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Salaam, I hope everyone is keeping well and healthy amidst COVID. As stated in the title, this is going to be a personal post. I’m currently in my 20’s/female, when I was younger I was groomed by a female authoritative figure. I come from an abusive household, (my father), I’m still vulnerable not sure if that’s relevant. She is also a Shia too. I never understood what it was or meant but all I knew was I felt it deep in my heart I was meant to be with her. It left a massive scar in my heart and I think I’m unable to ever understand why it even happened but alhamdillah, it could’ve been much worse. I even prayed to get over the heart break and find someone new or at peace. Here comes the part none of you will like, I’ve got a girlfriend of almost a year now. She’s been so patient with everything. She’s so strong hanging on whilst I make the choice. Fully take her out of my life for my sake in the next life or risk it all, given how merciful Allah is. Im currently keeping back on track with prayers and trying to closer myself to God inshAllah. I know this sounds so stupid, but I just want to know are my prayers valid at all whilst being with a girl or am I just being a bad person while continuing to pray ? I don’t understand why I can’t have both and it’s really hurting me. I’m not carrying out any sexual acts with her or myself. Ive recently just had a major freak out about how The End will come, like is it painful ? What will it look like, will the Blast of the trumpet deafen me ? I’m just so scared about dying and ending up in Hell. I understand Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) is so so so merciful! This is why i’m so confused about being with a girl whilst I continue to pray. I am aware of homosexuality being haram in every religion. Thank you for reading my dilemma, any advice is always useful. Please don’t hate on me, I’m crying myself to sleep every night and making dua that things will work out for the best. If anyone could pass this onto a scholar, I would really appreciate that inshAllah. Stay safe everyone!

There was a thread several days ago where people started to debate about homosexuality. One Shia brother said he was gay. He didn't seem to view it as a major sin. I would be curious to know how many people here view it as being acceptable to be Shia and gay at the same time? Do you view it as something that should be repented of? Some relevant quotes from the Imams (A): Imam Ali (A) said: “Sodomy is a Greater Sin and carries punishment when a man mounts upon another man but does not penetrate. If he penetrates, it is kufr” - al-Kāfi Huzaifa ibn Mansur says: “I enquired regarding sodomy which is a Greater Sin from Imam Ja’far as-Sadiq ((عليه السلام).)”. The Imam replied: “To press the sexual organ between the thighs in an illegal way” I asked, “Who is the person who commits sodomy”. Imam ((عليه السلام).) replied; “One who has disbelieved in what Allah has revealed to his Messenger (the Holy Qur’an).” Imam Ja’far as-Sadiq ((عليه السلام).) was queried by Abu Basir regarding the verse: “So when our decree came to pass, we turned them upside down and rained down upon them stones, of what has been decreed, one after another.” (Surah Hūd 11:82) Imam ((عليه السلام).) explained: “There is no one who leaves this world while considering sodomy Halāl, but that Allah hits him with one of the stones that had fallen on the people of Hazrat Lut ((عليه السلام).).”

I was raised Christian, but recently have been looking into Islam, which makes a lot more sense to me... However, I have a problem - I'm homosexual. As homosexuality isn't permissible in Islam, is it still possible to me to convert to Islam? Is simply having homosexual desires impermissible, or is it just sexual acts? If so, providing I am celibate, I will have no issue? Please help...