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  1. Dear brothers and sisters, My husband and i live separated for nearly a year. We don’t have children. He doesn’t live with me, he refuses. But he also doesn’t wan’t to divorce. He just doesn’t care. I tried to talk to his family and dad. They say that it’s not their problem and i should talk with my husband. He doesn’t answer my texts or calls. When i try to visit him, he goes hiding. I don’t know what to do. It’s emotionally so hard for me. He doesn’t provide and i have i hard time to focus on my job. i asked for khula but he and his family don’t corporate. They don’t want to divorce me. They put me in this hopeless place. I have never received my mehr, so I don’t have to pay it back. I don’t even care about it. I just want peace and clarity. please help me, what are my options? What can i do? I heard that i also can get a divorce without his permission. How to do it? And which organizations can help me? I al from europe, i am willing to travel. he and his family just won’t talk. He doesn’t care, i am suffering.
  2. Please help me by answering. 1. Does divorce with indirect expressions valid known to be kinayah divorce according to shia scholars?
  3. Salam, I am gay, I am never merried, never engaged in any sexual activity my parents want me to get merried to a girl, my parents want me to get merried I tried to tell my mum that I don't like girls, but my mum was like love happens after merrage how would you know when you havn't been merried and I am single child of my parents who are old, so they are worried about how would I live without a partner expecially when I am highly dependent person. I too feel like life would be really depressing without anyone in my life and I was also thinking maybe things change. I tried to watch straight porn, but I didn't felt attracted to females in it so should I get merried to a girl what does shariat says about it. I tried to ask a Maraji representative about my question, but he became extreamly angry even when I started and disconnected the phone.
  4. Why are more Pakistani women choosing to divorce? (msn.com)
  5. Hi A little backround. I got married to this guy when i was 17. We are both shia. I had never interacted with the opposite sex before and i was a bit innocent going into it. Getting to know him I realised we were not compatible in terms of general interests i tried to i let him know about my second thoughts but then he took me and i was 17 i felt like i couldn't leave and he convinced me he loved me. I was scared to tell my parents mostly. When we did marry he would have moments where he was nice and then he would be cold. Until I found out that he was inlove with his ex that his parents didnt let him marry because she was sunni. this made me really sad as i didnt want to be with him, why did he marry me just because i matched the genetic racial code. he was abusive. Anyway. we have a verrrrry rocky relationship. always him brining up his ex. Untill 2 years into the relationship i get pregnant. our whole marriage he isnt very intimate, only when he gets his urges. i always wondered and felt ugly because of it, but i never really found out or realised why. A week before i gave birth, i cant sleep because im 9 months pregnant and I usually use my mobile and watch youtube. But that night my phone was left in the living room so i just used his phone. Which was quite normal as he never hid it from me, we used eachoters phones it was normal for us. when I opened his phone, i found adult videos. This really set me off, I then looked more and more and the more i saw the more confused and emotional i got. There was mostly videos of men and woman but there was this one video that was of gay nature. it was really bad. you have to understand how this made me feel about my husband, how it made me see him. his appearance changed instantly in my eyes, and he was sleeping right nect to me. i was fuming. i leave without waking him and drive around for 30 mins and im still fumming. I approached him while he was sleeping. i decided to ask him about it. a part of me just wanted to hear him deny it just to change me, if that makes sense as i was a week before giving birth and my husband was no longer a man. I told him i found ponography on his phone and told him to just tell me why. and that i wouldnt get angry... but i got angry, he said because he found me unattractive while i was pregnant. but he didnt know i saw the gay stuff. i didnt want him to know because i felt like if we both knew then how can i stay. i dont know if that makes sense, but its like almost catching your brother with it, you know if you face it then your relationship would change. almost that if only i knew then i could control the outcome. I called my dad the next day telling him i wanted to leave him and crying alot. He asked me why i couldnt say why because its so bad. but i kept begging. of course my dad just tought we were having issues and no way he would agree to supporting that as i was 9 months pregnant about to give birth in 4 days. anyway i started resenting him so badly. i couldn't look him in the face, i just hated him. but i still wanted to be with him as i was scared of being with a newborn and single. it was stupid but i desperately wanted to glue the family together. baby is born, i am living with my family straight after the hospital and my ex informed me he wanted to live with his parents for a month or so as our new home was being built. We were renting but he wanted to move in and help his mum as she had major depression with raising a disabled child. i didn't think bad of it i thought it was nice and that he would be nice to me when i would be a mother, but his mother really hated me as her son was her lifeline. and his dad didn't like me because i didn't speak fluent arabic and would stutter because i would get nervous at times so he would just say to not talk to him until i could speak arabic properly Anyway. 