Search the Community

Salaam sisters & brothers, I’m currently engaged, i did my nikkah more than a year ago. Due Covid we postponed our wedding to next year. When I first get to know my fiancé, everything seemed right. We had overall the same values and future plants. However when i got to learn him more and more. I became hestitant and doubts started to get in my mind. Before i said yes i did istikhara, the result was good. Also my aunt did istakhara in my name, she also said that it was positive. So i said yes. My aunt is very religious, she prays, fasts, and does a lot of charity. She also studied the religion. fast forward to now. I doubt a lot about this marriage, it has different personal reasons. A few weeks ago i did istikhara again. This time it was negative, everytime i made my niyatat. It came negative again. My aunt did again istikhara again, a few times, everytime it camr back it was negative. what should i do? Should i break up? or should ignore the istikhara and my doubts. please help me brothers and sisters love

Assalamu alaikum, I am a 28 year old woman. I have a problem I don't know how to fix. I am very confused and tired and exhausted and worried and I don't know what to do. I really need help. I try my best to be a good muslimah and do what is right and avoid haram. I have wanted to marry for a long time and I have made dua for years and years and I have expressed this to my father in my very early 20s. My parents have not found me any matches and I became depressed. I am not an ugly, I am an educated woman, good looking, smart, and muminah. I see most women my age with husbands and children and their own lives and I feel stuck. Alhamdulillah for everything but it is very painful. The older I get the less options I have. As a woman close to my 30s I don't know what options I have left. This year I have gotten no proposals. I also live in the west and we are very distant from the community and my father doesn't allow us to mix with people or allow my mother to make friends so our options are even more limited. I recently met a man who is also shia muslim and a good educated man. I really like this man and he has a lot of qualities I have been looking for in a husband. When I suggested him to my father he became very very angry and rude to me, he said things I do not wish to repeat and threatened my life. He did not allow me to marry him because the man is not from the same culture as us. My father says I can only marry from my own culture. I feel as though this man is kind and religious and I would like to marry him. I am not getting any younger and I do not have any prospects. The man and I decided to not speak anymore to avoid any haram that may occur. Him and I have not overstepped boundaries or committed any haram. We decided to not message each other often and speak so that chances of haram are reduced. We still wish to marry except we are not speaking now so that we can give it some time and avoid haram. My father has made it clear he will not allow me to marry any man outside my culture and he says alot of racist things. I don't know what to do. I feel very lonely and depressed. I don't know what to do. I'm treated like a child and I have no options. My mother knows the situation and is very understanding. my father is not understanding or kind. I don't wish to hurt my family or do something haram. All I want is to be able to marry the man that interests me peacefully in a halal and peaceful way. I don't even want money or an extravagant wedding or anything beyond reason. I just want to be happy and peaceful. I just want to marry a man that interests me like any other woman. I try not to feel hopeless because I don't want to be ungrateful and I say alhamdulillah for everything but every day that goes by I fall deeper and deeper into my sadness and my depression. I don't have energy or will to do anything. Sometimes I wish for death because it's easier. My dad doesn't allow us to go and meet people or interact with the community. we are just stuck at home. I have a masters and I work. That is all that I have in life. work and sleep. and now with covid 19 all I do is work from home and sleep and i feel like a waste of a person with no future. I just want to marry this man. I just want what any other woman my age wants. I don't want to hurt anyone or cause problems. I want to have a life. someone to love me and for me to love them back. To travel and have children and a home and be able to feel like a adult and have the options to do things. I have waited for marriage as a way to finally live and be happy but I am stuck. I'm not allowed to meet with friends or travel or anything. now i am not allowed to marry. It is killing me to feel this way. I don't feel that I want something crazy. I am so confused and lonely and my heart and brain can not take this. I can't sleep because I am so stressed. I don't know what to do. I just want to marry but I don't want to cause harm to my family. I am torn. I know there is much worse in the world. I don't mean to sound ungrateful. Is it haram to want to marry a man of my choosing? can i get a kheira? What do I do? What is the islamic ruling on such a situation? I see a lot of lectures that say not allowing a daughter to marry based on race, culture or ethnicity is not a valid reason. But what does one do in this situation? Do I remain unmarried and depressed? I'm scared of telling my father again. I don't want my mother or siblings to hurt as a result of me. I am torn between being happy and married to a man I am interested in but hurting my family or unhappy and unmarried but keep my family from hurting. My mother supports my marriage to this man. It is just my father who says no. I am the oldest so I don't have a big brother or any other family to step in. When I say i'm scared of hurting my family I mean i'm scared my father will take his anger out on my mother and siblings. I am very lost. Please if you can provide me with some kind of direction or help. Is there a specific dua I have to do? I am really desperate and sad. Thank you very much for reading my message. Wa alsalam

Salam Alaikum to all my Shia Brothers and Sisters! My life is devastating due to one problem (Although I’m responsible for it). I recently committed a major sin (Zina) and somehow got Herpes (Genital). I know what I did is completely wrong. But I have repented, repented every day after this sin and I’m continuing to ask Allah to forgive me (Ba haqqe Ahlul Bayt as). Our community has ignored this. Not only our community. Even others. Herpes is a condition which can’t be cured. But it doesn’t affect life span, neither it has any complicated effects on human body except that it causes frequent sores on genitals.. almost 4-5 times a year which take 10-15 days to heal. These are called outbreaks. Some people get less outbreaks per year. Every time I get outbreak, I get depressed and many a times plan to give up on life. Although I’m taking medicine for it to manage. I’m depressed!! I’m 100% sure, I’m not the only Shia with herpes. Many others are struggling too. But Alhumdulillah, I repented, performing all my Wajib duties and I am completely away from sins and I don’t have any other health condition. I see one thing: our community ignores these matters and judge people easily. I know there can a mistake but that doesn’t mean one should be treated like that even after repentance and living a religiously pious life. Having herpes outbreaks is very depressing. Although many people with herpes don’t get frequent outbreaks (hardly 1 or 2 per year). I know I’m not the only Shia with this condition, a lot many might have and are struggling deep inside. But now, I need to get married. I’m looking for someone with herpes (women) to get married to. I don’t want to lie and get married. Please help me. And please pray that the science finds it’s cure very soon. Please pray for my health. Please remember me in your prayers. And suggest some ideas for my problems. Thanks

Marriage Advice: A short, pertinent example: