Search the Community

Salaaam dear friends, I was wondering if anyone would like to practice their Persian/Farsi with me? It's exciting to have pen-pals! There is more time for me now because of the quarantine, I'd love to make friends and learn. Please let me know if you're interested! Thank you

Life is a song - sing it. Life is a game - play it. Life is a challenge - meet it. Life is a dream - realize it. Life is a sacrifice - offer it. Life is love - enjoy it.

TOC: Post 1 = Introduction Post 2 = Article Post 3 = FAQ This is an article that I have been writing for the past couple of weeks, in response to some of the brothers/sisters in the forum who had question about the correct way of marrying according to Islam, especially since we are prohibited from being friends with non-mahram before marriage. This is a combination of solutions that I have heard from scholars in Iran, with my own adjustment, so that it becomes more fitting to the situation of the people in other countries. This is almost the first draft of the article, so I will be working on it for the next one or two week. Corrections, suggestions, objections, and questions are all welcome and very much appreciated, as I will be trying to make a long-lasting reading material for the people deciding to start a new family. For the same reason I am assigning the third post of this topic to the frequently asked questions; so, please do not shy away from asking your questions. I think it might be too much too ask, but I kind of hope that the moderators pin this to the top of a forum so that it is available for further readers, if such a thing is not available already. Thank you

I am in the 11th grade, and a brother, and I have a friend at school who is a girl, who is in the 12th grade, and is Muslim, but is not very religious. For instance, she doesn't pray 5 times a day or 3 times a day, and she doesn't fast during Ramadan.....I am wondering if that is haram, because it says in the Qur'an (I forget which verse) "...do not approach zina.." rather than "do not committ zina" and many Muslim preachers and Muslims I know think this is haram....is there really harm in just being friends, or is this not modest?

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم Assalamu alaykum, My friend once told me that he views me as a best friend and he calls 3 other people his best friend. I told him I would never be able to have him as a best friend, not because he's a bad person or there is anything wrong, but because I believe you only have one best friend - that's why it's called best friend(singular) I also told him I don't know if I am being too idealistic in this world, but this is what I see in friends and ranks: 1. Best friend 2. Close friend 3. Good friend 4. Friend 5. Acquaintance He of course is not offended and completely understands however... Am I being too idealistic in this dunya? Is this realistic? Islamic? I would be grateful for all your ideas. JazakAllah.

The Scientific American article posted below is a commentary on the paper Benefit or Burden? Attraction in cross-sex friendship by Bleske-Rechek et al. (2012). There's so much in this study that supports the Islamic attitude toward cross-sex friendships. =============================================== Men and Women Can't Be "Just Friends"Scientific American Researchers asked women and men "friends" what they really think—and got very different answers Can heterosexual men and women ever be “just friends”? Few other questions have provoked debates as intense, family dinners as awkward, literature as lurid, or movies as memorable. Still, the question remains unanswered. Daily experience suggests that non-romantic friendships between males and females are not only possible, but common—men and women live, work, and play side-by-side, and generally seem to be able to avoid spontaneously sleeping together. However, the possibility remains that this apparently platonic coexistence is merely a façade, an elaborate dance covering up countless sexual impulses bubbling just beneath the surface. New research suggests that there may be some truth to this possibility—that we may think we’re capable of being “just friends” with members of the opposite sex, but the opportunity (or perceived opportunity) for “romance” is often lurking just around the corner, waiting to pounce at the most inopportune moment. In order to investigate the viability of truly platonic opposite-sex friendships—a topic that has been explored more on the silver screen than in the science lab—researchers brought 88 pairs of undergraduate opposite-sex friends into…a science lab. Privacy was paramount—for example, imagine the fallout if two friends learned that one—and only one—had unspoken romantic feelings for the other throughout their relationship. In order to ensure honest responses, the researchers not only followed standard protocols regarding anonymity and confidentiality, but also required both friends to agree—verbally, and in front of each other—to refrain from discussing the study, even after they had left the testing facility. These friendship pairs were then separated, and each member of each pair was asked a series of questions related to his or her romantic feelings (or lack thereof) toward the friend with whom they were taking the study. The results suggest large gender differences in how men and women experience opposite-sex friendships. Men were much more attracted to their female friends than vice versa. Men were also more likely than women to think that their opposite-sex friends were attracted to them—a clearly misguided belief. In fact, men’s estimates of how attractive they were to their female friends had virtually nothing to do with how these women actually felt, and almost everything to do with how the men themselves felt—basically, males assumed that any romantic attraction they experienced was mutual, and were blind to the actual level of romantic interest felt by their female friends. Women, too, were blind to the mindset of their opposite-sex friends; because females generally were not attracted to their male friends, they assumed that this lack of attraction was mutual. As a result, men consistently overestimated the level of attraction felt by their female friends and women consistently underestimated the level of attraction felt by their male friends. Men were also more willing to act on this mistakenly perceived mutual attraction. Both men and women were equally attracted to romantically involved opposite-sex friends and those who were single; “hot” friends were hot and “not” friends were not, regardless of their relationship status. However, men and women differed in the extent to which they saw attached friends as potential romantic partners. Although men were equally as likely to desire “romantic dates” with “taken” friends as with single ones, women were sensitive to their male friends’ relationship status and uninterested in pursuing those who were already involved with someone else. These results suggest that men, relative to women, have a particularly hard time being “just friends.” What makes these results particularly interesting is that they were found within particular friendships (remember, each participant was only asked about the specific, platonic, friend with whom they entered the lab). This is not just a bit of confirmation for stereotypes about sex-hungry males and naïve females; it is direct proof that two people can experience the exact same relationship in radically different ways. Men seem to see myriad opportunities for romance in their supposedly platonic opposite-sex friendships. The women in these friendships, however, seem to have a completely different orientation—one that is actually platonic. To the outside observer, it seems clear that these vastly different views about the potential for romance in opposite-sex friendships could cause serious complications—and people within opposite-sex relationships agree. In a follow-up study, 249 adults (many of whom were married) were asked to list the positive and negative aspects of being friends with a specific member of the opposite sex. Variables related to romantic attraction (e.g., “our relationship could lead to romantic feelings”) were five times more likely to be listed as negative aspects of the friendship than as positive ones. However, the differences between men and women appeared here as well. Males were significantly more likely than females to list romantic attraction as a benefit of opposite-sex friendships, and this discrepancy increased as men aged—males on the younger end of the spectrum were four times more likely than females to report romantic attraction as a benefit of opposite-sex friendships, whereas those on the older end of the spectrum were ten times more likely to do the same. Taken together, these studies suggest that men and women have vastly different views of what it means to be “just friends”—and that these differing views have the potential to lead to trouble. Although women seem to be genuine in their belief that opposite-sex friendships are platonic, men seem unable to turn off their desire for something more. And even though both genders agree overall that attraction between platonic friends is more negative than positive, males are less likely than females to hold this view. So, can men and women be “just friends?” If we all thought like women, almost certainly. But if we all thought like men, we’d probably be facing a serious overpopulation crisis. ABOUT THE AUTHOR(S)Adrian F. Ward is a doctoral candidate in the Department of Psychology at Harvard University. His doctoral research is focused on the relationships between technology, cognition, social relationships, and self-esteem, and he worked briefly as a scientific consultant for a dating website.