2 weeks after baby is born, we have argument via text as he wouldn't visit me and he would tell me his parents said not to. i got really angry, knowing what i knew about him and staying trough all of that, and then i just give birth and have postnatal depression and he doesn't stay with me? He felt bad and came the next day with flowers and chocolate, but i had already decided i was so angry from the night before and, we had a loud physical fight about his mother and i did end up slapping him as I couldn't take the memory of what i saw. He left and never came back. Divorced me from his parents house and i didn't even know. Now i have a newborn and am single. i sometimes regret slapping him because i think maybe my baby would have a father and a family and my baby never got the chance to live one night as a unit. But then other-times i think how can i stay with someone who did those things. how desperate would i be, what if my daughter was the one who caught him watching that stuff? i kept it a secret, i only told my older brother as he knew there was more to it as he knew if he slapped me i wouldn't hit back a man so i had to tell him why, it was because i resented him from the gay stuff i found. then he felt really bad for me and just stared at the wall for 2o minutes in shock as i hid a-lot of our problems from everyone. He told everyone we got divorced and i slapped him thats why, and of course i couldn't explain myself for the sake of my daughter. i used to get angry at the whole thing and say why did this mess happen to me! my life is so hard now! why was that my piece of marriage and love? oh my nobody would want to marry me in the future as i have a child. But now when i think about it i think wow god would'nt do this to me unless he thinks im very strong. because god doesn't burden a soul more than it can bear. i feel like allah is really testing me through this. and my faith in allah has only grown so much and i am 2 months after divorce. but sometimes i do get sad because of how he divorced me, not because i love him. because there is no love left in a woman's heart after such thing happens. is there any shia text/readings anyone might think is beneficial to me at this point in my life? thanks so sorry for the long read.
  6. This question arose from one of my best friends. He asked me and I truly had not thought about it much. I told him that it is in our tradition that we do it, as the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) did it [he is a non-Muslim]. Moreover, I told him that I would not only marry her, but give her children of my own in multitudes! Nonetheless, I would like the opinion of everyone else and why.
  7. Hi all, Husband has not given wife any rights at all to date. About a year has elapsed. He does not keep her or divorce her. Does not co-operate with scholars to resolve case. Wife has tried to reconcile but in vain. Husband has explicitly mentioned he wants to divorce her, but will not do so, because he doesn't want to give mehr/dues. What choice does the woman has? She does not want to take khulla because 1- she loses her rights 2- husbands current mentality means he will go around and affirm his claim that wife never wanted to live together - a slander is is spreading around. Also, the husband has been physically abusive towards wife. Wife is still a virgin. Questions: 1- in the current scenario -what options does she have? 2 - after how much time has elapsed that the marriage is automatically nullified? 3 - scholars have been least helpful and no guidance is provided. The wife has been waiting patienly for months now with no resolution despite islamic framework exhausted. Please help!
  8. Bismillah, Few weeks ago I mentioned one of my friend's problems with her husband. To make it short: He asked her to give him her mahr and all the presents he made her, then she could go and get her Divorce. Usually this would be a Khul' divorce, right? He just took a Sayyed as a Wakil to make the divorce but this Sayyed intends to make it a revocable divorce, even though she gave him the mahr and the presents to make sure he could take her back. Is this even right?? If it's a rajai divorce, why should she give him the mahr and the presents and why should he be able to take her back when she was clearly NOT okay with living with him anymore ?? She knows that she doesn't want to live with him anymore and he even gave her the right for Khula. Now that the Sayyed said "let's make it a Talaq Rujui" he agreed, knowing that he could take her back then without her okay. My question is... is this even correct?? Shouldn't they at least do a Mubarrat Divorce, since she gave him the mahr and the presents back and since she really doesn't want him to take her back? Thanks and Salam.
