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Assalamualaikum. Ya Ali (عليه السلام) Madad. I hope this message finds you well. I would like to share a deeply personal experience that I have undergone, seeking clarity and guidance from an Islamic perspective. About five years ago, I had the pleasure of meeting a remarkable girl online. She is a zakira, devoted to reciting majalis throughout the year. We developed a strong connection over time, nurturing our relationship despite the physical distance between us. We've met sometimes tho. Unfortunately, our journey together took an unexpected turn when faced with a challenging situation. Before delving into this, allow me to provide some context. I have an elder sister who remains unmarried. The girl I was in love with and I aspired to marry one another. However, I held the belief that my sister's marriage should take precedence, delaying our own plans until she found a suitable partner. Despite our sincere intentions, we struggled to find a suitable match for my sister, leading to a prolonged wait. As time went on, the girl I cared for started receiving marriage proposals from other suitors. She expressed her concern to me, emphasizing the urgency of addressing our own relationship's future. She insisted that I approach my family about our desire to marry, or she would have no choice but to consider other proposals. Taking her words to heart, I initiated a conversation with my mother about our intentions. It is important to note that my father had passed away a few years prior, leaving me with the responsibility of communicating our intentions to my mother alone. To my dismay, my mother's initial response was one of rejection and unwarranted criticism against the girl's character. This reaction deeply pained me. This was the first instance I had witnessed such behavior from my mother, as she had always been kind and understanding. I found it difficult to reconcile the fact that the person I held in high regard could harbor such prejudice against someone I deeply loved. I embarked on a mission to convince my mother, invoking the significance of compassion and fairness emphasized in Islamic teachings. I reminded her that hasty judgments and character defamation were strictly prohibited, especially without sufficient knowledge about the person in question. I beseeched my mother to consider the qualities of the girl I loved, and to view our relationship with an open heart. I implored her to evaluate the situation fairly, placing trust in the values she had instilled in me over the years. The ensuing weeks were challenging as I balanced my deep affection for the girl I loved and my commitment to respect and honor my mother's wishes. Eventually, the emotional strain led to a point where my mother urged me to leave the house, coupled with the threat of being disinherited. In that moment of despair, I confided in my sister, who assured me that she would manage the situation and find a solution. Trusting her, I shared the girl's contact details with my sister, who took the initiative to speak with her father. Tragically, my sister's actions were contrary to what I had hoped for. She approached the girl's father and persuaded him to distance his daughter from me. This revelation shattered me completely, leaving me in a state of emotional turmoil. I felt utterly isolated, with thoughts of suicide clouding my mind as I believed I had lost everything dear to me. In the aftermath of these events, I found myself grappling with overwhelming emotions and a deep sense of loss. The girl I had envisioned a future with was now united with another, my relationship with my mother and sister had suffered irreparable damage, and the trust I once held for my loved ones was shattered. For the past two years, I have tried to mend the broken ties with my mother and sister. While some semblance of normalcy has returned to our interactions, it is undeniable that the dynamics have forever changed. Their actions have left scars that continue to affect our relationship, leaving me feeling conflicted about the love and respect I once held for them. Their insistence that I seek forgiveness for a transgression I fail to comprehend only deepens my internal struggle. As I reflect on my journey, one question remains at the forefront of my mind: What guidance does Islam provide for individuals facing such intricate and emotionally charged situations? I yearn for clarity on how to navigate this turmoil in a way that aligns with my faith. My earnest aspiration is to eventually establish financial stability, enabling me to make the difficult choice of parting ways with my family and seeking a life of my own. I am genuinely appreciative of any insights or wisdom you might be able to offer, grounded in Islamic teachings and values. Thank you for taking the time to read my story and for considering my plea for guidance.
- 4 replies
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- family issue
- mother
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Salam Alaikum to all my Shia Brothers and Sisters! My life is devastating due to one problem (Although I’m responsible for it). I recently committed a major sin (Zina) and somehow got Herpes (Genital). I know what I did is completely wrong. But I have repented, repented every day after this sin and I’m continuing to ask Allah to forgive me (Ba haqqe Ahlul Bayt as). Our community has ignored this. Not only our community. Even others. Herpes is a condition which can’t be cured. But it doesn’t affect life span, neither it has any complicated effects on human body except that it causes frequent sores on genitals.. almost 4-5 times a year which take 10-15 days to heal. These are called outbreaks. Some people get less outbreaks per year. Every time I get outbreak, I get depressed and many a times plan to give up on life. Although I’m taking medicine for it to manage. I’m depressed!! I’m 100% sure, I’m not the only Shia with herpes. Many others are struggling too. But Alhumdulillah, I repented, performing all my Wajib duties and I am completely away from sins and I don’t have any other health condition. I see one thing: our community ignores these matters and judge people easily. I know there can a mistake but that doesn’t mean one should be treated like that even after repentance and living a religiously pious life. Having herpes outbreaks is very depressing. Although many people with herpes don’t get frequent outbreaks (hardly 1 or 2 per year). I know I’m not the only Shia with this condition, a lot many might have and are struggling deep inside. But now, I need to get married. I’m looking for someone with herpes (women) to get married to. I don’t want to lie and get married. Please help me. And please pray that the science finds it’s cure very soon. Please pray for my health. Please remember me in your prayers. And suggest some ideas for my problems. Thanks
- 5 replies
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- health
- depression
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Assalamualikum, I read here alot about that its permissible for a sayed boy to marry a non sayed girl. Yet some people dont still allow their sons to marry non sayed girls. All i want is a proof from the family tree of the prophet that the imams actually married non sayed women " the only example that i know is about the persian wife of Imam Hussien" So are there more examples than that? And how to convince someone that actually its allowed for a sayed to marry half a sayed " my mom is only sayed"? I need very convincing answers to that topic.
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(bismillah) (salam) inshAllah you are well. I've noticed that sometimes its difficult to get an honest answer from couples you know personally because, let's face it, very few people want to reveal personal details about their lives (which is completely sane!) and the usual advice shared seems pretty general, so I thought a forum could potentially give some 'privacy.' I'd like to use your experience to attain a bigger picture of marriage. Without revealing too much about your personal lives, as a married individual, what kind of experienced advice can you give non married brother/sisters in making one of the most important decisions in their lives, marriage? For example, realistically speaking, what attributes in your spouse/yourself seem to be main character players in your marriage, and what seem to be of less importance that you once thought was important? Should you go checking down a checklist or do you advise developing some sort of halal 'feelings/attachements' before hand? Please mention your gender to enable us to have a more complete picture of your advice. Your help is greatly appreciate and may Allah swt reward you for your efforts inshAllah! jazakAllah khairan, mysterious secrets
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Salam, We have such a huge Shia (Muslims in general) marriage problem in USA. Almost every 6th topic in sc is about muta, or marriage, or sins due to the lack of. Kids are doing weird things and publicizing it on sc. Sisters are sitting there getting old. Brothers are looking to extract fatwas to do muta with mushriks (muta with mushrik is btw totally haram). It appears to me there is a huge crisis going on in our community at large. What are some of the reasons that you would not like to go for a Shia Speed Dating? Even though, if speed dating sessions are supervised by adults, all participants are background checked, entry fee is nominal (say $$ not $$$), dress code is strictly enforced, participants come with the intention to find long term partners, Flirty Uncles are totally out banned, so what would stop you from attending such a Speed Dating event? Tell me what are your concerns!!!
- 11 replies
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- shia
- marriage issues
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