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  1. Salam everyone, last month I gave my dads a heads up that I wanted a family to come speak to him about marriage. the person I want to marry just came back from the arbaeen in Iraq and now we want to speak to my dad. One problem, I’m iraqi and he’s lebanese.. my dad will not allow it, it’s uncomfortable about marrying a different nationality. does anyone know any tips to convince him abit? I’m planning to say something like I’m not going to lose my culture just because he’s lebanese.. we’re going to teach eachother our languages, both our first language is English anyway. He has a beautiful character, he’s into his deem as much as he possibly can, he’s respectful. i just wish I knew what the key things is to convince him that it’s okay. any opinion will do, thank you in advance. Please pray for me
  2. Guest

    Sunni Shia marriage?

    Hi, I am in a dilemma, I am a sunni girl who wants to marry a shia syed guy. He also wants the same but is petrified of even suggesting this to the family due to the different beliefs and society disapproval. Has anyone been in a similar situation if so any advice would be great. Thank you
  3. Salaam brothers and sisters, Alhamdulilah I will be in a position in the near future to start seriously looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with. Unfortunately, I live in a smaller midwest US city with no Shia presence. My family is not Shia, so any sisters they know would (mostly) be Sunni, which is something I would like to avoid. That being said, is there anyone who was in a similar situation that found a spouse? Also anyone have any suggestions on where to start looking? I am 100% American, so the whole arranged marriage culture completely avoids me, and prefer to be with someone I can culturally relate to.
  4. AssalamAlaykum My dear brothers and sisters. This is my absolute first time posting on this website.. and that is because I require some assistance from whoever has a few minutes to help this broken servant of Allah. Any advice from anyone would be greatly appreciated. I do dua for all us to be able to overcome any hardship that tries and divert us from the beautiful path of the Ahlul Bayt. Elahee Ameen Now to my story. I am a male in my late teens, once a Sunni but now a Shia Alhamdulilah. Just like any Shia, the oppression one faces in this day and age really has an effect on the mentality and maturity of a person.. and I believe alhamdulilah all thanks to the grace of God I would say I am quite mature for my age because of also who I grew up with (i.e my dear dear family who are always very supportive). I have had a very dark period in my life, which I am forever regretful for. However, this Muharam has flipped me in terms of belief and character almost 180 degrees. I feel energetic, blessed and helped by Allah, and honestly I would never imagine to leave this feeling. This has all happened because I finally made the intention to change as a person, and Alhamdulilah I feel so much closer to my Lord during this most blessed month. Now to the main part. Spiritually and mentally I believe it is getting closer for me to get to know someone for marriage inshaAllah. I recently joined education again and I have met this sister who honestly blew my mind with her character. We talked for hours about all sorts of topics, to the challenges of life to Marriage to Islam etc. After this conversation I feared her opinion would change of me since I am a Shia, but Alhamdulilah she was very very understanding. I got to talk about the oppression Shias face on a day to day basis and she repeatedly apologised for their actions. She is a Sunni so obviously there would be a few differences to belief but I told her to never ever blind follow her faith and sit down and ponder over what she has been taught. We really dove deep in the topic of marriage, like for example how important it is to talk about the deeper topics when people are getting to know each other, i.e children, who the breadwinnner is etc. Straight away from that conversation I knew that she was different compared to a lot of the sisters out there who in my opinion are still immature for marriage regardless of the age. She doesnt have social media, like me, which again shocked me. She is however a few years older than me, but after our conversation she openly said how much mature I was for my age and how she felt that I sound like her dad in terms of advice given on life. I asked if that was a good thing and she said of course .. (made me chuckle inside then). Now to a few very very interesting points. On the same day I talk to this girl about marriage, the Sheikh giving the lecture at mosque does a WHOLE lecture on early marriage and its beneifts. I was truly amazed to the power of God and how easy it was to plan something so complex like this. This made me think. But it gets better. So fast forward a day later, I listen to a lecture online (since I had to babysit my younger brother since the whole family went mosque) about Hazrat Ali Akbar and this one put me in tears. I was alone at home so I was able to really cry my eyes out. After the lecture I faced the Qiblah and cried my eyes and reflected on my bad deeds and how much it meant to me that Gods' communication with me was so crucial. I talked to God for a long time and honestly I have not feel so blessed in such a long time. Now then brothers and sisters is where it takes another level. A thought comes into mind, and I suddenly think of doing istikhara on this whole matter! Whether it would be wise to go ahead with all this or not. So I read a method on how to do Quranic Istikhara and my heart suddenly starts beating faster since I have never ever performed such a thing, so it was entering a new territory. I open the Quran SUBHANALLAH the first verse I see is Surah Maryam Verse 58. It goes and continues to something like this ".....and of those whom We guided and chose; when the communications of the Beneficent Allah were recited to them, they fell down making obeisance and weeping." And honestly, at that point it just got me even more. Tears uncontrollably rolling down and I just do Shukr that I feel so close to God after such a bad period of my life. Now brothers and sisters. Of course your advice would be soo appreciated on this matter. Please be as open as you want to me since I would like realistic advice. I know that love can be blinding, but I dont want it to go that far, especially in Muharam. JazakAllah Khair
  5. I’ve been married for coming up to 3 years. I live with my MIL & FIL and most the time my SIL & her daughter live here too. I cook dinner every day, sometimes even cook afternoon food too. I’m from a different culture, my in laws are Indian and they eat curry everyday for lunch. I’ve learnt how to cook lots of Indian food! I help out around the house, I do majority of the cleaning every other day eg hoover, keep kitchen clean & the 2 bathrooms once a week. I wash everyone’s clothes every Saturday morning, normally do 3 loads. My SILs daughter is very close to me she always wants me and wants to go everywhere with me that ppl think she’s my daughter. If me and my husband go shopping ( just me and him ) it’s an issue with my MIL, she will call my other SIL and start moaning about it, being all upset and angry. MIL doesn’t like us going anywhere without her basically. MIL always back bites about me saying I don’t do anything around the house, I don’t cook or clean. I just sit all day doing nothing and tells my SIL to tell my husband about this. Her attitude; it’s really starting to make me resent her. She’s all nice and smiles to my face but to my SIL she complains about me too much. she expects me to not go out with my friends, and when I do she complains asking why I even go and I go out too much. I go out once a week if that? Seriously. And complaining about me not cleaning and cooking when I do it everyday? . I go to my mums house every Friday and MIL doesn’t like it, and when I come back she always gives me dirty looks. Even when me and hubby want to go upstairs and just watch a movie together and chill, just have our own space together, it’s an issue we have to take SILs daughter upstairs with us! All of this makes me feel so annoyed. I’ve spoken to my husband about this before but he is adamant to stay living with his mum and dad. We were so close to breaking up before about this exact same issue, we had such a big bust up. He will NOT live separate, he would rather divorce me. I’m not happy living here anymore because of the way my MIL is. Really don’t know what to do. I’m trying to conceive as-well but I’m thinking twice about that now due to the way things are and I think they’ll get even worse if I had a baby whilst living here! Which makes me feel really sad as I desperately would love to have a child..
  6. Marriage is among the most important institutions in Islam, as it promotes a healthy family and community founded on love and mercy. God tells us in the Quran, “And of His signs is that He created spouses for you out of yourselves so that you might take comfort in them, and He created love and mercy between you.”1In a narration from Prophet Muhammad (pbuh&hp), he strongly states, “Of my tradition is to marry.”2 Thus, we can see that in the religion of Islam, marriage is of the utmost importance. There are many contemporary challenges that young Muslims face when it comes to the issue of marriage. Today, we find many youth having difficulty getting married for a variety of different reasons. In some cases, parents think their children are too young, have not finished their degrees, or are financially unable to marry. And unfortunately, in other cases, parents consider the person the child wants to marry unsuitable because they are from a different ethnic background. For us to progress as a community, it is imperative that we hold on to the divine teachings that the Prophet and Imams (pbut) have given us, especially when it relates to marriage. Priorities Prophet Muhammad (pbuh&hp) has advised us that, “There is no foundation that has been built in Islam more loved by God Almighty, than marriage.”3 At a very young age we begin to lay the foundation of our lives by establishing an educational background that serves as a framework for our future careers. Similarly, just as the best time for starting an education is at a young age, the best time for marriage is in our youth. While an academic background is needed earlier in life to enter into a career path, marriage is necessary at a young age to keep us safe from entering a sinful lifestyle. Therefore, while achieving an education is important, it does not need to come at the expense of getting married. There is no ruling or law in Islam that forbids the pursuit of knowledge and marriage at the same time. Hence, we can begin to see why marriage is the most beloved foundation built in Islam by God Almighty. Financial Complications of Marriage Financial hurdles are perhaps another major obstacle to allowing our youth to get married. God has promised, “Marry the single people among you…If they are poor, God will make them rich through His favor.”4 It is important to recognize that God has given a guarantee to help those who want to get married but do not have the means. We need to entrust our affairs to Him in this regard. Moreover, many young men are afraid of getting married due to the dowry that has to be given to the bride. These days, some families of the bride ask for a large sum of money that is often unaffordable to the groom. Islamically, the dowry is a gift that the bride requests from her husband and can be anything tangible (not necessarily money). We see the best example of this in the life of Imam Ali (p) and Lady Fatimah (p). Imam Ali (p) had nothing to give Lady Fatimah (p) for her dowry. The Holy Prophet (pbuh&hp) advised Imam Ali (p) to sell his shield and give its worth to Lady Fatimah (p) as her dowry.5 Sayyid al-Sistani has stated that, “Guardians are not permitted to prevent their daughters from getting married, nor are they permitted to put obstacles in their way using improper traditions not required by God, such as asking for exorbitant dowers.”6 Race Often, we see parents refusing to let their children marry someone who is outside their cultural or ethnic background. No matter how pious the person is, parents tend to concentrate on the fact that they do not come from the same country or speak the same language. This is not part of Islamic conduct. God states, “We have created you all male and female and have made you nations and tribes so that you would recognize each other. The most honorable among you in the sight of God is the most pious of you.”7 God has created us from different backgrounds so that we may get to know one another and learn about each other. Furthermore, the Holy Prophet (pbuh&hp) states, “If someone with good etiquette and religiousness comes to you [for marriage], then marry him. If you do not, then you have caused great corruption on Earth”8 It is extremely important to note that in this narration, there is not even a small hint that speaks about race. Additionally, the Holy Prophet (pbuh&hp) did not direct any of his family to only marry within their bloodline. There are many sayyid (those who come from the lineage of the Holy Prophet (pbuh&hp)) families that do not allow their children to marry non-sayyid individuals, regardless of their excellence in piety and other good qualities. This has no basis in Islam. According to Sayyid al-Sistani, not allowing one’s children to marry outside of the sayyid lineage is an example of “improper traditions not required by God” and “there are many sources of corruption in these traditions.”9 Beneficial Tips 1. Choose a God-conscious spouse. We see some youth today getting married for the wrong reasons. Some marry solely for beauty or wealth forgetting that there is something far more important: faith. The Holy Prophet (pbuh&hp) states, “A [person] who marries… for the sake of… wealth, God leaves him [to consume the wealth until it depletes], and the one who marries… for… beauty, he will find… [the beauty depleting with old age], and the one who marries… for the sake of… faith (religiousness), God will give [him the long-lasting wealth and beauty].”10 2. Concentrate on Islamic Practices. As stated above, many of the youth are finding it difficult to get married due to cultural practices, such as sayyids marrying only sayyids. We should instead focus on what the religion of Islam permits and forbids. This way, we will allow the challenges of getting married to slowly disappear. 3. Parents should offer their help. Parents should find creative ways to support their children’s marrying early, even while attending college, such as by continuing to help pay for their children’s tuition until they are ready to support themselves independently. In addition, if the youth are not financially ready to have their own place, parents could offer their help by allowing their children to live at home. This will not only provide great support for the new couple, but also provide much needed support for aging parents who may require additional care. 4. Have a written document. Although Islamic marriages are solemnized verbally, it is important to have written documentation to record many of the points discussed above. By having any stipulations (i.e., dowry) recorded, a newlywed couple can eliminate fears of unexpected demands. To learn more about Islamic Marriage Contracts, click here. 1. Quran 30:21. 2. Bihar al-anwar, vol. 100, p. 222. 3. Bihar al-anwar, vol. 100, p. 222. 4. Quran 24:32. 5. Bihar al-anwar, vol. 43, p. 119. 6. “Advice to the Youth from His Eminence, Grand Ayatullah Sayyid Ali Al-Sistani.” 7.I.M.A.M., July 17, 2017, www.imam-us.org/advice-youth-eminence-grand-ayatullah-sayyid-ali-al-sistani/. 8. Shaykh al-Kulayni, Al-kafi, vol. 5, p. 347. 9.“Advice to the Youth from His Eminence, Grand Ayatullah Sayyid Ali Al-Sistani.” I.M.A.M., July 17, 2017, www.imam-us.org/advice-youth-eminence-grand-ayatullah-sayyid-ali-al-sistani/. 10. Shaykh al-Jawahari, Jawaher al-kalam, vol. 29, p. 39. Contemporary Challenges of Getting Married - <-- Link to article on the I.M.A.M website.
