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(bismillah) (salam) I hope you are all in the best of health and Imaan (faith). So, I have recently seen people being very concerned about the allegation some non-Muslims make against the Holy Prophet (pbuh) , in regards to the age of his wife Aisha at the time of their marriage. Many a Muslims are shocked when they hear of the narrations regarding her age (there are, of course, differing accounts but I am talking about the accounts which age her fairly her young, at around 6 when the marriage took place and 9 at the time of consummation). Many non-Muslims try to raise this as an issue to malign the Prophet (pbuh) as immoral and a man who is controlled by carnal desires - I am not even going to mention the names they call him because of how lowly they are. This is why I decided to give a few points which helped me out on this matter, mainly the age of Lady Fatima (peace be upon her), when she was married. Although I, myself, am not really sure and do not have a concrete view on what really was Aisha's age at the time of the marriage because I have seen conflicting theories and I can't seem to decide which one is right, at least, not at the moment. I did, however, come up with something that makes me very comfortable, even if she was 9 at the time of consummation, as those who like to malign the Prophet (pbuh) would like and I would like to share this with you. Before I delve into the point which occurred to me, I want to give an example. I remember a member of Shiachat creating a thread recently, explaining how his/her (I don't want to give too many clues about the identity of that person because the member may not like it) father had this addiction for pornography and how he overcame it. One of the major reasons this person gave for his/her father leaving this nasty habit was that he could not accept his daughter doing "something silly with stupid men" and, so, the women in those magazines/videos were also the daughters of someone and if he disliked his daughters doing such acts, he should also take into account that these women were also the daughters of someone. Now, the only reason I brought up this whole thing was to show one thing: in these cases of immorality, no matter how vile and immoral the person is, he/she would still be very uncomfortable with his own daughters performing the acts of indecency that he was so used to. The point, in a nutshell, is that a person may do all sorts of morally corrupt actions but when it comes to their own children, they don't like the idea of their own children doing those acts, no matter how much of it they, themselves, do it. Coming to the Prophet (pbuh) , the thing I want to point out is that, according to the Shi'i narrations, the age of Lady Fatima (peace be upon her) at the time of marriage was 9 (according to the Sunni narrations, she was a bit more older, at around 11, but would still be considered a child by the standards of those who try to malign the Prophet (pbuh) and, so, the age we take does not matter - she was a "child" at that time). It is said that she had her first-born when she was 10 and, so, it is reasonable to assume that the marriage was consummated when she was still 9, or at most, 10. Now, if the Prophet (pbuh) was an indecent man who married Aisha at such a young age because of whatever reasons the opponents give, trying to make it look like immoral, I want to ask, keeping in mind the example I gave above, even if he was so immoral, why would he let his daughter also marry at approximately the same age as his marriage was consummated with Aisha? Even the most vile person would not allow his daughter to undergo oppression, which is what they say the Prophet (pbuh) marriage to Aisha was, to Aisha. The Prophet (pbuh) 's decision to let his own daughter marry at this "young" age clearly shows that he did not find it immoral for a woman to marry at this age and, therefore, he cannot be criticised regarding his marriage to Aisha. The concept of morality he had did not make it immoral to marry a 9 year old and, so, we cannot use our standards on him! I wonder why those modernists who even support homosexuality simply on the premise of multiculturalism, tolerance and accepting the differences within cultures are so eager to attack the Prophet (pbuh) when the same reasons apply to his case? Some do try and purport that the concept of morality in his time was different but his actions, being those of a Prophet, should be moral for all ages and times. This is, perhaps, the most ludicrous arguement one could make in this regard. There are two very basic flaws in such an arguement: 1. He is the Prophet of Allah (pbuh) , the Messenger of God who teaches us what God deems right and wrong and, so, morality should be predicated upon his commands and actions. We should appraise the morality of our actions using him as the model and not the other way round, evaluating his actions on our conceptions of morality. Such a thing is extremely outrageous and ridiculous because according to social dynamics, the what is perceived as moral or immoral with society is always changing and, so, we cannot judge his actions on a scale that is not even constant. He is the yardstick and, so, we can't judge the yardstick based on the specimen because that is totally opposite logic! 2. Like I have said above, conceptions of morality are always changing within societies and, so, we can't expect someone's actions to fulfill the requirements of all these differing concepts. Sometimes, we may find the conception of what is moral regarding a certain issue being contradictory to what is conceived as moral in another society. How can we expect - or, indeed, ask - a person to be moral using both definitions when, obviously, they are antithetical? Insha'Allah, I have been helpful, clear and objective in my reasoning and have not hurt anyone! :D May Allah (SWT) bless us all, our families and loved ones, guide us all to The Straight Path with His Perfect Guidance, increase our knowledge and Imaan and may He, The Forgiver of Sins and the Oft-Forgiving, forgive all our sins for, verily, there is neither any refuge nor any respite for the sinners, except in Allah (SWT) .

