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Hi all, I am not sure if this is the right place for this or if I should even be doing this but here goes. Quick back story- I come from a Syed family who like to think they are respectable but their actions prove otherwise. My mum and dad have been married forever and my dad abused my mum physically, mentally and emotionally for around 26 years until me and my sisters decided we had had enough. Growing up in an abusive household was horrendous and the trauma will stay with us forever. This is very common in our family and majority of the couples we know are unhappy with their husbands and lives. We now live separately to my dad and Alhamdulillah, life has been much better. We have always been told to marry Syed’s and never to look elsewhere but I have never agreed with this nor understood why this has to be the case. Shouldn’t it be everyone’s personal preference? I do not agree with imposing your personal views and interpretations upon someone else, especially if the consequences will not affect you in any way. So because of the trauma, I have naturally been very anti marriage and never thought I would have kids, ever. I downloaded some Muslim dating apps to see if there were any decent men out there but I had no luck. I couldn’t even find someone I got along with, never mind someone who is Syed and Shia etc. My mum keeps saying there are loads of good decent Syed men out there, not saying this isn’t true, but I have yet to meet one. I am a big believer in people coming into your life for a reason. Recently I have become closer to my deen and I have been trying to keep my intentions pure and I just genuinely want to be better for the sake of Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). Cut to- I have been talking to a Non Syed guy, I know I shouldn’t have carried on after finding out he was Non Syed, but when I tell you the connection was instant. I felt in my heart, almost straight away, that this man will be my husband and the father of my kids. He is everything I have ever prayed for, wanted and more. He has already made me a better person, and has brought be closer to my deen. I genuinely feel like I don’t deserve him and I never thought someone so perfect for me existed. I can now imagine a happy future with him.. I can see us with kids and it makes my heart so full for the first time in forever. He prayed so much during Ramadan and asked Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) for a sign and had a beautiful dream of us that night. My mum said she would disown me and tell everyone I am dead to her if I go through with this. And she said she would never eventually come around like some families do and will hold on to the hate forever. She said I will make the rest of her life miserable as the family will blame her for this because she left my dad which is a disgusting mentality. I feel so incredibly torn. I have to either sacrifice my family for my future or my future for my family.. and either my mum will never forgive me or I’ll never forgive her. It’s such an awful situation and I feel so helpless and empty. Any advice in this scenario is appreciated. I know upsetting my mum is so wrong but I truly believe Allah sent him to me. I just feel like this is not a good enough reason to justify disowning someone. It seems so extreme and unnecessary, but I guess that’s what happens when you prioritise culture over religion. Thank you AS

Salam all, I'm a young woman that has been getting proposals for a while. Most of them have been my cousins, so I rejected them because I don't want to marry them. However, there is someone I'm talking to right now; we click very well conversationally and are compatible on many aspects. However, I met him in person after talking online for a while and got a very bodily response that said 'no', I'm not attracted to him at all. I mean he's not ugly by any means, but no, I'm not attracted to him at all. He likes me quite a lot, prays 5x a day, and has good qualities about him. However, I also do not like his voice, and this may be impacted by the manner in which he talks/the kinds of jokes he makes. He makes jokes about how people look (as I've known a lot of young men to do), and he said he never means any of them. However, the kind of person I want to marry would never make those kinds of jokes at the expense of people. He also feels very emotionally flat/1 dimensional to me and although we clicked well in the beginning, I'm beginning to really not want to talk to him. It doesn't help that my friends don't like him for me either (2 of them met him). He is a good guy on paper, has a good job, generous (gives money to the homeless when he can), loves and wants kids, and all that. However, he's far too immature (comes across as my age even though he's a number of years older). One of the biggest qualities I'm realizing I want in a spouse is wisdom, but is this even something that is able to be found in a spouse? Or do I just have to amrry someone and hope that one day they'll grow to be wise and spiritual. I am just really getting a body intuition that I don't want to marry him because I feel like I'm settling. I've also known my intuition to be wrong in the past, so there's that. My parents think that if their background checking goes well, there is no reason I shouldn't marry him. To them, these reasons I'm mentioning are stupid/baseless. But I really just am not feeling that into him at all, and I don't want to marry him because I think I will eventually meet someone that I am both compatible with and attracted to. Let me know your thoughts and what of your experiences is informing you.

