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Hello I'm an Iraqi girl living aboard. I come from a very common Shia family where we pray and follow Islam i our daily life, u know dua kumayl every Thursday. I'm a middle child, always happy, try to make everyone needs before mine, never ever had a problem in school and have good reputation i my city. You can say that I'm daddys girl, we are very close. I'm the first child in the household to have an education and did go to uni and I have fulltime job and doing my masters. I have two older siblings, sister and a brother who are married to irakies (they choose their partners aka cusins). and 4 younger sillings. The problem is: five years ago, I met guy from another country, is sunni, and have another ethnicity. We got along very well and been together since then. We decide to make it official, and he talked to his family and I talked to mine. My family and especially my dad got very angry and said no. My dad scream and we had huge fight. My mom wasn't on my side and said that your dads is the chooser. My brother and sister were to against too it because my brother hated the county that guys was from and always badmouthed him and religion and country, The second time we talk to my parent we tried to talk to my dad through his friends who also know the guy. My dad said no, and we got into huge fight that my dad actually hit me and told me to forget about him. We keeps our relationship secret again but this time we are trying again. I'm scared to bring up the conversation because my parent thinks its over between us. Side information, my dad and brother doesn't want to meet him and always say that he's selling drugs and is Daish which I know it's not true. The guy even said that he doesn't have problem to change side and become. The guys family is in his homeland. What should I do? I really can't see my life without him or my family... ps sorry for my bad english.

Salam aleikum, I have a question regarding the validity of adding conditions in a marriage contract. From my understanding, having conditions is permissible if the rights of both parties are respected. However, I was in the process of getting engaged to someone after two years together but he did not know this was permissible and viewed it as a breach of trust. He has since terminated the relationship as he believed that I did not trust him whereas I viewed having conditions as a source of protection and accountability. My question is, is having stipulations in a marriage contract a cultural norm or does it have religious validity. If it is based in Islam, would it be possible to receive concrete facts on its validity from the Qu'ran or the Hadiths? Thank you very much for your help and insights!

Asalamalekum, Currently i am living away from my wife due to her visa issues, and involved in long distance relationship. We speak with each other on skype and phone, my problem is of that of all men who are facing similar issue like men. I fail to control my urges, once i chat with my wife and masturbate. When i wasn't married, i would control myself long periods of time and not masturbate, but after marriage it is even harder. Because i am chatting with my wife and the urges naturally kicks in. I understand that for a bachelor it is haram to masturbate because he would imagine other women to masturbate to. But i simply don't understand the logic behind, even if a man thinks of his wife in extreme circumstances and masturbate? In quran it is mention, "we should guard our private parts except from our spouse" but it doesn't clearly says a lot into masturbation when a man is thinking of his wife?

I have been in a haram relationship for five years now, all behind my families back. The guy is non Muslim but we have been through everything together. He’s done a lot for me and same with me for him. There’s no doubt about my love for him and his love for me people have constantly commented on how much passion we have for each other (friends), I tried splitting up with him a couple of times to get back on track but we always find a way back to each other whether it’s months later or whatever. I feel so much peace with him that I can’t get anywhere else. I have had a very tough family life, mum and dad split when I wasn’t younger and he used to abuse her. My younger brother passed away 2 years ago to a car accident at 16 years so it has been very tough and he is a sense of escapism from all that. I have considered just running away from my family changing my number and everything and staying with him and leaving them a note about what’s being going on. I just see my future with him we’ve made so many plans and I have been awful to him but he’s always been there no matter what. We have slept together as well and planned on getting engaged in summer before I split up with him out of fear. He thinks my family know about us but they don’t. I just don’t want a future unless it’s with him and I don’t know what to do. Please can I get some advice and no negative comments please as I am already fighting a battle in my head and genuinely really am seeking for help, as everyday I just want to run away from home.

I am human, I make mistakes, therefore please correct my reasoning with references if possible, as I have separated from my partner over the matter of "displaying one's beauty", and perhaps I am wrong in my thought process. In the situation of a woman who does not observe hijab, but covers her body well; My reasoning: it is wrong to post your photos on social media where men are able to view your photo. Allah says in the quran do not display your beauty. You are a woman with beauty, you are posting a photo on social media, you are displaying yourself on social media, by posting on social media, it is an act of displaying yourself. I don't know how else I can say it. It is not the same as going to work. The thought here is "I am going to work". It is not the same as walking down the street to get somewhere and people see you, because the thought is "I am going to x place". When you post a photo, the thought is "I will post a picture of myself on instagram " in other words "I will display myself on instagram". You are therefore unnecessarily displaying your beauty to men. Even if the woman observes proper hijab, it is an act of "I will display myself on the internet by posting this photo"; it isn't a charity photo, a conference video, you giving a lecture, it's simply to share a "fun" or "precious" or "happy" moment with the people on social media (which includes male cousins, friends, strangers, etc.). Am I wrong in my thinking? Can someone explain it in a more articulate way rather than my caveman explanation?