Salam aleikum brothers and sisters, You know we men don't really talk about our feelings and just carry on marching despite the issues we deal with. I've lost count of the moments I've reached breaking point but have had no option but to pray and move forward... For you pray and pray for relief, you make the most sincere duas, in each prayer you ask for it and it just appears that Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) responds "not yet". And so you wonder, maybe it's not meant to be, and you begin praying for clarity, but you're still lost. The one I prayed for... although we no longer speak, she too raised her hands and prayed, for guidance, for Him to guide her and bless us. And she fasted, read quran, over and over again. The most powerful duas were made, from normal nights to laylatul qadr. It's been months of no contact. Almost a year since we met. I know Allah is the best of planners, and although painful it is, I trust Him. A part of me says we're not meant to be. Another part says Allah's the most merciful, he wouldn't abandon those who'd raise their hands and ask for guidance. Ive never opened up to anyone about this, and so I've never asked anyone to pray for us. That's what this post is really about.. I'd appreciate some prayers. Thank you in advance❤️

I was told by this girl who I wish to marry that she is currently committed (Haram relationship) is it haram for me to inquire about her relationship status with her so I can make a proper marriage with her?

I have only one question. A Shia converted sunni virgin girl can marry a shia guy without her walis permission?When its 100% sure that her wali will not only reject but also force her to marry to any sunni guy. And we are so much afraid of falling in sins too.

Not sure if this platform is still effective for finding a partner, but I decided to give it a try after seeing someone's post on Reddit about finding a spouse on ShiaChat. My parents aren't actively looking or serious about finding someone for me. They believe that marriage will happen when it's meant to be, but how can it work if they don't put in any effort? After trying matrimony apps without success, I'm giving this a last try. I'm looking for a spouse - a male between 28 and 35 years old. Preferably, he could be an Indian, American, Canadian, British, or Australian citizen. I'm open to relocating anywhere. By chance you read this , please pray that Allah bleeses me with a righteous spouse the soonest . JazakAllah Khairan

Salam, I would like some advice on how I can proceed with my marriage in a few years inshallah. I have written a post on here previously (view my profile to get more information on that) asking about the validity of my marriage, and alhamdulillah I have finally heard back from Syed Sistani saying that my marriage is indeed valid. So now that I know I’m independent from my father, I am able to marry without his permission. However, since I am only 18, I don’t plan on getting a permanent marriage with my husband until I am 21 or 22 years old. Which my mom disagrees with. She says she wants me to graduate school before I settle down and this doesn’t align with my goals. Because by the time I graduate, I’ll be around 28. I am aware that Islamically my mother would not have a say in my marriage. But she claims that if I marry at that age, she wouldn’t speak to me and she would lose all respect for me. She also keeps insulting me, calling me bad things because I want to marry. She implies that I am only marrying for the sake of being intimate with someone which is not true. I want to be able to have a partner early on to avoid haram relationships. And I want to grow with someone and go through struggles with him as well. I have more reasons but I feel like it’s irrelevant. Would I need to elope? Is that my Islamic right? I’m not sure what steps I’d need to take. Please let me know what I can do, because I’d really like to marry with her consent even if it’s not required. Please note that my mother is extremely stubborn and closed-minded when it comes to this topic. I’ve already received advice that was along the lines of “try to convince her” — which, is almost impossible in my case.