  7. Hello, I just want to give a brief background on my past situation and then my current situation. Can you please help me by telling me the truth backed with sources if it is halal for me to do this? Thank you I was proposed to by a man (he is Shia) who I know to be extremely respectful, hard-working and kind (which is very hard to find in general and especially in our society to be honest). However, my family prevented and forbade me from marrying him for one reason only- and that is his nationality. In our country, nationality is as important as the sect (due to culture/traditions etc.) and I had too much respect for my parents to disobey them and I know in Islam disobedience to parents is haram. I also didn't have the heart to hurt my mother even though I have never wanted anything as badly as to get married to that specific person. Please note that I did not do anything haram with this man. I became very depressed as I am already in my very late 20's and it was my first time actually wanting to get married. The same night I cried and did ziyaraat ashura for 40 nights because I wanted God to let us be together. I found out months later that there was a very high chance he will be able to get the same nationality as I have but it will take around 3-5 years. It has been two and a half years since he proposed and we are still good friends and it is very obvious that he has the same intentions. I know you might think its easy to find someone else but I don't want to get married just for the sake of getting married. I want someone who understands me on an intellectual basis, respects me, motivates me to work harder, is not an angry person etc. and he has all those qualities. Is it possible to engage in some sort of mut'aa marriage even though I don't want to have sex (I only would do that if its a permanant marriage). i just want to feel like I am with my partner (hold hands, kiss etc.). We have every intention of getting married when he gets his nationality but the wait is just very frustrating. I feel like my whole life is on hold over a very stupid condition from my parents. I have decided that even if they do not allow me to get married when he gets his nationality- I will still get married as I believe it is something they will be able to tolerate long term. But for now I feel very frustrated that I can't marry him due to something so small and I don't want to lose him as he is the most respectful person I have ever met. Please can you help guide me if I am doing something wrong or have parental advice on how to handle this situation?
  8. Salam Alykum brothers and sisters, I apologize that this is a repeated topic, but my situation is a bit different and I seek your advice. About 10 months ago, my mother suggested to me her friend's daughter who lives in Canada (We live in New York, 8 hours away from them). I agreed. I met the girl and we sat down and discussed many things regarding marriage. I believe she's compatible with me. Her condition was that I move to Canada which I discussed with my parents and they accepted. We went for the proposal and they accepted. Now that we are discussing dates for engagement and stuff, both parents have had disagreements regarding big or small. It has turned toxic between them, mostly from my mother. She's bringing up the past that her friend didn't treat her right 10 years ago or she doesnt want me to move and stuff. Reasonable enough for me because we are only 4 people family and her family is 14 in total. Now she's doing istikhara... after 10 months... after the proposal. The girl's family is confused and they disagree with isthikhara in this case. According to my mother, it came out bad. I also disagree with istikhara in this case because I weighted the pros/cons and she's a nice girl. Also, I believe my mother should've done isthikhara before proposal .. 10 months ago. I dont believe istikhara was necessary in this case. We both(the girl) have got really attached to each other after 10 months of talking and stuff. Any advice, what should I do ? Can I go against istikhara with sadaqa? Any videos/hadiths to tell my mom that istikhara wasnt necessary here ? Thank you for reading my big problem. Appreciate your advice. May Allah bless you. JA.
  9. salam everyone. im iraqi and the person i want to marry is lebanese. we are both shia and both follow sistani. i started speaking to him 2 years ago and told my mum within 3 months of speaking to him. she spoke to my dad and he straight away said "we don't know him or his family and not lebanese" obviously i was hurt but i expected it. i asked my oldest brother for help but he didn't seem too interested. i understand where my father is coming from because he always wanted us to marry an iraqi and whatever but no-one understands how perfect this guy is and i know everyone says that but my faith in Allah came back because of him, i love learning about my religion, i use to miss prayers and since i met him, i love praying on time. i am a better person, his character did that.. inshallah i want my future sons to grow to be exactly like him. i don't know what else to do. my sister spoke to my mum today that they shouldn't ignore it because I've been waiting for 2 years and its just plain wrong. how do i convince my dad? we don't want to disrespect him, we want him on board but he doesn't even want to take the chance to know him. i pray every time to Allah, and i am soo patient, it will happen when Allah wants it to happen but im so upset because his side of the family already loves me and is also waiting for my parents. i don't know if i am writing this for a opinion or just expressing my hurt but can anyone help me, advice me.. maybe even give me hope. thanks in advance everyone x
  10. Can my parents do kheera To find if my partner should be the guy I should marry or not? I'm not too sure how it works but is it always right?
  11. Dear marriage age sisters (and brothers) - A 2017 study shows the number of newlyweds decline among the educated white men and a dramatic rise among those who do chose to marry, marrying non-whites. http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2017/05/18/1-trends-and-patterns-in-intermarriage/ If you are a college age Muslim girl out there, do not, I repeat do not give in to those cultural ethos of western feminism. Whatever they are teaching you in the MSM, in sitcoms and in the talk shows etc., is designed to destroy you in the longer run just like they destroyed family values among Christian cultures. Instead spend time with your mother, grandmother, aunts or other traditional womenfolks of your family and learn how to be a 'traditional' good daughter, a good wife, and a good mother. I see 'women induced' divorce rates among the Muslims in the West and I shudder. Did feminists already get us before we knew it???? Thoughts!
  12. am i allowed to do mutah but agree with no intercourse? and can i do this without my fathers permission
  13. Salam everyone. ive been with my partner for 2 years and we haven’t done anything yet. My parents know of him but are delaying the conversation of marriage due to him being a different nationality. we both are getting impatient and recently he has been told that we could do mutah without sexual intercourse? Apparently if I am a virgin, you need to ask for a fathers permission but if I am not then I don’t need to? I am 22 living with my parents, however I consider myself cable of financially supporting myself. (I pay for everything for myself, I give my dad rent money every 2 weeks). I follow sayed sistani and so does he. Thank you in advance
  14. First of all, my dad is what in our society (im from islamabad, pakistan) we'd call "religious". He prays five times a day, fasts, gives zakat, knows widely about the religion, and makes sure we know all of that. The part where he strays is that he believes my mom likes to show herself off, and likes the attention of other men. She can't do something as simple as taking a shower and going to work (teaching grade 1 students) the next day, without my dad thinking she's trying impress someone My mom has sacrificed her life for us, compromised for us (im the eldest daughter (17) , and i have three younger brothers (12,9,8)), because four years after the marriage he started showing his true colours. Btw, this was an arranged marriage, so none of that "maybe he feels like she'll love someone else". He's just an insecure man, with anger issues, who has never blamed himself for anything or openly apologised for the big arguments HE causes (not in the time ive been alive and been able to understand), thinks he knows best and there is no one better than him, doesn't have ANY real friends, and the one he does have, he constantlysays [Edited Out] about him to my mom, and then goes and places his world to the feet of this friend (btw this friend isnt alll that amazing either, but least he isnt a [Edited Out] bag like my dad( believe me i know)). when i was younger he used to physically abuse and hurt my mom, and he used to hit me too. he even went to saying that I also have a boyfriend when all i did was go upstairs to get a book (apparently there was some guy at the balcony opposite to our house, and i was " trying to communicate with him". i didnt take this lightly and raised voice and finger and started hitting me and dragged me down the stairs, and just like my nine year old self, i wanted to die and just kept repeating ' should have jusy killed me you ass' (this was two years ago). we had video camerasn around the house so mom opened them up, and showed i had done no such thing. he didnt apologise, he didnt even do anything to show remorse, instead justified everything from thefact that a raised my voise and held my finger up. a year ago, i was upset with him for another reason, and i told my mom. i told her to leave it that it was whatever, ill get over it. but she bought it up, and we got into an argument, and i do admit i shouldnt have misbehaved again (only verbally like raising my voice or rolling my eyes) but he got so aggressive and tried to slap me so i stopped him and threw his hand away,,, he went to the kitchen and got a knife , and all i could think agout was my mom cause she was trying to stop him and he kept saying "THIS IS WHY YOU SEE FATHERS KILLING THEIR DAUGHTERs ON THE NEWS" and "YOUVE TAAUGHT THEM NOTNHING YOUNSELFISH, USELESS, (swear word, more swear words, swearing at her family)". a couple a days ago, hes started fighting with her again even though its my international exams that make up my grade for my university. in the morning i woke up to my mom begging him to just stop cause he kept saying "i know what you do, i know your actions, i know your disgusting behaviour" (btw we know that this craziness is over once he just starts getting , ok? like it just dies down). as a child, id always step in, even get a few slaps if i had to to get in between him hurting her, but ive grown now and know my duties given to me by Allah, about respecting my parents, and getting in between ( my mom also keeps saying its just two more years, you'll be off to uni then and everything will be fine, and ' pls dont waste my sacrifices' everytime i want to interfere (hes threatened stopping me from studying several times). ever since i was small my dad has told me to aim for a scholarship because he knew more abput this stuff, but now i think, would he even let me leave the city let alone country to continue studies? hes rejected going to a psychologist, talking to anybody (he doesnt believe he has