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Assalam o Alaikum, Please help me on this Matter. I’m 24 and live in a joint family. Over time, grievances have developed between my father and me, largely due to my uncle's influence. He has made key decisions in my life, like my school and friends, and has planted negative thoughts about me in my father's mind, especially when I supported my mother against injustices and didn't perform well academically. My father prioritizes his family over me, never supporting my mother, and now barely communicates with me. This has left me feeling angry and disillusioned with him. Now, the main thing I want to ask... About three years ago, I spoke to a boy on Facebook, and I immediately stopped him, saying that if we talk, Imam ((عليه السلام).) will be displeased, so he should send a proposal to my home instead. He said he would convince his mother and send a proposal after four years. However, in between, we occasionally communicated, which led to us considering a secret marriage because we were committing sins, and he could not send a proposal at that time. We thought we did not need my father's permission because he did not like me anyway, to the point that he wouldn’t ask about me even if I fell ill. Also, since I did not choose a subject in university according to my uncle and father's wishes, they both considered me a failure and did not allow me to study, so perhaps their permission was not needed. I want to mention that I ate the same food that everyone else at home ate, meaning good food, but my father would only give a little money for clothes after fights; otherwise, he wouldn't buy me clothes even for Eid. They are not bad, just tight-fisted and naive, even though they have no shortage of money. If that boy had asked for my hand properly at that time, my father would have agreed because that boy is good in every way and is a Sayyid. But since it was not possible for him then, we resorted to this to avoid sin, and I was foolish at that time; only now have I come to my senses, but it’s too late. I have learned that no matter how good a non-mahram is, they are still bad. For the sake of Sayyida (s.a.), please it secret. Well, we both saw how to perform the marriage (nikkah) ceremony and did it over the phone without witnesses as instructed. Since we live in different cities, we have not met to this day, alhamdulillah. Now let me tell you how we performed the marriage. My mahr was determined, which was to perform Fajr prayer, recite the Ziyarat Ashura daily, and on Fridays, instead of Ziyarat Ashura, to recite Ziyarat Aal Yaseen. Then, as written in the Tazkiyah, when a girl and boy perform the marriage themselves, we got married over a phone call without witnesses, just like it was stated. We convinced ourselves that since my father's nature is as I described, and because the boy's mother would not agree yet, and for these reasons he could not talk to my father, we did not need my father’s permission. I was foolish, and I hold myself responsible for all of this because I was the one who proposed marriage so that the Imam would not be displeased, but in reality, I ended up displeasing the Imam. Some time later, a scholar told us that our marriage was not valid, and at that time, we stopped communicating. I told the boy to speak to his mother and send a proposal, but he refused. An Alima told me that as a precaution, I should take a divorce. I thought he would not give it, but he invoked the Prophet Muhammad ((صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم).) and Imam Mahdi ((عليه السلام).) as witnesses and, over the phone, said the Arabic formula for divorce three times in one session. This divorce incident occurred in March of this year. Now I don’t know what I should do; am I suspended, or was my marriage invalid? We fulfilled all the necessary conditions except for my father's permission, such as determining the mahr and reciting the Arabic formula. I follow the rulings of Rahbar (Ayatollah Khamenei), while that boy follows Ayatollah Sistani. Since my knowledge was insufficient, I temporarily followed Ayatollah Sistani for the marriage purpose, but later I learned that you cannot change your marja like that casually. Now, my question is: which marja do I follow now? Now I have a few questions for you: 1. Was my marriage valid or invalid, or am I suspended? 2. Should that divorce be considered valid or invalid? 3. What should I do now? What advice do you have for me?

