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  1. Dear brothers and sisters, My husband and i live separated for nearly a year. We don’t have children. He doesn’t live with me, he refuses. But he also doesn’t wan’t to divorce. He just doesn’t care. I tried to talk to his family and dad. They say that it’s not their problem and i should talk with my husband. He doesn’t answer my texts or calls. When i try to visit him, he goes hiding. I don’t know what to do. It’s emotionally so hard for me. He doesn’t provide and i have i hard time to focus on my job. i asked for khula but he and his family don’t corporate. They don’t want to divorce me. They put me in this hopeless place. I have never received my mehr, so I don’t have to pay it back. I don’t even care about it. I just want peace and clarity. please help me, what are my options? What can i do? I heard that i also can get a divorce without his permission. How to do it? And which organizations can help me? I al from europe, i am willing to travel. he and his family just won’t talk. He doesn’t care, i am suffering.
  2. Bismillah I have met a woman ~3 years ago, when I was quite irreligious and barely practicing. I deeply fell in love with her. She had a similar religious situation. Paradoxically, certain influences from her (e.g., her beautiful Quran recitation from her childhood or moral values and virtues inherent from Islamic tradition) have inspired me to commit to my religion. Now I became very religious (Alhamdullilah), often very strictly. But she hasn’t changed. She is more into pseudoscientific stuff and new-age kind of spirituality, which often leads to conflicts and causes me pain, for I wish her to be guided to the straight path. I want my children to be raised with the love for Ahlul Bayt (a.) and to fulfill my duties as a true Shia of Ameer Al-Mumineen (a.). So I stand in front of a decision to leave someone that I love to secure prosperity in marriage, with my heart being my greatest opponent. In the book „Youth and Spouse Selection“ by Ali Akbar Mazaheri (https://www.al-islam.org/youth-and-spouse-selection-ali-akbar-mazaheri/chapter-five-criteria-spouse-selection) it is mentioned: “Q: Can it not be that a faithful and religious person marries and irreligious spouse and guides her? Has such a case not yet taken shape? A: (a) If someone finds such energy in himself and is sure that he or she can make it, then there is no harm to materialize such a marriage. Even though this is a desired and required practice and has a great reward, not everyone possesses all that vigour and energy. Attaining this confidence is also not and easy thing. If such a case (exceptionally) takes shape, it is not a justification for others to follow it. And this exception cannot be generalized to cover all people.” This is the only possible way that I see to keep my religion and my love. And while I certainty have the energy for this endeavor, I‘m neither sure about its success nor do I know how to achieve this goal. Your honest advice is much appreciated. With Salam and wishes for your success.
  3. Salmon Alaykum, I am looking for seminal books on marriage, divorce and child raring in Shia Islam. Recommendations would be highly appreciated. I am also looking for advice in regard to the purchase of Shia books online or offline anywhere in the United Kingdom. Is there a platform like Kindle and Amazon for Shia books? If not is there a place that has a comprehensive selection from which people can purchase books, books like الزواج في القران و السنة للشهيد السيد عز الدين بحر العلوم Thank you in advance for your answers.