a problem, he thinks my moms the problem) about this, he says we make him angry and that before marriage he was never like this ( he has changed a lot in the sense that my mom and i can wear clothes like jeans but only with long shirts (my moms always worn a duppatta over her head (covers her hair)). cant get my dads side involved firstly, theyd love this. secondly, theyre all like this themselves. his sisters do burka andd all but theyre always free to go wherever whenever, meet whoever. they sometimes go ariund with this 'pir' (guy who does black magic) but if we point that out, all hell would brreak loose on us. (his sisters got married to two brothers, so same household). theyre background is from a not even respectable village, so i cant count on them. cant tell my moms side, they already have their own financial and family issues (my mom doesnt want us four to become a drama in our family, whatever that means cause like our house isnt already a drama). sometimes my mom gets so fed up, she says "MAY Allah TAKE ME SO YOU (my dad) CAN HAPPY AND MARRY ANOTHER WIFE" and now hes started saying " may he, so you burn in hell". he says all these other wives are so obedient and nice, but shes not. he says the money my mom brings in holds no value to him, even though she doesnt get to use it, he uses it all, our groceries and school fees are payed with it (oh and he hasnt had a job in years, sells plots and gets profit, but now none of that is working either so the 'no valued' monry shes been bringijng in since 6 years, is all that is coming into our house. hes in the world where Allah has made him the ' man' of this household, however he doesnt fulfill the duties and says my mom is the reason why there are no blessings in her house. he tells her to leaveher job, and says Allah will provide us with the money, that we'll be fine without hers (our fees are cut 75% short because of her, and we get house groceries, petrol for the car, and whatnot from her salary and our rent (which again is none of his own hardwork, our grandfather gave us this house)). i know this is very long, but please help me. ive thought about killing myself from the age of 7 to 14, i even used to self harm thinking if he saw me in the state hes put my mind in the pressure and the mistreatement (moms mistreatement is what gets to me, he doesnt do much to my brothers except for the middle one whom he thought wasnt his and rejected him emotionally for four years and now hes become habitual on scolding him the most, and my brother knows my dad rejects him the most but all he does is get upst over it). ive been so patient these pasts months, but ive had enough. this morning i walked in on them , half sleep, holding everything i could grab (like spray bottles, perfumes, my bloody mascara botle) to throw it at him because it seemed llike he was gonna get physical again. please help me, please please pplease
  15. I would be interested to see why you got married and what your reason was and was it with the person you dreamed of ? My reason for marriage is I want my Wife to be my best mate and Truly enjoy Life together ; Also I am very Anxious and nervous when I am lonely in times when I am not around family and friends and getting married in the future would greatly help as well as having the most amount of fun at the same time with the best person in the world. That would be my reason. What was yours ? To have kids ? You found your true love ? You got arranged by your Parents ? Travel around the world with someone ? ...... Oh and if you dont mind what age at ?
  16. SakinaFatimah


    Hi I am a shia convert Alhamdulilah since the past 4 years and honestly it has been incredible at the same time it has been difficult aswell. I just wanted to know why is it so diffcult for shia community to take a revert and make him/her a part of their family and even takes them time to make him/her a part of their community. Especially seeing that a convert already faces the bigger challenge of going against their parents and entire family to believe but these difficulties I would suppose would dishearten several individual who would like to convert. Any comments on this?
  17. I found this article and am curious about anyone's opinion. Personally(privately religious, publically secular) I believe it is the state and communities responsibility to protect the individuals freedom to choose who they marry. https://www.iol.co.za/news/south-africa/western-cape/interfaith-couple-takes-gigantic-leap-as-they-marry-in-open-mosque-11250116
  18. I know having children is a blessing from Allah swt but I just feel like why bring them into such a messed up world. Of course each soul that is put here is by the will of Allah swt but of course we are also responsible. As Muslims we all know this life is a test to inshallah obtain heaven in the hearafter. Why put someone through that test in the first place? I mean if I pull help it I wouldn’t want anyone even going through the pain of a paper cut s why would I want to bring a child into a world of pain? Oh ya ur kid might be the next Einstein or newton or even Abbas (as) but their lives weren’t exactly a bed of roses. Why put them through so much crap for a little ray of sunshine in this world. I’d rather not know crap exists at all, even if it means not knowing sunshine does either because in the end I’d be non existent and therefor indifferent but ultimately saved from the tribulations of life. I’m 24f married for 3 years and I don’t think I want kids. Any thoughts? What do the imaams and our Holy prophet have to say about the reason for having children in Islam? Why would you bring a child into this world?