Salam, I got my nikkah done last year, but there was a delay in Rukhsati (actual wedding, and my Rukhsti will be done this year as per my family). About three months after our nikkah, I met my husband and, at his request, agreed to share intimacy. We were intimate twice (2 times only) after Nikkah. However, I now feel conflicted because I've heard that such intimacy before an official wedding or before Rukhsati is highly inappropriate. It's been a year and a half since we got our nikkah done, and our last intimacy was eight months ago. Currently, we hardly meet each other and communicate mostly through phone calls or messages. Later, I learned that pre-rukhsti intimacy can invalidate nikkah in certain beliefs. I personally don't agree with these beliefs, but I'm troubled by why such ideas exist and are considered taboo. I'm deeply distressed by these confusing and ambiguous matters. It's affecting my relationship with my husband, as we argue about this daily. However, he maintains that our actions are not Haram. I'm feeling very disheartened about this situation. Could you please provide insights based on Shia rulings? My questions are: 1. Does our intimacy before rukhsati affect the validity of our Nikkah or make husband and wife haram for each other? Does this make any difference to our marriage? 2. Is it suitable to have intimacy before rukhsti and after nikkah. Am I considered sinful for this, or do I earn any merits (ajar)? Adding more, my parents are totally unaware of this that I shared intimacy with my husband as they won't like this, and this thought is also disturbing me. Your assistance and insights based on Shia teachings and Quran/ Sunnah on this matter would be greatly appreciated.

Me and my finance wants to do the nikah but our parents wants to delay it to next year. We both are 24. We boht are scared of falling in any kind of sin, even though we live in diffrent countries (we talk on videocall). So we would like to the nikah as soon as possible. But our parents are unwilling to understand this and they aren't scared of us falling in any sin. They don't give much attention to this, even though they know we contact each other through video calls. So Is it permissible for us to do the nikah secretly now and then do it again next year infront of our parents when we have the wedding? (Our wedding is planned for next year) I'm a follower of Ayatollah Syed Ali Sistani.

Salam aleikum, I have a question regarding the validity of adding conditions in a marriage contract. From my understanding, having conditions is permissible if the rights of both parties are respected. However, I was in the process of getting engaged to someone after two years together but he did not know this was permissible and viewed it as a breach of trust. He has since terminated the relationship as he believed that I did not trust him whereas I viewed having conditions as a source of protection and accountability. My question is, is having stipulations in a marriage contract a cultural norm or does it have religious validity. If it is based in Islam, would it be possible to receive concrete facts on its validity from the Qu'ran or the Hadiths? Thank you very much for your help and insights!

Asalaam Alaykum, I hope you are all well Inshallah. I have a question regarding temporary/permanent Nikkah for engagement. Which one is better? I have been informed by family and friends that permanent Nikkah is better because if you get temporary Mahram with your fiancee, this might ceate doubts in your heart and give the idea this is temporary relationship. They say that after your temporary Nikkah has ended, you may break up and not willing marry that person. What is your opinion about this? Sara

Salam alaikum, I hope all of you are doing well. As you all know, I had gotten divorced a few months ago. At the moment, there is a very good proposal for me by someone I have known for a while. With two sons and many other responsibilities, I know the guy is a good pick and said yes. Now the thing is that he has relocated to my city from another and we are both clueless about things for some reason. Could anyone from Karachi guide us to a nikkah khuwaan (a cleric who recites nikkah)? I need this help desperately - will appreciate any and all guidance in this regard. JazakALLAH.

