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Found 7 results

  1. My niece/nephew (my daughter of my brother) would be proposed by his family. I am as the older of my brother should introduce the family. I should give also some marriage advise. My intention is to introduce the right of men/women from Risalatul Huquq of Imam Ali Zainal Abidin a.s. https://www.al-islam.org/divine-perspective-on-rights-a-commentary-of-imam-sajjads-treatise-of-rights/right-n-20-right-wife I will make it simple by only taking the first paragraph : And the right of your subject through matrimonial contract1 is that you should know that God has made her a repose, a comfort and a companion, and a protector for you. It is incumbent upon each of you to thank God for the other and realize that the other one is God's blessing for you. It is obligatory to be a good companion for God's blessing, and to honor her and treat her gentl Is there any suggestions ?
  2. Salam, If you're a brother, please stop reading. I have never spoken about this to anyone. So please, stop. So far I have rejected every proposal out of fear of being taken for granted (all proposals made through an aunt). Sure, I don't have great talents, I'm not the most beautiful and I have flaws, but that applies to almost everyone- doesn't it? I don't want to be treated like a second class citizen. I feel like men easily take their wives for granted. It seems this way in every marriage I have come across. An exception to this are my parents (explained further below). Some men bully their women so much that many have gone under the knife to fix a few things. It upsets me. Most wives are much better looking than their spouses but their partners don't seem to care. Women never seem to counter remarks made by their spouses. No comments are made about their huge noses, the short/chubby stature, hairiness or lack thereof (bald) etc. Also, going under the knife isn't reversible! Most women I know work too. But they come back to take care of their children and prepare supper/dinner, while their husbands are still out with friends. It feels as though a wife is a replacement for a mother, only a wife does a little more than that. I don't want that. I can't handle that. Question is, are there healthy marriages where both husband and wife are happy? Are these arranged or love marriages? How can I overcome my fear? How do you actually find the right spouse? Do I just wait for God to deliver? I have never spoken to a muslim man for longer than 5 minutes or so in real life. Will that cause any trouble for me? You can stop reading here. The rest is just a ramble or elaboration. My parents are a little different since I have a disabled younger brother and both my parents are beautiful (in appearance/character) and pious. My father was brought up by a single mother (his father passed away while he was still young), so he appreciates and respects women. The only thing my mother ever complained about is his lack of romance and emotional expression, but that's ok. He's improved extensively since they've married. He brings my mother flowers and asks her to go on long night walks with him too :3 They also take a holiday together with my younger brother to Iran every year. My mother almost cancelled this year (she's a workaholic), he got very upset. His love for her is pretty clear; my mum even teases him about it. He laughs awkwardly when she does and actually blushes- A LOT xD He still has trouble expressing himself though. I help where I can since he's comfortable talking to me. But their marriage wasn't always like this, not until my younger brother was born. They were already broken from the wars (sadam hussein's forced emmigrations, iraq-iran war) and loss of loved ones- but my younger brother's diagnosis broke them more. The final blow was when my father lost his mother (may God bless her soul). Two broken pieces that didn't fit fell just right to support each other. My father has never said anything hurtful to my mother- ever! My cousin recently married, her husband didn't even wait till after the wedding before he whispered something offensive in her ear during their first dance. She laughed. I assumed she liked his offensive humour, but recently she complained about his frequent remarks regarding her weight. She fainted twice already trying to lose weight. Normally, she eats a balanced diet- she's just naturally bigger in her lower half. She's VERY tall too. She can't lose any more weight. You can literally see the bones on her upper body. She just has wide hips and thick thighs she can't seem to get rid of. She's now considering liposuction to get rid of it. So it's not a generation thing either. It still happens. I don't want this for myself. If marriage doesn't work for me, I don't know whether it would actually upset me. I have 3 backup plans: 1) adopt children 2) Lifelong support of parents and younger brother 3) Join the iraqi forces as medical support in the fight against ISIS (if they don't accept me, then support innocent wounded citizens) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1) Sometimes I wonder whether I'd be happier alone. I could adopt children and live as a single mother, but I doubt finding agencies who accept single muslim mothers will be easy (ISIS/media). Also, ideally I want to have 2 sons and a daughter (iA). But I understand adoption works differently in islam, so it'll be hard with sons since I won't be able to treat them like most mother's would (can't hug them, need to wear headscarf). Still, I yearn to have children so much that I even have names: Levi, Benyamin and Amalia. I dream about the christmases we'd spend together, decorating the tree, the gingerbread house we'd build, how I'd buy them a lab puppy once they're around 5-9years old and pretend it's come from Santa. I even thought about and researched ways to hype up eid to match or even surpass christmas as a holiday. I'd make a little something like an advent calendar during ramdan and put small toys or treats for the children, we'd spend weeks together preparing decorations for eid too (lanterns, and some arts/crafts to make our own decorations), we'd put donations every day in our eid jar to buy things during 2nd day of eid for the poor and hand them out ourselves, visit grandpa/ma on the first day, and then later on the third day reward ourselves with a deserved 5 day long holiday to a resort/theme-park. How we'd compete to have the scariest house and costumes during halloween on our street. How we'd backpack and trek across iraq during muharam. and much more! I don't want to share this with someone who's self-absorbed, a bully and someone who can damage my children's character. Still I realise that adopting has complications of its own. 2) I thought if it doesn't work out for me, I might specialise in A&E and perhaps dedicate my life to supporting my parents and my younger brother as well as working for the return of the mehdi (which I hope/strive to do anyway). My parents won't be young forever. Someone needs to take care of my younger brother. If I stay single, it will be easier for my older brother to have a normal married life and I could take care of my younger brother till I too grow old (if I grow old). 3) Or instead I join the iraqi forces as a medic in the fight against ISIS (if God forbid, they still exist by then). Though here I'm not sure if they would accept a female medic :S Perhaps I could help the citizens instead? Still, my father would most probably forbid me form doing this. I've never set foot on my homeland (iraq) because he fears for my safety- to walk into the eye of the hurricane, doubt he'll let me :/ But he might allow this if I explain my intention to help rid the world of terrorism and how honourable this would be. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Am I overcomplicating things? thanks for reading
  3. Salaam Dear Brothers and Sisters, So, i have started looking for a suitable match recently for myself. And i have come across this real problem. Maybe, i am thinking too shallow, or maybe that is how our society has turned out to be. There are 2 things i want to state here and get your opinion on what's going on here. 1. There are profiles of people where they mention, they are VERY religious and would want someone to be religious and who is striving to be perfect and what not. However, in their profile, they have mentioned that they are not willing to relocate to another country. Although, at first this seems like a non-issue. However, if someone is actually looking for someone who is very religious; then the choice becomes quite narrow. So, when someone from a country other than the potential "very religious" person's home country comes across their profile, there is this almost impenetrable barrier; geographical location. There are a plenty of examples in Islamic history that arabs married non-arabs, quraish married hashimis and so on., then why would this location thing become a barrier for a very religious person? they may have their reasons and everything BUT still, why? Now, i am not saying that it is wrong, nonetheless, this becomes really very irritating for us living here in Pakistan. 2. There are many mentions in our religion that if we can find someone pious; that should be enough of a decision parameter in terms of marriage; But no, today everything else matter BUT piety in most cases. Parents want their son-in-laws to be on the higher side from the perspective of this world and least care about how they are for the next world. Someone who owns properties and a number of cars would be preferred over someone who is just able to make ends meet and earn a lawful living. Where does the pious man go then when all he wants to do is save his half of religion? P.S: the website i am referring to is www.shiamatch.com
  4. What is that process called before the man proposes? Where the guy just talks to the girl to see if they are compatible. Also what should I take? do I take a gift with me or go empty handed? should I go with family and what if I don't want to take family? Can someone please explain this stage.
  5. Sallam dear sisters and brothers 1. My friend Ahmed is wondering how important looks are for young women when choosing to either accept a proposal from a man or reject it. Ahmed has a good face, and personality, and he is tall. He also has a well respected family background, so he is not repulsive, and the parents of the girl will be happy to accept. however Ahmed has a belly which pops out, not too much, just 4 fingers above his chest at max. the belly is hardly visible when he wears his traditional Afghan dress, but with a t shirt it is visible. That is about the only defect he has. How important are looks for young women, who are also religious and pretty :Hijabi: . 2. How would you react to your husband if he wanted you to live with his parents in the same house for only 2 years? Ahmed has a big bedroom which is privately his, and the house is big, also Ahmed's parents are very nice people. After 2 years Ahmed and wife will have their own place, inshallah. So what should Ahmed expect from his religious and pretty wife (if she says yes)?
