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  1. Salam un alykum everyone Hope you all are doing well. I have some questions regarding intercultural marriage and how can you interact during engagement period in an appropriate way, where are the limits regarding Islamic laws? What are some important things you should consider before marrying someone from different culture background? How do you overcome cultural differences/ language issues in marriage? Lately I'm hearing a lot of negative comments about intercultural marriage... like "it won't last long, because of some of some differences"..."you don't speak same language"...."you won't be accepted by the in-laws"..."you will be the outsider..." I'm quite worried so if someone can give me any helpful advice...or if someone has experience with intercultural marriage...that would be great Waslam
  2. Salaam I hope everyone is doing fine. I have been going through a lot from a past month now...from failures to heart broken and then quitting Uni...this all has been a quite burden and stressing for me....but the one thing that I have noticed is that my faith in Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) has increased immensely...for which I'm really thankful... But I'm still in the process to realise it doesn't matter what I want... the only thing what actually should matter is what Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) wants for me....and that's the best thing...he knows what's the best for me..no doubt Still deep inside of me there are some regrets, anxiety, a sea full of tears and I think it is important to go through a point in your life where everything seems out of control. Once you get to that point, it’s hard to know where to start. The bad news is that it will be hard, for sure...but the good thing is that you will get through it. Why I'm saying this is that I know...many of us are going through some hardships and many are not motivated to carry on ...many of us will be saying..."Why this always happens to me??? Why I'm the only one ?? Why god..." Stop blaming Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) ...start asking yourself... where did you go wrong...how can you improve...stop being stubborn... just learn to move on! It's okay to not be okay...and that's normale...please don't be harsh on yourself...it will take time for the situation to get stable. And I'm sure I'm not the only one ... there are many people who feel the same...and please be open to discuss such matters.... I know some of them hides their pain and keep it to themselves (that's what I used to be)... believe me this finishes you innerly... at least talk to someone who you believe can help you out with your problems and don't forget that Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) is always with you:) Wasalam
  3. Salam everyone Most of you guys will know my story from my previous thread. So the situation got really dramatic after I told my mum that I'm interested in someone from different culture background and that he is 10 years older than me. She got angry and started blackmailing, like typical desi mum... the discussion turned into a long lecture and my Nani got involved too ...such a bad timing She said this will effect my studies and that I'll become a housewife... according to her, Arab men has a lot ego- issues they can't see their wives independent ... I don't believe in those stereotypes ... anyways I don't know what to do My mum told me to not talk to my father about this matter... I'm really stressed about it... I never thought she will ignore my feelings like that .. I told her everything And the guy wants to meet my family ..... I'm stuck in a bad situation PleaseI need some helpful advices Waslam
  4. salamu alaykum, I don’t know how to start, I’m a 25 year old Shia Male, turning 26 soon. For the past few years I have had to deal with parents controlling and toxic behaviour. I listened to them, did everything their way, did not go out late, at times didn’t even go out. did not invite friends over because my parents hated that. Basically did everything they wanted. nowdays they are being more controlling, they don’t want me to go out, I have to be home early, limit social interaction. This isn’t due to covid, it has always been like this. Even if I go to work and finish late at times, I come home to be told I’m a liar. I can’t go anywhere without telling them where, with who, why I’m going out. They want every specific details. Lately that iv been standing my ground, trying to share less, I get told off for being a liar and a bad son. i feel like this is getting out of hand, I don’t have any freedom to be who and do what I want. I know in Islam we don’t tolerate toxic and abusive parents but As much as I want to put up with this, I can’t anymore. I haven’t been happy for a while now. I don’t know who to talk with, I don’t want to be disrespectful to them but I am an adult, not a child! I am 26, I can make my own decision and have my own opinions. Yes I know their house, their rules but still. I don’t want to be called a liar just because they don’t believe what comes out of my mouth. I don’t want to be controlled and do everything they want anymore. im sure others have dealt with similar situation. Am I in the wrong here? Am I not an adult? Do I have to wait till 30 before standing up? Been hinted that moving out is not possible, they wouldn’t let. They would break all ties. How is This behaviour possible. How is moving out, being independent a bad thing? Is it frowned upon in Islam? I have to be married before I can move out, that’s what they want. Even if that’s the case, can’t get married in a month. Can’t have marriage to fix this. every outcome I think of will have a major consequence on me. I can’t be happy. Any help will be appreciated. thank you
