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Found 316 results

  1. Salmon Alaykum, I am looking for seminal books on marriage, divorce and child raring in Shia Islam. Recommendations would be highly appreciated. I am also looking for advice in regard to the purchase of Shia books online or offline anywhere in the United Kingdom. Is there a platform like Kindle and Amazon for Shia books? If not is there a place that has a comprehensive selection from which people can purchase books, books like الزواج في القران و السنة للشهيد السيد عز الدين بحر العلوم Thank you in advance for your answers.
  2. Salaam I’m an 18 year old Shi’a Syeda and am looking to get married soon as Islam has encouraged the virtues of marriage and the Ahlul Bayt have emphasised the blessings of marriage especially that at a young age. But I’m a disabled person in a wheelchair and I often wonder if anyone would want to marry a girl like me. Whether I would add anything of value to my husband’s life. Whether Islam has said anything about this? Any advice would be appreciated JazakAllah
  3. I was wondering if a Shia woman can marry a Sunni man and if not why? I don’t want to ask this question to my parents because they will think im having something with a Sunni man. By the way, im with sayed Hussein fadlalah.
  4. First of all, my dad is what in our society (im from islamabad, pakistan) we'd call "religious". He prays five times a day, fasts, gives zakat, knows widely about the religion, and makes sure we know all of that. The part where he strays is that he believes my mom likes to show herself off, and likes the attention of other men. She can't do something as simple as taking a shower and going to work (teaching grade 1 students) the next day, without my dad thinking she's trying impress someone My mom has sacrificed her life for us, compromised for us (im the eldest daughter (17) , and i have three younger brothers (12,9,8)), because four years after the marriage he started showing his true colours. Btw, this was an arranged marriage, so none of that "maybe he feels like she'll love someone else". He's just an insecure man, with anger issues, who has never blamed himself for anything or openly apologised for the big arguments HE causes (not in the time ive been alive and been able to understand), thinks he knows best and there is no one better than him, doesn't have ANY real friends, and the one he does have, he constantlysays [Edited Out] about him to my mom, and then goes and places his world to the feet of this friend (btw this friend isnt alll that amazing either, but least he isnt a [Edited Out] bag like my dad( believe me i know)). when i was younger he used to physically abuse and hurt my mom, and he used to hit me too. he even went to saying that I also have a boyfriend when all i did was go upstairs to get a book (apparently there was some guy at the balcony opposite to our house, and i was " trying to communicate with him". i didnt take this lightly and raised voice and finger and started hitting me and dragged me down the stairs, and just like my nine year old self, i wanted to die and just kept repeating ' should have jusy killed me you ass' (this was two years ago). we had video camerasn around the house so mom opened them up, and showed i had done no such thing. he didnt apologise, he didnt even do anything to show remorse, instead justified everything from thefact that a raised my voise and held my finger up. a year ago, i was upset with him for another reason, and i told my mom. i told her to leave it that it was whatever, ill get over it. but she bought it up, and we got into an argument, and i do admit i shouldnt have misbehaved again (only verbally like raising my voice or rolling my eyes) but he got so aggressive and tried to slap me so i stopped him and threw his hand away,,, he went to the kitchen and got a knife , and all i could think agout was my mom cause she was trying to stop him and he kept saying "THIS IS WHY YOU SEE FATHERS KILLING THEIR DAUGHTERs ON THE NEWS" and "YOUVE TAAUGHT THEM NOTNHING YOUNSELFISH, USELESS, (swear word, more swear words, swearing at her family)". a couple a days ago, hes started fighting with her again even though its my international exams that make up my grade for my university. in the morning i woke up to my mom begging him to just stop cause he kept saying "i know what you do, i know your actions, i know your disgusting behaviour" (btw we know that this craziness is over once he just starts getting , ok? like it just dies down). as a child, id always step in, even get a few slaps if i had to to get in between him hurting her, but ive grown now and know my duties given to me by Allah, about respecting my parents, and getting in between ( my mom also keeps saying its just two more years, you'll be off to uni then and everything will be fine, and ' pls dont waste my sacrifices' everytime i want to interfere (hes threatened stopping me from studying several times). ever since i was small my dad has told me to aim for a scholarship because he knew more abput this stuff, but now i think, would he even let me leave the city let alone country to continue studies? hes rejected going to a psychologist, talking to anybody (he doesnt believe he has a problem, he thinks my moms the problem) about this, he says we make him angry and that before marriage he was never like this ( he has changed a lot in the sense that my mom and i can wear clothes like jeans but only with long shirts (my moms always worn a duppatta over her head (covers her hair)). cant get my dads side involved firstly, theyd love this. secondly, theyre all like this themselves. his sisters do burka andd all but theyre always free to go wherever whenever, meet whoever. they sometimes go ariund with this 'pir' (guy who does black magic) but if we point that out, all hell would brreak loose on us. (his sisters got married to two brothers, so same household). theyre background is from a not even respectable village, so i cant count on them. cant tell my moms side, they already have their own financial and family issues (my mom doesnt want us four to become a drama in our family, whatever that means cause like our house isnt already a drama). sometimes my mom gets so fed up, she says "MAY Allah TAKE ME SO YOU (my dad) CAN HAPPY AND MARRY ANOTHER WIFE" and now hes started saying " may he, so you burn in hell". he says all these other wives are so obedient and nice, but shes not. he says the money my mom brings in holds no value to him, even though she doesnt get to use it, he uses it all, our groceries and school fees are payed with it (oh and he hasnt had a job in years, sells plots and