Hello, I just want to give a brief background on my past situation and then my current situation. Can you please help me by telling me the truth backed with sources if it is halal for me to do this? Thank you I was proposed to by a man (he is Shia) who I know to be extremely respectful, hard-working and kind (which is very hard to find in general and especially in our society to be honest). However, my family prevented and forbade me from marrying him for one reason only- and that is his nationality. In our country, nationality is as important as the sect (due to culture/traditions etc.) and I had too much respect for my parents to disobey them and I know in Islam disobedience to parents is haram. I also didn't have the heart to hurt my mother even though I have never wanted anything as badly as to get married to that specific person. Please note that I did not do anything haram with this man. I became very depressed as I am already in my very late 20's and it was my first time actually wanting to get married. The same night I cried and did ziyaraat ashura for 40 nights because I wanted God to let us be together. I found out months later that there was a very high chance he will be able to get the same nationality as I have but it will take around 3-5 years. It has been two and a half years since he proposed and we are still good friends and it is very obvious that he has the same intentions. I know you might think its easy to find someone else but I don't want to get married just for the sake of getting married. I want someone who understands me on an intellectual basis, respects me, motivates me to work harder, is not an angry person etc. and he has all those qualities. Is it possible to engage in some sort of mut'aa marriage even though I don't want to have sex (I only would do that if its a permanant marriage). i just want to feel like I am with my partner (hold hands, kiss etc.). We have every intention of getting married when he gets his nationality but the wait is just very frustrating. I feel like my whole life is on hold over a very stupid condition from my parents. I have decided that even if they do not allow me to get married when he gets his nationality- I will still get married as I believe it is something they will be able to tolerate long term. But for now I feel very frustrated that I can't marry him due to something so small and I don't want to lose him as he is the most respectful person I have ever met. Please can you help guide me if I am doing something wrong or have parental advice on how to handle this situation?

Salaam alaikum, I wanted some opinions on a method of approaching a girl for marriage. A little bit of background: I am a revert and not so much embedded into a Muslim community. I am looking to get married but finding it difficult to find someone. I am largely resorting to online Muslim matrimonial sites but not finding any luck on there either. I have slowly started making friends with a lot of great brothers who have welcomed me. So I add them on social media and so on. Those who are on Facebook know about the 'people you may know' feature that displays a list people to add. A few girls have come up on this - they are friends with the brothers I know so I know they are likely to belong to the local community. My question for the ladies in this forum is what are your thoughts on being approached and receiving a marriage proposal by some via social media? ***At this point I just want to say that I have no intention to go around messaging loads of girls with proposals because I think that is a bit silly and immoral and breaches social hijab*** I have been a Muslim for 3 and a half years and I remember a girl whom I approached via social media. I sent her a message asking her if she is in a position where she is looking to get married and if so, is she interested in getting to know me and if so I wanted a contact detail of her parent or legal guardian to request their permission to get to know her. She rejected but was very polite and nice about it. Did not show any annoyance or offence by what I said. I was just wondering how a lady would feel, if approached on social media from a male with respect and good etiquette with a proposal along similar lines to how I approached the lady. Given my circumstances, I am just trying to think outside the box (but staying within the box of Islam of course ) Thoughts appreciated Thanks

Looking for testimonials of being married to someone with different level of practicing Islam (Shia Islam specifically). Moderate woman to not so moderate man. Scenerio: Individually both have compatibility. Looking at them their are no apparent differences. They are happy. Neither drink. But only one eats halal. One comes from a moderate practicing family and one from a family that has little distinction from western lifestyle and some of the family members drink but live elsewhere. Both individuals have older kids. Can it be a succesful second marriage?

Salam alaykoum! I've been talking with a guy online and i really like him and he likes me too. I know that he isn't fake and i'm 100% sure of it because My friend knows him. Is IT haram for me to be in a distancerelationstips with him? We won't touch each other or something like that because I won't meet him in person. We will just like talk. Is it haram?