Asalamualikum everyone, I am getting married soon inshallah ex, ex-divorce, and I don't have any savings. I'm getting married to the person who is right for me but we are not there financially the Haq e mehr is £12,000 and I have already paid £7,000 forward to the marriage but profession I'm on 0 hours contract and looking to get into a new career path just need some advise. The lady I'm getting married is well off and has savings, a good career. What advise can you give me and what islam advise?

Salam alaykum, brothers and sisters, I am a 20-year-old Shia Muslim from Afghanistan, and I recently (6-7 months ago) met a Sunni Palestinian sister who is also 20 years old. Alhamdulillah, we quickly formed a strong bond and fell in love. Now, we want to make our relationship halal and legitimate Islamically, as we acknowledge that we have not followed the proper rules thus far. Insha’Allah, we are planning to formalize our relationship by summer. My intention is to approach her father and officially ask for her hand in engagement. However, we are facing a dilemma that I would really appreciate some advice on. While we are both at a valid age for marriage, I recognize that as a male, I may mature later than a female. This raises concerns about how things may unfold in the next 4-5 years and whether I might change in ways that could affect our relationship. That said, I truly want to be with her, especially since she has recently started embracing Shi‘ism. Theologically, we are now aligned, and while we come from different cultural backgrounds, we believe that is something we can manage together. One of my biggest concerns is whether Allah will place barakah in this relationship or if we may struggle due to the way we initially went about it. Since we didn’t follow the correct Islamic guidelines from the start, I fear that this could affect Allah’s support and blessing in our future together. We both want to do things the right way now, but I don’t know if that is enough to make up for our past mistakes. I would really appreciate advice on the following: How can we ensure that our marriage is blessed with barakah despite our past mistakes? Am I realistically too young to commit to marriage at this stage, or is this just an unnecessary worry? If age is a concern, what signs should I look for to determine whether I am truly ready? Jazakum Allahu khayran.

I am writing to get answers to about the validity of my mutah marriage inshAllah. I am 18 years old, my partner is 23. We decided to make it halal and do temporary marriage since permanent marriage is not an option for us at the moment due to some factors in our lives. We assumed it was valid because my father does not involve himself in my life and my paternal grandfather is deceased. (Meaning I have no wali) I had absolutely no contact with my father at the time of our marriage. My parents are separated and my father does not financially support my family in any way. At the time of my husband and I’s marriage, my father had me and my siblings blocked and had not contacted us for months. My father has many qualities to make me believe that he would not be considered a wali. These qualities include: not financially supportive, does not pray or fast, has no involvement or care with the family and is very negligent (he didn't reach out when he heard my brother got into a biking accident and cut his leg open down to the bone). He does not have good akhlaq and has wished sickness and death on my mother. He steals money from his roommate. And he is addicted to medication. He recently overdosed and fell into a 3 day long coma in his apartment and did not go to the hospital. He does not take care of himself whatsoever. It is one of the main causes of my parents divorce and he has driven under the influence which caused him to get his license taken away and put on house arrest. He has also threatened my mother with suicide and even hurt himself in front of her to manipulate her. I have no other male figure in my life that could possibly be my wali. I looked through the requirements and I believe that my father is the only possible option. But judging by his character, I don't this he is qualified. My husband and I have already consummated our marriage and we have been together since November 1st 2024. If it is invalid, we have to go separate ways until we are able to have permanent marriage. Which could be anywhere from 2-4 years from now. The main reasons why we are unable to do permanent marriage is because my mother wants me to wait until I’m a bit older, my husband wants to complete university first and and get a job. And I also want to complete a few more years of university. I also want to include (but not sure where it is fitting) — that I was raped when I was 15 years old. I am aware now that Islamically I was still considered a virgin up until my husband and I’s consummation. Is our marriage valid? If not, what steps should I take from here? Who can validate my marriage? I have already sent a message to Syed Sistani but it has been months without a response. I am hoping to find one here. Thank you.

I (18F) and my (23M) husband (??) met early October. We decided to be exclusive and then make things halal on November 1st. For context, I don’t have a wali. My father is out of the picture and doesn’t financially support me. My uncle is present but also doesn’t financially support me. My sole provider is my mother. And my paternal grandfather is not alive. I was assaulted when I was 15, so I wasn’t a virgin going into it. We did mutah, and it’s been amazing. I really really really love him and he loves me too. He flew over to me (he lives in Canada and I live in the US) — we spent a week together, sharing lots of memories. We also consummated the marriage while he was here. His brother started to suspect things when my husband flew to the US. And he kept pressuring him to say something or else he will find out. So he told him everything. Today, my husband told me he worries our marriage isn’t valid because his brother mentioned something to him and it hasn’t left his mind. He sent a question to the marja we follow (sistani): Question: Asalam-o-alaykum, I did mutah and consummated the marriage with an 18 year old girl. She isn’t a virgin and lost her virginity from being raped. I now came to know a girl who’s lost her virginity through rape is still considered a virgin. It’s worth noting her father isn’t in her life and doesn’t financially provide for her either. The other male in her family doesn’t provide for her and her mother is the sole provider. Is our marriage valid? If not, What should we do? I’m so heartbroken and I hope our marriage is valid. We didn’t know that when they say a girl can be independent if she’s not a virgin, they mean in the context of a woman who previously married and consummated the marriage. But this doesn’t change the fact that I don’t have a wali. And I also realized that sistani doesn’t allow a woman to get married regardless if she doesn’t have a wali. What sucks about this situation the most is that my mom wouldn’t allow me to marry early. If she knew about this whole situation, she would kill me. And his parents want him to get married by 25. So if we do end up having to separate, the plan is to wait until I turn 20, convince my mom to let my get married. Please reply as soon as possible.

There are some scholars like Sayyid Muhammad Saeed al-Hakim that allow a virgin girl to marry without the consent of her father, provided that she does not engage in intercourse. Who are the other scholars that hold a similar ruling (such as allowing it as long as the virgin is financially independent, etc) and which hadiths specifically support these kinds of fatwas?