  4. am i allowed to do mutah but agree with no intercourse? and can i do this without my fathers permission
  5. Salaam all, may Allah and AhlulBayt AS keep you all in their protection. For context, I'm an 18 year old male, almost 19, and I live in a main UK city. I was wondering if anybody knew an easy and non-awkward way to find a Shia girl of my age to become friends with, and hopefully marry if things work out. My main aim is to find a Shia matchmaking event somewhere that I can attend and hopefully find her there, but nobody seems to be hosting any. Dating apps and websites aren't of much use because everybody's older than me, and I'd prefer to get to know my future spouse in-person rather than over text. Before you say, I'm fully aware and conscious of the fact that Islam doesn't allow dating, or any inappropriate contact or conversation. I'm not after any of that. I'm just a simple guy who doesn't have many female friends, and no Shia friends, who's looking to connect with someone who could become my wife at some point- and is also a Shia. Does anybody know any services that are actually reliable, or any ways I could help open the doors to meeting someone? As you can imagine it's not like I can go matchmaking at a mosque, particularly after a majlis, or go announcing to everyone over the microphone that I'm seeking a wife haha. Similarly, asking of such a thing from the mosque Imam is too awkward for me, especially with the massive gap in our generations and norms. I understand my situation may look helpless with everything I've mentioned, and apologies if it sounds like a mess. Life would be so much easier if I'd just ended up having a female Shia friend during school. I'm just getting a little more desperate since I want to get married around 22, 23 and I'd value these few years to get to become her best friend before I ask for her hand in marriage. Any and all advice is warmly welcome, though I may not get around to replying too often. I just figured I'd sort of 'vent' my desperate call for guidance into the big online Shia community and see what advice I could get back. Jazakallah khair, may we all find our true soulmates in good time and avoid straying from the right path, ameen
  6. Salaam Everyone Ya Ali (عليه السلام) Madad! I am 25 years old and turning to be 26 next Month (January 2024) InshAllah. I am married to a women which was a love marriage and she is 5 years elder than me. I relocated to Dubai and was alone so I met this girl who introduced me the Imam Bargha's of Dubai because the month I got shifted here was Muharram. Then slowly and gradually we talked, and talked, and found out we're literarily the copy of another. She's Virgo and I am Capricorn. We love the same, Hate the same and almost work the same too. I have posted my marriage in facebook and then I thought may be she knew already but turns out she wasn't. But I was fallen in love so in order to not to lose her, I hide it. And kept on saying that will you accept me at any cost? And She said yes. But then things were moving on so fast that we were so ready to get married and she was about to call her mom here in Dubai for marriage. And I said the truth because I wanted to set the right expectation. There was 1 day fight and they we both agree that okay we will do it. And I said I will handle my family and she will handle hers. We started meeting together again. This time, it was too deferent. Like we were literarily acting like Husband and Wife. All of a sudden, her elder system said everything to her mom and then mom asked to do it or leave me and and my place alone. Question - Now she has left me. But I am soo bad fall in love with her that its been a month and every morning I am just thinking about her. There is a deep story in our relation which will take me power hours to write everything down. Though, we made promises, and then she tore it. I made promises and still I am waiting for her to come. I can afford both of my wives. But she has stepped back and put everything on my shoulder that all the worst happened to her in her life is my fault. I want to get her back. I get humiliated. my dignity gets hurt, I treat like a dog but still I want her at any cost. What to do? Should I move on? Or I shouldn't?
  7. Selam aleyykum. Can I do mutah with a person who only converted to Islam to do Mutah with me? Is it permissible or haram? And if they did convert, but not follow rules, am i allowed to marry them?
  8. Salaam. I am a sunni and I like a boy who is shia. Say we wanted to get married so before marriage will I need to do hajj? And do the tawaf al nisa? or is it not mandatory for me and only he will have to do it?
  9. Can a women swallow her husband's ejaculation/semen/sperm ? Can a husband and wife lick each other's backside/dubar?