Hi,i'm a new user and i'm very happy to have found this online community. Today i want to talk about western women and their sexuality and the threat that women' sexuality represent for Islam. Many of you have already noticed that western women and in general women who live in advanced countries religion-free are more independent,have economical power,but mostly they do a lot more sex than muslim women and they tend also to betray more and also they tend to have less children and tend to marry less. Another thing that you may have noticed is that even if they're more sexually active than their muslim counterparts,they're also more selective and would like to go only with the top males(beautiful,rich and a very good status),while rejecting the average ones and bottom ones,while men(in general) are less selective and have a wide ranges of preferences. You may also have noticed that more and more muslim women are flying away from Islam and acting like western women Why is that thing?Why are western women more selective than muslim women and men in general?Why in just a few decades have western women got so picky and selective? The reason behind this is that western women have gained a lot of rights and they also have gained a lot of economical power and so independence.I'm going to explain to you better in the following lines: In the 20th century and previous centuries women have very few rights and very little access to the workplace because most of the jobs were physical and so men were fitter for them than women and in addiction there was no thing like maternity leave to help women economically when they get pregnant.So they hadn't economical power and therefore independence and in order to survive and get food and a roof over their head they had to marry a man,even if they don't want to.In addiction in the western society in the older centuries religion had a very important role,that now it has been lost with all his values. But now,that's changed and women have economical power,independence,maternity leave and the possibility of making the choices they want about their life. Isn't that great,yeah?Certainly it's great for them,but not for many men that lost the chance of having free sex and a wife and so they're conducting a very poor and shameful life where they only work to survive,but not to live since sex and the love of a caring wife are a mirage for them. But why is that? Like i said before women are more selective than men by nature but their selectivity in dating a partner appears only when they have rights and independence. What do i mean when i say that women are more selective by NATURE: According to science the humankind belongs to the animal reigns and like every other animal our purpose is to reproduce ourselves in order to carry on the human specie.Men (since they are phisically stronger and have the possibility to submit a woman)were given a great sex drive and much less selective attitude in dating,while women since they're the ones who carry the pregnancy and since the pregnancy is very long,painful and is some case mortal had(and have)to choose the best men who could protect her wife and guarantee their children a good genetic(intelligent,beautiful,tall,strong). In fact in the prehistory only 1 man out of 17 had the possibility to reproduce because very few men got all the women. https://psmag.com/environment/17-to-1-reproductive-success Then men in order to balance things had introduced monogamy along with religions,so that every man could have his own wife and live a good life without feeling anger for not having one. But now things have changed because religions in the west had lost all of its meaning mostly among the youths(either men or women)and things like divorce have been introduced and if you look at the statistics women are much more likely than men to initiate a divorce,because by divorcing they get a lot of privileges(the ex-husband has to give her ex-wife his house and part of his salary),but mostly they can change their partners and have a lot of sex. But what do women find attractive in a man? Basically 3 things.Looks,Money and Status. Looks is the external aspect and women mostly care about the face,that's to say that if you're fit but ugly in face you won't attract women.Contrary to what the popular culture says beauty isn't subjective but objective,the objective thing they're talking about is the likeliness that's still related to the beauty:the more beautiful you are,a greater likeliness you'd like to have and you'll attract more women and viceversa.A beautiful man is also regarded by women's brain as a carried of good genetics because usually beautiful people have also a good genetic. Unfortunately women regard very few men as beautiful,while men are less picky. Money is very important because even if women have got economical independence they're still looking for a man who can guarantee them a good life,also because women want to show other women they got a powerful man on their side who can give her all what she desire. Status is another important factor,that's more variable than the other two and it's the social reputation,the fame that a person has.The more you're taken in high consideration in your environment the more women you'll be able to attract. Women Love Beautiful,Powerful Men and Hate Those Who Aren't So and Dare to Ask Them a Date. Muslim Countries and Muslim Environment are still unaffected by these phenomenon because women have less independence and less economical power,but as soon as muslim women will get them they will start to care less about religion,family and they will think only about their pleasure,especially their sexual pleasure. Their sexual power is the reason why all the religions of the world have given them less rights than men,because ancient men were sages and knew that if women got equal rights like men they would have overthrown them along with society(western birth rate is declining with no exception)because of their sexual power and their strict selectivity. Research that shows the women are more selective than men: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1986604/ I hope you'll like this artcicle and that this will give you new way to reflect and think. Islam is the best religion and it will be forever.