  5. Salam everyone. Please read this, any kind words will help, I promise you. I know it’s very long but there is soo much emotions going through my head at the moment 4 years ago, I found someone perfect for marriage. We told our parents 1 month after. I’m Iraqi & he is Lebanese. We knew it would be an issue but we are both Shia and we just knew this is the right choice for each other. when I told my dad, I was crying. I told him he’s a great man & a great family. He has so much deen in him, has a great character and very family oriented. My dads problem was only the nationality & our generation talk about us. Which aren’t valid for him to reject it. 3 1/2 years later, he allowed for him to come over and he absolutely loved him. He said as soon as I laid my eyes on him, I knew he was a very innocent good guy. Which is great right? It’s been 1 month since they came over twice and my dad is making this his last priority! He wants to go overseas, and my mum keeps telling him to go after I get married but it seems he gets annoyed when my mum talks to him about it. He will talk about my brother getting married but not me. So again, my mum would said stop talking about our son when our daughter is more than ready to get married, his family is waiting to hear from us. this situation in my life has broken me soo many times. I have cried over it way too many times, I will act like I’m not hurt infront of anyone, as I’m driving off crying my eyes out in the car. Everytime I smile I’m dying inside. I feel so drained, this is not far.. 4 years is way too long to wait when I was ready so early on. It’s not fair to me or him or his family. I don’t know why my dad isn’t making this his priority. I know what sabr is and I am, I mean 4 whole years of sabr but it’s sooo hard. I’m still doing my duties of being the perfect daughter, I help my dad out in any way possible but it’s gone to the point where I will be dropping him of somewhere and I’m literally tearing up driving while he’s in the passenger seat. Doesn’t he know that this is killing me? I have already finished 3 degrees because there’s nothing else to do, I’m ready for marriage, I’m ready for kids, I’m ready to do the duties of a wife. Why from all people, my dad is stopping me. I Don’t know what to do anymore. My sisters and friends will tell me “omg I would’ve lost my calm if I was you” “how are you so patience” or others will say “just be patience” & it’s starting to make me angry because I’ve been patient for 4 years, Don’t tell me “there’s no need to rush”. I honestly feel numb. Please someone say something just to make me step back & fall back on wallah. Sometimes I think to myself, why isn’t Allah helping me.. he knows the pain that I’m going through. Waiting to hear from you all, thank you for reading this. Btw I’m 24 now.
  6. Al salamu aleikum brothers and sisters, I am male, 19 and live in a western country. Ever since I have become 16 my family father and my grandmother started to try to get me married. Now it hit a new level tho. My family threatened to not let me go to university if I don't get married. I can understand that they are worried about me and that they just want to protect me from sinning, which is a reasonable thing to do. Especially in a western society where all the women are half naked etc. But my problem is that I personally don't feel like I am in a position to marry. I suffer from depression and have been involuntarly hospitalized in the past. But my parents act like it never happened. I also suffer from social anxiety, low self esteem and I also have trust issues. Also I'm not happy with my current life situation and want to make big changes before I consider marriage. (like working out, improving my mental health, earning money and start studying ) But my parents are very stubborn or strict about it. Also it feels kind wierd to just ask for the hand of someone you don't really know. Especially in western society. And yes I do sometimes feel lonely or get certain urges but I have learned to suppress them. Its not about me being against the concept of marriage but rather me not feeling ready for it. I have tried to make this clearer to my parents but to them it's just some random excuse. Can anyone help me with this situation. Anyone have an idea of what to do or to say to my parents. Am I even in the right or should I just oblige to my parents will? I'm really not sure what to do anymore. Thanks in advance <3
  7. Assalamu alaykum. I thinked I'm doing wrong... What if your mother make witchcraft and your father go to prostitute?I want know.Have I/Can I say something to them? And if my father never take care of me and he treat me lik
  8. Assalamu alaykum. A Muslim/Muslimah can denouce to police a parent(his/her mother) for domestic violence(psychological violence) and violence on pets too(violence toward kittens anc cats in general). The mother is a non Muslim and she practice witchcraft.