  9. Salam 3aleykum, a sister sent me this, asking for your advices: First of all sorry I'm not a natice English speaker and this will be a little longer: I have a personal issue with my husband. We are engaged since 4 months now (made a Nikkah), but I still live at home with my parents. Me and him know each other for 1,5 years and already went through a lot. He made a lot of mistakes like lying to me, chatting with other girls, never calling me back or ignoring me for days. We were fighting a lot. He lives about 6 hours away from me. in April he told me that he doesn't want me anymore. Telling me that it's my fault for not trusting him.. just to come back 1 week later and asking me for forgiveness. I forgave him everything, even when it really hurt me. I wasnt the one who did anything wrong. Yet he left. But came back.. Not much later he started to ignore my text messages again, didn't call me or showed no interests. This time I ended it all. It was June. I was so sad and broken hearted that I didn't let him take any more advantage of me. He was totally broke, I paid a lot for him, comforted him and made sure to motivate him in life - and all I received was ignorance. Again after a week, he regretted everything. He told my mother to talk to me, sent his brother and mother.. everyone asking me for another chance. Telling me he would change and never hurt me again. He said I should trust him for my love of Allah ta'ala and that Allah is the one knowing his intentions were real. I was really hurt by out of blind love I trusted him again, but promising myself that this would be the last chance, since he really did me wrong. I told him that he should take the chance and make it work this time and to treat me the way I deserve. He really tried hard this time and we both got engaged in September. But after that, everything went down again. Starting with ignoring my messages, never calling, not taking me seriously. I tried to talk to him very calmly first but he didn't took me serious. After that we only had fight after fight. He always told me that I would overreact, but I really didn't. He just started with his same old behaviors again. In November he did something that really broke me in pieces. He said that he wants to divorce me. Telling me we're way too different. He was annoyed by my way of thinking. He doesn't want a wife who asks him what he does or where he is at. He doesn't like it when I told him that certain things he does were haraam. He said things like "you want to go to Ziyarah every year but I don't". I was so shocked. I knew he wasn't super religious but maybe that was MY mistake to fall in love with him since I take my religion really serious. For nearly 2 months he said that he wanted to divorce me. Causing me so much pain. I lost 4 kg of weight and wasn't able to sleep for weeks. He made a mess out off me just like he did 2 times before. At the end of December, after many many attempts of solving this problem I asked him if a divorce would be this last word. I asked him I'd he' 100% sure. He said yes. And something deep inside me changed. I knew I tried EVERYTHING to solve this problem, but at this point it was like something told me to recognize my own worth and to stop caring. I suddenly saw all the bad things about him I covered the past moments. As if love made me blind and he opened my eyes with breaking me into pieces. I closed the doors behind him, being sure he'd leave for good. Allowing myself to find peace again. I realized how weak I was when I was with him. Before I met him I even prayed salat al-layl on a regular basis, but with him I even had problems with my 5 daily prayers. As if he took away all my spirituality for months. Even my Hijab got worse when I was with him. After closing the doors behind him, I found a really deep connection back with Allah ta'ala. And somehow found myself again. I felt so calm and happy.. alhamdulillah. But after a week.. he came back again. Again regretting it all. Again telling me that he's sorry and that he doesn't want to lose me. But this time I really CAN'T trust him anymore. My soul just doesn't want to. I just wish he'd leave like he said.. but he doesn't. Now he's telling me that he wants a last chance to make it all right and that if I can't trust him anymore, I have to get a divorce on myself and that he doesn't want to. I really don't know what to do. I don't trust him and I know that he's not good for me and my relationship to Allah ta'ala. He caused me so much pain and did the same mistakes over and over again. But I am too afraid of leaving him because I fear the effects of a divorce.. Is it wrong to say that I can't trust him anymore and is it right to leave someone who broke my heart so many times and made me suffer? I really don't think that I'll ever be happy with him on my side.. and I want to come closer to Allah ta'ala. That's so hard with a man who doesn't take his religion or marriage seriously. Will Allah ta'ala punish me for not giving him another chance? Or Should I stay with him only out of fear of Allah ta'ala even when it makes me sad? Please advice me..
  10. Hi everyone! I need your advice. I`ve been thinhing about divorce. It will be my first divorce and I don`t know which method of divorce will be more convenient and cheap. I have heard a lot about online services and colleagues said about one of this named DivorceFiller . Or I shoud divorce through standart procedure of divorce ? Give me advice , please!
