such as genetics, nutrition, social status, etc. The information mentioned above are just some of these factors that may affect the conceived child. In addition, it is possible to avert possible negative consequences by actions such as taking out Sadaqah, reciting the Noble Qur’an, and seeking tawassul (Divine Intercession) from the Ahlul Bayt (as).[229] Notes: [160] Sūrat al-Baqarah, Verse 168: “O mankind! Eat of what is lawful and pure in the earth.” [161] Also called succory, this is a perennial herb of which its dried, ground and roasted roots are used as an adulterant of or substitute for coffee. [162] Bihār al-Anwār, vol. 62, pg. 215 [163] Wasāil ash-Shī‘a, vol. 25, pg. 104, no. 31499 [164] al-Kāfī, vol. 5, pg. 355 [165] Bihār al-Anwār, vol. 66, pg. 278 [166] Ibid., vol. 104, pg. 80 [167] Makārim al-Akhlāq, pg. 88 [168] Bargā’ī, pg. 549 [169] Bihār al-Anwār, vol. 81, pg. 101 [170] Wasāil ash-Shī‘a, vol. 25, pg. 165, no. 31538 [171] Behdāsht Izdawāj az Nazr Islam, pg. 89 [172] Izdawāj Asān, pg. 245 [173] Bihār al-Anwār, vol. 14, pg. 379 [174] Rayhān-e Beheshtī, pg. 33 [175] Ibid., pg. 39 [176] Wasāil ash-Shī‘a, vol. 20, pg. 117, no. 25180 [177] Ibid., vol. 20, pg. 253, no. 25560 [178] Halliyatul Muttaqīn, pg. 112-114 [179] Ibid. [180] Rayhān-e Beheshtī, pg. 40 [181] Niyāzhā wa Rawābith Mādarān wa Janīn, pg. 72 [182] al-Kāfī, vol. 5, pg. 502 [183] Sharh Man Lā Yahdhural Faqī, vol. 8, pg. 202 [184] al-Kāfī, vol. 5, pg. 503 [185] Ibid. [186] Tafsir Nur al-Thaqalayn, vol. 3, pg. 183 [187] Niyāzhā wa Rawābith Mādarān wa Janīn, pg. 76 [188] Sharh Man Laa Yahdhural Faqī, vol. 3, pg. 493 [189] Al-Amāli of Shaykh Sadūq, vol. 7, pg. 383 [190] Mānaqibe Ibn Shahr Ashūb, vol. 3, pg. 207 [191] Bihār al-Anwār, vol. 39, pg. 278, no. 87 [192] Wasāil ash-Shī‘a, vol. 20, pg. 122, no. 25197 [193] Ibid., vol. 20, pg. 121, no. 25195 [194] Ibid., vol. 20, pg. 125, no. 25205 [195] Halliyatul Muttaqīn, pg. 112-114 [196] Wasāil ash-Shī‘a, vol. 20, pg. 133, no. 25223 [197] Niyāzhā wa Rawābith Jinsī was Zanāshuī, pg. 64 [198] Halliyatul Muttaqīn, pg. 112-114 [199] Ibid. [200] Ibid. [201] Ibid. [202] Wasāil ash-Shī‘a, vol. 20, pg. 148, no. 25271 [203] Ibid. [204] Halliyatul Muttaqīn, pg. 112-114 [205] Ibid. [206] Ibid. [207] Ibid. [208] Ibid. [209] Ibid. [210] Ibid. [211] Ibid. [212] Ibid., pg. 110 [213] Niyāzhā wa Rawābith Jinsī was Zanāshuī, pg. 69 [214] Wasāil ash-Shī‘a, vol. 20, pg. 126-127, no. 25207 [215] Ibid. [216] Ibid. [217] Ibid. [218] Ibid. [219] Niyāzhā wa Rawābith Jinsī was Zanāshuī, pg. 59 [220] Wasāil ash-Shī‘a, vol. 20, pg. 129, no. 25214 [221] Ibid., vol. 20, pg. 129, no. 25212 [222] Ibid., vol. 20, pg. 127, no. 25208 [223] Halliyatul Muttaqīn, pg. 112-114 [224] Ibid. [225] Ibid. [226] Ibid. [227] Ibid. [228] Ibid. [229] Confirmed with the office of Ayatullāh Sīstānī, Qom From www.yaali.co.cc [All In One Shia Website]
  7. From www.yaali.co.cc [All In One Shia Website] Chapter 4 Family Planning ________________________________________ Family Planning in Islam[147] Family planning as a private measure to space or regulate the family size for health or economic reasons is permissible in Islam. There is neither any verse in the Qur’an or hadīth against birth control, nor is it obligatory to have children in marriage. Moreover, there are several ahadith which categorically prove that birth control is permissible. It is narrated from Imām ‘Alī (as): “One of the two (means) of affluence is to have few dependents.”‘[148] It is narrated from Imām as-Sādiq (as): “(Imām) ‘Ali ibn al-Husayn saw no problem in coitus interruptus and he used to recite the verse that ‘When your Lord took from the Children of Adam, from their loins, their descendants…’[149] So from whatsoever (seed) Allāh (swt) has taken a covenant, it is sure to be born even if it is (spilled) on a hard rock.”[150] According to the above tradition, creation is in the hand of Allāh (swt) alone. Whether or not we practice birth control, if Allāh (swt) wills, the child will be conceived. In conclusion, the above ahādith demonstrate that birth control is permissible. Methods of Contraception There are a number of different methods of contraception. The most commonly used ones will be examined below to determine whether their use is permissible in Islam or not. Permissibility has been determined by the definition of the beginning of pregnancy according to the Islamic point of view, which is when the fertilized ovum is implanted onto the lining of the uterus. Therefore, whatever prevents implantation is permissible and whatever terminates pregnancy after implantation is an abortion and haraam. It is necessary to note that these methods have been studied from the fiqh point of view only. For the medical opinion about the reliability or possible side-effects of these methods, please consult your doctor. Permissible Methods The following methods do not involve surgical operation and are also reversible. A man or woman using these methods can stop using them at anytime in order to conceive a child. 1. Oral Contraceptives Birth control pills prevent conception by inhibiting ovulation. The pills alter hormonal levels and suppress the hormonal signal from the gland for the ovaries to release an ovum. These pills are taken orally on a precise schedule for 20 or more days during each menstrual cycle. Since all such pills inhibit ovulation, they are permissible; however, the individual must consult the physician about possible side-effects. There are some pills which work after the intercourse has taken place, for example, the ‘morning-after pill’ or the recently developed RU486 pill. Again, since the use of such pills prevents implantation, it is permissible. Therefore, the pills like the ‘morning-after’ and RU486 may be taken after the intercourse BUT not after feeling or knowing that pregnancy has already occurred. 2. Depo-Provera Depo-Provera works exactly like the pills, but instead of taking it orally it is injected once every three months. This and other similar contraceptive methods by injection are also permissible. 3. Intrauterie Devices (IUD) IUDs are plastic or metal objects, in a variety of shapes, which are implanted inside the uterus. The medical experts do not exactly know how IUD works. Presently there are two opinions: one says that IUD prevents fertilization; and the other says that it prevents the fertilized ovum from implantation onto the uterus. Since the pregnancy begins at implantation according to the Islamic point of view, the use of IUD as a birth control device is permissible, irrespective of the above differences among the medical experts. 