  9. Salam. I’m being forced to have a haram walima. The walima will not be partitioned or segregated and this is a obviously a big issue. I’m the groom and I’m feeling trapped. On the one hand, the right thing to do is not attend but on the other hand I will be cutting off my parents and obviously any family we’ve invited. My wife is on my side obviously but she has decided to be quiet now as she does not want anymore issues. I got into a fight with my parents over this and here I am on the night of qadr feeling like none of my amaal mean anything because I’m upset with them. I’m trying very hard to forgive them but how can I when I’m being forced into a haram situation. It would be one thing if they did something in the past but this is something they’re planning to do. The whole idea of segregating by gender is so “strange” to them since all Pakistani weddings are usually mixed. It’s also about saving face for all the guests. I feel I can’t do anything. How do I cope? Will I be liable on the day of judgment for being part of this? Do I continue to fight this or shut up so my family can have “peace”? I wish I had access to a maulana for this issue but I have to resort to this forum.
  10. Hello, I just want to give a brief background on my past situation and then my current situation. Can you please help me by telling me the truth backed with sources if it is halal for me to do this? Thank you I was proposed to by a man (he is Shia) who I know to be extremely respectful, hard-working and kind (which is very hard to find in general and especially in our society to be honest). However, my family prevented and forbade me from marrying him for one reason only- and that is his nationality. In our country, nationality is as important as the sect (due to culture/traditions etc.) and I had too much respect for my parents to disobey them and I know in Islam disobedience to parents is haram. I also didn't have the heart to hurt my mother even though I have never wanted anything as badly as to get married to that specific person. Please note that I did not do anything haram with this man. I became very depressed as I am already in my very late 20's and it was my first time actually wanting to get married. The same night I cried and did ziyaraat ashura for 40 nights because I wanted God to let us be together. I found out months later that there was a very high chance he will be able to get the same nationality as I have but it will take around 3-5 years. It has been two and a half years since he proposed and we are still good friends and it is very obvious that he has the same intentions. I know you might think its easy to find someone else but I don't want to get married just for the sake of getting married. I want someone who understands me on an intellectual basis, respects me, motivates me to work harder, is not an angry person etc. and he has all those qualities. Is it possible to engage in some sort of mut'aa marriage even though I don't want to have sex (I only would do that if its a permanant marriage). i just want to feel like I am with my partner (hold hands, kiss etc.). We have every intention of getting married when he gets his nationality but the wait is just very frustrating. I feel like my whole life is on hold over a very stupid condition from my parents. I have decided that even if they do not allow me to get married when he gets his nationality- I will still get married as I believe it is something they will be able to tolerate long term. But for now I feel very frustrated that I can't marry him due to something so small and I don't want to lose him as he is the most respectful person I have ever met. Please can you help guide me if I am doing something wrong or have parental advice on how to handle this situation?