gets profit, but now none of that is working either so the 'no valued' monry shes been bringijng in since 6 years, is all that is coming into our house. hes in the world where Allah has made him the ' man' of this household, however he doesnt fulfill the duties and says my mom is the reason why there are no blessings in her house. he tells her to leaveher job, and says Allah will provide us with the money, that we'll be fine without hers (our fees are cut 75% short because of her, and we get house groceries, petrol for the car, and whatnot from her salary and our rent (which again is none of his own hardwork, our grandfather gave us this house)). i know this is very long, but please help me. ive thought about killing myself from the age of 7 to 14, i even used to self harm thinking if he saw me in the state hes put my mind in the pressure and the mistreatement (moms mistreatement is what gets to me, he doesnt do much to my brothers except for the middle one whom he thought wasnt his and rejected him emotionally for four years and now hes become habitual on scolding him the most, and my brother knows my dad rejects him the most but all he does is get upst over it). ive been so patient these pasts months, but ive had enough. this morning i walked in on them , half sleep, holding everything i could grab (like spray bottles, perfumes, my bloody mascara botle) to throw it at him because it seemed llike he was gonna get physical again. please help me, please please pplease
  5. From the teachings of Imams (عليه السلام), the virtues of marriage are clear. Examples: The Prophet (S) said, “One who marries, has already guarded half of his religion, therefore he should fear Allah for the other half.” And in the Qur'an: “And marry those among you who are single and those who are fit among your male slaves and your female slaves; if they are needy, Allah will make them free from want out of His grace; and Allah is Ample-giving, Knowing.” (Surah an-Nur, 24:32) I am a 21 year old male who goes to university in Canada, and I will be graduating in 2 years Inshallah. I am also a convert to Islam, and I've accepted the school of the Ahlul Bayt shortly after my conversion. Because the scholars recommend marriage early, I am looking for a way to get married to a religious and faithful wife. Looks and ethnicity are not important for me, it is enough if she is strongly committed to God and the teachings of the Ahlul Bayt. Can some of the brothers here give me some advice? Should I wait more because I am new to Islam? How can I find the right person when I don't have a Shi'a family or any Shi'a friends? There are many Sunni women at the University, but I would much rather it be someone who is a follower of the Ahlul Bayt. There is no Shi'a mosque near me, but when I graduate I plan to immediately move to a place where there is a Shi'a community (probably Toronto). Thanks
  6. Salaam I have met a nice girl. We both want to get married. Everything is in place, the families have met each other and everyone is on board and we have everyones support. Only thing her father does not permit a mutah. Her parents prefer us to remain na mahram until nikah. The nikah will happen in July or August. My family are non Muslim so they are not in a position to be able to help. The girl wants to do mutah too, we both now want to become halal for each other. She has tried to convince them but now its my turn. It will be too difficult to remain na mahram for 8 months for both. I don't mean from a sexual perspective (we live in different countries), just generally because we are both getting more and more attached to each other and developing feelings. The parents argument is we have already hung out, whatsapped etc so just carry on doing that but that was different- those things were happening when we were still finding out about each other. Now the situation is different as we have reached certainty about each other, have feelings etc. I don't mind whatever conditions he wants. Its just appropriate to become halal now. What religious and practical arguments can I use to convince him? Duas
  7. Assalamu 3alikum, I am talking with this girl that I intend to marry but there are many complications preventing this. She is Asian and I am Arab but and so there is a culture difference between the families, but we get on really well. After research and asking many people we were still unsure and so decided to do an istikhara. I used this website : http://alkawthar.com/estekhara and the istikhara came out really good. The ayat said that you are on a straight path and although there will be many against you, you should continue with this good deed. My question was is choosing an ayah through a website a correct istikharah? Wasalam
  8. Guest

    i want to get married

    Disclaimer: ranting I have a problem, I am a female and my mother is not interested in me getting married any time soon. People have asked and she usually just makes it out to seem as if I am a livestock being sold to the highest bidder(he has to have his graduates degree, make money, have ahklaq, not have a opinionated mom, move to my city, be religious, tall, dark AND handsome ) . I work and have completed my education so naturally I would like to get married but every time I express that I am open to get married she scoffs and tells me to not act desperate and to be patient for when someone worthy comes along. I dont even feel like a women anymore because I have to always act like I am uninterested in affection. The reality is that I am not a teenager that just wants to get married so I can wear a dress and have a party. I have an established career and have enough money to take care of myself if the marriage hypothetically flops. It just seems to me that my mother finds any excuse and I didnt think this to be true until recently when someone that I am personally acquainted with had his mom ask for my hand. He has a very pleasing personality, is educated and I find him attractive but because my mom thinks his mother would be too involved she was against it(without asking for my opinion). I found about this weeks later when she incidentally told me as if it was something funny. She also referred his mom to a friend of hers who has many daughters that are unmarried. I got angry, felt very lonely and misunderstood. I want to have relations, start a family, have kids, and I am afraid of sinning..ie:start a haram relationship. I feel like the excuses she makes up do not make sense and maybe her intent is to keep me with her for the rest of her life !!!and!!! I am a realist, I cant be beautiful all my life!!!!! the older one gets, the harder it is unfortunately.