Salam Brothers and Sisters, I am a 24 year old girl I have a job and currently living with my parents, obviously my parents wants me to get married to someone of their own choice, but I am interested in marrying a person who is 26 years old, is married and already has two children. I don't mind his first wife or his dear children and I am aware of all the rights she has over him. His current wife and children lives with his family in another city while he is currently living in the same city as me for 6 months now. He has good relationship with his wife and provide everything his wife ask for, but according to him he needs attention and respect from his life partner, also they got married young so that level of understanding which every couple should have has failed to develop between the two. Unfortunately or fortunately whatever you call it, that understanding, respect and attention has developed between him and me in a very short while and we got interested in each other and now wants to get married. The problem is that, my parents will never allow me to get married to him because of our society, his parents and wife will also not allow him, he has suggested that we should marry secretly then tell my parents about it, and then after about 2 years or after I bear his child he will inform his parents and wife so that my position is equal to his first wife. Islam has allowed 4 marriages and he has the right to get married to any woman without his wife's consent , until he provide all of his wives equally. I have no such intentions that he leaves his first wife, I have no issue that he gives time to his first wife, continue his sexual relationship with his wife , spend time with his children but his first wife can't and maybe she will want to leave him, and just to avoid that he wants to keep our marriage a secret for sometime. I know its a selfish move for us , but sometimes we just have to live for our self and nikah is the only thing which requires strong consent of the bride and groom. I want you to offer some advice in The light of Islam, am I doing right? I know our society will never accept our marriage but I have to answer My Allah not this society , I want to make sure that I am not sabotaging the rights of his first wife and according to Islam, further planning to commit any kind of sin which I have to answer to Allah. According to Islam can I marry such person? Is my decision of nikah first and telling my parents after will be the right move? Please offer your advice , thanks in advance.

I found an old thread similar in the Brothers forum and decided to create one for sisters. Those who aren't married: is it due to financial troubles, not finding someone you "click" with? Are you not interested in getting married? Why or why not?

I was Reading A Report by Dr Ashar on Pakistan,s Young Man And Women I am Shoked After Reading the Research (That More Then One crore Muslim sisters in Pakistan above 18 Year Old are Unmarried and Waiting Some body For Nikkah And 70 percent in Them Are Getting Old) , After Reading That Report A Question Raise in My Mind That Who is responsible and Why our Muslim Scholars and Mullah,s Never Highlight This issue Before And This Ratio increased Day by Day..... Whats You Think About This ... ? Thanks: Haider Sherazi

Assalamu alaikum, I am a Muslim revert, in the past I am ashamed to say I have committed zina, I have a child born out of marriage who I am raising Muslim so he does not make the same mistakes that I did. I have met a Muslim man but neither of us are in the position to get permanently married so he suggested mutah marriage. I'd never heard of it so I did some research and it sounds like it could work so well for our situation. I'm not looking for anyone to tell me if it is haram or halal or to start arguments, in my opinion from the research I've done I believe it is halal. I am worried about a few things though. I know how to do the actual procedure but there are just some things I still have questions about and I haven't been able to find any answers. I'm hoping someone can help me out. Me and this man have been having a haram relationship - we have both repented over and over and I have told him we can't continue this unless we enter into this fixed term marriage. My question is are we even able to marry? I'm scared that because we've both committed such big sins our temp. marriage won't be valid and then we'll just be committing even more sin and thinking we're not and that terrifies me. I'd like us to have a written contract as well as obviously us verbally agreeing but I really don't know what we're supposed to put in this kind of contract, what are you meant to expect from a mutah marriage? What should the mahr be? What should I expect from him and what should he expect from me? What if people ask about our relationship? My family is not Muslim so they really won't care if I'm in a haram relationship or a halal one but they would freak out at the idea of getting permanently married at my age and they would definitely freak out at the idea of a 'temporary marriage'. So I'd probably keep it secret from them but what about other Muslims or friends who will question my relationship and think it's haram because they don't know about the mutah marriage... I'm not sure what I'd even tell them. Lastly I'm really just looking for any kind of positive experiences or negative experiences with mutah... I can't find many actual people talking about their experiences. Anyway I apologise for this kind of post I know it is posted about a lot and people get sick of it. Thank you. Masalaam.

Marriage without wali, representatives, or evidence is valid? Secret nikkah valid? What is girl demand khula? What's the procedure? Can a husband force wife for her conjugal right if she isn't giving

I had always had a strong connection and chemistry with someone i had known and grown up with all my life, we had a relaltionship when we were younger at around 13-14 we were both young and stupid and got caught by my mother, then last year it all started again, we love each other so much and we both still do, things started to get serious really quickly, he said he wants to get married and i agreed, anyways things got serious really quickly and he convinced me that we would be together no matter what even though we both knew we would have massive problems with our parents accepting us, but i still believed and trusted him, unfortunately i allowed for the worst to happen, we both committed zina and fornication without nikkah, this now means i am no longer a pure girl. months went by and things were going great except for his parents who were strongly against me simply because they did not like me and they wanted a bride from their home land. two weeks before my birthday he stopped talking to me, i was really confused and i didn't know why, he broke up with me because of his parents and he said that he is going to get married to the person they desire only because he does not want to disrespect his parents for Allah's sake, but what about me ? he has basically ruined my life if he marries another, how am i supposed to get married to someone else like this? what will my parents do when they find out from a future husband? does respecting his parents outweigh leaving me like this with no future? anyway, he is about to go and get nikkah with someone very shortly, my mother found out about our recent relationship and she asked if we had commited zina or fornication but i was too afraid to tell her the truth, she said that it will ruin your honour, our families honour, and your future, i really wanted to tell her that we did fornicate and commit zina but i was so scared, what do i do ? do i tell her? do i leave it? please please help me as he is going to get married soon and i dont want to be too late to take action

Assalam-o-Alaikum, This is my first thread , i am very confused and i want an answer from Sharia or from our Prophet or Imam's view point. Note: I am using "MEL" instead of her name I love a girl and we both really wanted to marry. We both are Shia Muslim from Pakistani background.She (MEL) is a British Pakistani whereas I was working in the UK . I am a Pakistani guy from a very religious family background. In 2010 MEL told me to go back to Pakistan and settle their before sending a marriage proposal therefore i did what she said and sent the proposal to her parents as soon as i got settled in Pakistan, They visited us in 2012 and after 2 days they said NO to my parents.They made the following issues to support their decision: 1) I am based in Pakistan 2) They don't want their daughter to move to Pakistan or anywhere and they want her to stay close to them in UK. 3) I am not well settled financially even though I was doing a good job ( and i am from a well off family and owned my own house ) 4) I am from an Urdu Speaking background whereas they are from Punjabi background 5) They don't like the fact that their daughter has chosen her life partner I truly loved her and had no other intentions other than spending a happy life with her therefore I always wanted to live in Pakistan with her and she was also wanted to live in Pakistan with my family but after the refusal i even told her parents that I will move back to the UK if they don't want to send their daughter to Pakistan but still they refused:(. I took that refusal to heart and started seeking inner peace from Allah, before that i was totally opposite to my family and i was a very open minded and liberal kind of person. That refusal changed my life and now I strictly follow my prayers, read and follow Quran , dua's and try to be a good Muslim .I still speak to her sometimes but just as a friend although i still love her and want her to be my life partner. I did istekhaara twice and both the times it comes as good / yes. Now there is another Pakistani based guy and he wants to marry MEL too .This guy has not sent any proposal yet because he has not disclose or told anything to his parents about MEL but MEL's family knows about him that he likes their daughter. Now MEL's parents are forcing her to talk to this guy because he is from a very rich family and they don't want to lose this potential proposal .Her parents wants her to start liking him so he will send an official proposal. Moreover That guy wants to move to USA.Now MEL's parents don't have any aforementioned issues which they made when i sent my proposal Her parents are being greedy and giving importance to financial status over everything.They are going against their own decisions which they made when I sent my proposal. My Question is : 1)What does our Prophet or Imam (A.S) says about love marriage? 2) Is she allowed to marry against her parents' will because they are giving importance to worldly and financial status over my dedication , Islamic way of life and sincerity ?? 3) If that girl stands against her parents and tell them that she will not marry anyone because its a hypocrisy and she will only marry me is that stance is allowed in Islam?? 4) Also suggest what is the best thing I should do in this matter as i am really confused Kindly Answer my question in the light of our Prophet's (pbuh) or Imams (A.S) teachings as I don't want to go or do anything which is against the teaching of Islam.