Hi everyone, as advised by my mom that I also need to seek for opinions of some shia communities online, here I am. Long story short, I left home few months ago to get married with the person I love. He is not a muslim (I know) and we did the interfaith marriage legally, got things done and we're legally husband and wife. Though during this process my parents (muslims) came to know about this and my father converted my man and did mutah, it was one year in the contract. During the conversion though, my man told my father that he is doing this for my sake, so we are not sinning and my parents have peace of mind. My father said yes it is okay but he said he wants my man to keep on learning and find out about islam. He said yes, he will. The promise was that we can't have sex, so it's fine for both of us. We accepted it and the contract started. Few months forward I came home for Eid and before that I've been promised by my parents that they will let me go back to be with my man. With this promise in hand, I trusted them, i went back home. Few days I am home, I found out that my father took my passport and he has been telling me to leave my man, he is also told by my father that he needs to leave me. I was upset because I said we were in contract and it is not even broken, we did not have sex and he has been learning. But father said that in one of his convo with him he said that he is not yet being convinced by the presence of god, hence atheist, and dad said because he is mentioning this, our marriage contract is broken and it is invalid. To be honest I find this unfair. He never mentioned that there is something other than having sex will break the contract. I dont even know that and he doesnt know that either. But my father has been using this and say I can't go back with him because he broke the contract which I find unfair. Not just me, but he too thinks so. I asked him why did he say that, he said he didnt know that it was not allowed. he said he was just telling my father that he is not yet convinced and asked him questions about islam at the same time. I would like to know whether he is doing right thing or he is not? Is it right that my contract is broken because of that? We both have no idea and dont know that there is something that can break the contract other than what has been promised. My father too took my passport without my consent and I feel like I am being kept.. Please let me know what you think I need some help.

Salam Alaykom brothers and sisters! I have a big issue in my family. (My parents passed away 5-6 years ago. This has a true meaning to my issue). My sister is in a haram relationship with a bad guy. He has been with numerous amount of girls, even going to Thailand for vacation and the temptations over there, (while being with my sister, but she doesnt blieve me), I know that he had slept with prostitutes in Thailand, his brother told mes. He is a guy who gambles, smokes, has been in a lot of fights, is surrounded by bad friends, not at all a religious guy och a very bad charactor. There has been/is intimacy between the two and I tried to break them up by firstly talking to him and her, several times. After 3-4 times of "breaking up", my sister was still lying to me about this guy. One day I found out that this guy had been where me and my sisters were, visiting relatives. He had given my sister a letter from the police from this other county because he didnt understand what the letter said. So I found this and was furious and went to his house. I went in and told him to stay away and he said he didnt want to. I asked him about the intimacy. He lied at first, but later he said that it was I while ago. So I punshed him in the face. I told him that I wanted to talk to his parents, so I had to come back later that day. I did and I talked to them. They told me that they would talk to him, but that it would take time, because he would get mad. This made me think that his parents are afraid of him. I dont know what to do, I have tried to stop talking to her because I was sick and tired of all the fights we've had. Of course this did ot work. I tried to talk her out of it, it didnt work. I asked her what she sees in him and she says, he is nice to me and my answer to that is that there are a lot of nice people out there. She, herself, doesnt even know what she sees in him. Wassalam!

SALAAMAULAYKUM EVERYONE Alhamdolilah My "Disability" is a blessing in disguise. This is one of the most noblest gift I have ever received from Allah, as it helps me to eliminate superficial people around me and has helped me in many other ways like my faith is much more strong than it was before. I have this question in my mind and needed a specific platform and this is the one . I request all my brothers and sisters explain this thing to me--- why people , generally and as well in our Muslim community are superficial when it comes to marrying a disabled person ? I am a mono limb below knee amputee, I use a prosthetic (one of the best in the world and made in germany) and it's hardly discernible while walking in my gait. I live in US, go out on hill trekking, can do skydiving all by myself . I had a strong relationship long ago but she and her parents walked away, though initially the girl was willing to, but you can imagine a situation like when you are offered an iphone 7s then why would you go for a Nokia phone (I apologize for explaining a situation with a slightly blunt example ). There is a famous incident about "Julaybib", one of the companions of our Prophet (Peace be upon him)..People should learn from this incident. And I came to know it's haram in islam to have a boyfriend or girlfriend kind of relationships. But for people like us going for an arrange marraige { you can imagine the situation}. It's like similar to a chimera . Lol, it's not about becoming a fanatic lover and moving on. My disability has evolved me a lot and fostered my faith in a positive way...HOW??...Look Initially when I was with her I used to sing and play guitar and after she left. I left singing and playing guitar and started reading Quran that too with translation, moved towards a state of apotheosis. Look it was good thing for me, not to worry about that. What I am going to ask is completely different . I mean people are like to disabled person saying "Oh, you are a motivation and inspiration for us all " and they often ask " how come you are able keep that smile on your face instead of all these tribulations you are facing in your life ". I feel like saying to them " These things which you are stating as tribulations, trials or ordeals are not something that we should be sad about it all day instead, they are blessing from our God ". {Allah doesn't burden a soul that it can bear - Quran 2:286 }. I mean look how Allah consider an individual person and test him or her with disability. I mean like he considered us to be so strong that he has put us to test throughout our life and still people look down at us when it comes to marriage. Please don't look down towards someone with disability when it comes to marriage. What's the choas all about and why people in our muslim community are like this in this specific situation, when they know everything that people with disabilities are very close to Allah ? Thanks and salamaulaykum once again