  11. Is it haram to cut off ties with your parents but still help them economically? Ever since I were younger my parents always used to beat me. Whether I did something wrong or just annoyed them. My parents always yells or hits me and iam 16 years old. I’ve read some Hadiths about it, but I really don’t know what to do! I want to cut off my ties with them when I turn in the 20’s or so. I will buy them a house and send money to them. But I won’t talk to them. What should I do? please help me
  12. I am a shia girl and I have been very close to a sunni man for about 4 years now. We share an amazing bond together. He’s everything I have ever wanted in a husband. But I’m an Indian and he’s a pakistani and also he’s sunni and I’m shia which is the biggest issue here when it comes to our marriage. His family has agreed for this proposal and in my family everybody agrees but we are too afraid to inform my father as he disaproves marriages of such kind. If anyone can please help me out to give me a dua that can melt My father’s heart for this proposal. I’ll be very thankful to you and will always remember you in prayers. thank you
  13. My fourth child is my first picky eater, alhamdulilla, and even he isn't all that picky. He refuses to eat any meat at all, no beef, no lamb, no goat, no chicken, no turkey. Occasionally he will eat a few fish sticks, but it's not his favorite. He also doesn't eat eggs, beans, or nuts. He does eat almost any vegetable, fruit, rice, pasta, or bread, and he likes peanut butter and yogurt and cheese. But you know mothers - I'm concerned about his nutrition, especially since he's only in the tenth percentile for height. He's not overweight or underweight. So first, does anyone have suggestions for how to get iron and protein into this child? Second, I've given him children's nutritional shakes, but most of these seem to be targeted more toward weight gain than nutrition, and they're all really expensive. Would it be safe to give him smaller amounts of adult vitamin beverages? The adult versions seem to target nutrition, not calories. He won't take chewable children's multivitamins. He doesn't like the taste. Finally, any other suggestions? Thanks.
  14. Assalamualikum everyone, I'm a shia in taqyah and my parents especially my mother is a shiahater "on the way of becoming a nasibi". I have read before about a dua by imam jafar al sadiq as about a duaa for nasibi parents so that may Allah would guide them to the truth, so is there a duaa like that? Oh and i desperately need everyone's prayers cause the pressure on me because of her doubts that i'm a shia is unbearable. Pray for me to have strength and patience.
  15. Salaam Alaykum all, may this message find you well. I am a Shia female that belongs to a very respectful family alhamdullilah. However during my journey at University I came across a Sunni male. We want to get married. We are aware of the challenges this may pose and have in fact spoken about it before because we do not want any problems to arise after marriage especially with our kids. It will take a lot of compromises though but most aspects of Shiaism are not a problem for him. As you have figured from the title, I have already approached my parents and all I have received is a no. I was expecting this, however I do think persistence may pay off. Do not get me wrong, I do not want to engage in anything haram nor do I want to compromise with my Aqidah. I have discussed with the man I wish to marry that I strongly believe Ali should have come first and I have immense love for the ahlulbayt. my parents do not see it that way and are afraid of what the community will think and think my faith will fade and I will divert to the wrong path. I do not want to make my parents unhappy or do the wrong thing but I am willing to learn about both sides for my own sake so that my faith is not merely inherited. Although from what I do know I am convinced I am on the right path but I do acknowledge that we are all muslims at the end of the day and the ummah really needs to unite at this point in time. Also, when my father refused I asked for him to do an Istikhara for my own reassurance and he refused because as my wali he does not accept the person I wish to marry. Is it true that the wali is the one that should take an istikhara or can I do it myself? Also, do you think I should? Finally, I am an Agha Sistani follower who says that if there's a chance of being misled, marrying a Sunni is not permissible. However as I mentioned earlier most things we can agree to and I will continuously be practising my Shia faith. In conclusion I would like some advice on how to approach my parents and get the to agree. Also if you are aware of the ways and ruling on istikhara. Please let me know. Thank you Jazakallah
  16. Assalamu Alaikum brothers and sisters. I need some advice on a situation I'm currently. To give some background, I am a Sunni muslim and the girl I want to marry is a Shia Syed. Her parents are very traditional and want her to marry Shia man. We're both in love with each other, but she believes her family will never allow us to be together. I've told her I will become Shia and learn everything I need to. I'm not going to lie, I'm not the most religious person right now and I have a lot to learn before making a decision like this, but I am willing to dedicate myself and follow the faith accordingly. Even after telling her this, she is still doubtful that her parents will agree. I want to believe that doing that for her, and reasoning with her father how much I will love her and care for will be enough. But at the same time we both dont want to give each other false hope. I please ask brothers and sisters to give your advice and perspectives. I'm willing do everything to make it right for this girl and show her family I am the man for her. I know no one will love her like I do and I want to approach this the best way.