4. Barrier Devices All barrier devices prevent the sperm from entering the uterus. This is done by sheathing the penis with a condom, or by covering the cervix with a diaphragm, cervical cap, or vaginal sponge. The use of spermicidal substances which kill the sperm before reaching the ovum is also a barrier device. All of these are permissible forms of birth control. 5. Abstinence during fertile period There are three basic procedures to predict ovulation, in order to avoide sexual intercourse during the approximately six days of a woman’s most fertile monthly phase. These three methods are as follows a. Ovulation Method: A woman learns to recognize the fertile time by checking the difference in the constitution of the cervical mucus discharge. The cervical mucus discharge signals the highly fertile period; and thus avoiding sex during this time prevents conception. b. Rhythm Method: A method similar to the first, but it depends on observing the monthly cycles for a whole year to determine the fertile days. c. Temperature: In this method, besides keeping a calendar record of her cycle, a woman also takes her temperature daily to detect ovulation. She can know her ovulation whenever her basal body temperature increases. NOTE: Another more advanced option is to predict ovulation using an ovulation test, which are designed to predict the most fertile days to become pregnant. 6. Withdrawal (Coitus Interruptus): Coitus interruptus means withdrawing the penis just before ejaculation. This was the most common method of birth control before the invention of modern devices. It is narrated that Muhammad bin Muslim and ‘Abdur Rahmān bin Abi ‘Abdillāh Maymun asked Imām as-Sādiq (as) about withdrawal. The Imām said: “It is up to the man; he may spill it wherever he wants.”[151] However, in another hadīth, Muhammad bin Muslim narrated from fifth or the sixth Imām as follows: “In case of a slave-girl, it is allowed, however, in case of a free woman, I dislike it unless it had been so stipulated at the time of marriage.”[152] Based on the above ahadith, the majority of our mujtahids believe that coitus interruptus is allowed but Makrūh without the wife’s consent.[153] 7. Sterilization Sterilization involves surgical operation. Sterilization in men, known as a vasectomy, involves the severing or blocking of the tube in the male reproductive tract. This tube or duct passes sperm from the testes to the prostate and other reproductive organs. Sterilization in women, known as tubal ligation, involves the blocking or severing of the fallopian tubes which transport the ovum. Sterilization is not free from objection, although it is permissible if it does not entail the prohibited methods outlined below.[154] Prohibited Methods Any method of birth control is prohibited under the following circumstances: a) When it poses serious harm to a woman’s health, such as removing certain organs like the ovaries. B) When it involves a harām act, such as a male touching or looking at the private parts of a woman that are forbidden for him to look at, is prohibited. These conditions can only be overridden in extreme circumstances, when it is absolutely necessary. Consent between husband and wife According to the legal aspect of Islamic law, the wife has full right to the use of contraceptives, even without the consent and approval of her husband.[155] However, she should not use a method which may come in the way of her husband’s conjugal rights. For example, she cannot force him to use a condom or practice coitus interruptus. This rule is based upon the principle that the extent of the husband’s conjugal rights over his wife is just that she should be sexually available, responsive, and cooperative. This right does not extend to that of bearing children for him. Bearing children or not is a personal decision of the woman, and therefore, she may use contraceptives such as pills, injections or cleansing of the vagina after intercourse as they do not interfere with her husband’s conjugal rights. Conversely, the husband has no right to force his wife not to get pregnant if she wants to, by forcing the use of pills, injections or the use of an IUD. However, he is permitted to use a condom as long as he has obtained her consent for that. Additionally, he does have the right to do so by practising coitus interruptus during intercourse. On a practical level however, such decisions are best made with mutual consultation between the husband and the wife; otherwise, it could lead to misunderstanding and mistrust. The legal aspect is to protect the basic rights of women, but in the real world, man and woman must base their life on love, mercy and cooperation as it is stated in Surat al-Rūm (30), Verse 21: } æóÌóÚóáó Èóíúäóßõãú ãóæóÏóøÉð æóÑóÍúãóÉð { “And He ordained affection and mercy between you.” Abortion Islam’s approach to the issue of birth control and abortion is very balanced. It allows women to prevent pregnancy but forbids them to terminate it. Abortion after the implantation of the fertilized ovum in the womb is absolutely forbidden and is considered a crime against the law of God, as well as the foetus. From the Islamic point of view, the illegitimacy of aborting a foetus does not depend on the issue of whether the foetus has the status of a human being or not. Although Islam does not recognize the foetus as a human being, it still gives to it the right of a possible life. Abortion is normally considered for various reasons. These will be discussed, and the Islamic viewpoint of each reason considered: 1. It is a choice between a child and a career and/or luxurious life-style The above reason reflects the selfish nature of this materialistic society, and is not considered a justifiable or acceptable reason for abortion. Allāh (swt) says: } æóáÇó ÊóÞúÜÊõáõæÇ ÃóæúáÇóÏóßõãú ãöøäú ÅöãúáÇóÞò äóøÍúäõ äóÑúÒõÞõßõãú æóÅöíóøÇåõãú { “You shall not kill your children due to penury – We will provide for you and for them.”