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Salaam everyone, I was actually wondering about a Shi'a girls stance on marriage. I mean, I was wondering if say a Shi'a girl says her consent to the marriage 3 times to the niqah, but her niyyah isn't for it, meaning she doesn't actually want to get married to this person, does the marriage still count? If she says yes outwardly, but no niyyah inside to say yes, and doesn't want to, but is being forced to say yes? Especially in the case that the girl does not plan to have any "relations" with this person after the forced marriage anyway. Btw, for that, say if the marriage is valid, is it necessary for the girl to do acts of marriage with this person? Or if she doesn't want to she doesn't have to? I would appreciate any rulings or any information that could be found on this. Jazakallah & FiAmanAllah
Salam Alaikum With a lot of courage and nights that I have cried myself to sleep, I have gathered the courage to take the opinion and thoughts of what others would think of my situation and what is the best course of action for me now. I am a syeda, shia ithna asheri girl. I write nohas and recite and am engaged in several other religious activities too out of my peanent job in a MNC firm for 3.5 years. Since the past 7 years I have been in a deep relationship with a Sunni man, our intention being of marriage. I met him 8n 2009 when I was 16, and he was 18. No haram activities were done by us as we wanted to put up the topic of marriage in front of our parents when we are older. He is a very good person at heart and wanted to know more about the Ahlaybayt a.s., aways helps people, orphans, and whoever ge can, doesn't smoke, drink etc. Now I am 23 and he is 25. We are of different countries (India/Pakistan). He has become a Shia Ithna Asheri hiding from his parents as he mashaAllah got the ziarat of Imam Sahibaz Zama in his dreams on the day of Eid Fitr this end of Ramadhan 2015. Our parents found out about us being together in 2010 and it was horrible. My parents house arrested me for 6 months amd said I can't marry a Sunni and a Pakistani no matter what. They made me take oaths on Quran after 6 months and let me go back to study after 6 months in my university. Once I got back we were together again without our parents knowing as we could not live without each other like the parents wanted. We realized we couldnt live like this forever so we opened the topic up to pur parents but all hell broke loose again. I being the girl had to hear so many things from my family to an extent my parents saying that I'll die for them if I even think of a sunni and pakistani. I told them that he has converted and a very practising momin but they made fun of me and my pain. They said no matter what I will never marry him. The guy's family as well were against a shia and were giving threaths of escalating the matter to the police. Turns out I read my fathers chat log and he was in contact with the guys father saying "We can't let this happen and we have to deal with this emotionally as they are not kids anymore. Even if we take matters to police they can turn the case against us." I went for vacation with my family to India this year and there under family parents and relatives pressure I got engaged to a Syyed guy (he was out of the country, his parents did the ceremony). When my parents asked me to speak to him and get to know him I said NEVER, because I am truly in love with only 1 man and will always be just with him. Parents said that there and my relation is only to the point that I get married to the syyed guy and not to the sunni one. I kept on saying that he is not sunni and they kept on saying that even if he dies and is of gold I will never marry him. Just to be cleat, my parents love me to death they always gave me everythin I wanted, gave me the best education, best schooling everything! Just this thing they are not giving it to me. Now that I am out of India and back in the country I work and live with mom dad and siblings, I keep meeting my true love whenever I can and no matter whatever has happened we still discuss islam, talk about ahlaybayt a.s., imam mehdi a.s., listen to sayed ammar lectures together (him in his house me in my house) and talk.on whatsapp viber emails. I told my parents that I dont want to marry. My parents are saying that its because of u ur engaged and that now theres no turning back or else the entire society will not let us live and will spit on us. They told me to sacrifice my dreams and happiness for them like they sacrificed for me. They say that they have loved me so much so now I have to listen to them and agree for the marriage. The sayyed guy sent me some clothes during eid but I never wore them and will never do as my heart is only attached to my true love not the one I am being forced to marry under the umbrella of my parent's image and society's acceptance. I have never spoke to the sayed guy, my parents travelled outside to the country he lives in to meet him and my parents say that he is very well financially established, good looking, religious and funny. I cant never see myself happy with anyone else except my true love. I cry myself to sleep since I have come back from India. I dont know what I should do. I keep praying to Allah, ahlaybayt a.s. to guide me and help me and him. He as well is in a very bad state but keeps telling me that love for the sake of Allah and hate for the sake of Allah. He tells me that I should come as close to Allah as possible so that my journey is not as difficult. I love Allah, Ahlaybayt a.s. and Allah knows that I can sacrifice my entire self for his and my Ahlaybayt a.s. sake but it's really difficult knowing that is it too late for me? What should I do? I dont even know if its possible for me to break the engagement as even this is not in my hands as everyone in my relatives and family knows about it. We are a higher middle class family with office and a side business and my father says that its better I die than ruin their image, izzat. I always keep thinking that even if I do get married to that sayyed I may not be able to give that man what he deserves. My heart is completely for my love and not for anyone else. I told my mother this but they said that just get married we will see later. I know that Allah doesnt test a soul with more than it can handle, but its very difficult for me. I want to be with my tre love in this dunya and akhira, but my parents just because he is not sayyed like us is not accepting him. I am in the taqleed of Imam Sistani and his ruling is that syyeda girls can marry no syyeds but my family is not accepting. I prayed to Allah for death as I cant suicide as its haram and niether can do anything else that's haram. I prayed for death as I can't let anyone else touch me!!! The pain is unbearable and only Allah knows what I am going through but havong third party views on my situation would be appreciable. At the end of the day I know that maybe this is the test of Allah - and I keep telling myself as the quran says that ull never achieve rightiousness unless u give away that which u love the most, and only Allah knows that my true love is who I love the most. Please give me ur view on this and how should I approach this sitution. Till today I am silent at home and my parents know that I am against the marriage,they threaten me that they'll make me quit my job and keep me home if I dont change my mind. What option do I have than to stay quiet!??? What does Allah want me to do!!!!! T_T JazakAllah khayrun min jaza.
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