  9. Guest

    Language barrier to marriage

    Salam Aleykum, I am a 23 year old girl who live in the UK. I graduated university this year and among other things met a man that I can finally see as my future husband, I am completely and utterly in love with him because he was able to put a smile on my face in a period nobody else could. For my studies I relocated to London alone as a result I stayed here for nearly five years away from my family, meeting occasionally a few times a year. Alhamdullah I am successful in my career and was successful in my studies and I am from a sort of open-minded family hence, the did not mind me staying here to see my future although I am alone and I do feel very lonely at times but they have never pressured me for marriage and I was not ready. However, this has now changed and I am most certain about the guy I have met, he is Shia Muslim from a good family treats me like I deserve but the only issue would be that he is not Arab, like myself. I am from Iraq and he is from Pakistan and this is the only difference between me and him. I tried to speak to my mum over the phone just telling her that I am in love and want to get married, she told me off immediately and basically in very simple words told me that SHE will NEVER approve no matter what and that if I desperately wanted to go ahead with the marriage I am more than welcome to but she did not want anything to do with me past that. Now he reasons my mum is furious is that I brought a guy from a completely different country meaning he has different cultures and traditions but also most importantly he will have a MAJOR language barrier with my family as there is NO language in common whatsoever. But to me this isn't an issue body language and eye contact can say more than verbal words. I want my parents approval please advice me, help me, I do not want to get married without their consent. How can I convince my father who has never missed a prayer or a day of fasting that rejecting this man because he is not arab is so haram. How can I convince him. If you have had similiar experience please advice.
  10. (Bismillah) Salaam Alaykum I am in a dilemma with using online matrimonial website and I am not sure what to do. Recently, I was getting to know someone for marriage. I saw her picture but she hadn't had seen mine yet. The conversation went really well and we were hitting it off. After about an hour or two of talking, I showed her my picture and she suddenly changes her mind and says essentially (paraphrasing) that I am an amazing person but attraction is important for her too and she wasn't feeling that and just like that, she ended it. Earlier in the conversation she was really impressed and "mind blown" with how I converted to Islam, asking me about my ziyarat experience, hawsa and so on. But it seems like none that about me mattered anymore because of the attraction. Its happened before too. One girl after seeing my full length picture declined (I am not fat or obese, I am a regular at gym and sports), another had similar issues. I am starting to draw the conclusion that it really does not matter how "amazing" and "mind blowing" someone is, its means zilch, if you don't like their face? I guess my questions are: 1) How much importance should attraction hold? 2) From now onwards, should I just get a picture swap done straight away to avoid a repeat? Having said all this, I do agree that there can be a nervousness about speaking to someone who hasn't shown you their picture yet (for whatever reason) and you're slightly worried that what if you just don't feel any chemistry when you do see their picture and how do you break that too them. So from one perspective, I am glad these girls were just honest. As you can see, I am confused. What's the moral/right way of going about all this?