Salaams Whenever the topic of marriage comes about between my circle of friends and I, or between acquaintances or the wider community in general, I am always made to feel implicitly guilty for stating a preference or desire to want to marry outside of that community and to marry a revert. I now find myself not even wanting to bring up the topic with them, ask or even answer any questions about marriage because I simply do not have the energy to repeat and justify my reasoning. Finding potential people seems like an even more hopeless endeavour btw, but I'll cross that bridge if and when I come to it inshA. Any advice from people who have had similar experiences? Or reverts or spouses of reverts? Thank you For context, 30 M in London btw

I think I'm ready for marriage, or at least ready to start talking to a girl with that intention. I'm 24, have a good job, make good money, am educated. But when I spoke to my parents about finding someone, they seemed hesitant, or seemed to be pushing it off. My parents are very well connected in the community, and have matched several couples, so I was hoping I could go down that route, but since this seems unlikely I need to find a girl on my own. The issue comes that unlike my parents, I'm very detached from the community, don't really know anyone or talk to anyone at any centers or masjids, and all of my hobbies and work are heavily male oriented with very few woman, even fewer muslim women, forget shia.. I have a couple close friends who are similar to me, so that avenue isn't likely either. Some time ago, I did meet some shia girls, and was talking to them about marriage, but the distance was an issue. There are some youth events that are upcoming that I will attend, but again are male only. I have literally no idea how or where I can meet girls.

Hi, I'd like some advice on a topic that is concerning me a lot currently. I've met a man, he is pakistani (shia) and I am Iranian (shia). When we first met I brought up the differences in our culture/ethnicity and he let me know that his family would be fine with it as long as I'm a good muslim. Now he has told his parents and his mother has made a full 180 and is refusing to meet with me because I'm not Pakistani. This has given me a lot of grief as I can't do anything about it, I feel like I've not been given a chance. His father and sister are talking to the mother trying to convince her to at least see me in person, and he is going to do so also, but I am getting a feeling that it might be a challenge. Is there any way to get support in this? Islamically there is nothing wrong with us getting married, it's just cultural divides, and it would be great to hear from someone with similar problems.... Thank you.

I came across a hadith in Kitab al-Kafi that said not to marry Kurds because they're jinns. I asked a friend and they said that it isn't talking about the actual Kurdish race, but rather people who live in caves and in mountains. Like feral people. But what if these people do live like that, but are still pious and believing mu'min, would it still be haram to marry them? I'm concerned because my wife is Kurdish, and from a village in Kurdistan. And we both want to move to her village. But is it seriously haram that I married her because she's a Kurd?

Salam, I am gay, I am never merried, never engaged in any sexual activity my parents want me to get merried to a girl, my parents want me to get merried I tried to tell my mum that I don't like girls, but my mum was like love happens after merrage how would you know when you havn't been merried and I am single child of my parents who are old, so they are worried about how would I live without a partner expecially when I am highly dependent person. I too feel like life would be really depressing without anyone in my life and I was also thinking maybe things change. I tried to watch straight porn, but I didn't felt attracted to females in it so should I get merried to a girl what does shariat says about it. I tried to ask a Maraji representative about my question, but he became extreamly angry even when I started and disconnected the phone.

Assalamu 'alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu. I have an issue. I read on al-Islam that when saying the marriage words, the groom (me in this case) must say the acceptance words IMMEDIATELY after the woman (my wife) says her words. When we did our nikah, since we don't know Arabic and our pronunciation is very bad, we first said the words, then the English. But in this order: First she said, "An kah'tu nafsaka 'alal mahril ma'lum." Then she said the English, then I said "Qabilt ul-Nikaha", then I said the English. I'm having fears that our marriage may be invalid due to the Arabic being interrupted by the English, since I read on al-Islam that the groom's words need to be said IMMEDIATELY after the woman's words, I'm terrified our marriage was invalid. Can someone please clear up these worries, and please send me the Arabic writing for both of the marriage phrases?