  11. Salam aleikum! I need advice here. Firstly I want to say sorry for writing maybe little bit wrong some words, english is not my native language. So here it goes. I am married alhamdulillah for 6 months now. My husband is mashAllah practising muslim. He fullfills his duties as husband fully (provides food, home, money and intimacy etc..) We dont have any children or pregnancy yet since we have been married only for about 6 months. So it is just the two of us living together. Both our families are faraway. For the last one month I have not been feeling happy with him. I even sometimes feel quilty for not feeling happy with him since he is practising muslim and provides me money and all that. But all this unhappiness of mine started about month ago. We had fight that time. Now its good time to say that i have been married before him one time. So our fight was about this that my husband found in my phone contacts my ex husbands phone number. I have not been in any contact with him or anything but I just had forgotten to remove his number from my phone. I told my husband that I just forgot to delete it. I really dont use phone so much to call anyone, I use it more for internet exploring and facebook. Very rarely I call or message anyone in “normal” phone number, I rather use facebook messenger. So thats why I forgot to delete ex husbands number. I told this to my husband but our fight only got bigger. Then I panicked. I really had panic attack and started to cry and hyperventilate. I couldnt breathe. My husband saw this and I told him I cant breath and I want to go in front of our door in our yard (where nobody can see or come) to calm and have some fresh air. My husband didnt let me go. He carried me to bedroom and pushed me to bed. I tried again to get up but he didnt let me. He sat on top of me and started to strangle me. All this time I was crying and hyperventilating and couldnt breath. I ended up holding Quran in my hands end swearing that I had nothing to do with my ex husband. Then I ran to toilet and locked the room. I just wanted to be alone.That night I didnt want to sleep with my husband in same bed. He went to sleep in salon and i slept in our bedroom. About two weeks after that I started to make istikhara about our marriage, should I divorce or what. I made it for two days. Then I stopped. Again about week after that I saw a dream. In that dream I got married to someone else. In dream I even met his family and we went to hajj with him as married couple. I even remember his full name in that dream. In reality i dont know anyone by that name, nor does my husband. I told my husband about that dream. He didnt say anything but that he also doesnt know anyone by that name. In dream I was so happy and full of joy. I was so sad to wake up from it and see that I was sleeping next to my (real current) husband. Could that dream be answer to my istikhara? I know that I am not happy with my husband at all. I am not over that event that we had with him when i had panic attack. After that I dont see my husband the same way anymore. Now I see him as really bad person and I hate to have intimacy with him. I dont like him to touch me but still I met him since its my duty as his wife to be availeble to him when he wants. I hate it all and I dont enjoy it. I sleep with him, i Cook and clean for him. I beautify myself for him. I am housewife for him. I even stopped working since he doesnt want me to work. All that kissing and sleeping with him is disgusting to me and I only do it because it is my duty. Now I had again few nights ago dream. In that dream I was escaping prison. Gould that mean anything? So please, advice me. What should I do? is that dream of mine answer to my istikhara to divorce my husband? I am always so scared that I fall pregnant for him because then it would be much harder to leave. I feel very bad and I even think my husband deserves a wife who really loves him, same way as he loves me. I just dont love him anymore. I really have trauma of our event and that changed everything I had towards him. I want to leave but it will be hard. I have talked about all this with him but he doesnt understand. He tells me that he will never give me divorce, even if I just left. Everytime i try to talk about this my trauma he just tries to quite me down by kissing me and holding me. He doesnt understand that by doing this i only feel more bad and want to run far from him. I need help and advice. I so badly want to leave but I am scared of Allah and my husband to do that. I am really desperate here.
  12. Under which circumstances can a woman divorce her husband? What is the process if a wife wants a divorce but the husband will not divorce her?
  13. Fascinating video about the statistics of attraction between the two sexes, with some rather interesting conclusions. He does, however, not consider the impact factors not relating to attraction have on divorce, relegating the phenomenon entirely to each sex's perception of the other's attractiveness. He also assumes that women's perception of their own attractiveness is the same as men's perception of it (which is the source of the data) when commenting on women 'settling'. Either way, quite an amusing watch!