  11. Salam 3aleykum, a sister sent me this, asking for your advices: First of all sorry I'm not a natice English speaker and this will be a little longer: I have a personal issue with my husband. We are engaged since 4 months now (made a Nikkah), but I still live at home with my parents. Me and him know each other for 1,5 years and already went through a lot. He made a lot of mistakes like lying to me, chatting with other girls, never calling me back or ignoring me for days. We were fighting a lot. He lives about 6 hours away from me. in April he told me that he doesn't want me anymore. Telling me that it's my fault for not trusting him.. just to come back 1 week later and asking me for forgiveness. I forgave him everything, even when it really hurt me. I wasnt the one who did anything wrong. Yet he left. But came back.. Not much later he started to ignore my text messages again, didn't call me or showed no interests. This time I ended it all. It was June. I was so sad and broken hearted that I didn't let him take any more advantage of me. He was totally broke, I paid a lot for him, comforted him and made sure to motivate him in life - and all I received was ignorance. Again after a week, he regretted everything. He told my mother to talk to me, sent his brother and mother.. everyone asking me for another chance. Telling me he would change and never hurt me again. He said I should trust him for my love of Allah ta'ala and that Allah is the one knowing his intentions were real. I was really hurt by out of blind love I trusted him again, but promising myself that this would be the last chance, since he really did me wrong. I told him that he should take the chance and make it work this time and to treat me the way I deserve. He really tried hard this time and we both got engaged in September. But after that, everything went down again. Starting with ignoring my messages, never calling, not taking me seriously. I tried to talk to him very calmly first but he didn't took me serious. After that we only had fight after fight. He always told me that I would overreact, but I really didn't. He just started with his same old behaviors again. In November he did something that really broke me in pieces. He said that he wants to divorce me. Telling me we're way too different. He was annoyed by my way of thinking. He doesn't want a wife who asks him what he does or where he is at. He doesn't like it when I told him that certain things he does were haraam. He said things like "you want to go to Ziyarah every year but I don't". I was so shocked. I knew he wasn't super religious but maybe that was MY mistake to fall in love with him since I take my religion really serious. For nearly 2 months he said that he wanted to divorce me. Causing me so much pain. I lost 4 kg of weight and wasn't able to sleep for weeks. He made a mess out off me just like he did 2 times before. At the end of December, after many many attempts of solving this problem I asked him if a divorce would be this last word. I asked him I'd he' 100% sure. He said yes. And something deep inside me changed. I knew I tried EVERYTHING to solve this problem, but at this point it was like something told me to recognize my own worth and to stop caring. I suddenly saw all the bad things about him I covered the past moments. As if love made me blind and he opened my eyes with breaking me into pieces. I closed the doors behind him, being sure he'd leave for good. Allowing myself to find peace again. I realized how weak I was when I was with him. Before I met him I even prayed salat al-layl on a regular basis, but with him I even had problems with my 5 daily prayers. As if he took away all my spirituality for months. Even my Hijab got worse when I was with him. After closing the doors behind him, I found a really deep connection back with Allah ta'ala. And somehow found myself again. I felt so calm and happy.. alhamdulillah. But after a week.. he came back again. Again regretting it all. Again telling me that he's sorry and that he doesn't want to lose me. But this time I really CAN'T trust him anymore. My soul just doesn't want to. I just wish he'd leave like he said.. but he doesn't. Now he's telling me that he wants a last chance to make it all right and that if I can't trust him anymore, I have to get a divorce on myself and that he doesn't want to. I really don't know what to do. I don't trust him and I know that he's not good for me and my relationship to Allah ta'ala. He caused me so much pain and did the same mistakes over and over again. But I am too afraid of leaving him because I fear the effects of a divorce.. Is it wrong to say that I can't trust him anymore and is it right to leave someone who broke my heart so many times and made me suffer? I really don't think that I'll ever be happy with him on my side.. and I want to come closer to Allah ta'ala. That's so hard with a man who doesn't take his religion or marriage seriously. Will Allah ta'ala punish me for not giving him another chance? Or Should I stay with him only out of fear of Allah ta'ala even when it makes me sad? Please advice me..
  12. Is it advisable to marry before graduation or after in the West as a Shia guy. What age does Islam recommend to marry assuming finances is not an issue? Are humans mature enough to select and choose the right partner at 18/19 or should they wait until they are 25?
  13. I’ve been talking to someone for 3 years with my mums permission and his parents. Recently I told my dad that we want to get married and he said no due to us being from different backgrounds even though we are both Muslim Shia. I spoke to my mum, and we’re going to do everything we can to change my dads mind and if it comes to that, I will marry him with the sheik as a witness. My question is, should I do kheera now? Before we start a difficult journey convincing my dad? Or should I wait till I realise my dad will never be okay with it and do kheera then. I obviously want to marry him, he is a good genuine man.. as good as they get but if I’m going to risk it all, I would like to know if Allah thinks it’s a good idea so should I do kheera before I speak to my dad again
  14. Salaam brothers and sisters, Alhamdulilah I will be in a position in the near future to start seriously looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with. Unfortunately, I live in a smaller midwest US city with no Shia presence. My family is not Shia, so any sisters they know would (mostly) be Sunni, which is something I would like to avoid. That being said, is there anyone who was in a similar situation that found a spouse? Also anyone have any suggestions on where to start looking? I am 100% American, so the whole arranged marriage culture completely avoids me, and prefer to be with someone I can culturally relate to.