[156] } æóáÇó ÊóÞúÜÊõáõæÇ ÃóæúáÇóÏóßõãú ÎóÔúíóÉó ÅöãúáÇÞò äóøÍúäõ äóÑúÒõÞõåõãú æóÅöíóøÇßõãú Åöäóø ÞóÊúáóåõãú ßóÇäó ÎöØúÁðÇ ßóÈöíÑðÇ { “Do not kill your children for the fear of penury: We will provide for them and for you. Killing them is indeed a great iniquity.” [157] Indeed, has not Allāh (swt) told us: } áÇó äõßóáöøÝõ äóÝúÓðÇ ÅöáÇóø æõÓúÚóåóÇ { “We task no soul except according to its capacity.”[158] 2. A child is conceived illegitimately This is by-product of illicit sexual relations which Islam strongly condemns, but is not considered an acceptable justification for aborting the foetus. 3. A child is an undesirable gender This reason is no less evil and cruel than the pre-Islamic ‘Arab custom of burying baby girls alive, and is also not an acceptable justification for an abortion. 4. A child is a product of rape When a woman is raped, she should use the morning after pill or RU486 immediately after the sexual assault in order to prevent the possible implantation of a fertilized ovum. However, once pregnancy is established, then Islam does not allow abortion. In such cases, Islam cannot justify the abortion of a child for the crime of the father. As for the reputation of the woman, Islam strongly condemns the people who look down upon the rape victim; instead of reviling her, they should be sympathetic to her. 5. A child has a defect With the use of ultrasounds and other such recent technology, it is possible to know whether or not a child has a defect long before it is born. Some people justify the abortion of a defective foetus. However, the present mujtahids do not allow such abortions, even if the deformities are so serious that they are untreatable after birth, and the child may not survive after birth except for a short while and in pain. The parents should pray and hope for a normal and healthy child. Indeed, there are always chances that the foetus is developed contrary medical prediction. This chance, however slim and negligible, denies us the right to terminate a life. 6. The pregnancy is dangerous to the woman The only permissible instance of abortion is if the foetus is less than four months (before the soul enters into it) and doctors declare with reasonable certainty that the continuation of pregnancy will harm her, or cause her difficulty to a degree that is not normally tolerable. It is not possible to abort the foetus after four months irrespective of the reason for abortion. Indemnity If an abortion is carried out, whoever performs the abortion will become liable for the payment of indemnity. This is regardless of whether or not the abortion is done voluntarily, with the consent of one or both parents. The payment of indemnity forms part of the child’s estate and will go to his heirs, i.e. his parents, even though they may have been party to the decision. However, it is something that the parents, as his heirs, may waive their rights to, hence removing the liability of payment from the person who performs the abortion. The payment is as follows[159]: If the foetus is: Upto 40 days old – 70g of gold Upto 80 days old – 140g of gold Upto 120 days old – 210g of gold Upto 160 days old – 280g of gold Older than that: If a male child is aborted – 3500g of gold If a female child is aborted – 1750g of gold In addition, one must do istighfar and pray for the forgiveness of Allāh (swt) so that the aborted life may not seek restitution. Notes: [147] Mainly derived from Marriage and Morals in Islam, Sayyid Muhammad Rizvi, Contemporary Laws of Ayatullāh Sīstānī and A Code of Practice for Muslims in the West. [148] Nahj al-Balāgha, Saying 141 [149] Sūrat al-A‘raf, Verse 172 [150] Wasāil ash-Shī‘a, vol. 14, pg. 105 [151] Wasāil ash-Shī‘a, vol. 14, pg. 105 [152] Wasāil ash-Shī‘a, vol. 14, pg. 106 [153] Sharh Lumu‘ah, vol. 2, pg. 28 [154] al-Mustahdathat min al-Masa’il al-Shar'iyyah, pp. 19-20, Q26 [155] Minhāj as-Sālīhīn, vol. 2, pg. 276 [156] Sūrat al-An‘ām, Verse 151 [157] Sūrat al-Isra, Verse 31 [158] Sūrat al-An‘ām, Verse 152 [159] As translated by Marhum Mulla Asgherali M M Jaffer From www.yaali.co.cc [All In One Shia Website]
  8. From www.yaali.co.cc [All In One Shia Website] Chapter 3 Important Fiqh Rules 1, For Married Couples ________________________________________ State of Janābat Janābat is a ritual impurity caused by the discharge of semen or by sexual intercourse, and the person on whom Ghusl al-Janābat becomes obligatory is known as a mujnib. Things that are Makrūh for someone in the state of janābat[110] 1. Eating 2. Drinking However, if the person in this state of janābat washes his hands, face and mouth, then eating and drinking in that state will not be Makrūh. It is therefore easier that one performs Wudū. 3. Sleeping However, if the junub does not have water, or on account of water not being available, tayammum can be performed instead of Ghusl. 4. To touch with any parts of the body, the cover, margin, border of the Noble Qur’an or the space between its lines. 5. To have sexual intercourse when one is in the state of Ihtelām (i.e. discharge of semen during sleep). 6. To dye one’s hair with henna. 7. To apply oil on one’s body. 8. To keep the Noble Qur’an with oneself. 9. To recite more than seven verses of the Noble Qur’an other than those in which obligatory sajdah occur (to recite these verses is harām). NOTE: The definition of ‘Makrūh of worship (‘Ibādat)’ is different to the general ruling of Makrūh, which is that it is better that one does not perform the action. For example it is Makrūh for a traveller to recite Dhuhr, ‘Asr and Ishā Salāt behind someone who is a non-traveller and vice versa[111] or it is Makrūh to recite Qur’an in Sajdah[112]. This ‘Makrūh of worship (‘Ibādat)’ does not mean that it is better that one does not perform the action, but rather it means that if you do perform the act, then the amount of reward received is less as compared to normal. Things which are forbidden for someone in the state of Janābat[113] 1. To touch with any part of one’s body script of the Noble Qur’an, or the name of the Almighty Allāh (swt) in whatever language it may be. It is better that the names of the 14 Ma’sūmīn (as) are also not touched in this state. 2. Entering Masjid al-Harām or Masjid al-Nabī. 3. To stay or halt in all other Masājid, and similarly on the basis of obligatory precaution to stay in the shrines of the Noble Imāms is also harām. However, there is no harm in if one crosses or traverses through a Masjid, entering from one door and exiting through the other. 