salamon alaykum, Syed Mohamad Baqr Alsadr in his book (Fiqh Alkhlaq) started with this question: is there a relation between fiqh which deals with laws ,halal and haram and the akhlaq which deals with attitudes and refinement of relationships? Syed Mohamad described 4 ways through which we can establish a link between the 2 fields but i am going to mention only one of them: Fiqh is about Sharia laws and the shari'ah laws are about implementing the divine justice, not the personal or cultural likeness , and thus Fiqh is about the divine justice. It is clear for the experts that justice is essential topic in Akhlaq in a sense that akhlaq train the person to be aware about the goodness of justices and the ugliness of injustice Syed concluded that Fiqh originates from akhlaq in general and the justice specifically The book is in 2 parts covering the akhlaq sense in the mustahabat and makrohat How much can the lack of knowledge of fiqh can affect the person piety ? Imam Ali said "ÞÇá: ÅíÇßã æÇáÌåÇá ãä ÇáãÊÚÈÏíä¡ æÇáÝÌÇÑ ãä ÇáÚáãÇÁ¡ ÝÇäåã ÝÊäÉ ßá ãÝÊæä" and said "ÇáÚáãÇÁ ÑÌáÇä: ÑÌá ÚÇáã ÂÎÐ ÈÚáãå ÝåÐÇ äÇÌ¡ æÚÇáã ÊÇÑß áÚáãå ÝåÐÇ åÇáß¡ æÅä Ãåá ÇáäÇÑ áíÊÃÐæä ÈÑíÍ ÇáÚÇáã ÇáÊÇÑß áÚáãå¡ æÃÔÏ Ãåá ÇáäÇÑ äÏÇãÉ æÍÓÑÉ ÑÌá ÏÚÇ ÚÈÏÇð Åáì Çááå ÚÒøæÌáø ÝÇÓÊÌÇÈ áå æÞÈá ãäå¡ æÃØÇÚ Çááå ÚÒøæÌáø ÝÃÏÎáå Çááå ÇáÌäÉ¡ æÇõÏÎá ÇáÏÇÚí ÇáäÇÑ ÈÊÑßå Úáãå æÇÊÈÇÚå Çáåæì" and said :ÞÕã ÙåÑí ÚÇáã ãÊåÊß¡ æÌÇåá ãÊäÓß¡ ÝÇáÌÇåá íÛÔ ÇáäÇÓ ÈÊäÓßå¡ æÇáÚÇáã íÛÑåã ÈÊåÊßå" and said :ÞØÚ ÙåÑí ÑÌáÇä ãä ÇáÏäíÇ: ÑÌá Úáíã ÇááÓÇä ÝÇÓÞ¡ æÑÌá ÌÇåá ÇáÞáÈ äÇÓß¡ åÐÇ íÕÏøÞ ÈáÓÇäå Úä ÝÓÞå¡ æåÐÇ ÈäÓßå Úä Ìåáå¡ ÝÇÊÞæÇ ÇáÝÇÓÞ ãä ÇáÚáãÇÁ æÇáÌÇåá ãä ÇáãÊÚÈÏíä¡ ÃõæáÆß ÝÊäÉ ßá ãÝÊæä¡ ÝÇäí ÓãÚÊ ÑÓæá Çááå (Õáì Çááå Úáíå æÂáå) íÞæá: íÇÚáí¡ åáÇß ÇõãÊí Úáì íÏí ßá ãäÇÝÞ Úáíã ÇááÓÇä