SALAAMAULAYKUM EVERYONE Alhamdolilah My "Disability" is a blessing in disguise. This is one of the most noblest gift I have ever received from Allah, as it helps me to eliminate superficial people around me and has helped me in many other ways like my faith is much more strong than it was before. I have this question in my mind and needed a specific platform and this is the one . I request all my brothers and sisters explain this thing to me--- why people , generally and as well in our Muslim community are superficial when it comes to marrying a disabled person ? I am a mono limb below knee amputee, I use a prosthetic (one of the best in the world and made in germany) and it's hardly discernible while walking in my gait. I live in US, go out on hill trekking, can do skydiving all by myself . I had a strong relationship long ago but she and her parents walked away, though initially the girl was willing to, but you can imagine a situation like when you are offered an iphone 7s then why would you go for a Nokia phone (I apologize for explaining a situation with a slightly blunt example ). There is a famous incident about "Julaybib", one of the companions of our Prophet (Peace be upon him)..People should learn from this incident. And I came to know it's haram in islam to have a boyfriend or girlfriend kind of relationships. But for people like us going for an arrange marraige { you can imagine the situation}. It's like similar to a chimera . Lol, it's not about becoming a fanatic lover and moving on. My disability has evolved me a lot and fostered my faith in a positive way...HOW??...Look Initially when I was with her I used to sing and play guitar and after she left. I left singing and playing guitar and started reading Quran that too with translation, moved towards a state of apotheosis. Look it was good thing for me, not to worry about that. What I am going to ask is completely different . I mean people are like to disabled person saying "Oh, you are a motivation and inspiration for us all " and they often ask " how come you are able keep that smile on your face instead of all these tribulations you are facing in your life ". I feel like saying to them " These things which you are stating as tribulations, trials or ordeals are not something that we should be sad about it all day instead, they are blessing from our God ". {Allah doesn't burden a soul that it can bear - Quran 2:286 }. I mean look how Allah consider an individual person and test him or her with disability. I mean like he considered us to be so strong that he has put us to test throughout our life and still people look down at us when it comes to marriage. Please don't look down towards someone with disability when it comes to marriage. What's the choas all about and why people in our muslim community are like this in this specific situation, when they know everything that people with disabilities are very close to Allah ? Thanks and salamaulaykum once again

Assalamualaikum brothers and sisters, From the title you can see the issue I am currently stuck with. I have met a sunni man and hope to get to know him better before we get married. We both started talking casually and there was no flirting. We talked about our families, issues, future plans of marriage, qualities we wish our future spouses would have. After a while, I realised he ticked so many of the boxes for the qualities of my future husband. I really saw potential in him which I never saw in anyone else before. When I told him how I felt, he was really relieved and said he felt the same and he never felt so sure about introducing a girl to his family. We both agreed that we wanted to be with each other with the intention of marrying each other. He is a sunni but a good muslim so Im not worried about the shia-sunni issue. We havent been on any dates since we only just decided to see each other but I was wondering if there was no halal way of seeing him? We are both quite young, medical students with the same mindset and ideas generally and islamically. I have done istakhara by myself and used a Tasbih, which gave a good result, but I was wondering if anyone here could do an istakhara using the Quran for me? I can't really talk to my local mullah about this. so background story aside, is there an islamic way of seeing someone? can someone do an istakhara for me using the Quran since I have a hard time interpreting it? Jazakallah