4. To enter a Masjid with the intention of lifting something up or placing something in it. 5. To recite verses of the Noble Qur’an in which performance of the sajdah becomes obligatory: Surat ‘Alīf Lam Mim Sajdah (32:15), Surat Ha Mim Sajdah (41:3, Surat Najm (53:62) and Surat al-’Alaq (96:19). Ghusl al-Janābat Times when Ghusl al-Janābat becomes obligatory 1. When a man enters the woman up to the point of circumcision or more, even if ejaculation does not occur, Ghusl al-Janābat becomes obligatory on both parties.[114] 2. If after performing sexual intercourse a man does not do Istibrā for discharge of semen (which is only urinating) and then performs Ghusl, and thereafter sees an emission and could not determine whether it was semen or not (i.e. urine) it will be deemed as semen and thus Ghusl al-Janābat will become obligatory on him again.[115] 3. If a man ejaculates inadvertently during sleep.[116] Times when Ghusl al-Janābat does not become obligatory 1. If one doubts whether or not his penis penetrated up to the point of circumcision, Ghusl does not become obligatory on either party.[117] 2. The liquid, moisture which is discharged by a man during foreplay is called Mazī and is ritually clean. The liquid that comes out after ejaculation is called Wazī, it is also ritually clean. The liquid that sometimes comes out after urine is called Wadī is ritually clean (unless urine reaches it) and none of these require Ghusl. If one performs Istibra after urinating and then discharges a liquid and doubts whether it is urine or one of the above mentioned liquids, the liquid is ritually clean.[118] 3. If one engages in sexual intercourse once and wants to engage in it once or twice more in a night, Ghusl is not obligatory after each act. 4. If one has discharged in his sleep and would like to engage in sexual intercourse, it is not obligatory for him to first perform Ghusl and then engage in the act. It is however mukrooh to engage in the act during this state.[119] Important rules of Ghusl Ghusl al-Tartibī (under a shower) a. One must first make the intention for Ghusl and then wash the head and neck and then the body. It is better to wash the right side first then the left side. The body cannot be washed before the head.[120] b. It does not matter if while washing the neck, one also washes a bit of the right side of the body.[121] c. If part of the body is najis it is not necessary to first make it ritually clean and then do Ghusl; whilst doing Ghusl it can be made ritually clean.[122] d. If any part of the body is left dry (even the amount of a needle head) the Ghusl is invalid.[123] e. Unlike Wudū, in Ghusl it is ok not to observe muwālāt, i.e. after washing the head and the neck, one then does something else (e.g. soap the body), it is ok for them to come back and wash the body next; it is not necessary for the Ghusl to be started again from the beginning.[124] f. All conditions that break the Wudū, break the Ghusl. g. If one happens to urinate while doing Ghusl or pass wind, it is not necessary that the Ghusl is restarted; the same Ghusl can be completed. However, if one wants to pray, then according to obligatory precaution, Wudū is performed as it is not permissible to pray with the same Ghusl.[125] h. Ghusl with as many intentions as desired, mustahab and obligatory, for example, the Ghusl of Jumu’ah (Friday) can be done at the same time as Ghusl al-Janābat.[126] i. After Ghusl al-Janābat is performed, one must NOT perform Wudū for Salāt. This is the case for all obligatory Ghusls. If multiple intentions were made, e.g., intentions for mustahab and obligatory Ghusl, then again, Wudū is not necessary.[127] Tayammum Times when tayammum can be performed instead of Ghusl There are six conditions of when tayammum is allowed instead of Ghusl, of which the following are the most applicable to married couples: 1. When it is not possible to obtain sufficient water to perform Ghusl If one is living in a populated area, one should make their best efforts to procure water for Ghusl until such time that all hope is lost.[128] Therefore, if one would like to do Ghusl in order to pray and there is currently no water available, but one is sure that before the Salāt becomes qadā water will become available one must wait until water arrives so that Ghusl can be performed. Tayammum cannot be performed in this case even if the time of Salāt has set in (it is fadhilah) or if congregational prayers is being recited.[129] Even if there is a glimmer of hope that the water will become available before Salāt time, one cannot perform tayammum to pray until one loses hope altogether that water will not become available before the prayers become qadā.[130] However, if one is absolutely sure that water will not be available before qadā, then one can perform tayammum and pray at the earliest possible time.[131] 2. When it is almost qadā time A person should perform tayammum when the time remaining for the Salāt to become qadā is so little that if a person does Ghusl, there will be no time left to offer the Salāt.[132] Even if a person doubts whether or not enough time will be left for prayer if he performs Ghusl or Wudū, he should perform tayammum.[133] 3. Danger to health If a person fears that if he uses water he will suffer from some ailment or physical defect, or the illness he is already suffering from will be prolonged, or become acute or some more complications may arise, then he should perform tayammum. For example, if a person has an eye disease or an injection where water is not permitted over it for 24 hours, tayammum should be performed. However, if one can avoid the harm by using warm water, they should prepare warm water and do Ghusl.[134] It is not necessary to be absolutely certain that water is harmful to someone. If one feels that there is a probability of harm and that probability is justified by popular opinion, giving cause for some fear, then tayammum should be performed.