  14. Salam Alaikum everyone, I am in a very difficult situation, and I have no idea which direction I should go in so I am seeking advice (even if it's a harsh truth!) I will try to keep this short. I married my husband 7 years ago, we have one child. Three years ago I came to find out that he married another woman temporarily for a term of 8 years (they still have 5 years in their term). It shattered my whole world. I never thought he would do this to me, he lied originally about it to try to delay my feelings. When I first found out, I asked him ti leave her and he agreed. I thiught that was that and we moved on. A year after I found out that he had lied to me again, that he was still seeing her. I gave him another chance and actually accepted him being married to her on the condition that their relationship is strictly over the phone. He agrerd but I never fully trusted him, but thought it was what was best for our son at the time. I've recently come to realize that he is in fact seeing her in person still (surprise!) and broke down. I've cried nearly every day, and feel that my love to him is gone. He's promised to change and says he will only talk to her on the phone, but my heart can't trust him again. It's been very difficult not only on us but our son as well. It's come to the point that I have asked him for divorce, but he will not divorce me. My questions are, is anything he doing considered haram? Knowing that I will leave, is he obliged to divorce this other woman in order to save his permanent marriage? How can I go about getting a divorce from him? My biggest fear is that of losing my son (he is 3), what are the rules regarding him - who has primary custody? Thank you all for your time
  15. Bismillah, Here is the scenario. There is a man who is a muslim and a mumin (i.e. he prays, fasts, gives zakat, hajj, is good with his family, good aklaq, etc). He's not perfect but the vast majority of the time he treats his wife and children good, i.e. supports them financially, does not abuse them, is generous with them, in general. At the same time, he wants more out of life so he meets a women who is a refugee from the war in Syria and has two small children. Her husband is dead and she is looking for someone to help her. So the man decides to get married to her and he tells his wife. She objects but he does the marriage over her objections. If you were a sister, what would you do in this situation, considering 1) You relationship with your husband before this time was not perfect, but good and even better than average for all the other women that you knew 2) He supports you financially and although he is not a very rich man, is as generous as he could be within the limitations of his income 3) He has enough income to maintain two households (i.e. support a second wife) I don't want to start WWIII, I just want to know roughly the percentages of what is likely to happen in this case. Please sisters only answer.
  16. سلامٌ عليكم It has been ages since I posted or took part in any discussion here. This particular subject has been discussed before here but thought someone may have something to add or suggest. One of my friend, mother of two kindergarten children filed divorce last year under the US law but is still under the marriage contract in accordance with Islam and we all know the reason - he won't divorce her!! Married for 10 years, working mother with a major portion of share in income from her (almost 100%) unfortunately found her husband indulged in a haram and an inappropriate act. Concerned for her own safety & dignity and of her daughter's she immediately requested her husband to leave the house. As was expected he did not return, did not for months ask for the well-being of their children and finally she filed divorce. He does not have a steady income so couldn't pay towards the childcare and was even sent letters by child support agency. My friend approached scholars and their offices for help so that she can get Khula but seems like she is left with no choice but to wait like so many other women who go through the same situation. Scholors are unable to help since the man and his family are in no mood to respond to the calls or even when someone tries to talk to them in person. They are not willing to let her go while supporting their son/brother's actions. My questions are; 1. Why so difficult for women and easy for men? I have gone through topics here and also the rulings but someone asking the same question after 5 years tells me something is either wrong or someone is not doing his job properly while sitting in the office of various Maraji across the countries. 2. Do you know any scholar in Dallas or in Houstan who actually wants to help women have their right given to them of living a good life with their children? Thank you all in advance! Ma salama
  17. Salaam all, I have created this account because I love the helpful feedback and comments I've seen on this forum for months now, because I now am in need of help: To cut a long story short I keep wanting to leave my husband, he is very emotionless and my marriage feels one sided. I come from a Wahhabi and Sunni background, and he introduced me to the teaching of Shia Islam and I reverted within the week. I am young, and I did not have a wedding as my mum being from a Wahhabi background was unhappy with this choice, but my dad supported me, thank god, and we got our Nikah done. Since then, I have become increasingly isolated, I do not have any Muslim friends and I have never spoken to anyone about my marriage issues (besides my husbands- who does not seem to care). I have been pressured into wearing hijab by his family as they would forbid him marrying me, but he does not see any wrong in this and says that it was a good thing. All of these changes started to happen very fast, and I was 21 years old when I fell in love with him, I have been telling myself that things will get better, but nothing does and I am becoming increasingly depressed. I cannot speak to my parents regarding this because of everything we went through to be together, and I once spoke to my mum and she implied that I deserve this for my choice in husband. It has been a struggle and we have been together now for 4 years, he is a [occupation], which I realise is draining him and I am patient and try and be as good as I can, I cook for him his favourite meals, I am not [ethnicity] but have tried to learn some [language] and to learn all his favourite [ethnic] meals, and I try to give him space as best as I can too. All he wants to do is play computer/ video games when he comes home and very rarely spends time with me, I have brought this up many times, but nothing changes, and he seems not to care. Also, I have struggled with the hijab, as I live in a very racist town, but have persisted to wear it for God, the only thing that I hate is the hypocrisy that I'm starting to notice, such as, he pressured me to put it on, but when there is a semi naked lady on the telly he doesn't change the channel or look away? I don't understand, but we have had a few arguments regarding this. Today, I said to him I am very unhappy and am considering a divorce, he didn't seem to care and said go ahead... Problem is, I do actually love him, and don't want a divorce, especially as I know it will make things harder in many ways. Has anyone else gone through anything similar or has any advice or coping strategies please? I'm considering seeking professional help, but the town I live in rather racist and it would be hard to find a therapist that can empathise with a Muslim. Thanks for your time.