Assalam o Alaikum, Please help me on this Matter. I’m 24 and live in a joint family. Over time, grievances have developed between my father and me, largely due to my uncle's influence. He has made key decisions in my life, like my school and friends, and has planted negative thoughts about me in my father's mind, especially when I supported my mother against injustices and didn't perform well academically. My father prioritizes his family over me, never supporting my mother, and now barely communicates with me. This has left me feeling angry and disillusioned with him. Now, the main thing I want to ask... About three years ago, I spoke to a boy on Facebook, and I immediately stopped him, saying that if we talk, Imam ((عليه السلام).) will be displeased, so he should send a proposal to my home instead. He said he would convince his mother and send a proposal after four years. However, in between, we occasionally communicated, which led to us considering a secret marriage because we were committing sins, and he could not send a proposal at that time. We thought we did not need my father's permission because he did not like me anyway, to the point that he wouldn’t ask about me even if I fell ill. Also, since I did not choose a subject in university according to my uncle and father's wishes, they both considered me a failure and did not allow me to study, so perhaps their permission was not needed. I want to mention that I ate the same food that everyone else at home ate, meaning good food, but my father would only give a little money for clothes after fights; otherwise, he wouldn't buy me clothes even for Eid. They are not bad, just tight-fisted and naive, even though they have no shortage of money. If that boy had asked for my hand properly at that time, my father would have agreed because that boy is good in every way and is a Sayyid. But since it was not possible for him then, we resorted to this to avoid sin, and I was foolish at that time; only now have I come to my senses, but it’s too late. I have learned that no matter how good a non-mahram is, they are still bad. For the sake of Sayyida (s.a.), please it secret. Well, we both saw how to perform the marriage (nikkah) ceremony and did it over the phone without witnesses as instructed. Since we live in different cities, we have not met to this day, alhamdulillah. Now let me tell you how we performed the marriage. My mahr was determined, which was to perform Fajr prayer, recite the Ziyarat Ashura daily, and on Fridays, instead of Ziyarat Ashura, to recite Ziyarat Aal Yaseen. Then, as written in the Tazkiyah, when a girl and boy perform the marriage themselves, we got married over a phone call without witnesses, just like it was stated. We convinced ourselves that since my father's nature is as I described, and because the boy's mother would not agree yet, and for these reasons he could not talk to my father, we did not need my father’s permission. I was foolish, and I hold myself responsible for all of this because I was the one who proposed marriage so that the Imam would not be displeased, but in reality, I ended up displeasing the Imam. Some time later, a scholar told us that our marriage was not valid, and at that time, we stopped communicating. I told the boy to speak to his mother and send a proposal, but he refused. An Alima told me that as a precaution, I should take a divorce. I thought he would not give it, but he invoked the Prophet Muhammad ((صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم).) and Imam Mahdi ((عليه السلام).) as witnesses and, over the phone, said the Arabic formula for divorce three times in one session. This divorce incident occurred in March of this year. Now I don’t know what I should do; am I suspended, or was my marriage invalid? We fulfilled all the necessary conditions except for my father's permission, such as determining the mahr and reciting the Arabic formula. I follow the rulings of Rahbar (Ayatollah Khamenei), while that boy follows Ayatollah Sistani. Since my knowledge was insufficient, I temporarily followed Ayatollah Sistani for the marriage purpose, but later I learned that you cannot change your marja like that casually. Now, my question is: which marja do I follow now? Now I have a few questions for you: 1. Was my marriage valid or invalid, or am I suspended? 2. Should that divorce be considered valid or invalid? 3. What should I do now? What advice do you have for me?

I came across a hadith in Kitab al-Kafi that said not to marry Kurds because they're jinns. I asked a friend and they said that it isn't talking about the actual Kurdish race, but rather people who live in caves and in mountains. Like feral people. But what if these people do live like that, but are still pious and believing mu'min, would it still be haram to marry them? I'm concerned because my wife is Kurdish, and from a village in Kurdistan. And we both want to move to her village. But is it seriously haram that I married her because she's a Kurd?

Can a husband stimulate (rub) his genitals with wife's when she's menstruating without being penetrative and then ejaculate. Is this allowed islamically?

Dear brothers and sisters, My husband and i live separated for nearly a year. We don’t have children. He doesn’t live with me, he refuses. But he also doesn’t wan’t to divorce. He just doesn’t care. I tried to talk to his family and dad. They say that it’s not their problem and i should talk with my husband. He doesn’t answer my texts or calls. When i try to visit him, he goes hiding. I don’t know what to do. It’s emotionally so hard for me. He doesn’t provide and i have i hard time to focus on my job. i asked for khula but he and his family don’t corporate. They don’t want to divorce me. They put me in this hopeless place. I have never received my mehr, so I don’t have to pay it back. I don’t even care about it. I just want peace and clarity. please help me, what are my options? What can i do? I heard that i also can get a divorce without his permission. How to do it? And which organizations can help me? I al from europe, i am willing to travel. he and his family just won’t talk. He doesn’t care, i am suffering.