[135] Method of doing tayammum[136] Contrary to the common perception, performing tayammum is actually very easy and simple; it is easier than performing Wudū. It should be performed as follows: Step 1: Make the intention of doing tayammum (same as Wudū or Ghusl). Step 2: With both hands opened flat facing the object on which tayammum is permissible (earth, dust, sand or stone); strike (or place) both hands together in tandem on the object that tayammum is being done on. Step 3: Raise your hands and put them together like one is doing qunut, then place the base of the palms on the forehead from the point of hair growth. Slide the hands down over the eyebrows and the tip of the nose, and then slide the palms to the right of the forehead and then the left. Then bring the hands back to the centre of the forehead and slide them down together towards the nose, ensuring the fingers also slide down over the eyebrows and the tip of the nose. The whole forehead should be completely covered until the eyebrows (it is recommended to go beyond the eyebrows). Step 4: Hold out the right hand ensuring that the palm is facing down, fingers and thumb are together and the thumb is not tucked under the fingers. Then, place the back of the left hand in a perpendicular position slightly above the wrist (i.e. only the little finger should be pressed on the right hand wrist, the palm of the left hand should be facing you). Slide the left hand (bringing the palm down) carefully over the whole of the back of the right hand, ensuring all areas of the back of the right hand are covered. Repeat the same procedure on the left hand (without re-striking the hands on the ground again). Important points relating to tayammum a. If you leave out even a small part of your forehead or the back of your hands in tayammum intentionally or forgetfully, or even due to ignorance, your tayammum will be void. You should be careful but not be overly particular, if it can be adequately assumed that the forehead and the backs of the hands have been wiped it would be sufficient.[137] b. As a precaution the wiping of the head and the hands should be done from up to down.[138] c. It is Ihtiyat mustahab that the forehead, the palm of the hands and the palms and the back of the hands be ritually clean.[139] d. When performing tayammum, rings have to be removed and any obstructions to the forehead or the palms or the back of the hands have to be removed.[140] Making things ritually clean that are stained by Semen Clothing or Bed Sheets If the bed sheets or an item of clothing or a towel becomes najis with semen it can be made ritually clean in the following ways: a. Using running water 1. If the item is still wet with semen, one needs to be careful that it does not come into contact with other clothes or things because they will also become najis. 2. One must wash the najis item once under a tap (kurr water) in such a way that: a. Water reaches every part of the najis area b. There is no trace of the actual semen left on the clothing (i.e. rub and squeeze the clothing during the wash in such a way, that there is no trace of semen left on the clothing, discolouration) 3. It the item is a piece of clothing then it is not necessary to wring or squeeze it after it has been made ritually clean (as per the above method), although this is generally done out of habit. 4. When the item has been washed once and made ritually clean (per the above method) this is adequate; it does not have to be washed twice or three times. 5. If a najis thing is immersed once in kurr water or running water, in such a way that water reaches all its najis parts, it becomes ritually clean. And in the case of a carpet or dress it is not necessary to squeeze, wring or press it.[141] b. Using washing machines The ruling applicable to a washing machine is that of kurr water.[142] Thus, an item that has become najis by semen can be put directly into the washing machine, and as long as there is no trace of semen left after the cycle is completed, then the item is deemed to have become ritually clean, and it does need to be washed again, or squeezed and wrung. However, as a precautionary measure, it may be a good idea to make the najis clothing ritually clean first (per above) and then put it into the washing machine, because if one puts the item straight into the washing machine and for whatever reason the semen still remains on the clothing after the wash it will not become ritually clean, and if that clothing comes into contact with other wet clothes those clothes will also become najis. A Mattress a. Using running water If a mattress becomes najis by semen for whatever reason, it is possible to make it ritually clean by running water from a tap or hose: ‘If one wants to purify the mattress by using pure water connected to the kurr source (e.g. by using a hosepipe or a tap) there is no need to wipe the water off using the cloth or a vacuum cleaner etc. As soon as the kurr water covers the najis area it will become pure [as long as the ayn najasat has been removed – the semen] (and the water will also be considered as pure)’.[143] It is important to remember the following when a mattress has become najis by semen: The semen only transfers from the mattress to another item through flowing wetness (i.e. there is so much wetness in the najis item that it permeates to another item and makes it najis). The najasat is not transferred when it is dry, so if you place your body or hand on the dry najis mattress your hand or body will not become najis. Therefore, it is possible to sleep on a mattress that has become najis without your clothes becoming najis, provided that the patch that has become najis remains dry so that the najasat does not get transferred to the clothes from the mattress. b. Using water less then kurr (Qalīl) Water less then kurr is used in cases where either kurr water is not available or that you cannot take something like a mattress under kurr water (a tap). The method of making something ritually clean with qalil water is as follows: Step 1: Removing the najāsat The semen has to be removed from the mattress. A possible method of doing this is to first pour water from a glass covering the whole area of the stain. Then take a towel and place it over the wet area and apply pressure and press over it in such a way that the water is sucked out and no semen is left behind. When the water dries up there should be no trace of semen left behind. The towel used will become najis and needs to be made ritually clean. Step 2: Pouring water less than kurr After removing the semen the area needs to be made ritually clean. This is done by taking another glass of water and re-pouring water over the whole area again (that had become najis). The water must be squeezed and wrung out of the mattress before it becomes ritually clean. This can be done by taking a separate towel and placing it over the wetted area in such a way that when pressure is applied over the towel all the water is squeezed out. The mattress has now become ritually clean. As a confirmed opinion and not as an obligatory precaution, the towel and the water removed from the mattress will be considered najis. If anything becomes najis with an impurity other than urine, it becomes ritually clean by first removing the impurity and then pouring under kurr water once, allowing it to flow off. But if it is clothing etc. it should be squeezed and wrung so that the any remaining water should flow off.