  19. Salam. I have afew questions regarding marriage since I'm in that age where parents start pressurising you to get married but I get so uncomfortable thinking about it. Firstly, is it obligatory for a female to get married? Is there any chance of going solo but still following all other necessary rulings and wajibats. If I'm correct it is highly recommended for men but idk anything about females. Second if marriage was to happen and I have red alot about listening to your husband, letting them take the lead in the relationship and all that but what if your husband's priority is not the pleasure and obedience of Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى? I don't see anything good from this. In this case if they start to become a distraction or someone who takes you away from god (almost like a friend who encourages unlikable actions in islam) is it permissible to ignore him and carry out religious duties as you wish. Third, I think (not sure) but is it true that rights of divorce is with the husband only? what if the husband is unnecessarily abusing his wife (for example ) does she have any power to end the marriage in this circumstance?
  20. Salam Alaykum brothers/sisters,   I am a single father in my late 30's, indo/pak background, hindi/urdu speaking, and i m trying to get remarried and looking for single mothers similar to me in Canada/USA. I live myself with my kids in Canada. I have two questions if anyone have ever been through this before me:  1- Would you recommend getting married outside north america and sponsor your spouse from India, Pakistan.... UAE or other countries in the world? My concern are .... cultural difference with America...close mindedness, long waiting time and application to sponsor, .. mainly compatibility with my upbringing I am very open-minded Canadian and raised here but same time balanced with my desi culture and religion.. i m not sure if i will be able to share my life and relate to a person from another part of the world rather than USA/Canada.. what been your experience? I ma getting sometimes proposal from UAE or UK...but too long to call them here...Second, the education...the degrees done in other parts of the world such as indo-pak are not recognized here...and my spouse will struggle and i need someone to support me as a team and not someone who wouldnt be able to work professionally like me here...meaning if degree not equivalent it means basically she has no degree here....and she has to work odd jobs.. and financially supporting as two people in decent jobs is a must here especially in blended family.. 2- How do i find someone like me? my mosque doesnt have a good matrimonial service especially for divorced single mothers... it seems there arent as many.. which i doubt..plus.. i have tried all matrimonial website, shia site, muslims, phone apps, and have contacted randomly people in usa and canada.. i feel ashamed doing this like a desperate job seeker.!! I dont get time to go to social like when i was young life is busy i am older and have kids responsibilities everyday...people knowing each other may help each other but i dont have lot of friends...and my family is useless in this matter very ignorant and not skilled....Anybody knows how they have managed to get married a second time and find single shia mothers ? I am tired of all this.. now...too complicated..and wont find someone compatible.. and we have lot of muslims in our countries.. i may as well as end up marrying a decent good sunni.. I really dont know how to find a spouse in usa and canada and spouse of indian/pak citizenship worry me due to all the sponsorship and distance.. and cultural unknown to me...back home vs my mindset and culture here...
