Assalamualaikum.
I've been watching self-improvement content but not taking any action on it for a long time. I watch Hamza, Captain Sinbad, Tim Ferriss, Dan Koe, Alex Hormozi, Jordan Peterson and Chris Williamson. I've also read over 40 books on self-improvement, some of which suggested haram practices which I didn't engage in that would supposedly get me results in a particular pursuit. I've read books on relationships, quitting vices, psychology, fitness, habit formation, improving your mental health, making tough decisions and mental toughness.
Mentally, I have gotten stronger from reading these books. I have a lot of discipline now outside of one or two haram vices that I'm trying to quit.
I have been inspired by these content creators to pursue entrepreneurship and I've found philosophical wisdom that I can apply to any situation to maintain a positive outlook on life.
I've became an optimist thanks to these videos, but I'm not being grateful to Allah.
I watched a couple of videos today; one of them called Self-Improvement idolatry, the other claimed that it ruined his relationship with Allah.
I could barely sit through both videos because I have a greater purpose with self-improvement, which is providing value to my family. It's providing value to my community. I wouldn't have found out how to without self-improvement, or is that a limiting belief because those videos have shown me how low my iman is?
I don't believe that I can live a purposeful life without those books and videos. I feel addicted to self-improvement and that addiction has left me feeling kind of empty. I felt empty anyway.
Did Allah lead me to Islam, or did self-improvement lead me there? I have no idea. You're arguing with something nebulous that most people can't see.
I feel as though Islam promotes an external locus of control, meaning that it promotes giving in completely to circumstance. Admitting that improving your life is hopeless when you weren't the one that created yourself. You act as though you can create yourself, when it's Allah who created you and you're just trying to metaphorically draw yourself a new face.
I'm scared of believing in Allah 100%, meaning that my last Shahadah was probably invalid inshallah.
I don't want to give up my internal locus of control, my self-belief, unless there's a how to guide which gives convincing evidence by contrasting facts about mammals.
I'm stuck in this dunya.
Help.