I found this article and am curious about anyone's opinion. Personally(privately religious, publically secular) I believe it is the state and communities responsibility to protect the individuals freedom to choose who they marry. https://www.iol.co.za/news/south-africa/western-cape/interfaith-couple-takes-gigantic-leap-as-they-marry-in-open-mosque-11250116

Salaam all. A good friend of mine has a wife who confessed to having kissed a lesbian couple with passion which included lustful bodily contact as well as lustful gazes on each others' bodies. Of course he is devastated, but he was curious about what is the legal ruling on something like this, but didn't feel well enough to ask on a forum on his own so he asked me to look for some answers. Does this come under adultery? Yes or no? If yes, why and if no then why not? If no then what does this come under and legally what is the punishment (given the conditions are fulfilled such as for adultery which requires 4 confessions on separate occasions) Apart from that, although he didn't ask this, I wanted to ask so I can advise him: What should he do now? He is obviously depressed and frustrated with anger but also said he loved her, but feels very betrayed and broken. She confessed because she saw a bad dream reminding her of what she did so she woke up crying and later confessed to him about her actions. What should he do? Answers are welcome from both Shia brothers and sisters

am i allowed to do mutah but agree with no intercourse? and can i do this without my fathers permission

Brothers & Sisters, I truly need your help. This is a jurisprudential query and I had written to my Marja's (Ayatullah Sistani's) office about 6 months ago but have not received a response yet. I shall describe my situation and then attach the ruling from Ayatullah Sistani on the topic below. Please go through it thoroughly and suggest what you think about the outcome. From my understanding, I have come to a conclusion but I keep getting doubts which are endlessly bothering me and affecting my daily life. My situation is as follows: I did Mutah with a girl who had recently got her Khula done. At the time of the mutah, both of us had a lack of knowledge about general Iddah rulings and thought that the purpose of the Iddah period is just to ensure that the girl is not pregnant. Therefore, we thought that the Iddah might not be applicable to her as she had been physically away from her husband since 4 months before the Khula and was getting her periods within this duration ascertaining that she is not pregnant. We were unsure about the applicability of the Mutah and did some further research, but could not find a definite answer. Therefore, without being completely sure about the applicability of the Iddah, we went ahead and did the Mutah Islamically. However, a couple of months later, without having gone to bed with each other yet (having sexual relations), we found out that marrying a girl in her waiting period knowingly makes the couple haraam for each other forever and hence, did a deep research to ensure that the Iddah was not applicable to her. However, upon doing further research, we found out that the waiting period is applicable from the day of the Khula regardless of the girl being physically away from the husband or not. Based on the ruling of Ayatullah Sistani, we immediately separated as we thought we had done it out of ignorance and did the Mutah again after her waiting period. Moreover, we had not gone to bed within this period. The ruling from Ayatullah Sistani's official website is as follows: Ruling 2419. If a man marries a woman who is observing the ʿiddah of her marriage to another man, in the event that both or one of them knew that her ʿiddah was not yet over and they knew that marrying a woman who is observing ʿiddah is unlawful, the woman becomes unlawful for him forever even if they did not have sexual intercourse after getting married. And if they were ignorant about what ʿiddah is or about it being unlawful to marry a woman who is observing ʿiddah, then the marriage contract is invalid. Furthermore, if they have had sexual intercourse, it is forever unlawful [for them to get married to each other]; otherwise, it is not unlawful and they can get married again once the ʿiddah is over. Depending on the above description and ruling, I have come to the conclusion that since we did not know that the Iddah is applicable on the girl from the day of the Khula regardless of her being physically away from the husband or not, we did not know that she was actually in the waiting period and hence, did the mutah out of ignorance. Therefore, we can get married after the Iddah period ends. However, I keep getting doubts about this conclusion and am seeking some validation from you as I have not received any response from my marja's office yet. I really love this girl and want to do Nikah with her but am afraid that due to these doubts, my relationship will fall apart. Please help me clear these doubts. Jazakallah o Khair!