Bismillah I have met a woman ~3 years ago, when I was quite irreligious and barely practicing. I deeply fell in love with her. She had a similar religious situation. Paradoxically, certain influences from her (e.g., her beautiful Quran recitation from her childhood or moral values and virtues inherent from Islamic tradition) have inspired me to commit to my religion. Now I became very religious (Alhamdullilah), often very strictly. But she hasn’t changed. She is more into pseudoscientific stuff and new-age kind of spirituality, which often leads to conflicts and causes me pain, for I wish her to be guided to the straight path. I want my children to be raised with the love for Ahlul Bayt (a.) and to fulfill my duties as a true Shia of Ameer Al-Mumineen (a.). So I stand in front of a decision to leave someone that I love to secure prosperity in marriage, with my heart being my greatest opponent. In the book „Youth and Spouse Selection“ by Ali Akbar Mazaheri (https://www.al-islam.org/youth-and-spouse-selection-ali-akbar-mazaheri/chapter-five-criteria-spouse-selection) it is mentioned: “Q: Can it not be that a faithful and religious person marries and irreligious spouse and guides her? Has such a case not yet taken shape? A: (a) If someone finds such energy in himself and is sure that he or she can make it, then there is no harm to materialize such a marriage. Even though this is a desired and required practice and has a great reward, not everyone possesses all that vigour and energy. Attaining this confidence is also not and easy thing. If such a case (exceptionally) takes shape, it is not a justification for others to follow it. And this exception cannot be generalized to cover all people.” This is the only possible way that I see to keep my religion and my love. And while I certainty have the energy for this endeavor, I‘m neither sure about its success nor do I know how to achieve this goal. Your honest advice is much appreciated. With Salam and wishes for your success.

Salmon Alaykum, I am looking for seminal books on marriage, divorce and child raring in Shia Islam. Recommendations would be highly appreciated. I am also looking for advice in regard to the purchase of Shia books online or offline anywhere in the United Kingdom. Is there a platform like Kindle and Amazon for Shia books? If not is there a place that has a comprehensive selection from which people can purchase books, books like الزواج في القران و السنة للشهيد السيد عز الدين بحر العلوم Thank you in advance for your answers.

am i allowed to do mutah but agree with no intercourse? and can i do this without my fathers permission

Salaam all, may Allah and AhlulBayt AS keep you all in their protection. For context, I'm an 18 year old male, almost 19, and I live in a main UK city. I was wondering if anybody knew an easy and non-awkward way to find a Shia girl of my age to become friends with, and hopefully marry if things work out. My main aim is to find a Shia matchmaking event somewhere that I can attend and hopefully find her there, but nobody seems to be hosting any. Dating apps and websites aren't of much use because everybody's older than me, and I'd prefer to get to know my future spouse in-person rather than over text. Before you say, I'm fully aware and conscious of the fact that Islam doesn't allow dating, or any inappropriate contact or conversation. I'm not after any of that. I'm just a simple guy who doesn't have many female friends, and no Shia friends, who's looking to connect with someone who could become my wife at some point- and is also a Shia. Does anybody know any services that are actually reliable, or any ways I could help open the doors to meeting someone? As you can imagine it's not like I can go matchmaking at a mosque, particularly after a majlis, or go announcing to everyone over the microphone that I'm seeking a wife haha. Similarly, asking of such a thing from the mosque Imam is too awkward for me, especially with the massive gap in our generations and norms. I understand my situation may look helpless with everything I've mentioned, and apologies if it sounds like a mess. Life would be so much easier if I'd just ended up having a female Shia friend during school. I'm just getting a little more desperate since I want to get married around 22, 23 and I'd value these few years to get to become her best friend before I ask for her hand in marriage. Any and all advice is warmly welcome, though I may not get around to replying too often. I just figured I'd sort of 'vent' my desperate call for guidance into the big online Shia community and see what advice I could get back. Jazakallah khair, may we all find our true soulmates in good time and avoid straying from the right path, ameen