  10. Assalamualaikum. Ya Ali (عليه السلام) Madad. I hope this message finds you well. I would like to share a deeply personal experience that I have undergone, seeking clarity and guidance from an Islamic perspective. About five years ago, I had the pleasure of meeting a remarkable girl online. She is a zakira, devoted to reciting majalis throughout the year. We developed a strong connection over time, nurturing our relationship despite the physical distance between us. We've met sometimes tho. Unfortunately, our journey together took an unexpected turn when faced with a challenging situation. Before delving into this, allow me to provide some context. I have an elder sister who remains unmarried. The girl I was in love with and I aspired to marry one another. However, I held the belief that my sister's marriage should take precedence, delaying our own plans until she found a suitable partner. Despite our sincere intentions, we struggled to find a suitable match for my sister, leading to a prolonged wait. As time went on, the girl I cared for started receiving marriage proposals from other suitors. She expressed her concern to me, emphasizing the urgency of addressing our own relationship's future. She insisted that I approach my family about our desire to marry, or she would have no choice but to consider other proposals. Taking her words to heart, I initiated a conversation with my mother about our intentions. It is important to note that my father had passed away a few years prior, leaving me with the responsibility of communicating our intentions to my mother alone. To my dismay, my mother's initial response was one of rejection and unwarranted criticism against the girl's character. This reaction deeply pained me. This was the first instance I had witnessed such behavior from my mother, as she had always been kind and understanding. I found it difficult to reconcile the fact that the person I held in high regard could harbor such prejudice against someone I deeply loved. I embarked on a mission to convince my mother, invoking the significance of compassion and fairness emphasized in Islamic teachings. I reminded her that hasty judgments and character defamation were strictly prohibited, especially without sufficient knowledge about the person in question. I beseeched my mother to consider the qualities of the girl I loved, and to view our relationship with an open heart. I implored her to evaluate the situation fairly, placing trust in the values she had instilled in me over the years. The ensuing weeks were challenging as I balanced my deep affection for the girl I loved and my commitment to respect and honor my mother's wishes. Eventually, the emotional strain led to a point where my mother urged me to leave the house, coupled with the threat of being disinherited. In that moment of despair, I confided in my sister, who assured me that she would manage the situation and find a solution. Trusting her, I shared the girl's contact details with my sister, who took the initiative to speak with her father. Tragically, my sister's actions were contrary to what I had hoped for. She approached the girl's father and persuaded him to distance his daughter from me. This revelation shattered me completely, leaving me in a state of emotional turmoil. I felt utterly isolated, with thoughts of suicide clouding my mind as I believed I had lost everything dear to me. In the aftermath of these events, I found myself grappling with overwhelming emotions and a deep sense of loss. The girl I had envisioned a future with was now united with another, my relationship with my mother and sister had suffered irreparable damage, and the trust I once held for my loved ones was shattered. For the past two years, I have tried to mend the broken ties with my mother and sister. While some semblance of normalcy has returned to our interactions, it is undeniable that the dynamics have forever changed. Their actions have left scars that continue to affect our relationship, leaving me feeling conflicted about the love and respect I once held for them. Their insistence that I seek forgiveness for a transgression I fail to comprehend only deepens my internal struggle. As I reflect on my journey, one question remains at the forefront of my mind: What guidance does Islam provide for individuals facing such intricate and emotionally charged situations? I yearn for clarity on how to navigate this turmoil in a way that aligns with my faith. My earnest aspiration is to eventually establish financial stability, enabling me to make the difficult choice of parting ways with my family and seeking a life of my own. I am genuinely appreciative of any insights or wisdom you might be able to offer, grounded in Islamic teachings and values. Thank you for taking the time to read my story and for considering my plea for guidance.
  11. Hi all, I am not sure if this is the right place for this or if I should even be doing this but here goes. Quick back story- I come from a Syed family who like to think they are respectable but their actions prove otherwise. My mum and dad have been married forever and my dad abused my mum physically, mentally and emotionally for around 26 years until me and my sisters decided we had had enough. Growing up in an abusive household was horrendous and the trauma will stay with us forever. This is very common in our family and majority of the couples we know are unhappy with their husbands and lives. We now live separately to my dad and Alhamdulillah, life has been much better. We have always been told to marry Syed’s and never to look elsewhere but I have never agreed with this nor understood why this has to be the case. Shouldn’t it be everyone’s personal preference? I do not agree with imposing your personal views and interpretations upon someone else, especially if the consequences will not affect you in any way. So because of the trauma, I have naturally been very anti marriage and never thought I would have kids, ever. I downloaded some Muslim dating apps to see if there were any decent men out there but I had no luck. I couldn’t even find someone I got along with, never mind someone who is Syed and Shia etc. My mum keeps saying there are loads of good decent Syed men out there, not saying this isn’t true, but I have yet to meet one. I am a big believer in people coming into your life for a reason. Recently I have become