  15. Salam everyone, last month I gave my dads a heads up that I wanted a family to come speak to him about marriage. the person I want to marry just came back from the arbaeen in Iraq and now we want to speak to my dad. One problem, I’m iraqi and he’s lebanese.. my dad will not allow it, it’s uncomfortable about marrying a different nationality. does anyone know any tips to convince him abit? I’m planning to say something like I’m not going to lose my culture just because he’s lebanese.. we’re going to teach eachother our languages, both our first language is English anyway. He has a beautiful character, he’s into his deem as much as he possibly can, he’s respectful. i just wish I knew what the key things is to convince him that it’s okay. any opinion will do, thank you in advance. Please pray for me
  16. Guest

    Sunni Shia marriage?

    Hi, I am in a dilemma, I am a sunni girl who wants to marry a shia syed guy. He also wants the same but is petrified of even suggesting this to the family due to the different beliefs and society disapproval. Has anyone been in a similar situation if so any advice would be great. Thank you
  17. AssalamAlaykum My dear brothers and sisters. This is my absolute first time posting on this website.. and that is because I require some assistance from whoever has a few minutes to help this broken servant of Allah. Any advice from anyone would be greatly appreciated. I do dua for all us to be able to overcome any hardship that tries and divert us from the beautiful path of the Ahlul Bayt. Elahee Ameen Now to my story. I am a male in my late teens, once a Sunni but now a Shia Alhamdulilah. Just like any Shia, the oppression one faces in this day and age really has an effect on the mentality and maturity of a person.. and I believe alhamdulilah all thanks to the grace of God I would say I am quite mature for my age because of also who I grew up with (i.e my dear dear family who are always very supportive). I have had a very dark period in my life, which I am forever regretful for. However, this Muharam has flipped me in terms of belief and character almost 180 degrees. I feel energetic, blessed and helped by Allah, and honestly I would never imagine to leave this feeling. This has all happened because I finally made the intention to change as a person, and Alhamdulilah I feel so much closer to my Lord during this most blessed month. Now to the main part. Spiritually and mentally I believe it is getting closer for me to get to know someone for marriage inshaAllah. I recently joined education again and I have met this sister who honestly blew my mind with her character. We talked for hours about all sorts of topics, to the challenges of life to Marriage to Islam etc. After this conversation I feared her opinion would change of me since I am a Shia, but Alhamdulilah she was very very understanding. I got to talk about the oppression Shias face on a day to day basis and she repeatedly apologised for their actions. She is a Sunni so obviously there would be a few differences to belief but I told her to never ever blind follow her faith and sit down and ponder over what she has been taught. We really dove deep in the topic of marriage, like for example how important it is to talk about the deeper topics when people are getting to know each other, i.e children, who the breadwinnner is etc. Straight away from that conversation I knew that she was different compared to a lot of the sisters out there who in my opinion are still immature for marriage regardless of the age. She doesnt have social media, like me, which again shocked me. She is however a few years older than me, but after our conversation she openly said how much mature I was for my age and how she felt that I sound like her dad in terms of advice given on life. I asked if that was a good thing and she said of course .. (made me chuckle inside then). Now to a few very very interesting points. On the same day I talk to this girl about marriage, the Sheikh giving the lecture at mosque does a WHOLE lecture on early marriage and its beneifts. I was truly amazed to the power of God and how easy it was to plan something so complex like this. This made me think. But it gets better. So fast forward a day later, I listen to a lecture online (since I had to babysit my younger brother since the whole family went mosque) about Hazrat Ali Akbar and this one put me in tears. I was alone at home so I was able to really cry my eyes out. After the lecture I faced the Qiblah and cried my eyes and reflected on my bad deeds and how much it meant to me that Gods' communication with me was so crucial. I talked to God for a long time and honestly I have not feel so blessed in such a long time. Now then brothers and sisters is where it takes another level. A thought comes into mind, and I suddenly think of doing istikhara on this whole matter! Whether it would be wise to go ahead with all this or not. So I read a method on how to do Quranic Istikhara and my heart suddenly starts beating faster since I have never ever performed such a thing, so it was entering a new territory. I open the Quran SUBHANALLAH the first verse I see is Surah Maryam Verse 58. It goes and continues to something like this ".....and of those whom We guided and chose; when the communications of the Beneficent Allah were recited to them, they fell down making obeisance and weeping." And honestly, at that point it just got me even more. Tears uncontrollably rolling down and I just do Shukr that I feel so close to God after such a bad period of my life. Now brothers and sisters. Of course your advice would be soo appreciated on this matter. Please be as open as you want to me since I would like realistic advice. I know that love can be blinding, but I dont want it to go that far, especially in Muharam. JazakAllah Khair