  17. Hi everyone, as advised by my mom that I also need to seek for opinions of some shia communities online, here I am. Long story short, I left home few months ago to get married with the person I love. He is not a muslim (I know) and we did the interfaith marriage legally, got things done and we're legally husband and wife. Though during this process my parents (muslims) came to know about this and my father converted my man and did mutah, it was one year in the contract. During the conversion though, my man told my father that he is doing this for my sake, so we are not sinning and my parents have peace of mind. My father said yes it is okay but he said he wants my man to keep on learning and find out about islam. He said yes, he will. The promise was that we can't have sex, so it's fine for both of us. We accepted it and the contract started. Few months forward I came home for Eid and before that I've been promised by my parents that they will let me go back to be with my man. With this promise in hand, I trusted them, i went back home. Few days I am home, I found out that my father took my passport and he has been telling me to leave my man, he is also told by my father that he needs to leave me. I was upset because I said we were in contract and it is not even broken, we did not have sex and he has been learning. But father said that in one of his convo with him he said that he is not yet being convinced by the presence of god, hence atheist, and dad said because he is mentioning this, our marriage contract is broken and it is invalid. To be honest I find this unfair. He never mentioned that there is something other than having sex will break the contract. I dont even know that and he doesnt know that either. But my father has been using this and say I can't go back with him because he broke the contract which I find unfair. Not just me, but he too thinks so. I asked him why did he say that, he said he didnt know that it was not allowed. he said he was just telling my father that he is not yet convinced and asked him questions about islam at the same time. I would like to know whether he is doing right thing or he is not? Is it right that my contract is broken because of that? We both have no idea and dont know that there is something that can break the contract other than what has been promised. My father too took my passport without my consent and I feel like I am being kept.. Please let me know what you think I need some help.
  18. parents agar needy hon to daughter jo job karti ho wo perent ki resposibilty la ya wo daughter jo married ho lakin job na karti ho wo la.kyon ka jo daughter job karti ha us ka mangator khata ha ka ma jab shadi karon ga jab tumaray sister responsibilty la is situation ma kiya hukum ha kiya married sister apnay husband as paisay la ya wo daughter jo job karti ha wo apnay money as parents ko da
  19. Hello guys, I'm an 18 year old Lebanese guy living in the USA. I'm probably the most religious and smartest one in the family. I'm not saying I wanna get married now but I would like to get married like 2 years before I finish college (around 21-22). My mom keeps saying no, I have to finish college first and start a career job. I think I can work a decent job while I finish my studies and get married. I feel like all Lebanese parents are like that. Anyone else deal with the same? Thoughts?
  20. Bismillah Ar-Rahman Ar-Raheem Salaam Alaykum dear brothers and sisters, Question: What is it like to live with either spouse's parents during the first 1-3 years of marriage? Let's say if you brought your spouse to live with your own parents, how does that affect the relationship in the short-term and long-term? I would appreciate any form of experience from any of you, as this is something I have been pondering over for a while. Wassalam.
  21. When a preschool age child asks why the parents divorced, what is the appropriate answer? I've heard that it's wrong to tell a child negative things about a parent because they will take it as a negative statement about themselves, but there's sometimes no way to answer that question honestly without making the non-custodial parent look like a louse.