closer to my deen and I have been trying to keep my intentions pure and I just genuinely want to be better for the sake of Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). Cut to- I have been talking to a Non Syed guy, I know I shouldn’t have carried on after finding out he was Non Syed, but when I tell you the connection was instant. I felt in my heart, almost straight away, that this man will be my husband and the father of my kids. He is everything I have ever prayed for, wanted and more. He has already made me a better person, and has brought be closer to my deen. I genuinely feel like I don’t deserve him and I never thought someone so perfect for me existed. I can now imagine a happy future with him.. I can see us with kids and it makes my heart so full for the first time in forever. He prayed so much during Ramadan and asked Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) for a sign and had a beautiful dream of us that night. My mum said she would disown me and tell everyone I am dead to her if I go through with this. And she said she would never eventually come around like some families do and will hold on to the hate forever. She said I will make the rest of her life miserable as the family will blame her for this because she left my dad which is a disgusting mentality. I feel so incredibly torn. I have to either sacrifice my family for my future or my future for my family.. and either my mum will never forgive me or I’ll never forgive her. It’s such an awful situation and I feel so helpless and empty. Any advice in this scenario is appreciated. I know upsetting my mum is so wrong but I truly believe Allah sent him to me. I just feel like this is not a good enough reason to justify disowning someone. It seems so extreme and unnecessary, but I guess that’s what happens when you prioritise culture over religion. Thank you AS
  12. Salam everyone, I am Sakina Sayyed, a revert Shia Muslimah from India. I had reverted to Islam before marrying my Shia Sayyed husband in the year 2020. We've been together since last 5 years and married since last 2.5 years. I've helped my husband in every aspect (in both Deena and Dunya) and supported him throughout all the walks of life. Alhamdulillah, he is now a graduate with my support and I've helped him bag a stable job. However, my husband recently started to turn away to other women stating that his mother wants a Shia Sayyed daughter-in-law. I love his family and have cared, helped & supported them in their difficult times too. I'm under a financial debt because of my husband. I've helped his sisters in education and guided them in their lives. Despite of all this, my husband now is dating a Shia girl and will marry her in the next 5-6 years. Until then, he hasn't mentioned about his marriage to her (gf). His relatives too do not know about me as the society would frown upon our marriage and his sisters will remain unmarried for a lifetime as per his family's thinking. Thus, I'm not even getting the respect of being his wife in front of the world. I love my husband a lot and do not wish to leave him. Is it even permissible in Islam to conceal your first marriage and cheat someone into a second one? Also, his behaviour is hurting me a lot and it's only prayers which are trying to keep me calm and patient. Is it wrong to be born in a Kafir family and revert to Shia Islam?
  13. Salam all, I'm a young woman that has been getting proposals for a while. Most of them have been my cousins, so I rejected them because I don't want to marry them. However, there is someone I'm talking to right now; we click very well conversationally and are compatible on many aspects. However, I met him in person after talking online for a while and got a very bodily response that said 'no', I'm not attracted to him at all. I mean he's not ugly by any means, but no, I'm not attracted to him at all. He likes me quite a lot, prays 5x a day, and has good qualities about him. However, I also do not like his voice, and this may be impacted by the manner in which he talks/the kinds of jokes he makes. He makes jokes about how people look (as I've known a lot of young men to do), and he said he never means any of them. However, the kind of person I want to marry would never make those kinds of jokes at the expense of people. He also feels very emotionally flat/1 dimensional to me and although we clicked well in the beginning, I'm beginning to really not want to talk to him. It doesn't help that my friends don't like him for me either (2 of them met him). He is a good guy on paper, has a good job, generous (gives money to the homeless when he can), loves and wants kids, and all that. However, he's far too immature (comes across as my age even though he's a number of years older). One of the biggest qualities I'm realizing I want in a spouse is wisdom, but is this even something that is able to be found in a spouse? Or do I just have to amrry someone and hope that one day they'll grow to be wise and spiritual. I am just really getting a body intuition that I don't want to marry him because I feel like I'm settling. I've also known my intuition to be wrong in the past, so there's that. My parents think that if their background checking goes well, there is no reason I shouldn't marry him. To them, these reasons I'm mentioning are stupid/baseless. But I really just am not feeling that into him at all, and I don't want to marry him because I think I will eventually meet someone that I am both compatible with and attracted to. Let me know your thoughts and what of your experiences is informing you.