Salaamaulaykum, brothers and sisters i am a below knee amputee , lost my leg six years ago in a road accident. I am completely independent, do daily tasks just like normal person. Just completed by undergrad and now I am going to United States for my masters . It's been a year, since I broke up with the love of my life, whom I loved from the most deepest region of my heart, towards whom while looking, no matter how many chaotic situations I was circumscribed by ,when I looked at her, was always at ease. During our relationship, I never touched her, you know what I mean to say...no physical or haram contact...just respected and loved her just the way she admired and followed Islam. I thought , she was the one, but all of a sudden everything just changed, her mother came to know about my scenario, that I was a handicap, although I use one of the best artificial limb, imported from germany, I can run too and it's hard for anyone to recognize that I use an artificial limb. Her mother started looking for marriage proposals for her..and I remember it was my birthday she texted me "Good luck for everything" and that was the worst day of my life. I asked her why, and their was just a pin drop silence on the other side..believe me the pain of losing the limb was nothing in front of this one, what I felt at that very instant..The reason her silence indicated that "I was a handicap or disabled person"...I just retracted myself because the reason was like..Her mother could have said something else like any other reason but she just remained silent and believe me ,if the reason was other than "being disabled" .. I could have said to her mother that "Ok give me some time, I'll be the man , whom you would like to offer your daughter to " . But In my scenario even if I had the extra time , It was impossible for me to get the thing back , I lost long ago. Every morning I woke up, the very first thought is this one only and tears come off my eyes. I used to play guitar, sing . Now I have just given up on singing and guitar. I read Quran translation nowdays, but whenever I think of falling in love with someone or marrying someone, my soul gets dilapidated and all I have found is just peace in the recitation of quran and offering salah,previously I was a gregarious person and now I have transformed myself into a brutally conserved one. And I dream of a place now, where people like me are not considered as something as an ostracized element of the society. And when I think of falling in love or marrying someone , thinking about ""the story of Julaybib, one of the contemporaries of the Prophet, is another vivid example of inclusion. In addition to being poor, Julaybib had an unpleasant physical appearance and nobody wished to let their daughter marry him. Upon the Prophet’s request, a noble family gave him their daughter in marriage."" I say to myself that only prophet can reduce the pain i am going through... I told you my story, Now I was to ask, that ""people like me are not considered for marriage"" you can assume the reason according to my past encounters... I know it's haram to go in a relationship before marriage in islam....Is it permissible for peple like me to have a relationship before marriage resulting in love marriage.. you know the reason..when people will hear about my disability they would just say "NO" ..hence the question ".Is it permissible for me to have a relationship before marriage resulting in love marriage "?????

Salaam Dear Brothers and Sisters, So, i have started looking for a suitable match recently for myself. And i have come across this real problem. Maybe, i am thinking too shallow, or maybe that is how our society has turned out to be. There are 2 things i want to state here and get your opinion on what's going on here. 1. There are profiles of people where they mention, they are VERY religious and would want someone to be religious and who is striving to be perfect and what not. However, in their profile, they have mentioned that they are not willing to relocate to another country. Although, at first this seems like a non-issue. However, if someone is actually looking for someone who is very religious; then the choice becomes quite narrow. So, when someone from a country other than the potential "very religious" person's home country comes across their profile, there is this almost impenetrable barrier; geographical location. There are a plenty of examples in Islamic history that arabs married non-arabs, quraish married hashimis and so on., then why would this location thing become a barrier for a very religious person? they may have their reasons and everything BUT still, why? Now, i am not saying that it is wrong, nonetheless, this becomes really very irritating for us living here in Pakistan. 2. There are many mentions in our religion that if we can find someone pious; that should be enough of a decision parameter in terms of marriage; But no, today everything else matter BUT piety in most cases. Parents want their son-in-laws to be on the higher side from the perspective of this world and least care about how they are for the next world. Someone who owns properties and a number of cars would be preferred over someone who is just able to make ends meet and earn a lawful living. Where does the pious man go then when all he wants to do is save his half of religion? P.S: the website i am referring to is www.shiamatch.com

Salaam. I am the youngest of four girls, and there's an 11 year gap between me and my sisters - the oldest is in her early thirties and I'm in my early 20s. We all have a different relationship with our mother, but I think I have the most strained one. My mother is known to have anger management problems. She will snap and get mad at anything if she is in a bad mood, and she is a very rushed and anxious person. She even takes medication for this. She's like this with me and my sisters, but especially with me because I've been the only one at home for the past 5-10 years, as all of my sisters are married and have moved away. I hoped this time together would bring us closer (we weren't close before either,) but it hasn't. She takes out most of her frustration on me, and I take my frustrations out on her too. I have been in college the past few years and have been very very stressed. It gets worse when my mom acts harshly, which makes me more likely to take out my frustrations on her too. I feel that my mom doesn't know anything about me as a person, and she doesn't care to know either. When I try to sincerely talk to her, she brushes it off. And when I try to talk to her about the problems in our relationship, she gets mad at me for bringing it up and says that it'll ruin our relationship (I think not communicating will ruin our relationship more.) So our relationship is this: we don't talk much, she is a vey irritable person, I've become irritable too, she doesn't know much about me, and we don't communicate much even though we live under the same roof. I always compare our relationship to her relationship with my sisters, and her relationship with them is 100 times better. It makes me sad, but when I bring that up to her she gets very mad at me for making a comparison between myself and my sisters (though I think she's the one making the comparison in the first place.) Does anyone have advice on how to fix our relationship please? Thank you and Salaam.