  22. Salaam Everyone, I am a university student. I find myself in a situation with things conflicting and causing mental stress and troubles. I decided I should reach out to a religious community as it may help to shed some light on my situation. During my time at university, I joined and started participating in a student run association which holds duas such as dua tawassul and dua kumayl. After going to these events (which are held in classrooms at the university), I had a chance to socialize with the people present. Personally, as I have only lived in one country my whole life, I have not had many Shia friends at my place of education and so this was a very exciting opportunity for me. I thus met dozens of Shia people through this, added them on Facebook in order to communicate and became good friends with a few. One of these was a girl also studying in my program (a lower year). Initially, we discussed class and I helped her with her classes because she was a sister in need of help. I also thought of her as an amazing individual with very strong aqeedah and matching principles with mine. I felt as if it was someone I was meant to meet, to help and talk to. Eventually, through purely platonic chatter, this attraction strengthened as I found out more and more about what an amazing person she is. In fact, her influence inspired me to be a better person. As unfortunate as it is (may Allah forgive me) but previously I did not pray as nearly as much as I wished to (although I did whenever I could and attended majalis, etc often). After meeting her I now pray 5 times a day and sometimes extra whenever time allows. She has truly changed me for the better in this manner and I still feel she is an amazing individual. I also feel that she feels the same way about myself. We have not discussed anything in depth but there have been times where it has been obvious we both believe each other to be ideal for ourselves. Of course, too much interaction of this sort is considered haram and should not be done. Hence, we have tried to limit it (one of the conversations we had). However, this is not the major issue. I personally sincerely see a future for myself with her and think she is absolutely perfect in this sense. The problem is the following. She is of Khoja descent and her family is from Africa (obviously with an Indian background). My family is of Indian background with a Syed lineage. Time and time again my parents have mentioned when looking for individuals for my older siblings that an Indian Syed family is important to them. Obviously, this individual is not Syed and hence would not qualify for this one limitation. She is educated, religious, etc. But because of this one criteria, I do not think my parents would be very open to the idea. Personally, I never want to upset my parents and could not ever do anything without their permission and well wishes. I have not even mentioned anything about this girl to them and do not know what to do at this point. I decided I should contact an alim in order to see if they could give me some further insight on this issue. Thank you so much for reading this, JazakAllah. If I have said anything that may seem incredibly wrong, I apologize. I would also like to know what your thoughts are on the rulings of Syed's marrying Syed's. Why or why not is this crucial? Is this just cultural or Religious? I look forward to hearing from you soon.
  23. I wanted advice on a problem concerning marriage for my sister. To sum it up, My sister met a muslim convert in the united states, and they want to get married. My father approves, but mother doesn't. She mostly does not approve because he is american, and not an arab. He is a convert and a fully practicing shia muslim., and a very decent guy, but they do not care. Are there any hadiths or anything to show my mother to help change her mind?
  24. The father is the reason of the existence of a child. It means without him, we did not even exist. So, it is not surprising that the father has some specific rights over children. According Islamic teachings, the overall strategy of children for parents should be based on being kind to them. In this regard the holy Quran has said: “…And that ye be kind to parents.” [17:23] But the quality of doing good to parents should be searched in the traditions of Prophet and his learned progeny. The seventh Imam of the Muslims Imam Kazim said: “A man asked the Noble Prophet about the right of a father incumbent upon his child. The Prophet replied: "He should not call his father by his name, and he should not walk ahead of him, He should not sit down before he does, and should not do things to cause his father to be blamed or sworn at." (Usul al-Kafi, v.2, p.158)
  25. Salam I am in the taqleed of Ayatullah Sayeed Al-Hakim and he allows Mutah with a virgin girl without the permission of the father(provided that they dont have sexual intercourse). According to him all other acts of physical love are allowed as long as you don't have intercourse. I am 22 and did mutah with a shia girl whom I plan to marry in the future. She is in the taqleed of Ayatullah Sistani who doesnt allow mutah without fathers permission. Please note it is impossible to get her fathers permission or even ask him as he is very strict and would end up forcing her to marry someone else if he was asked for permission. I read on this forum that the mutah is allowed since one of the wedding partner's marja allows it. I have been involved in physical relation with her since we entered the mutah contract, however, we haven't had intercourse. For some reason, I have started pondering and I am having doubts again about the validity of my mutah contract. If someone could provide a reliable source which could justify the validity of my mutah would make me peaceful again. I am posting here in the hope that I would get an answer sooner rather than later. It is very difficult to reach my Marja since I live in Pakistan and the only way I can contact his office is through email. It takes them 3-4 months to reply. Request: I have recently graduated and I am looking for a job. Please pray that I get a decent job soon InshaAllah so that I can send a marriage proposal and get into a permanent marriage contract with her as soon as possible. Her father is very strict so I really need other momineens prayers. I will be waiting for your response. Please help. JazakAllah
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