  14. Salaams Whenever the topic of marriage comes about between my circle of friends and I, or between acquaintances or the wider community in general, I am always made to feel implicitly guilty for stating a preference or desire to want to marry outside of that community and to marry a revert. I now find myself not even wanting to bring up the topic with them, ask or even answer any questions about marriage because I simply do not have the energy to repeat and justify my reasoning. Finding potential people seems like an even more hopeless endeavour btw, but I'll cross that bridge if and when I come to it inshA. Any advice from people who have had similar experiences? Or reverts or spouses of reverts? Thank you For context, 30 M in London btw
  15. I think I'm ready for marriage, or at least ready to start talking to a girl with that intention. I'm 24, have a good job, make good money, am educated. But when I spoke to my parents about finding someone, they seemed hesitant, or seemed to be pushing it off. My parents are very well connected in the community, and have matched several couples, so I was hoping I could go down that route, but since this seems unlikely I need to find a girl on my own. The issue comes that unlike my parents, I'm very detached from the community, don't really know anyone or talk to anyone at any centers or masjids, and all of my hobbies and work are heavily male oriented with very few woman, even fewer muslim women, forget shia.. I have a couple close friends who are similar to me, so that avenue isn't likely either. Some time ago, I did meet some shia girls, and was talking to them about marriage, but the distance was an issue. There are some youth events that are upcoming that I will attend, but again are male only. I have literally no idea how or where I can meet girls.
  16. Hi, I'd like some advice on a topic that is concerning me a lot currently. I've met a man, he is pakistani (shia) and I am Iranian (shia). When we first met I brought up the differences in our culture/ethnicity and he let me know that his family would be fine with it as long as I'm a good muslim. Now he has told his parents and his mother has made a full 180 and is refusing to meet with me because I'm not Pakistani. This has given me a lot of grief as I can't do anything about it, I feel like I've not been given a chance. His father and sister are talking to the mother trying to convince her to at least see me in person, and he is going to do so also, but I am getting a feeling that it might be a challenge. Is there any way to get support in this? Islamically there is nothing wrong with us getting married, it's just cultural divides, and it would be great to hear from someone with similar problems.... Thank you.
  17. I came across a hadith in Kitab al-Kafi that said not to marry Kurds because they're jinns. I asked a friend and they said that it isn't talking about the actual Kurdish race, but rather people who live in caves and in mountains. Like feral people. But what if these people do live like that, but are still pious and believing mu'min, would it still be haram to marry them? I'm concerned because my wife is Kurdish, and from a village in Kurdistan. And we both want to move to her village. But is it seriously haram that I married her because she's a Kurd?
  18. Salam, I am gay, I am never merried, never engaged in any sexual activity my parents want me to get merried to a girl, my parents want me to get merried I tried to tell my mum that I don't like girls, but my mum was like love happens after merrage how would you know when you havn't been merried and I am single child of my parents who are old, so they are worried about how would I live without a partner expecially when I am highly dependent person. I too feel like life would be really depressing without anyone in my life and I was also thinking maybe things change. I tried to watch straight porn, but I didn't felt attracted to females in it so should I get merried to a girl what does shariat says about it. I tried to ask a Maraji representative about my question, but he became extreamly angry even when I started and disconnected the phone.
  19. Assalamu 'alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu. I have an issue. I read on al-Islam that when saying the marriage words, the groom (me in this case) must say the acceptance words IMMEDIATELY after the woman (my wife) says her words. When we did our nikah, since we don't know Arabic and our pronunciation is very bad, we first said the words, then the English. But in this order: First she said, "An kah'tu nafsaka 'alal mahril ma'lum." Then she said the English, then I said "Qabilt ul-Nikaha", then I said the English. I'm having fears that our marriage may be invalid due to the Arabic being interrupted by the English, since I read on al-Islam that the groom's words need to be said IMMEDIATELY after the woman's words, I'm terrified our marriage was invalid. Can someone please clear up these worries, and please send me the Arabic writing for both of the marriage phrases?