Asalamu Aalaikum, I hope as many Muslim women help spread this thread. Now I'm not going to ask about how to gain self confidence or the courage to ask a girl out or all the things a desperate guy needs to have to be able to find his one true love of his life. I already have those traits. I'm talking about asking conservative Muslim girls on dates since I'm 18. Now I know that I should perhaps wait until I'm 25 and get married. But that's seven years away. Do I really need to wait that much just to get a simple Muslim girlfriend were we can go on dates and just talk? I want to have some minor relationship before I get married. Perhaps I'm doing this because of peer pressure or since I want to show my friends that I can get a girl. I have seen many videos and tutorials from before of guys just asking out random girls on the street and getting their number with enough confidence and I got inspired by that. But those videos involve western countries with western women and men. How about when I ask Muslim girls out? I feel that I just want to have at least one relationship before I get married. So for all Muslim girls here, please give me some advice on to ask you out.

Salaam Alykum Brothers and Sisters this is more a question for the sisters, however brother your input is welcome. how do I deal with a woman who is super sensitive who's first action is always to the extreme in the sense of leaving when ever we have a small or irrelevant problem or issue. i know she loves me, but what is the reason for such irrational behavior or thinking, how does one deal with it, how do i change that kinda thinking, how do i get her to engage in healthy conversation so that we can resolve and move forward?

I originally posted this in the brothers forum; however, another brother suggested I post this in the sisters' forum. Here is some advice I gathered from being married. (these are not in any logical order) 1) Find enjoyment and pride in beautifying yourself for your husband, and maintaining modesty outside the home. Discover what your husband likes in terms of appearance for the home: have fun shopping for nice pretty pieces of clothing for the home. I find it really enjoyable to go shopping with sisters, choosing clothing, fragrances, and makeup for the house. One of my female coworkers (non-muslim) once told me she finds it very charming how Muslim women buy beautiful pieces solely for their husbands, while maintaining modesty outside. 2) Figure out which dishes and cuisines your husband prefers and finds appetizing. Spend time learning recipes and perfecting them. Select elaborate dishes for special occasions or for "dates" at home. 3) Set aside time once a week for a "date" with your husband. Always make sure to find time with your husband to keep things eventful and entertaining. These don't have to be spontaneous; rather, I find it great to pick one specific thing both of you enjoy, and find time to do these things, especially during stressful or busy times. 4) Figure out something your husband excels at, and appreciate, and thank him (especially things that pertain to homemaking). For example, my husband is really knowledgable about tea and coffee brewing. Sometimes, men want to help around the house as well, and sometimes they may feel that you do everything for them, and they would like to pamper you in the same manner. Make sure to always thank him for whatever he does, no matter how often he does it. Just because, say he always makes tea for you, or buys you clothes, does not mean you should forget to thank him for what he does. Let him know that, you ALWAYS appreciate what he does for you. ​5) Find time for religious learning together. Whether it be reading Islamic books or articles. Find time to incorporate religion into your daily lives. Read and recite Qur'an together. 6) Allow him time for his friends. Some sisters feel they want to always be his priority (and you should be), but make sure he has time to talk to his friends as well. Also, having other sisters to communicate with (especially converts) makes being a Muslim sister even more comforting and enjoyable. 7) Appreciate his hobbies. As long as the hobbies are halal, make sure that you do not criticize or mock his interests. If he enjoys video games, allow him to partake in these activities, and respect them. Do not call his hobbies "childish" or "stupid." In turn, make sure he respects your hobbies as well. If he prefers to be alone during these times, allow him to do so. If you feel lonely, find a hobby that you enjoy as well. 8) Respect his need for intimacy. This one is pretty self explanatory. Sometimes, men have more of a "drive" than women, try to understand his disposition is different than yours. But also make sure he respects your boundaries. Communicate about your likes and dislikes pertaining to intimacy; do not judge his preferences, as long as they are halal, you do not need to worry. 9) Keep a clean home (if you are the homemaker exclusively: I understand this isn't a required duty for women) A clean house keeps one's mind focused and relaxed. I know that if my house is untidy, I find things like assignments and work even more daunting. 10) If arguments occur, respect what calms your husband down. If your husband needs to cool off by going outside or driving, do not prevent him from doing so. Even though sometimes we wish to be stubborn, understand continuing an argument only creates further strife and discord. 11) If your husband strays from Islamic teachings or principles, offer advice respectfully, and make a point to state your intentions are only to help him in this world and the hereafter. Do not condemn him outright, rather impartially speak to him, in a calm, but warm manner. 12) Do not allow jealousy to come between you and him. If you are feeling jealousy, simply tell your husband why you may feel jealous, do not accuse him of dishonorable things. Speak like "I feel ___" not "You make me feel ___". This is very accusatory, and makes your husband feel as if he is wronging you. (Obviously, if he does wrong you and you have reasonable evidence that he has done so, this is an entirely different manner). Let him know your jealousy does not come from you feeling he is dishonorable or unfaithful, rather it comes from your love for him. In general, jealously is very harmful for a woman, and she must combat this. At the same time, men can be equally jealous or more so; I am not saying this is an exclusively female trait. 13) Compliment him in both regards to surface and deeper levels. By surface I mean, compliment his appearance, and by deeper, I mean his piety, righteousness, and character. Everyone needs to be complimented on both. But make sure you appreciate both of these aspects. For example, women enjoy when their husbands call them beautiful, but also when their husbands say they are great mothers and modest, religious sisters. ​This is all I could think of for now. More advice would be great :)