  21. Salam, It has been a half year since our marriage. from the day first, my wife have problems with my mother. she thinks my mother is needlessly pointing her mistakes. I don't have any convenience(vehicle) and my monthly salary is not good enough so many times I have to borrow my father's car to travel. sometimes he dont give permission so I have to cancel/limit our trip. she thinks that he denied because I discuss it with my mother and then she tells father to deny it. She has so much hate in herself that even she even lie to me that she is okay. On other hand my mother want any disturbance in house ( we are a joint family) so most of the time she complains to me about her rather than discussing with her or infront of any one. my wife dont want me to hear any of mother's complain. my mother do love her, but as she lived her whole life struggling for a peaceful life, at this point she does not want any fights or mishaps home. I have tried to talk to mother, she said "every person have good and bad habit, we appreciate good habits and correct bad ones, if she chooses to marry you and live here with us, she have to correct her habits." I don't know what to do
  22. Almuslimah

    Sharing expenses

    Assalaamu aleykom! This is just something that I have been thinking, so this following case is just example. I'll straight to the bisness: There is a muslim woman and man, they are married and live together. Husband works and is financially stable. Couple is living in european country ,where the wife (since not working) , is receiving social benefit money that is notably smaller than husbands salary. They dont have children. They are living in rental apartment. Husband has a good salary from work. Husband has started to ask wife to pay from her social money half of rent. What do you think? Is it fair from husband to ask this? In my opinion it isnt since husband is obligated to provide and wife already might be buying from her own money some food and her own clothing. It would be nice to receive both men and women opinions here. Jazakallah khair
  23. I am a Muslim convert to the doctrine of Ahl al-Bayt. I got married several years ago and I have two children. I met my wife through Facebook. I was impressed because I was looking for A wife that follows Ahl al-Bayt. And when I knew that she and her Family converted to the doctrine of Ahl al-Bayt I loved her and wanted to marry her. Indeed, the marriage took place despite strong opposition from my family. Because my wife is not beautiful and from a family unknown to us. After marriage I discovered that my wife was hiding many things from me, including that many young people spoke online before marriage in love and so on. And discovered that her Family are very bad people. My wife is lying too much. And many other bad things. My wife was not beautiful and when I saw her I was shocked. But I married her because I thought she was a religion and not to hurt her feelings. Now I regret deeply Specially i can marry any woman I need. her family are too bad and I can't look at them My wife does not help me to obey God, my soul is always bad and I do not love her What's the solution what should I do Have I fired it? Do I marry another woman? My life is bad please Help me . please Advice me
  24. Guest

    Potential Marriage Help

    As-salamu alaikum to all, To keep this brief. I am in a permissible relationship (mutah) with a female (I am a male) who at the beginning I envisaged as being the perfect wife/potential wife for me. My outlook was based on her character, qualities and behavior which I am satisfied with. However the missing piece was her religious outlook/lack of, which plays a huge role for me and in my personal opinion overrides the prior qualities. I therefore decided to give this relationship an opportunity based on her character and what her religious outlook ideally could be in the future if it is worked on. She is new to the religion and has been for a handful of months. We discussed the religious outlook such as prayer, fasting and other such issues such as khums and inheritance. She is willing to learn and try this out, however I feel the outlook she has is a bit stubborn/not so optimistic. To illustrate my point, for example in regards to prayer, she is willing to learn how to pray and do so with myself/when she has the time, however she doesn't regard it as important to do so while she is at work, she even expressed that she will not be waking up in the morning at all as she just doesn't want to. She also said that it can be worked on whether it takes her 5 years, or even 20 years down the line. At the end of the day it is her choice and whatever she does or doesn't is between her and Allah. She wants to get married, settle down and have kids. Which I want as well however I wouldn't until I can see some results and can be satisfied that she has taken her obligations on board. I am possibly extreme in my view and thinking. Most would say that small steps are good and it will take time, better one step forward, than no steps at all. I agree and applaud that, however on the other hand given such an outlook of hers to have to begin with specifically in regards to prayer, when she doesn't take her relationship with Allah seriously, I feel like I can't take our relationship seriously either (maybe someone can address this thinking of mine). I myself may miss the morning prayer, due to forgetting to put an alarm on or something, although I wouldn't intentionally plan not to wake up. If I couldn't pray due to my work, I would rather find lower paid work whilst being able to pray than not. At this stage I don't feel ready at all, it would feel as a gamble marrying her, and there is something within me that keeps sort of telling me to call it all off. I am not sure how to differentiate this between some sort of guidance or wiswas. To sum it up I feel as if my love towards whoever it may be, especially on an intimate level such as marriage is conditional on their love/obedience to Allah. I look forward to your replies. Thanks.
  25. Salam aleikum! This will be my first post here, so apologies if I post this in wrong place or something. Im still learning how to use this amazing forum So I have a question. I am non-sayed woman and I am married to sayed man alhamdulillah. According to what I have understood is that sayeds cannot receive sadaqa but poor and needy sayeds can have their share from khums (sahme sadat). As for me, sayed's non-sayed wife, can I also for example eat from that money if there would me time that my husband needed part from khums? Also I have more questions. In my situation, as i am non-syed woman married to Syed man, do I need to pay khums? If I do need to pay it, can I pay it direct to my husband (if he would be poor and needy)? Since my husband as syed cant receive sadaqa, can I still receive sadaqa (for example if there was time when we would be poor and needy)? Or am I also now prohibited to receive sadaqa since my husband in this case would receive sahme sadat? JazakAllah khair for your answers
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