Salaam Everyone Ya Ali (عليه السلام) Madad! I am 25 years old and turning to be 26 next Month (January 2024) InshAllah. I am married to a women which was a love marriage and she is 5 years elder than me. I relocated to Dubai and was alone so I met this girl who introduced me the Imam Bargha's of Dubai because the month I got shifted here was Muharram. Then slowly and gradually we talked, and talked, and found out we're literarily the copy of another. She's Virgo and I am Capricorn. We love the same, Hate the same and almost work the same too. I have posted my marriage in facebook and then I thought may be she knew already but turns out she wasn't. But I was fallen in love so in order to not to lose her, I hide it. And kept on saying that will you accept me at any cost? And She said yes. But then things were moving on so fast that we were so ready to get married and she was about to call her mom here in Dubai for marriage. And I said the truth because I wanted to set the right expectation. There was 1 day fight and they we both agree that okay we will do it. And I said I will handle my family and she will handle hers. We started meeting together again. This time, it was too deferent. Like we were literarily acting like Husband and Wife. All of a sudden, her elder system said everything to her mom and then mom asked to do it or leave me and and my place alone. Question - Now she has left me. But I am soo bad fall in love with her that its been a month and every morning I am just thinking about her. There is a deep story in our relation which will take me power hours to write everything down. Though, we made promises, and then she tore it. I made promises and still I am waiting for her to come. I can afford both of my wives. But she has stepped back and put everything on my shoulder that all the worst happened to her in her life is my fault. I want to get her back. I get humiliated. my dignity gets hurt, I treat like a dog but still I want her at any cost. What to do? Should I move on? Or I shouldn't?

Selam aleyykum. Can I do mutah with a person who only converted to Islam to do Mutah with me? Is it permissible or haram? And if they did convert, but not follow rules, am i allowed to marry them?

Salaam. I am a sunni and I like a boy who is shia. Say we wanted to get married so before marriage will I need to do hajj? And do the tawaf al nisa? or is it not mandatory for me and only he will have to do it?

Can a women swallow her husband's ejaculation/semen/sperm ? Can a husband and wife lick each other's backside/dubar?

Assalamualaikum. Ya Ali (عليه السلام) Madad. I hope this message finds you well. I would like to share a deeply personal experience that I have undergone, seeking clarity and guidance from an Islamic perspective. About five years ago, I had the pleasure of meeting a remarkable girl online. She is a zakira, devoted to reciting majalis throughout the year. We developed a strong connection over time, nurturing our relationship despite the physical distance between us. We've met sometimes tho. Unfortunately, our journey together took an unexpected turn when faced with a challenging situation. Before delving into this, allow me to provide some context. I have an elder sister who remains unmarried. The girl I was in love with and I aspired to marry one another. However, I held the belief that my sister's marriage should take precedence, delaying our own plans until she found a suitable partner. Despite our sincere intentions, we struggled to find a suitable match for my sister, leading to a prolonged wait. As time went on, the girl I cared for started receiving marriage proposals from other suitors. She expressed her concern to me, emphasizing the urgency of addressing our own relationship's future. She insisted that I approach my family about our desire to marry, or she would have no choice but to consider other proposals. Taking her words to heart, I initiated a conversation with my mother about our intentions. It is important to note that my father had passed away a few years prior, leaving me with the responsibility of communicating our intentions to my mother alone. To my dismay, my mother's initial response was one of rejection and unwarranted criticism against the girl's character. This reaction deeply pained me. This was the first instance I had witnessed such behavior from my mother, as she had always been kind and understanding. I found it difficult to reconcile the fact that the person I held in high regard could harbor such prejudice against someone I deeply loved. I embarked on a mission to convince my mother, invoking the significance of compassion and fairness emphasized in Islamic teachings. I reminded her that hasty judgments and character defamation were strictly prohibited, especially without sufficient knowledge about the person in question. I beseeched my mother to consider the qualities of the girl I loved, and to view our relationship with an open heart. I implored her to evaluate the situation fairly, placing trust in the values she had instilled in me over the years. The ensuing weeks were challenging as I balanced my deep affection for the girl I loved and my commitment to respect and honor my mother's wishes. Eventually, the emotional strain led to a point where my mother urged me to leave the house, coupled with the threat of being disinherited. In that moment of despair, I confided in my sister, who assured me that she would manage the situation and find a solution. Trusting her, I shared the girl's contact details with my sister, who took the initiative to speak with her father. Tragically, my sister's actions were contrary to what I had hoped for. She approached the girl's father and persuaded him to distance his daughter from me. This revelation shattered me completely, leaving me in a state of emotional turmoil. I felt utterly isolated, with thoughts of suicide clouding my mind as I believed I had lost everything dear to me. In the aftermath of these events, I found myself grappling with overwhelming emotions and a deep sense of loss. The girl I had envisioned a future with was now united with another, my relationship with my mother and sister had suffered irreparable damage, and the trust I once held for my loved ones was shattered. For the past two years, I have tried to mend the broken ties with my mother and sister. While some semblance of normalcy has returned to our interactions, it is undeniable that the dynamics have forever changed. Their actions have left scars that continue to affect our relationship, leaving me feeling conflicted about the love and respect I once held for them. Their insistence that I seek forgiveness for a transgression I fail to comprehend only deepens my internal struggle. As I reflect on my journey, one question remains at the forefront of my mind: What guidance does Islam provide for individuals facing such intricate and emotionally charged situations? I yearn for clarity on how to navigate this turmoil in a way that aligns with my faith. My earnest aspiration is to eventually establish financial stability, enabling me to make the difficult choice of parting ways with my family and seeking a life of my own. I am genuinely appreciative of any insights or wisdom you might be able to offer, grounded in Islamic teachings and values. Thank you for taking the time to read my story and for considering my plea for guidance.