Assalam aleykum brethren. So I've been searching for a while, what a the rules and obligations of a man, while searching/picking his future wive(s) (as in what he must look for or do, and what he must stay away from). Also was searching the rules and obligations of a husband, towards his wife(s). In both monogamy and polygamy cases. I did a bit of searching on my own, but could only find bits and pieces, or quick summaries. But I'm actually looking for the full detailed rulings from A to Z. Just in case it will matter, I follow the rulings of Ayatollah Sistani, and I can't read Arabic. So only English results will help me. Thank you everyone.

Are Sunnis more likely to have more interacial marriages then Shias, i always thought Shia were more liberal, Is this right?

Can A Muslim Woman Marry A Non-Muslim Man? | HuffPost null

I was just curious to kno are South Asians liberal or strict when it comes to interacial marraige?would they marry a non south asian or convert?

Assalamu alaikum, I am a Shia revert, I have been Shia for years but a while back I lost my way and I met my now partner and we have a son together and also my older son sees him as his father. He was not Muslim at all but since I have started to find my way back to Allah subhana wa’tala, alhamdulillah, my partner has learnt a lot about Islam and I explained that I have to find my way back to the right path and unfortunately I will have to choose my faith over my relationship. After he learned some more about Islam he said he wanted to revert, like I had done, and I’m really happy and excited about this. He has reverted now and I know we have to get married - in an Islamic way - because I do not want to live in this disobedience of Allah subhana wa’tala and I want to show my two children how to be good Muslims. Sorry for the background information! I’ll get on to my actual question now: we live in a city that has no Shia mosques. I’m not joking. There’s like only a couple of mosques here and I’ve actually never been them because I was anxious, the Muslim community here is small and not many reverts and I have been looked down upon by the Muslim community here and really not accepted even when I was practicing and doing my best. We need to get married, I would like a permanent marriage because we were going to get married legally anyway before, we are already engaged in a western sense, but I don’t really care about that so much at the moment. But without a mosque to go to and without a sheikh, can we even get married?! Permanently and validly? I looked on Sistani’s website and I was confused. I was in a mutah marriage before with a man who really did introduce me properly to Islam, this was a long time ago now, and now I don’t even know if that was valid - we didn’t have witnesses. But I was told then that for mutah we didn’t need them. But for permanent marriage it’s my understanding we do? Do they need to be Muslim? My family is not Muslim. Do we need a religious leader like a sheikh to make a permanent marriage valid or not & to do the contracts…? I feel silly asking these things like I feel I should know it but anyway. I’m hoping someone can help me out. What does a couple do if there is no mosque or sheikh…? Like I said there’s a couple of mosques but they are not Shia. Can a permanent marriage & ceremony be done without this? And like I asked also for witnesses, can they be non-Muslim because my family is not Muslim and neither is my partner’s family. Thank you for reading and I hope I don’t sound really dumb and I hope I can get some clarity and we will be able to get married inshallah!

Is race an issue for marriage?

If I'm going to go into a temporary marriage with a girl who is a non hijabi/ chats with other guys. Is it wajib for me to tell her/make her stop talking to other guys and make her wear hijab otherwise I'm a dayooth?? The thing is I'm not planning on marrying her forever/building a family with her so I don't really take these things seriously it's just to fulfill urges + I don't want to start arguments and make issues when we get married?. Also if I just advice her not to and she doesn't listen do I have to keep arguing with her about it, and do I have to leave her if she doesn't listen, does staying with her if she doesn't listen to what I say/my advice make me a dayooth? As we know there's a hadith that says the dayooth doesn't smell the fragrance of jannah + The answer I'm most interested in is the hijab question W salam.

Is it harder to get marriage for a sunni or shia or for a convert from sunni or shia is it more difficult to get married for either?

I am aware that there are certain boundaries that are forbidden to be crossed in terms of marriage. And since I am unable to get a clear answer from other sources, I am looking here for the same. Is it permitted to marry your mom's aunt's daughter?

