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Found 14 results

  1. Guest

    Secret nikah

    Me and my finance wants to do the nikah but our parents wants to delay it to next year. We both are 24. We boht are scared of falling in any kind of sin, even though we live in diffrent countries (we talk on videocall). So we would like to the nikah as soon as possible. But our parents are unwilling to understand this and they aren't scared of us falling in any sin. They don't give much attention to this, even though they know we contact each other through video calls. So Is it permissible for us to do the nikah secretly now and then do it again next year infront of our parents when we have the wedding? (Our wedding is planned for next year) I'm a follower of Ayatollah Syed Ali Sistani.
  2. Hi A little backround. I got married to this guy when i was 17. We are both shia. I had never interacted with the opposite sex before and i was a bit innocent going into it. Getting to know him I realised we were not compatible in terms of general interests i tried to i let him know about my second thoughts but then he took me and i was 17 i felt like i couldn't leave and he convinced me he loved me. I was scared to tell my parents mostly. When we did marry he would have moments where he was nice and then he would be cold. Until I found out that he was inlove with his ex that his parents didnt let him marry because she was sunni. this made me really sad as i didnt want to be with him, why did he marry me just because i matched the genetic racial code. he was abusive. Anyway. we have a verrrrry rocky relationship. always him brining up his ex. Untill 2 years into the relationship i get pregnant. our whole marriage he isnt very intimate, only when he gets his urges. i always wondered and felt ugly because of it, but i never really found out or realised why. A week before i gave birth, i cant sleep because im 9 months pregnant and I usually use my mobile and watch youtube. But that night my phone was left in the living room so i just used his phone. Which was quite normal as he never hid it from me, we used eachoters phones it was normal for us. when I opened his phone, i found adult videos. This really set me off, I then looked more and more and the more i saw the more confused and emotional i got. There was mostly videos of men and woman but there was this one video that was of gay nature. it was really bad. you have to understand how this made me feel about my husband, how it made me see him. his appearance changed instantly in my eyes, and he was sleeping right nect to me. i was fuming. i leave without waking him and drive around for 30 mins and im still fumming. I approached him while he was sleeping. i decided to ask him about it. a part of me just wanted to hear him deny it just to change me, if that makes sense as i was a week before giving birth and my husband was no longer a man. I told him i found ponography on his phone and told him to just tell me why. and that i wouldnt get angry... but i got angry, he said because he found me unattractive while i was pregnant. but he didnt know i saw the gay stuff. i didnt want him to know because i felt like if we both knew then how can i stay. i dont know if that makes sense, but its like almost catching your brother with it, you know if you face it then your relationship would change. almost that if only i knew then i could control the outcome. I called my dad the next day telling him i wanted to leave him and crying alot. He asked me why i couldnt say why because its so bad. but i kept begging. of course my dad just tought we were having issues and no way he would agree to supporting that as i was 9 months pregnant about to give birth in 4 days. anyway i started resenting him so badly. i couldn't look him in the face, i just hated him. but i still wanted to be with him as i was scared of being with a newborn and single. it was stupid but i desperately wanted to glue the family together. baby is born, i am living with my family straight after the hospital and my ex informed me he wanted to live with his parents for a month or so as our new home was being built. We were renting but he wanted to move in and help his mum as she had major depression with raising a disabled child. i didn't think bad of it i thought it was nice and that he would be nice to me when i would be a mother, but his mother really hated me as her son was her lifeline. and his dad didn't like me because i didn't speak fluent arabic and would stutter because i would get nervous at times so he would just say to not talk to him until i could speak arabic properly Anyway. 