[144] NOTE: It is important to note that even if the surface of the mattress is made ritually clean with qalīl water by following the above method, the inside of the mattress will become najis due to the rules of qalīl water. Even if the mattress is angled, it will inevitably seep through the mattress.[145] RECOMMENDATION: To avoid this extra workload and hassle of cleaning the mattress, it is extremely useful that one puts a plastic sheet in between the bedsheet and the mattress, so that if any semen leaks on to the bedsheet it does not leak through to the mattress. The Body If a part of the body is najis because of semen, it can be made ritually clean by pouring kurr water over it once in such a way that there is no trace of semen left on the body. This can be done by standing under a shower. However, this rule is different if the najasat is urine, for which one washing is not enough, the body must be washed twice. It is not necessary to walk in and out of water to achieve two washings. If the najis part is wiped by the hand allowing water to reach there again, it will suffice.[146] Notes: [110] Islamic Laws, Rule 362 [111] Islamic Laws, Rule 1499 [112] Islamic Laws Rule 1101 [113] Islamic Laws, Rule 361 [114] Islamic Laws,Rule 355 [115] Islamic Laws, Rule 354 [116] Islamic Laws, Rule 351 [117] Islamic Laws, Rule 356 [118] Islamic Laws, Rule 74 [119] Islamic Laws, Rule 362 [120] Islamic Laws, Rule 367 [121] Islamic Laws, Rule 369 [122] Islamic Laws, Rule 378 [123] Islamic Laws, Rule 380 [124] Islamic Laws, Rule 386 [125] Islamic Laws, Rule 392 [126] Islamic Laws, Rule 395 [127] Islamic Laws, Rule 397 [128] Islamic Laws, Rule 655 [129] Islamic Laws, Rule 723 [130] Islamic Laws, Rule 723 [131] Islamic Laws, Rule 723 [132] Islamic Laws, Rule 686 [133] Islamic Laws, Rule 688 [134] Islamic Laws, Rule 677 [135] Islamic Laws, Rule 678 [136] Islamic Laws, Rule 708 [137] Islamic Laws, Rule 710 [138] Islamic Laws, Rule 712 [139] Islamic Laws, Rule 714 [140] Islamic Laws, Rule 715 [141] Islamic Laws, Rule 160 [142] Confirmed with the office of Ayatullāh Sīstānī, Qom [143] A Code of Practice for Muslims in the West, Ayatullāh Sīstānī. [144] Islamic Laws, Rule 163 [146] Islamic Laws, Rule 172 From www.yaali.co.cc [All In One Shia Website]
  9. From www.yaali.co.cc [All In One Shia Website] Chapter 1 The Wedding Night ________________________________________ Wedding Night A‘māl It is narrated from the Prophet (s): “The doors of Heaven to mercy will be opened in four situations: when it rains; when a child looks kindly at his parent’s face; when the door of the Ka‘bah is opened; and when marriage (occurs).”[2] As indicated by the above tradition, the concept of marriage in Islam is so sacred and valued, that the doors of Allāh (swt)’s mercy are open on this occasion. Indeed, this is not surprising when one considers that marriage secures a large portion of one’s faith and protects it from the evil of Satan, as narrated from the Prophet (s): “There is not a single young person that gets married during his youth, except that his Satan cries out that ‘Woe onto him, woe onto him, he has protected two thirds of his faith from me’; therefore, mankind must have taqwā (God-Conciousness) in Allāh (swt) to protect the remaining one third of his faith.”[3] It is therefore essential that a couple, when embarking on this step, take utmost care to protect the sanctity of this sacred union and do not taint it from the start by allowing the occasion of marriage to become a source of sin and extravagance. In particular, the wedding night is the first night that a man and woman come together as husband and wife, and it is highly recommended that they form this union with the intention of obtaining the nearness and pleasure of Allāh (swt) and perform the recommended amaal for this night. At this point it is necessary to take a look at what state the ‘mistress of the women of the worlds’, Hadrat Fātima (as) had on the night of her wedding, and how she started her life with her husband, Imām ‘Alī (as) the wedding night, Imām ‘Alī (as) Hadrat Fātima (as) upset and in tears, and asked her why she was in this state. She replied: “I thought about my state and actions and remembered the end of life and my grave; that today I have gone from my father’s house to your house, and another day I will go from here to the grave and the Day of Judgement (Qiyāmat). Therefore, I swear by you to Allāh (swt); come let us stand for Salāt so that we can worship Allāh (swt) together in this night.”[4] The following A‘māl are recommended for this night[5]: 1. Try to be in Wudū for as much of the night as possible, and especially during the amaals below. 2. Begin by praising Allāh ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì, then say Allāhu Akbar (Ãááåõ ÃßóúÈÑ), followed by a Salawāt (Ãááåã Õáì Úáì ãÍãøÏ æ Âá ãÍãøÏ). 3. Recite a two Rak’at Salāt, with the intention of ‘Mustahab Qurbatan Ilallāh (swt)’ [a recommended prayer, seeking the pleasure of Allāh (swt)], followed by a Salawāt. 4. Recite the following Du‘ā, followed by a Salawāt. First the groom should recite it, after which the bride should say: Ilāhī Amīn [May Allāh (swt) accept this]. Ãóááñøåõãóø ÇÑúÒõÞúäöí ÅöáúÝóåóÇ æó æõÏóøåóÇ æó ÑöÖóÇåóÇ æó ÑóÖöøÜäöí ÈöåóÇ Ëõãóø ÇÌúãóÚú ÈóíúäóÜäóÇ ÈöÃóÍúÓóäö ÇÌúÊöãóÇÚò æó ÃóÓóÑöø ÇÆúÊöáÇóÝò ÝóÅöäóøßó ÊõÍöÈõø ÇáúÍóáÇóáó æó ÊóßúÑóåõ ÇáúÍóÑóÇã. “O Allāh (swt)! Bless me with her affection, love and her acceptance of me; and make me pleased with her, and bring us together in the best form of a union and in absolute harmony; surely You like lawful things and dislike unlawful things.”