Aoa Everyone, I was wondering how do the Ayaat of Surah Mujadilah apply to the lives of Muslims in this time and age. I was personally interpreting it as the fact that thihar were words used by the man to divorce his wife in the pre Islamic era, when in fact he would not divorce her but come around later and act as if nothing happened, and so it does not mean those words have to be the ones used by Hazrat Khawla's husband, but instead they can be placed in the context of todays world, where as Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) has stated that they do not mean that actually she has become like a mothers back to him, but now for the mental torture and his lack of control on his tongue he must make atonement, which is then further described by Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). Can anyone link what other scholar have to say about these ayats? Esp sistani and ghamdi? or is there a way to contact them, leave these questions for them? I will be honest, I am asking in reference to a personal situation. My father told my mother in our language (urdu) that 'mai tumhay farigh karta hun' (in an insullting tone saying i set you free (as if you are a characterless person who cannot be restrained)) and 'tumhay ab mai ghar se nikalta hun' (i am going to kick you out of the house). on other occasions he has used the words that now our relationship is finished. could these ayaat be applied in these lights? this is not just a one time anger issue, this is nearly ever week of my life the past 20 years, consistent mental abuse, just like with Hazrat Khawla RA. The above mentioned are two people i could talk to my father with reference to and he'd be willing to listen, he is the kind of person who goes back on his own words just to be always always, always right. no matter what he has to do to seem right. The Surah (1-4): 1. Certainly has Allah heard the speech of the one who argues with you, [O Muhammad], concerning her husband and directs her complaint to Allah . And Allah hears your dialogue; indeed, Allah is Hearing and Seeing. 2. Those who pronounce thihar among you [to separate] from their wives – they are not [consequently] their mothers. Their mothers are none but those who gave birth to them. And indeed, they are saying an objectionable statement and a falsehood. But indeed, Allah is Pardoning and Forgiving. 3. And those who pronounce thihar from their wives and then [wish to] go back on what they said – then [there must be] the freeing of a slave before they touch one another. That is what you are admonished thereby; and Allah is Acquainted with what you do. 4. And he who does not find [a slave] – then a fast for two months consecutively before they touch one another; and he who is unable – then the feeding of sixty poor persons. That is for you to believe [completely] in Allah and His Messenger; and those are the limits [set by] Allah . And for the disbelievers is a painful punishment.

I am young guy and my parents are old they wants me to marry as fast as possible, all my related people that I know have somehow a miserable marriage life. a man married to a woman who run away during a trip and she waste his money, I heard that she wanted to marry someone else but now she is changing after 15 years. another related a woman married a man who wastes his money, he is not educated well but he thinks that he is always right, and thinks that everyone else around him wants to harm him, he have self ego, he don't want her family to help him or his wife. Now I am afraid of getting married I don't a girl that don't try to understand and I don't want to make our life miserable because of money. my parents will choose the girl but I don't know really if they will choose the right one because they are on hurry and I know they will ask people about the family of the girl, if one persons says they are okay and all others says no they are not okay, they will consider to choose the girl because like I said they are on hurry and they are kind they think everyone is kind but the world is changing, people changing too.

This is the first Ramadan I will fast when married. I understand that I can not have sex with my wife during the fast. However I have some questions: Does no sex during the fast mean no penetration or no ejaculation? Can we touch each other's genitals? If no, do you mean to the point of ejaculation or literally no touching at all? Thank you for your responses in advance.

Salam un alykum everyone Hope you all are doing well. I have some questions regarding intercultural marriage and how can you interact during engagement period in an appropriate way, where are the limits regarding Islamic laws? What are some important things you should consider before marrying someone from different culture background? How do you overcome cultural differences/ language issues in marriage? Lately I'm hearing a lot of negative comments about intercultural marriage... like "it won't last long, because of some of some differences"..."you don't speak same language"...."you won't be accepted by the in-laws"..."you will be the outsider..." I'm quite worried so if someone can give me any helpful advice...or if someone has experience with intercultural marriage...that would be great Waslam