I was raised Sunni but after reading Henry Corbin (a scholar of Islamic gnosis and its various speculative traditions, particularly in Iran), the knot of dogma was loosened in my mind, and the outward form of Islam (its legal and doctrinal elements) felt superfluous compared to the kernel of esoteric wisdom contained in the writings of Ibn Arabi, Haydar Amuli, Mulla Sadra, Suhrawardi, Ahmad Ahsa'i, etc.... I abandoned prayer, I abandoned dhikr, I even abandoned the Qur'an, as I spent months reading the Hebrew Bible looking for some kind of perennial religious wisdom. After reading Shaykh Muhammad Husayn Tabatabai's exposition on Shi'ite Islam, I want to return to the normative fold but I feel like the structure of my mind is utterly changed now, as in I'm not satisfied by the basic categories of religious thought anymore. Prayer, dhikr, the Qur'an, etc., it feels like the meaning of these rituals has totally changed for me. How can I become a normal Muslim when I've been drinking from the fountain of oriental spirituality for more than a year now, without the rigor of systematic learning which would've probably saved me from what was blatant apostasy on my part?