[6] 5. Even if a couple are not intending to conceive on the wedding night, it is recommended that the following Du‘ās are recited for righteous children (whenever they are conceived): a. The groom should then place his right palm on the bride’s forehead facing Qibla and recite: Ãóááñøåõãóø ÈöÃóãóÇäóÊößó ÃóÎóÐúÊõåóÇ æó ÈößóáöãóÇÊößó ÇÓúÊóÍúáóáúÜÊõåóÇ ÝóÅöäú ÞóÖóíúÊó áöí ãöäúåóÇ æóáóÏÇð ÝóÇÌúÚóáúåõ ãõÈóÇÑóßÇð ÊóÞöíðøÇ ãöäú ÔöíÚóÉö Âáö ãõÍóãóøÏò æó áÇó ÊóÌúÚóáú áöáÔóøíúØóÇäö Ýöíåö ÔöÑúßÇð æó áÇó äóÕöíÈÇð. “O Allāh! I have taken her as Your trust and have made her lawful for myself by Your words. Therefore, if you have decreed for me a child from her, then make him/her blessed and pious from among the followers of the family of Muhammad; and do not let the Satan have any part in him/her.”[7] b. The following Du‘ā should also be recited: Ãóááñøåõãóø ÈößóáöãóÇÊößó ÇÓúÊóÍúáóáúÊõåóÇ æó ÈöÃóãóÇäóÊößó ÃóÎóÐúÊõåóÇ. Ãóááñøåõãóø ÇÌúÚóáúåóÇ æóáõæÏÇð æóÏõæÏÇð áÇó ÊóÝúÑóßõ ÊóÃúßõáõ ãöãóøÇ ÑóÇÍó æó áÇó ÊóÓúÃóáõ ÚóãóøÇ ÓóÑóÍó. “O Allāh! I have made her lawful for myself with Your words, and I have taken her in Your trust. O Allāh! Make her fertile and devoted.”[8] 6. The groom should wash the bride’s feet and sprinkle that water in all the four corners of the room and house. Allāh (swt) will remove 70,000 types of poverty, 70,000 types of blessings will enter the house and 70,000 blessings will come upon the bride and groom. The bride will be safe from insanity, ulcers and leprosy.[9] Some Points about the ‘Aqd & Wedding[10] 1. One should refrain from having the ‘Aqd or wedding during Qamar Dar Akrab – when the moon is passing through the phase of Scorpio. 2. One should refrain from having the ‘Aqd or wedding outdoors, under the sunlight. 3. It is recommended that the ‘Aqd and wedding take place at night. NOTE: It is important to note that the main objective of the wedding is the joining of a man and a woman. More often than not, weddings that take place today are long and extremely tiring for the bride and groom; they reach their room late at night and not fit for the recommended A‘māl of this sacred night, nor much else. Therefore, it is recommended that the procedures of this night are kept simple and to a bare minimum. If other ceremonies are desired, they should be held on the preceding or proceeding nights. Some Points for the Bride and Groom 1. It is not necessary that consummation of the marriage take place on the wedding night; rather it may take a few days or even a few weeks. 2. Fatigue, nervousness and tension may make it harder; therefore it is important that husband and wife take time to get comfortable with each other and move at their own pace. 3. Artificial lubrication may be needed for the first few days or weeks in order to make consummation easier and more enjoyable.[11] 4. Early or premature ejaculation may be a problem for the first few times; however, this should eventually be resolved after time and experience. 5. The hymen may or may not bleed. Foreplay, gentleness and intercourse again soon after can help reduce the pain of the tearing of the hymen. 6. After consummation (whenever it may be), the bride should not have milk, vinegar, coriander, sour apple or melon for a week, as they cause the womb to dry up and become cold and barren. Eating vinegar at this time also results in the woman not becoming clean (ritually clean) from the blood of menstruation, coriander (and watermelon) results in a difficult labour and sour apple results in the stopping (of regularity) of menstruation, and these all result in illnesses.[12] 7. People may make certain comments over the next few days. It is important not to let this affect you, and not to get drawn in to their conversations. 8. Don’t talk about your intimate details to outsiders; maintain respect of your spouse and your relationship. The Wedding of Imām ‘Alī (as) and Hadrat Fātima (as) The ‘Aqd (Marriage Contract) The Prophet (s) desired to have the ‘Aqd recited in the mosque and in the presence of the people. Imām ‘Alī (as) joyfully went to the mosque and the Prophet (s) also entered the mosque. The Muhājirīn and Ansār gathered around them. The Prophet (s) went on the minbar and after praising and thanking Allāh ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì, said: “Oh people! Know that Jibrā’il descended on me and brought a message from Allāh (swt) that the ceremony of the ‘Aqd of ‘Alī (as) has taken place in the presence of the Angels in ‘Bait al-Ma‘mur.’ Allāh (swt) has commanded that I perform this ceremony on earth and make you all witnesses.” At the point, the Prophet (s) recited the ‘Aqd. Then the Prophet (s) said to Imām ‘Alī (as): “Get up and give a speech.” Imām ‘Alī (as) got to his feet and after remembering and thanking Allāh (swt) began his speech and expressed his satisfaction and contentment at his marriage to Hadrat Fātima (as). The people prayed for him and said: “May Allāh (swt) bless this marriage, and place love and friendship in your hearts.”[13] The Wedding The wedding ceremony took place on the 1st of Dhul Hijjah, 2 AH[14] (or 6th of Dhul Hijjah, 2 AH)[15], one month after the ‘Aqd. Between the ‘Aqd and the wedding ceremony, Imām ‘Alī (as) was shy to speak about his wife to the Prophet (s). One day, his brother ‘Aqīl asked him: “Why don’t you bring your wife to the house so that we can congratulate you for the occasion of your wedding?” This topic reached the Prophet (s), who called Imām ‘Alī (as) and asked him: “Are you ready to get married?” Imām ‘Alī (as) gave a positive response. The Prophet (s) said: “Insha-Allāh, tonight or tomorrow night, I will make arrangements for the wedding.” At that time, he told his wives to dress Hadrat Fātima (as) and to perfume her and to carpet her room so as to prepare for the wedding ceremony.[16] The Prophet (s) told Imām ‘Alī (as): “There cannot be a wedding without guests.” One of the leaders of the Ansār named Sa’ad said: “I gift you a sheep,” and a group of the Ansār also brought some[17] corn[18], and some dried whey, oil and dates were also bought from the bazār. The meat was cooked and the Prophet (s) with his purity took the responsibility of cooking for the wedding, and with his blessed hands, mixed them (the ingredients) and began preparing a type of ‘Arabic dish called Habīs or Hais.