  18. I’ve been married for coming up to 3 years. I live with my MIL & FIL and most the time my SIL & her daughter live here too. I cook dinner every day, sometimes even cook afternoon food too. I’m from a different culture, my in laws are Indian and they eat curry everyday for lunch. I’ve learnt how to cook lots of Indian food! I help out around the house, I do majority of the cleaning every other day eg hoover, keep kitchen clean & the 2 bathrooms once a week. I wash everyone’s clothes every Saturday morning, normally do 3 loads. My SILs daughter is very close to me she always wants me and wants to go everywhere with me that ppl think she’s my daughter. If me and my husband go shopping ( just me and him ) it’s an issue with my MIL, she will call my other SIL and start moaning about it, being all upset and angry. MIL doesn’t like us going anywhere without her basically. MIL always back bites about me saying I don’t do anything around the house, I don’t cook or clean. I just sit all day doing nothing and tells my SIL to tell my husband about this. Her attitude; it’s really starting to make me resent her. She’s all nice and smiles to my face but to my SIL she complains about me too much. she expects me to not go out with my friends, and when I do she complains asking why I even go and I go out too much. I go out once a week if that? Seriously. And complaining about me not cleaning and cooking when I do it everyday? . I go to my mums house every Friday and MIL doesn’t like it, and when I come back she always gives me dirty looks. Even when me and hubby want to go upstairs and just watch a movie together and chill, just have our own space together, it’s an issue we have to take SILs daughter upstairs with us! All of this makes me feel so annoyed. I’ve spoken to my husband about this before but he is adamant to stay living with his mum and dad. We were so close to breaking up before about this exact same issue, we had such a big bust up. He will NOT live separate, he would rather divorce me. I’m not happy living here anymore because of the way my MIL is. Really don’t know what to do. I’m trying to conceive as-well but I’m thinking twice about that now due to the way things are and I think they’ll get even worse if I had a baby whilst living here! Which makes me feel really sad as I desperately would love to have a child..
  19. Marriage is among the most important institutions in Islam, as it promotes a healthy family and community founded on love and mercy. God tells us in the Quran, “And of His signs is that He created spouses for you out of yourselves so that you might take comfort in them, and He created love and mercy between you.”1In a narration from Prophet Muhammad (pbuh&hp), he strongly states, “Of my tradition is to marry.”2 Thus, we can see that in the religion of Islam, marriage is of the utmost importance. There are many contemporary challenges that young Muslims face when it comes to the issue of marriage. Today, we find many youth having difficulty getting married for a variety of different reasons. In some cases, parents think their children are too young, have not finished their degrees, or are financially unable to marry. And unfortunately, in other cases, parents consider the person the child wants to marry unsuitable because they are from a different ethnic background. For us to progress as a community, it is imperative that we hold on to the divine teachings that the Prophet and Imams (pbut) have given us, especially when it relates to marriage. Priorities Prophet Muhammad (pbuh&hp) has advised us that, “There is no foundation that has been built in Islam more loved by God Almighty, than marriage.”3 At a very young age we begin to lay the foundation of our lives by establishing an educational background that serves as a framework for our future careers. Similarly, just as the best time for starting an education is at a young age, the best time for marriage is in our youth. While an academic background is needed earlier in life to enter into a career path, marriage is necessary at a young age to keep us safe from entering a sinful lifestyle. Therefore, while achieving an education is important, it does not need to come at the expense of getting married. There is no ruling or law in Islam that forbids the pursuit of knowledge and marriage at the same time. Hence, we can begin to see why marriage is the most beloved foundation built in Islam by God Almighty. Financial Complications of Marriage Financial hurdles are perhaps another major obstacle to allowing our youth to get married. God