In the Name of God بسم الله
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Hello, I just want to give a brief background on my past situation and then my current situation. Can you please help me by telling me the truth backed with sources if it is halal for me to do this? Thank you I was proposed to by a man (he is Shia) who I know to be extremely respectful, hard-working and kind (which is very hard to find in general and especially in our society to be honest). However, my family prevented and forbade me from marrying him for one reason only- and that is his nationality. In our country, nationality is as important as the sect (due to culture/traditions etc.) and I had too much respect for my parents to disobey them and I know in Islam disobedience to parents is haram. I also didn't have the heart to hurt my mother even though I have never wanted anything as badly as to get married to that specific person. Please note that I did not do anything haram with this man. I became very depressed as I am already in my very late 20's and it was my first time actually wanting to get married. The same night I cried and did ziyaraat ashura for 40 nights because I wanted God to let us be together. I found out months later that there was a very high chance he will be able to get the same nationality as I have but it will take around 3-5 years. It has been two and a half years since he proposed and we are still good friends and it is very obvious that he has the same intentions. I know you might think its easy to find someone else but I don't want to get married just for the sake of getting married. I want someone who understands me on an intellectual basis, respects me, motivates me to work harder, is not an angry person etc. and he has all those qualities. Is it possible to engage in some sort of mut'aa marriage even though I don't want to have sex (I only would do that if its a permanant marriage). i just want to feel like I am with my partner (hold hands, kiss etc.). We have every intention of getting married when he gets his nationality but the wait is just very frustrating. I feel like my whole life is on hold over a very stupid condition from my parents. I have decided that even if they do not allow me to get married when he gets his nationality- I will still get married as I believe it is something they will be able to tolerate long term. But for now I feel very frustrated that I can't marry him due to something so small and I don't want to lose him as he is the most respectful person I have ever met. Please can you help guide me if I am doing something wrong or have parental advice on how to handle this situation?
Assalam o Alaikum, Wa Rehmatullah, Wa Barakatuhu. The First Duty – Personal Submission The following four Quranic terms express the essence of personal submission. 1. Islam Literally it means to completely surrender, to give up resistance, and unquestioningly obey Divine commandments. The Qur’an requires of us that we enter Islam wholly: O ye who believe! Enter into Islam wholly (Al-Baqarah 2:208) There is no such thing as partial acceptance of Islam or partial obedience to God. It is unacceptable to obey certain commands and disregard others. Then do you believe in a part of the Scripture, and reject the rest? Then what is the recompense of those who do so among you, except disgrace in this life? And on the Day of Judgment they shall be consigned to the most grievous torment. For Allah is not unmindful of what you do. (Al-Baqarah 2:85) 2. Obedience (ita`ah) Obedience represents the spirit of Islam from an enhanced perspective. While Islam signifies surrender and giving up any resistance, obedience denotes one’s willing submission in an active and positive sense. “Obey Allah and obey the Messenger, but if you turn away, the duty of our Messenger is only to convey clearly.” (At-Taghabun: 64:12) 3. Abstinence (taqwa) The term abstinence approaches the concept of Islam from the opposite direction of `ita`ah. Whereas obedience represents an active and positive response to the requirements of Islam (submission), abstinence is its active but negative dimension. O believers! Fear Allah as He should be feared, and die not except in a state of Islam. (Al-i-‘Imran 3:102) 4. Worship (`ibadah) The Arabic word "`ibadah" stands for both worshipping and praising, embracing the twin connotations of obedience and love. This is perhaps the most comprehensive term regarding personal submission. As a term it might be defined as, “To surrender oneself completely out of love”. I have only created Jinns and men, that they may serve Me. (Az-Zariyat 51:56) The Second duty – Taking the Message of Islam to Others Whereas our first obligation was at the individual and personal level, the second obligation has to do with reaching out to others. There are again four terms that are worthy of our special attention. 1. Preaching (tableegh) This literally means taking the message to others. Islam will reach far and wide only when it is taken far and wide by those who profess to believe in it. God enjoined the Prophet Muhammad (SAW) in the following manner: O Messenger! Proclaim which has been sent to you from your Lord. (Al-Maida 5:67) Likewise, the Prophet (SAW) has instructed us to convey his message (even if it is a single ayah) to others: And convey on my behalf, even if it is a single ayah. 2. Calling others to Islam (da`wah) Da`wah means calling others to Islam. And who is better in speech than he who calls men to Allah and does righteous deeds and says I am one of the Muslims. (Fussilat 41:33) Invite all to the way of your Lord with wisdom and beautiful preaching; and argue with them in a way that is better. (An-Nahl 16:125) 3. Enjoining Good and Forbidding Evil Whosoever among you observes some evil, it is his duty to stop it by his hand, if he is unable to do so, then with his tongue, and if he is unable to do even this, he should condemn it in his heart, but this represents the weakest degree of faith. [Hadith] 4. Being Witnesses unto Mankind (shahadah `ala an-naas) It stands for being God’s witness over the people so that one may affirm and testify on the Day of Judgment that the duty of conveying the message to others and adequately representing the Divine commands had been duly performed. In performing this duty one becomes representation of God’s messengers, since it was this very task that has been defined as the mission of the messengers themselves. How then, when we brought from each people and we bring you as a witness against these people? (An-Nisa 4:41) Thus we have made of you an Ummah, justly balanced, that you might be witnesses over all peoples, and the messenger a witness over you. (Al-Baqarah 2:143) The Third Duty - Establishing Islam Preaching the creed and ideas of Islam at a dogmatic level is one thing, but calling others to join together in establishing it as a practical reality is something completely different. Four Qur'anic terms bring out the Qur’anic injunctions of this third duty as well. 1. Supremacy of the Lord (Takbeer-e-Rabb) And make your Lord Supreme. (Al-Mudathir 74:3) Read in the name of your Lord and Cherisher Who created man, out of mere clot of congeal blood. Recite and your Lord is most Bountiful. He Who taught the use of the pen and taught the man that he knew not. (Al-‘Alaq 96:1-5). 2. Establishing Islam (Iqamatud Deen) That you establish the religion and make no divisions therein. (Ash-Shoora 42:13) The economy, social life, political system and all public institutions should be in accordance with the dictates of Islam and under Divine authority. Only then it may be said that Islam is established. Otherwise, it should be clear that Divine revelation is not merely for recitation and praise. It is clearly said in the Qur’an: Say: O people of the Book! You have nothing unless you establish the Law of the Gospels and all the revelation that has come to you from your Lord. (Al-Maidah 5:68) 3. Supereminence of Islam (Ad-deenu kulluhu lillah) And fight them on until there is no more tumult (or oppression) and the religion is Allah’s. (Al-Baqarah 2:193) And fight them on until there is no more tumult (or oppression) and there prevail justice and faith in Allah alone.” (Al-Anfal 8:39) 4. Ascendancy of Islam (izharu deenil haqq `ala ad-deen kullihi) It is He, who has sent His Messenger with guidance and the true religion (Islam) to make it victorious over all way of life. (As-Saff 61:9) Same wordings (without any difference in the slightest) also appear in Sura At-Tawbah and Al-Fath. In Surah Al-Tawbah and As-Saff, the ayah concludes with the words: “Though it may displease the Mushrikeen” while in Surah Al-Fath it ends with: “And Allah suffices as a witness. ” JAZAK Allah KHAIRAN
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