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In the Name of God بسم الله
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Hello brothers and sisters. I feel like I am in dire need of help. My hatred and the feeling of jealously towards my relatives and slowly now, towards others are increasing. I have lived a lonely difficult life, where I wasn't allowed to communicate with others much. Wasn't allowed to go out much. Basically say at home alone most of the time. I watch my cousins get everything they want. I'm not jealous over this but, the fact they travel a lot. Something I've never done. I wish to go to hajj and I wish to go to Iraq especially, so I can meet my grandfather. My grandmother passed away, so I never had a chance to meet her. I had a chance to go to Iraq this year, excited to meet my grandfather. I was meant to go with my relatives, but they had secretly planned everything, excluding me out. Which made me sad, as I know they are not fans of Iraq, where as I love the beauty and the history of Iraq. Even though I've never been, I know in my heart that its a unique place. My one chance is gone, I'm afraid I've lost my chance to meet my grandfather as I heard he is sick. I can't go unless for another five years. Which breaks my heart, and now I have tried to push away these negative feelings I've had for them. But now its just, worse. I can't help but think bad thoughts. I just don't want my heart to turn dark, as I've retreated myself from communication towards others and stopped caring for everyone as I'm continuously being betrayed occasionally. I don't really have anyone a around me to teach me or help me Islamically. I'm trying hard to be patient and humble and forgiving and kind. I'm losing that side of me. But I'm so alone. I'm reading the Quran and hadith's, but I'm not sure as to what I should be reading. There are other things before that triggered all of this, but I'll end up writing a book on here. I would appreciate anything. Please and thank you.
I know it's the worst thing to be jealous, but I don't know why I'm feeling the way I am. I'm the kind of person who genuinely likes to share other people's happiness. But so many people my age that I either knew from my childhood or people I went to high school and are going to college with are married and/or engaged. There have been so many weddings this past year and I can't take it anymore. Not being able to be with my SO IS SO HARD, particularly now. Someone recently got married, and she's my age, and I started crying irrationally, silently where no one could hear me. Everyone is getting engaged and married while I have to just WAIT for at least another year before I can get married. I'm so frustrated that people can just get married whenever they want. Please tell me I'm not alone in feeling the way I do.
http://www.burytimes.co.uk/news/4405299.Killer_of_pregnant_teenager_loses_appeal/ Shia man Sair Ali had an adulterous relationship with Mindy Sanghera but was married to his cousin. Does anyone know any more about this case? I'm interested
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