2 weeks after baby is born, we have argument via text as he wouldn't visit me and he would tell me his parents said not to. i got really angry, knowing what i knew about him and staying trough all of that, and then i just give birth and have postnatal depression and he doesn't stay with me? He felt bad and came the next day with flowers and chocolate, but i had already decided i was so angry from the night before and, we had a loud physical fight about his mother and i did end up slapping him as I couldn't take the memory of what i saw. He left and never came back. Divorced me from his parents house and i didn't even know. Now i have a newborn and am single. i sometimes regret slapping him because i think maybe my baby would have a father and a family and my baby never got the chance to live one night as a unit. But then other-times i think how can i stay with someone who did those things. how desperate would i be, what if my daughter was the one who caught him watching that stuff? i kept it a secret, i only told my older brother as he knew there was more to it as he knew if he slapped me i wouldn't hit back a man so i had to tell him why, it was because i resented him from the gay stuff i found. then he felt really bad for me and just stared at the wall for 2o minutes in shock as i hid a-lot of our problems from everyone. He told everyone we got divorced and i slapped him thats why, and of course i couldn't explain myself for the sake of my daughter. i used to get angry at the whole thing and say why did this mess happen to me! my life is so hard now! why was that my piece of marriage and love? oh my nobody would want to marry me in the future as i have a child. But now when i think about it i think wow god would'nt do this to me unless he thinks im very strong. because god doesn't burden a soul more than it can bear. i feel like allah is really testing me through this. and my faith in allah has only grown so much and i am 2 months after divorce. but sometimes i do get sad because of how he divorced me, not because i love him. because there is no love left in a woman's heart after such thing happens. is there any shia text/readings anyone might think is beneficial to me at this point in my life? thanks so sorry for the long read.
  3. Hello I'm an Iraqi girl living aboard. I come from a very common Shia family where we pray and follow Islam i our daily life, u know dua kumayl every Thursday. I'm a middle child, always happy, try to make everyone needs before mine, never ever had a problem in school and have good reputation i my city. You can say that I'm daddys girl, we are very close. I'm the first child in the household to have an education and did go to uni and I have fulltime job and doing my masters. I have two older siblings, sister and a brother who are married to irakies (they choose their partners aka cusins). and 4 younger sillings. The problem is: five years ago, I met guy from another country, is sunni, and have another ethnicity. We got along very well and been together since then. We decide to make it official, and he talked to his family and I talked to mine. My family and especially my dad got very angry and said no. My dad scream and we had huge fight. My mom wasn't on my side and said that your dads is the chooser. My brother and sister were to against too it because my brother hated the county that guys was from and always badmouthed him and religion and country, The second time we talk to my parent we tried to talk to my dad through his friends who also know the guy. My dad said no, and we got into huge fight that my dad actually hit me and told me to forget about him. We keeps our relationship secret again but this time we are trying again. I'm scared to bring up the conversation because my parent thinks its over between us. Side information, my dad and brother doesn't want to meet him and always say that he's selling drugs and is Daish which I know it's not true. The guy even said that he doesn't have problem to change side and become. The guys family is in his homeland. What should I do? I really can't see my life without him or my family... ps sorry for my bad english.
  4. My father is ordering my mom to leave to another country in 2 weeks and they aren’t divorced. I told him what if my mom(his wife) doesn’t want to go(and she doesn’t want to go that early). He told me “ it doesn’t matter what she thinks, it’s whatever I say happens.” Does he have this kind of power? I know that a women is supposed to obey her husband. But I feel as if he’s being unreasonable. Can you please educate me on this subject.
  5. I want to know if there is a way for a Shia Muslim man to marry a Catholic women?
  6. Guest

    Marriage

    Salaam Alaykum, I have a question about morality and fairness in this situation: Say a newly wed have arguments which are always instigated by the husband's parents. When they fight, the parents go to the son and tell him what a horrible woman the wife is for fighting with him and that he should either divorce her or go and do mutah so he can find peace with other women. The husband doesnt divorce the wife but he does go and do mutah and enjoys with the women while neglecting his wife. He is not there emotionally for her and doesnt want to do anything with her - intimacy, going out, watching movies, etc. The husband brings the women to their house where he doesnt help with anything. The wife is the one who cooks and cleans and manages the house while she also goes to work. He lies to her by saying that he is at work while he goes to his women. He takes vacation time from work to spend time with the other women. She's basically being treated as a maid and a front to show the world what an honest pious man he is while he leads a double life behind the scenes. The husband's family know of this issue and are supporting him. They even know his mutah wives and encourage him to visit them with her and not with his wife to their house. What I want to know: Is this Islamically acceptable what the husband and the family are doing? Thank you.
  7. Asalam Aleikum brothers and sisters. I've been using shiachat.com many times in the past to learn about all kinds of things and experiences in Islam and today I'm writing my first topic to ask for advice and help from everyone here. I'm a Shia Muslim living in a non-Islamic country with very few Muslims and barely any Shia Muslims. I've been search for a potential wife for a few years with no luck. In the past year I've had a Sunni Muslim sister freind and we both have been helping each other out in this non-Islamic country and have been getting along very well because we both have many common interests and backgrounds (we both have mixed cultures). Both me and her have shared with each other that we are in search of a soul mate but neither of us has asked the other about a potential marrige but she does seem to have implied it by tell me about her wishing to get married many times. Now I know there are shia brothers who have married sunni sisters but I don't plan on doing that. But I feel that if I'm able to talk to her about wanting to get married and tell her that I would be willing to do that if she would look into the Shia Mazhab and potentially become a Shia Muslim. But I'm afraid of her reaction, I'm not sure how open she is to other Mazhabs and wheather she would be willing to look into and learn about the Shia Mazhab. I don't know how I should suggest this idea to her without her feeling that I'm enforcing something on her. I want to convey to her that I'm willing to look into getting married and willing to listen to her requests too if she is willing to look into my Mazhab. So here I am asking you brothers and sisters for your advice and experiences in this subject. Thanks in advance to everyone for giving your time to read my request.
  8. Guest

    Husband

    Salam aleykom! I have A sister who's very very religious. I have never seen A more religious woman who lives in the west. She prays on time, never skip prayer, never had any contact with any guy, she didn't put makeup until she got married (she got married at The age of 23 in iraq). Her husband seemed good and nice and all that but not very religious. So they got married and after that My sister never slept without crying. He was really bad to her. It have been to many problems between The Two of them for me to write it in here. So in The Holy Quran Allah SWT says "Good women are for good men and good men are for good women". I really dont understand this can anyone explain? I mean My sister she is good, very good and she always listens to him and she pleases him and his evil mother. I could never stand out with the pain she has been through. I would've been crazy within an hour. So she is good really so why did she get such a bad husband? And he abused her 2-3 times. They have been married 2 years now. They had A fight 2-3 months ago and she is considering a divorce. Her husband and his parents knows that but still they didn't care. She is staying with me and our family now.
  9. وَاللَّائِي يَئِسْنَ مِنَ الْمَحِيضِ مِن نِّسَائِكُمْ إِنِ ارْتَبْتُمْ فَعِدَّتُهُنَّ ثَلَاثَةُ أَشْهُرٍ وَاللَّائِي لَمْ يَحِضْنَ ۚ وَأُولَاتُ الْأَحْمَالِ أَجَلُهُنَّ أَن يَضَعْنَ حَمْلَهُنَّ ۚ وَمَن يَتَّقِ اللَّهَ يَجْعَل لَّهُ مِنْ أَمْرِهِ يُسْرًا (4) And as for those of your women who have despaired of menstruation, in case you have any suspicion, then their (fixed) spell shall be three months, (along) with those who have not menstruated (as yet). And (as for) those with burden, (i.e., those who are pregnant) their term is when they bring forth their burden; and whoever is pious to Allah, He will make for him, of His Command, easiness.
  10. what is the hikma/wisdom in this ? can you support your answer with ayah from quran ! thanks in advance .
  11. Salam AleykomI have dreamed several times that my husband is cheating on me. What does that mean?
  12. Salam sisters, i am soon to get married alhumdulileh, he is the perfect man ;) but as i have never been with someone of the opposite sex i am extemely nerveous... i even get scared to hold his hand! i dont want to ruin this amazing life becuase of my inhability to kiss someone..... help please :blush:
  13. is there any shia free matrimonial sites ? especially uk sites?
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