[19] However, although the food was prepared, the invitation was public. A large number took part and with the blessings of the Prophet’s (s) hands, everyone ate and became full from the food, and there was even some left over for the poor and needy; a dish was also placed for the bride and groom.[20] The Prophet (s) told his wives to prepare a celebration for Hadrat Fātima (as) After food, the ladies gathered around Hadrat Fātima (as) and the Prophet (s) helped her get on his horse. Salmān al-Fārsī took hold of the horse’s reins and with the special ceremony, brave men such as Hamza and a number of the family and mahārim of Hadrat Fātima (as) gathered around the horse with drawn swords. Many women waited behind the bride and recited Takbir. The horse began moving, and the ladies began reciting Takbir and praises of Allāh ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì. At that time, one by one, they read beautiful hymns that had been composed, and with splendour and joy, took the bride to the house of the groom. The Prophet (s) also reached the group and entered the bridal chamber. He requested a dish of water, and when that was brought, he sprinkled some on Hadrat Fātima’s (as) chest and told her to do Wudū and wash her mouth with the rest of the water. He sprinkled some water on Imām ‘Alī (as) as well and told him to do Wudū and wash his mouth. The Prophet (s) then took Hadrat Fātima’s (as) hand and placed it in the hand of Imām (as) and said: “Oh ‘Alī! May you be blessed; Allāh (swt) bestowed on you the daughter of the Prophet (s) of Allāh ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì, who is the best of women (of the world).” He then addressed Hadrat Fātima (as) and said: “Oh Fātima, ‘Alī is from the best of husbands.”[21] He then recited a Du‘ā for them: “Oh Allāh, make them familiar (close) to each other! Oh Allāh, bless them! And place for them blessings in their life.” As he was about to leave, he said: “Allāh has made you and your offspring pure (ritually clean). I am a friend of your friends, and an enemy of your enemies. I now bid you farewell and deposit you with Allāh.”[22] The next morning, the Prophet (s) went to see his daughter. After that visit, he did not go to their house for three days, but went on the fourth day.[23] Hadrat Khadīja’s (as) Wish On the wedding night of Hadrat Fātima (as), Asma bint Omaīs (or Umme Salama) who was among the women, asked permission from the Prophet (s) if she could stay near Fātima so as to carry out any needs she may have. She said to the Prophet (s): “When the time of the death of Khadīja came in Makkah, I was next to her and saw that Khadīja was crying. I said to her: “You are the ‘mistress of the women of the worlds’ and the wife of the Prophet (s) and despite this you are crying whereas Allāh (swt) has given you the good tidings of heaven?” Khadīja (as) replied: “I am not crying because of death; rather I am crying for Fātima who is a small girl and women on their wedding night need a woman from their relatives and close ones (mahram) who will tell them their hidden secrets, and I am afraid that that night, my dear Fātima will not have anyone.” Then I told Khadīja (as) that, “I swear to my God that if I stay alive until that day, on that night I will stay in that house in your place.” Now I would like permission from you that you excuse me so that I can keep my promise.” Upon hearing this, the Prophet (s) started crying and gave me permission to stay and prayed for me.[24] The Wedding Suit On the wedding night of Imām ‘Alī (as) and Hadrat Fātima (as), the Prophet (s) gave her a (wedding) suit to wear on that night. When Hadrat Fātima (as) had gone to the wedding house and was sitting on the prayer mat praying to Allāh ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì, suddenly a needy person came to the door of the house of Hadrat Fātima (as) and with a loud voice said: “From the door of the house of Prophethood, I want an old suit.” At that time, Hadrat Fātima (as) had two suits, one old and the other new. She wanted to give the old suit as per the request of the needy man, when suddenly she remembered a verse which states: “You will never attain piety until you spend out of what you hold dear.”[25] Hadrat Fātima (as), who knew she liked the new suit more, acted on this verse and gave the new suit to the needy man. The next day, when the Prophet (s) saw the old suit on Hadrat Fātima (as), he asked: “Why didn’t you wear the new suit?” Hadrat Fātima (as) replied: “I gave it to a needy man.” The Prophet (s) said: “If you had worn the new shirt for your husband, it would have been better and more suitable.” Hadrat Fātima (as) replied: “I learnt this manner from you. When my mother Khadija became your wife, she gave all her wealth to the empty-handed in your path, until it reached a point when a needy person came to the door of your house and requested clothes. There were no clothes in the house so you took off your shirt and gave it to him, and this verse was revealed: “Do not keep your hand chained to your neck, nor open it all together, or you will sit blameworthy, regretful.”[26] Overwhelmed by the love and sincerity of his daughter Zahrā (as), tears fell from the Prophet (s)’s (s) eyes, and as a sign of love, he hugged Hadrat Fātima (as) to his chest.[27] Notes: [2] A Bundle of Flowers, pg. 149 [3] Muntakhab Mizān al-Hikmah, vol. 1, pg. 457 [4] Kitāb al-Irshād, vol. 1, pg. 270 [5] Halliyatul Muttaqīn, pg. 116-117 [6] al-Kāfī, vol. 3, pg. 481 [7] Ibid., vol. 5, pg. 500 [8] Ibid., vol. 5, pg. 501 [9] Wasāil ash-Shī‘a, vol. 20, pg. 249, no. 25555 [10] Halliyatul Muttaqīn, pg. 108-109 (Points 1-3) [11] Pāsukh be Masāil-e Jinsī wa Zanāshuī, pg. 235 [12] Wasāil ash-Shī‘a, vol. 20, pg. 250, no. 25556 [13] Bihār al-Anwār, vol. 43, pg. 120 and 129 [14] Ibid., vol. 43, pg. 92 [15] Some have narrated the time between the nikah and wedding to be one year. [16] Bihār al-Anwār, vol. 43, pg. 130-131 [17] About 8 pounds [18] Bihār al-Anwār, vol. 43, pg. 137 [19] Ibid., vol. 43, pg. 106 and 114 [20] Manāqib Ibn Shahr Ashūb, vol. 3, pg. 354 [21] Izdawāj Maktab Insān Sāzi, vol. 2, pg. 300 [22] Manāqib Ibn Shahr Ashūb, vol. 3, pg. 354-355 [23] Ibid., vol. 3, pg. 356 [24] Sar Guzashthāye Hazrat ‘Alī (as) wa Fātima (sa), pg. 30 [25] Sūrat Āli-‘Imrān, Verse 92 [26] Sūrat al-Isrā, Verse 29 [27] Sar Guzashthāye Hazrat ‘Alī (as) wa Fātima (sa), pg. 31 From www.yaali.co.cc [All In One Shia Website]
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