has promised, “Marry the single people among you…If they are poor, God will make them rich through His favor.”4 It is important to recognize that God has given a guarantee to help those who want to get married but do not have the means. We need to entrust our affairs to Him in this regard. Moreover, many young men are afraid of getting married due to the dowry that has to be given to the bride. These days, some families of the bride ask for a large sum of money that is often unaffordable to the groom. Islamically, the dowry is a gift that the bride requests from her husband and can be anything tangible (not necessarily money). We see the best example of this in the life of Imam Ali (p) and Lady Fatimah (p). Imam Ali (p) had nothing to give Lady Fatimah (p) for her dowry. The Holy Prophet (pbuh&hp) advised Imam Ali (p) to sell his shield and give its worth to Lady Fatimah (p) as her dowry.5 Sayyid al-Sistani has stated that, “Guardians are not permitted to prevent their daughters from getting married, nor are they permitted to put obstacles in their way using improper traditions not required by God, such as asking for exorbitant dowers.”6 Race Often, we see parents refusing to let their children marry someone who is outside their cultural or ethnic background. No matter how pious the person is, parents tend to concentrate on the fact that they do not come from the same country or speak the same language. This is not part of Islamic conduct. God states, “We have created you all male and female and have made you nations and tribes so that you would recognize each other. The most honorable among you in the sight of God is the most pious of you.”7 God has created us from different backgrounds so that we may get to know one another and learn about each other. Furthermore, the Holy Prophet (pbuh&hp) states, “If someone with good etiquette and religiousness comes to you [for marriage], then marry him. If you do not, then you have caused great corruption on Earth”8 It is extremely important to note that in this narration, there is not even a small hint that speaks about race. Additionally, the Holy Prophet (pbuh&hp) did not direct any of his family to only marry within their bloodline. There are many sayyid (those who come from the lineage of the Holy Prophet (pbuh&hp)) families that do not allow their children to marry non-sayyid individuals, regardless of their excellence in piety and other good qualities. This has no basis in Islam. According to Sayyid al-Sistani, not allowing one’s children to marry outside of the sayyid lineage is an example of “improper traditions not required by God” and “there are many sources of corruption in these traditions.”9 Beneficial Tips 1. Choose a God-conscious spouse. We see some youth today getting married for the wrong reasons. Some marry solely for beauty or wealth forgetting that there is something far more important: faith. The Holy Prophet (pbuh&hp) states, “A [person] who marries… for the sake of… wealth, God leaves him [to consume the wealth until it depletes], and the one who marries… for… beauty, he will find… [the beauty depleting with old age], and the one who marries… for the sake of… faith (religiousness), God will give [him the long-lasting wealth and beauty].”10 2. Concentrate on Islamic Practices. As stated above, many of the youth are finding it difficult to get married due to cultural practices, such as sayyids marrying only sayyids. We should instead focus on what the religion of Islam permits and forbids. This way, we will allow the challenges of getting married to slowly disappear. 3. Parents should offer their help. Parents should find creative ways to support their children’s marrying early, even while attending college, such as by continuing to help pay for their children’s tuition until they are ready to support themselves independently. In addition, if the youth are not financially ready to have their own place, parents could offer their help by allowing their children to live at home. This will not only provide great support for the new couple, but also provide much needed support for aging parents who may require additional care. 4. Have a written document. Although Islamic marriages are solemnized verbally, it is important to have written documentation to record many of the points discussed above. By having any stipulations (i.e., dowry) recorded, a newlywed couple can eliminate fears of unexpected demands. To learn more about Islamic Marriage Contracts, click here. 1. Quran 30:21. 2. Bihar al-anwar, vol. 100, p. 222. 3. Bihar al-anwar, vol. 100, p. 222. 4. Quran 24:32. 5. Bihar al-anwar, vol. 43, p. 119. 6. “Advice to the Youth from His Eminence, Grand Ayatullah Sayyid Ali Al-Sistani.” 7.I.M.A.M., July 17, 2017, www.imam-us.org/advice-youth-eminence-grand-ayatullah-sayyid-ali-al-sistani/. 8. Shaykh al-Kulayni, Al-kafi, vol. 5, p. 347. 9.“Advice to the Youth from His Eminence, Grand Ayatullah Sayyid Ali Al-Sistani.” I.M.A.M., July 17, 2017, www.imam-us.org/advice-youth-eminence-grand-ayatullah-sayyid-ali-al-sistani/. 10. Shaykh al-Jawahari, Jawaher al-kalam, vol. 29, p. 39. Contemporary Challenges of Getting Married - <-- Link to article on the I.M.A.M website.