  20. I found this article and am curious about anyone's opinion. Personally(privately religious, publically secular) I believe it is the state and communities responsibility to protect the individuals freedom to choose who they marry. https://www.iol.co.za/news/south-africa/western-cape/interfaith-couple-takes-gigantic-leap-as-they-marry-in-open-mosque-11250116
  21. Salaam all. A good friend of mine has a wife who confessed to having kissed a lesbian couple with passion which included lustful bodily contact as well as lustful gazes on each others' bodies. Of course he is devastated, but he was curious about what is the legal ruling on something like this, but didn't feel well enough to ask on a forum on his own so he asked me to look for some answers. Does this come under adultery? Yes or no? If yes, why and if no then why not? If no then what does this come under and legally what is the punishment (given the conditions are fulfilled such as for adultery which requires 4 confessions on separate occasions) Apart from that, although he didn't ask this, I wanted to ask so I can advise him: What should he do now? He is obviously depressed and frustrated with anger but also said he loved her, but feels very betrayed and broken. She confessed because she saw a bad dream reminding her of what she did so she woke up crying and later confessed to him about her actions. What should he do? Answers are welcome from both Shia brothers and sisters
  22. Brothers & Sisters, I truly need your help. This is a jurisprudential query and I had written to my Marja's (Ayatullah Sistani's) office about 6 months ago but have not received a response yet. I shall describe my situation and then attach the ruling from Ayatullah Sistani on the topic below. Please go through it thoroughly and suggest what you think about the outcome. From my understanding, I have come to a conclusion but I keep getting doubts which are endlessly bothering me and affecting my daily life. My situation is as follows: I did Mutah with a girl who had recently got her Khula done. At the time of the mutah, both of us had a lack of knowledge about general Iddah rulings and thought that the purpose of the Iddah period is just to ensure that the girl is not pregnant. Therefore, we thought that the Iddah might not be applicable to her as she had been physically away from her husband since 4 months before the Khula and was getting her periods within this duration ascertaining that she is not pregnant. We were unsure about the applicability of the Mutah and did some further research, but could not find a definite answer. Therefore, without being completely sure about the applicability of the Iddah, we went ahead and did the Mutah Islamically. However, a couple of months later, without having gone to bed with each other yet (having sexual relations), we found out that marrying a girl in her waiting period knowingly makes the couple haraam for each other forever and hence, did a deep research to ensure that the Iddah was not applicable to her. However, upon doing further research, we found out that the waiting period is applicable from the day of the Khula regardless of the girl being physically away from the husband or not. Based on the ruling of Ayatullah Sistani, we immediately separated as we thought we had done it out of ignorance and did the Mutah again after her waiting period. Moreover, we had not gone to bed within this period. The ruling from Ayatullah Sistani's official website is as follows: Ruling 2419. If a man marries a woman who is observing the ʿiddah of her marriage to another man, in the event that both or one of them knew that her ʿiddah was not yet over and they knew that marrying a woman who is observing ʿiddah is unlawful, the woman becomes unlawful for him forever even if they did not have sexual intercourse after getting married. And if they were ignorant about what ʿiddah is or about it being unlawful to marry a woman who is observing ʿiddah, then the marriage contract is invalid. Furthermore, if they have had sexual intercourse, it is forever unlawful [for them to get married to each other]; otherwise, it is not unlawful and they can get married again once the ʿiddah is over. Depending on the above description and ruling, I have come to the conclusion that since we did not know that the Iddah is applicable on the girl from the day of the Khula regardless of her being physically away from the husband or not, we did not know that she was actually in the waiting period and hence, did the mutah out of ignorance. Therefore, we can get married after the Iddah period ends. However, I keep getting doubts about this conclusion and am seeking some validation from you as I have not received any response from my marja's office yet. I really love this girl and want to do Nikah with her but am afraid that due to these doubts, my relationship will fall apart. Please help me clear these doubts. Jazakallah o Khair!
  23. Assalam aleykum brethren. So I've been searching for a while, what a the rules and obligations of a man, while searching/picking his future wive(s) (as in what he must look for or do, and what he must stay away from). Also was searching the rules and obligations of a husband, towards his wife(s). In both monogamy and polygamy cases. I did a bit of searching on my own, but could only find bits and pieces, or quick summaries. But I'm actually looking for the full detailed rulings from A to Z. Just in case it will matter, I follow the rulings of Ayatollah Sistani, and I can't read Arabic. So only English results will help me. Thank you everyone.
  24. Are Sunnis more likely to have more interacial marriages then Shias, i always thought Shia were more liberal, Is this right?
  25. Can A Muslim Woman Marry A Non-Muslim Man? | HuffPost null
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