Hi all, I am not sure if this is the right place for this or if I should even be doing this but here goes. Quick back story- I come from a Syed family who like to think they are respectable but their actions prove otherwise. My mum and dad have been married forever and my dad abused my mum physically, mentally and emotionally for around 26 years until me and my sisters decided we had had enough. Growing up in an abusive household was horrendous and the trauma will stay with us forever. This is very common in our family and majority of the couples we know are unhappy with their husbands and lives. We now live separately to my dad and Alhamdulillah, life has been much better. We have always been told to marry Syed’s and never to look elsewhere but I have never agreed with this nor understood why this has to be the case. Shouldn’t it be everyone’s personal preference? I do not agree with imposing your personal views and interpretations upon someone else, especially if the consequences will not affect you in any way. So because of the trauma, I have naturally been very anti marriage and never thought I would have kids, ever. I downloaded some Muslim dating apps to see if there were any decent men out there but I had no luck. I couldn’t even find someone I got along with, never mind someone who is Syed and Shia etc. My mum keeps saying there are loads of good decent Syed men out there, not saying this isn’t true, but I have yet to meet one. I am a big believer in people coming into your life for a reason. Recently I have become closer to my deen and I have been trying to keep my intentions pure and I just genuinely want to be better for the sake of Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). Cut to- I have been talking to a Non Syed guy, I know I shouldn’t have carried on after finding out he was Non Syed, but when I tell you the connection was instant. I felt in my heart, almost straight away, that this man will be my husband and the father of my kids. He is everything I have ever prayed for, wanted and more. He has already made me a better person, and has brought be closer to my deen. I genuinely feel like I don’t deserve him and I never thought someone so perfect for me existed. I can now imagine a happy future with him.. I can see us with kids and it makes my heart so full for the first time in forever. He prayed so much during Ramadan and asked Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) for a sign and had a beautiful dream of us that night. My mum said she would disown me and tell everyone I am dead to her if I go through with this. And she said she would never eventually come around like some families do and will hold on to the hate forever. She said I will make the rest of her life miserable as the family will blame her for this because she left my dad which is a disgusting mentality. I feel so incredibly torn. I have to either sacrifice my family for my future or my future for my family.. and either my mum will never forgive me or I’ll never forgive her. It’s such an awful situation and I feel so helpless and empty. Any advice in this scenario is appreciated. I know upsetting my mum is so wrong but I truly believe Allah sent him to me. I just feel like this is not a good enough reason to justify disowning someone. It seems so extreme and unnecessary, but I guess that’s what happens when you prioritise culture over religion. Thank you AS