Salam Brothers and Sisters,
I am a 24 year old girl I have a job and currently living with my parents, obviously my parents wants me to get married to someone of their own choice, but I am interested in marrying a person who is 26 years old, is married and already has two children. I don't mind his first wife or his dear children and I am aware of all the rights she has over him.
His current wife and children lives with his family in another city while he is currently living in the same city as me for 6 months now. He has good relationship with his wife and provide everything his wife ask for, but according to him he needs attention and respect from his life partner, also they got married young so that level of understanding which every couple should have has failed to develop between the two. Unfortunately or fortunately whatever you call it, that understanding, respect and attention has developed between him and me in a very short while and we got interested in each other and now wants to get married.
The problem is that, my parents will never allow me to get married to him because of our society, his parents and wife will also not allow him, he has suggested that we should marry secretly then tell my parents about it, and then after about 2 years or after I bear his child he will inform his parents and wife so that my position is equal to his first wife.
Islam has allowed 4 marriages and he has the right to get married to any woman without his wife's consent , until he provide all of his wives equally. I have no such intentions that he leaves his first wife, I have no issue that he gives time to his first wife, continue his sexual relationship with his wife , spend time with his children but his first wife can't and maybe she will want to leave him, and just to avoid that he wants to keep our marriage a secret for sometime.
I know its a selfish move for us , but sometimes we just have to live for our self and nikah is the only thing which requires strong consent of the bride and groom.
I want you to offer some advice in The light of Islam, am I doing right? I know our society will never accept our marriage but I have to answer My Allah not this society , I want to make sure that I am not sabotaging the rights of his first wife and according to Islam, further planning to commit any kind of sin which I have to answer to Allah.
According to Islam can I marry such person? Is my decision of nikah first and telling my parents after will be the right move?
Please offer your advice , thanks in advance.