(bismillah) (salam) Scenario: An employer regularly hosts parties, attending which is not a compulsion. Employees are asked to attend, and most of the employees do attend. Problem: A particular employee has a completely different nature to the rest, and different priorities too. This person does not like partying with employees, and rather likes to spend quality time with family and parents. As such, the employee makes every effort to avoid these parties. Questions: 1. How (much) negatively would this avoidance be seen by the employer and other employees? Would it be considered rude? 2. How must the employee deal with the employer to not give a bad impression, and still succeed in avoiding the parties? Should the employee talk about his different priorities with the employer? Or should the employee mask his views and adopt a more diplomatic approach? 3. What 'office politics' might the employee fear in this case? 4. If the employer does not compromise, would it be sufficient for the employee to attend a party once in a while? JazakAllah. (wasalam)

It seems to me that Breakups are a bit of a taboo around us. Despite our best efforts at being non-judgmental, there seems to be a lot of pressure to make things work your first time. Or to make them work, period. Now this can be a good thing, to instill in us the essential values of patience and compromise. We've all seen those cases where immaturity leads to disaster. And if you're even in a borderline open-minded community, cases of physical abuse or blatant disregard of Sharia are considered valid reasons to break up. But anyone who's been there knows that there is no fine line there. My question is, what happens when you're mature (the people around you second that), you try to make it work (a couple years), and you're still not sure about the relationship? When you can't really explain your reasons to the people closest to you, or even yourself? Let's say hypothetically that the family's great, and the guy can be trusted not to intentionally do anything against Sharia. But he comes from a different background, has different views on what it means to be conservative and supportive and just how much a woman should be submissive to a guy. Bottom line, you have doubts. What would you do? Is there anyone out there with a case that sounds similar? I'd also love to hear from anyone on their second try, relationship-wise. Thanks!

I have a big big problem! I was talking to a man with regards to marriage. Him and I live in different countries, have never met but have talked on the phone and so on. So one day, out of the blue he calls me and tells me he did istekhara for our marriage and it came bad! So at first, I began doubting his honestly about this istekhara and thought it was a way out of making a decision but then later on got convinced when he told me he felt bad about it. Well, here is the situation. Him & I live in separate continents totally. We began talking on Whatsapp and Phone. Nothing haram, just genuine talks about life and marriage. So there came a point where there was a certain amount on pressure on him to make a decision about us as to whether he wanted to proceed or not. So instead of meeting me first, talking to me and then making a decision, he does an istekhara! And it comes bad! So he decides not to marry me or even considering marrying me! Is this istekhara even valid? It's driving me nuts. I wanted to really pursue thinking marriage with him but I was so shy in the beginning that talking to him so much about things was making me uncomfortable and he was my first conversation with a man with regards to marriage. He didn't even ask me if he should do an istekhara! I don't know what to do. All I know is I have feelings for this guy. Mainly because he is so nice! Perfect husband!! And he says I'd be a perfect wife! :( I don't know what to do. Istekhara has made me so confused. I really thought him and I were getting somewhere.

Salaamun Alaykum, Today, if we look at our society we would easily see that mischief is at its peak, specially Illegitimate relationship between men and women. An unbias surveyy can tell us that majority between 15 years - 23 years are into this and it looks like nobody cares about this disease and thanks to cellphone and internet it has become more easier to fall in this trap. I don't understand why shias consider Mutah taboo, because this is the only solution for it. Parents need to understand that Mutah is 1000 times better and even mustahab than illegitimate relationship of their children. There are even practical ways if implementing it which can minimise the damage done by Zina. Whenever some non shia speaks against Mutah people start defending it and give 100% for it, but when it comes about implementation, they themselvf call it taboo... #Shame