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His mother disapproves of me because I'm not Pakistani
Guest posted a topic in Social/Family/PersonalHi, I'd like some advice on a topic that is concerning me a lot currently. I've met a man, he is pakistani (shia) and I am Iranian (shia). When we first met I brought up the differences in our culture/ethnicity and he let me know that his family would be fine with it as long as I'm a good muslim. Now he has told his parents and his mother has made a full 180 and is refusing to meet with me because I'm not Pakistani. This has given me a lot of grief as I can't do anything about it, I feel like I've not been given a chance. His father and sister are talking to the mother trying to convince her to at least see me in person, and he is going to do so also, but I am getting a feeling that it might be a challenge. Is there any way to get support in this? Islamically there is nothing wrong with us getting married, it's just cultural divides, and it would be great to hear from someone with similar problems.... Thank you.
Guest posted a topic in General Islamic DiscussionSalaam Alaykum, I have a question about morality and fairness in this situation: Say a newly wed have arguments which are always instigated by the husband's parents. When they fight, the parents go to the son and tell him what a horrible woman the wife is for fighting with him and that he should either divorce her or go and do mutah so he can find peace with other women. The husband doesnt divorce the wife but he does go and do mutah and enjoys with the women while neglecting his wife. He is not there emotionally for her and doesnt want to do anything with her - intimacy, going out, watching movies, etc. The husband brings the women to their house where he doesnt help with anything. The wife is the one who cooks and cleans and manages the house while she also goes to work. He lies to her by saying that he is at work while he goes to his women. He takes vacation time from work to spend time with the other women. She's basically being treated as a maid and a front to show the world what an honest pious man he is while he leads a double life behind the scenes. The husband's family know of this issue and are supporting him. They even know his mutah wives and encourage him to visit them with her and not with his wife to their house. What I want to know: Is this Islamically acceptable what the husband and the family are doing? Thank you.
Pls Help! Revert Sister living with in laws
nur1507 posted a topic in Social/Family/PersonalSalam Alaykum, Please i hope as many sisters as possible read this and give me their opinion... your help is much appreciated ! I am a revert shia muslim sister and I am 25 years old. I have been married for less than one year to my husband and when i agreed to marry him I accepted to live with his family : his mother who is a housewife and she is divorced, his 16 yo sister, his two brothers of which one is mentally disable. One of his brother is married and was meant to move out soon but he didn't yet so atm I wear my hijab every day when he is at home. Even if I get along very well with his mum and family, I find it now too hard to live with this arrangement. as i feel i don't have much personal space and sometimes enough privacy or enough quiet ; can't always do my own things, cooking or cleaning expecially their mum is housewife so she is the one who mostly looks after them and manages the house . Also, i am not used to live with a disable person (down syndrome) and sometimes it gets difficult..and on top of that the fact that I still have to wear hijab around the house every day.. they also sometimes invite male friends and it makes me feel ubcomfortable and of course i cant mix so i have to stay the whole time in my room I get very frustrated and I am often sad . Sometimes I feel like I need a break but I can't even go anywhere as I am pretty much alone in this country and if i want to go stay at my parents I need to take a plane. What makes me feel much worse is the fact that my husband don't understand me ...instead he says i am always exagerating, making it much bigger than it is, blaming me for everything for my negativity for my feeling sad... He also constantly tells me that i m the lucky and privileged one to be with him and his family and that there are many girls who would live like me . I honestly don't believe any born muslim girl would have accepted to marry someone and live like I do ... we didn't even have a wedding...my mahr was low .. i married him purely because i wanted to be with him.. I tried to accept it, but now this has become too much and the fact that he doesnt understand me just makes it impossible for me to go on like this Please sisters tell me honestly ?Would you ever accept to be living like i do?
Sister in law keeps causing issues
Guest posted a topic in Social/Family/PersonalAs salaam alaikum, when i got married a few years ago I moved to my husbands country and I don't know anyone where he lives.i have no family or friends beside his family.it has gotten better where I am able to drive and now I have 2 kids so the depression from moving went away I still miss my family because we are very close.i spent two months with my in laws before we were pushed out by his father but his mother has always been kind to me and we have a good relationship generally.i love spending time with them now and I go out of my way for them and I am always kind with my words and always respect them..one of my sister in laws however is a bit dramatic and the family knows this but lately it's becoming too much for me and I am upset with my mother in law for constantly belittling the situation when her daughter is rude.my sister in law is younger than me by a few years and I understand it is her daughter but by her brushing it off makes me feel like I am nobody and it makes them think it's ok to talk to me how they want.even his younger sister who is only 16 disrespects me at times.sh once said she didn't want to say hi to me because she is madbeacuse of a situation with her brother.this is not ok.inshallah my daughter will not grow up learning to disrespect her elders ever.i love my mother in law but my sister in law is continuously cause unnecessary issues.its not what u say but how u say it.i have no relationship with her so I feel she should tell me what to do especially as she is younger and I definitely do not tell her what to do even though the things I see she is doing is haram..anyway I want advice on how I should handle her should I just tell her don't talk to me anymore to avoid any issues because it is not once it is happening very often and I try to keep my distance from her.any advice will be appreciated jazak Allah
RevertSister posted a topic in General Islamic DiscussionI know this is quite personal but I'd like to share this to get some advice as have no one to ask for advice from. It's coming up to one year now since I got married and moved in with my in laws. My husbands mum dad, sister and her daughter live here. They speak little English, so most the time I don't speak majority of the day as no one speaks to me. If they do it'll be in Gujarati. But it's not the same as I can't have a general conversation with anyone except my husband. I just feel sad sometimes when family come over and they all speaking laughing and joking and I'm just sat there not knowing what's going on. I knew his family didn't speak much English before we got married but I thought it wouldn't be such a big issue, I guess it's completely different when your in the situation. I don't work at the momemt currently looking for a job, I think that will help at least then I can get out the house and have abit of a social life. I feel that I can't really do my own things in the house too, or else they will take it bad. I'd like to move out, would you say this is a wise idea? My husband is the youngest and he says he wants to look after his parents. But you don't need to live with them to look after them? Do you?.. He did agree it will be nice to get a place of our own. Right now they are more than capable of looking after themselves and being independent. His sister that lives with us has her own flat that she likes to go to during the day, chills there then comes back to our house to sleep etc. She never helps around the house. She leaves everything to me, even all the cooking, I don't even know how to cook Indian food. I have learnt a few dishes by using YouTube to help me but the fact that she can cook and doesn't, I don't like this attitude. Also that she doesn't share chores with me, just feel as though she takes advantage of me. If it was vise versa I'd never do that to my sister in law. The fact that she does, hurts me. My other sister in law that doesn't live that far away, even she's noticed how I do all the house chores and was saying it's not fair on me and why doesn't She help me. So sometimes I do feel quite stressed that why am I doing everything while she's just being lazy. I know she has a daughter, but everyone in the house helps look after her so can't use her as an excuse. I just feel that I need my own personal space because in this house hold I feel like the odd one out, don't feel at home. Makes me miss my parents so much and wish I could move back in with them! What would you do if you was in this situation?
Quick Question | Mutah | Mahram
dragonfly posted a topic in Jurisprudence/LawsSalam If a couple has a mutah marriage, do the parents become mahram to the couple as they would in a permanent marriage. i.e. can the father of the boy now see the girl without her hijab on? Thank you
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