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In the Name of God بسم الله
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Salem aleykum brothers and sisters, Please bear with me as I have afew things to get through. Discussing this topic is quite intimidating and embarrassing, hence why I haven't managed to pluck up the courage to seek out help and knowledge untill now. And I would like it if you were a little considerate with your answers please, Thank you. So, my topic is Janaba from masturbation. It all started around a year ago when I first started this bad habit, it was out of curiosity initially but eventually became an addiction. At that time of the year I was in a very depressed state, often thinking about suicide ( for no particular reason.) The urge was strong but I never went ahead with it because I did not want to think that I have become hopeless of my creator. I was aware that suicide was haram and it is irreversible. So, i would often just try and find ways to feel better to get rid of those thoughts. and I guess that's where the idea of masturbation came from ( since medically it's seen as stress relieving etc.) Though I knew masturbation is haram but I had to weigh up the odds of it taking me out of that mindset of suicide (which is irreversable)(and yes i know there are better ways but barely anything worked for me at the time) And it was only intended as temporary thing. But it became a horrible addiction pretty soon that continued for the past year. It started to make me depressed even more because I knew I was disobeying Allah ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì and prayed for help +repented. But after a while I gave up. Because even after I would repent out of guilt and said I wouldn't do it, I did it again. Nonetheless, I eventually managed to cut down the activity (pretty much stopped it) but then again I can never be to sure of myself. All I am sure of is that I want to do whatever I can to compensate for my actions so they may be pardoned. I know that closeness to Allah (Praises be to him) is the only thing that can give me peace in its entirety. Alhamdulilah, this Ramadan has been a blessing and really healing for me so far. However, I made the mistake again last night after a streak of going quite a long time without it(for me.) If there is any time of the year to kick evil habits it is Ramadan. Inshallah, I will continue to try. If you if you have any Duas, recommendations etc for this sort of thing,that would be really helpful. Now for my real question: all of this past year that I have been praying etc is without ghusl of Janaba. My fasts up untill now were without them too. Its not that i lack islamic knowledge generally, I do often seek it and practice it. However, I never came across Janaba in regards to woman doing them. I didn't know State of Janaba was a thing! Im not that old to be married. it's not a topic that is taught to young girls because I guess it is assumed they will do not masturbate. (Unlike males where it is kind of expected of them so they are prewarned about it.) Even online there isn't much about females in this sort of area. Firstly I'm still unsure and confused, can a female enter state of Janaba through masturbation? If so that means that I have been impure while doing my fasts and prayers up untill now. I am concerned as to what I should do about the fasts i have kept this Ramadan so far. Do they count? Should I make up for them? What about my salah? A whole year worth of my salah is invalidated? Do I have to redo them? Bearing in mind I didn't start regularly praying till like 14/15 or so. (Wasn't religious/ didn't understand my religion well) though alhamdulillah God guided me eventually and discover the sweeteness of salah. I have always intended to makeup those 5 years but don't know how and never got around to it. And now will another year's worth be added on to it? How can I make it possible to complete them with every day responsibilities like School, work etc. I apologise for the lengthy post but the reason why I described everything was maybe if any of you find faults in my thinking or ways maybe able to point out and help. Help a sister out of ignorance. Thank you for your time and may Allah send his mercy and blessings on all of you and your families this Ramadan. Inshallah
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