  20. Hello, I just want to give a brief background on my past situation and then my current situation. Can you please help me by telling me the truth backed with sources if it is halal for me to do this? Thank you I was proposed to by a man (he is Shia) who I know to be extremely respectful, hard-working and kind (which is very hard to find in general and especially in our society to be honest). However, my family prevented and forbade me from marrying him for one reason only- and that is his nationality. In our country, nationality is as important as the sect (due to culture/traditions etc.) and I had too much respect for my parents to disobey them and I know in Islam disobedience to parents is haram. I also didn't have the heart to hurt my mother even though I have never wanted anything as badly as to get married to that specific person. Please note that I did not do anything haram with this man. I became very depressed as I am already in my very late 20's and it was my first time actually wanting to get married. The same night I cried and did ziyaraat ashura for 40 nights because I wanted God to let us be together. I found out months later that there was a very high chance he will be able to get the same nationality as I have but it will take around 3-5 years. It has been two and a half years since he proposed and we are still good friends and it is very obvious that he has the same intentions. I know you might think its easy to find someone else but I don't want to get married just for the sake of getting married. I want someone who understands me on an intellectual basis, respects me, motivates me to work harder, is not an angry person etc. and he has all those qualities. Is it possible to engage in some sort of mut'aa marriage even though I don't want to have sex (I only would do that if its a permanant marriage). i just want to feel like I am with my partner (hold hands, kiss etc.). We have every intention of getting married when he gets his nationality but the wait is just very frustrating. I feel like my whole life is on hold over a very stupid condition from my parents. I have decided that even if they do not allow me to get married when he gets his nationality- I will still get married as I believe it is something they will be able to tolerate long term. But for now I feel very frustrated that I can't marry him due to something so small and I don't want to lose him as he is the most respectful person I have ever met. Please can you help guide me if I am doing something wrong or have parental advice on how to handle this situation?
  21. Salam Alykum brothers and sisters, I apologize that this is a repeated topic, but my situation is a bit different and I seek your advice. About 10 months ago, my mother suggested to me her friend's daughter who lives in Canada (We live in New York, 8 hours away from them). I agreed. I met the girl and we sat down and discussed many things regarding marriage. I believe she's compatible with me. Her condition was that I move to Canada which I discussed with my parents and they accepted. We went for the proposal and they accepted. Now that we are discussing dates for engagement and stuff, both parents have had disagreements regarding big or small. It has turned toxic between them, mostly from my mother. She's bringing up the past that her friend didn't treat her right 10 years ago or she doesnt want me to move and stuff. Reasonable enough for me because we are only 4 people family and her family is 14 in total. Now she's doing istikhara... after 10 months... after the proposal. The girl's family is confused and they disagree with isthikhara in this case. According to my mother, it came out bad. I also disagree with istikhara in this case because I weighted the pros/cons and she's a nice girl. Also, I believe my mother should've done isthikhara before proposal .. 10 months ago. I dont believe istikhara was necessary in this case. We both(the girl) have got really attached to each other after 10 months of talking and stuff. Any advice, what should I do ? Can I go against istikhara with sadaqa? Any videos/hadiths to tell my mom that istikhara wasnt necessary here ? Thank you for reading my big problem. Appreciate your advice. May Allah bless you. JA.
  22. salam everyone. im iraqi and the person i want to marry is lebanese. we are both shia and both follow sistani. i started speaking to him 2 years ago and told my mum within 3 months of speaking to him. she spoke to my dad and he straight away said "we don't know him or his family and not lebanese" obviously i was hurt but i expected it. i asked my oldest brother for help but he didn't seem too interested. i understand where my father is coming from because he always wanted us to marry an iraqi and whatever but no-one understands how perfect this guy is and i know everyone says that but my faith in Allah came back because of him, i love learning about my religion, i use to miss prayers and since i met him, i love praying on time. i am a better person, his character did that.. inshallah i want my future sons to grow to be exactly like him. i don't know what else to do. my sister spoke to my mum today that they shouldn't ignore it because I've been waiting for 2 years and its just plain wrong. how do i convince my dad? we don't want to disrespect him, we want him on board but he doesn't even want to take the chance to know him. i pray every time to Allah, and i am soo patient, it will happen when Allah wants it to happen but im so upset because his side of the family already loves me and is also waiting for my parents. i don't know if i am writing this for a opinion or just expressing my hurt but can anyone help me, advice me.. maybe even give me hope. thanks in advance everyone x
  23. Can my parents do kheera To find if my partner should be the guy I should marry or not? I'm not too sure how it works but is it always right?
  24. Dear marriage age sisters (and brothers) - A 2017 study shows the number of newlyweds decline among the educated white men and a dramatic rise among those who do chose to marry, marrying non-whites. http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2017/05/18/1-trends-and-patterns-in-intermarriage/ If you are a college age Muslim girl out there, do not, I repeat do not give in to those cultural ethos of western feminism. Whatever they are teaching you in the MSM, in sitcoms and in the talk shows etc., is designed to destroy you in the longer run just like they destroyed family values among Christian cultures. Instead spend time with your mother, grandmother, aunts or other traditional womenfolks of your family and learn how to be a 'traditional' good daughter, a good wife, and a good mother. I see 'women induced' divorce rates among the Muslims in the West and I shudder. Did feminists already get us before we knew it???? Thoughts!
  25. am i allowed to do mutah but agree with no intercourse? and can i do this without my fathers permission
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