  6. (salam) I hope everyone is reading this in the best of health. I have a few questions regarding your responses if I were to propose to a sister and I posed her the following questions. Though I do still have a long way to go before I can get married, I thought I'd get some opinions from ya'all. 1. If the potential marriage candidate I am considering does not observe Hijaab (although this will be very unlikely, since my preference is those who observe proper Hijaab, but it never hurts to have a backup plan now does it?), if I were to ask her something like "are you willing to observe Hijaab, if not for yourself, but to set up an example for any daughter(s) we might have in the future?" am I being unreasonable? At least I don't think so, because I want my daughter to be brought up to the example of someone like Fatima (as) 2. Would it be an alarm of apprehension if I reveal my intentions about raising my (future) kids as home-schooled at least all the way till high school? Don't ask me how I'm gonna do this, because I can write an entire book about the methods available, and my mind will not change. It's okay if the woman says she cannot devote the same amount of time I am willing to commit for this. 3. Is it unreasonable to tell her from the get-go that she must limit interaction with na-mehrum men to a minimum (of-course maintaining professionally cordial relations at the workplace is an exception) if she wishes to proceed with the marriage? Don't get me wrong, I'm not a Saudi retard who will lock her up in the house or something, but I just want her to set a good example for my (future) daughters, as described by the Sunnah of the Prophet (pbuh) and our Imams (as) . Of-course, casual interactions between me and women I am na-mehrum to are and will continue to remain minimal, that goes without saying. I remember having more questions, but these will have to do for now as I can't recall the rest off the top of my head. Thank you for taking the time to read. Fi Amanillah
  7. Assalam-o-Alaikum, This is my first thread , i am very confused and i want an answer from Sharia or from our Prophet or Imam's view point. Note: I am using "MEL" instead of her name I love a girl and we both really wanted to marry. We both are Shia Muslim from Pakistani background.She (MEL) is a British Pakistani whereas I was working in the UK . I am a Pakistani guy from a very religious family background. In 2010 MEL told me to go back to Pakistan and settle their before sending a marriage proposal therefore i did what she said and sent the proposal to her parents as soon as i got settled in Pakistan, They visited us in 2012 and after 2 days they said NO to my parents.They made the following issues to support their decision: 1) I am based in Pakistan 2) They don't want their daughter to move to Pakistan or anywhere and they want her to stay close to them in UK. 3) I am not well settled financially even though I was doing a good job ( and i am from a well off family and owned my own house ) 4) I am from an Urdu Speaking background whereas they are from Punjabi background 5) They don't like the fact that their daughter has chosen her life partner I truly loved her and had no other intentions other than spending a happy life with her therefore I always wanted to live in Pakistan with her and she was also wanted to live in Pakistan with my family but after the refusal i even told her parents that I will move back to the UK if they don't want to send their daughter to Pakistan but still they refused:(. I took that refusal to heart and started seeking inner peace from Allah, before that i was totally opposite to my family and i was a very open minded and liberal kind of person. That refusal changed my life and now I strictly follow my prayers, read and follow Quran , dua's and try to be a good Muslim .I still speak to her sometimes but just as a friend although i still love her and want her to be my life partner. I did istekhaara twice and both the times it comes as good / yes. Now there is another Pakistani based guy and he wants to marry MEL too .This guy has not sent any proposal yet because he has not disclose or told anything to his parents about MEL but MEL's family knows about him that he likes their daughter. Now MEL's parents are forcing her to talk to this guy because he is from a very rich family and they don't want to lose this potential proposal .Her parents wants her to start liking him so he will send an official proposal. Moreover That guy wants to move to USA.Now MEL's parents don't have any aforementioned issues which they made when i sent my proposal Her parents are being greedy and giving importance to financial status over everything.They are going against their own decisions which they made when I sent my proposal. My Question is : 1)What does our Prophet or Imam (A.S) says about love marriage? 2) Is she allowed to marry against her parents' will because they are giving importance to worldly and financial status over my dedication , Islamic way of life and sincerity ?? 3) If that girl stands against her parents and tell them that she will not marry anyone because its a hypocrisy and she will only marry me is that stance is allowed in Islam?? 4) Also suggest what is the best thing I should do in this matter as i am really confused Kindly Answer my question in the light of our Prophet's (pbuh) or Imams (A.S) teachings as I don't want to go or do anything which is against the teaching of Islam.
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