  18. Alsalamu Alaykum In accordance with Islamic rules, a man is allowed to divorce his wife even though she is pregnant. Another case which is important to express in this regard refers to the matter of her 'Iddah. sheikh zein al-din ameli says:
  19. When a preschool age child asks why the parents divorced, what is the appropriate answer? I've heard that it's wrong to tell a child negative things about a parent because they will take it as a negative statement about themselves, but there's sometimes no way to answer that question honestly without making the non-custodial parent look like a louse.
  20. Assalamu Alaikum what is the ruling regarding a man that does not spend on his wife and requests her to spend on him. I know that spending is the mans responsibility and that he is required to spend on her and the household and that it is not permissible for him to ask for her money even if she works and has wages,however I want to know what is the ruling where a man asks his wife for money,how is a woman supposed to react to such request. if a man does not provide furniture to furnish the apartment where him and his wife are to be married and settled into, to the point where he does not even provide bedroom furniture,despite having enough money to do so, how is the situation to be handled. the husband does not provide any furniture(not even a bed) and requests to marry his wife and consummate the marriage ,the wife finds it hard to marry in such condition as she will be entering a house that is empty of furniture and that is uncomfortable to live in . she asks her husband to provide just the bedroom furniture and forgives him for the rest of the house furniture, she says she is willing to sit on the floor (no couches or any living room furniture),she tells him her parents will provide the fridge ,washing machine,vacuum, kitchen needs etc(despite this offer, he still refuses). her only request is for a bedroom to be furnished,the husband does not agree and pressures the wife and treats her badly and blames her for not allowing him to marry her in an empty house where she finds it hard to marry in such a condition. what is the ruling in regards to this unusual scenario, is the wife supposed to accept marriage and sleep on the floor? or is it permissible for her to deny him consummation of the marriage until he provides the necessary means for marriage? please note the husband has the means to provide household furniture but but he does not want to provide as he is stingy and does not want to spend money,he even asks his wife for money and spends from her money while keeping his own money. the husband faults the wife and refuses to provide furniture despite the wife's negotiations and he now wants to divorce her with the claim that she does not want to consummate the marriage,he does not take accountability for his decision to not furnish the house,which is what provoked his wife into reacting in this manner. please provide assistance, jazakumullahu khairan.
  21. Marriage without wali, representatives, or evidence is valid? Secret nikkah valid? What is girl demand khula? What's the procedure? Can a husband force wife for her conjugal right if she isn't giving
  22. Salaams Everyone, I am new to this forum and am joining to gain some insight into my "feelings". I have been divorced for approx 4 years now. I was fairly young when I got married and for one reason or other my marriage didn't work out. I am now at a place where I am looking to settle down and have a family. I have used the last four years to study and become independent so Allhm in that regard I am blessed. Moving forward (swiftly) my need for settling down is proving very difficult and I am hopeful someone on here can help? I have tried all (and I mean all) match making websites for single shia's and khojas (yes I am khoja)!! Matchmakers cant seem to find me anyone either.... Does anyone else have any suggestions? I am also doing amaal's as found on Duas.org Any help will be very much appreciated. Duas A
  23. Salam to all, I have recently joined this forum and would like to ask few questions from my community members, I got married and then i figure out that my wife is not willing to consummate the marriage and was making excuses so i waited for more than a month and then decided to divorce my wife and completed the process in-front of 2 witness and one religious scholar. Now, the wife has to observe the iddat period of 3 months or not? I have already returned personal belongings to my wife , how do we resolve the issue of Jewelry items given to my wife as marriage symbols and i got the ring and watch. also in Salami i got cash amount and other gift items, what is the ruling of our Marajeh on the items to be returned ?? How do i return the cash amount which is spend on shopping for my wife ? Also how much amount of Mehr i need to pay ? Half or Full. I hope our members are knowledgeable enough and will reply according to our Marajeh's rulings. Wassalam
  24. Hey guys, so I'm having some marriage issues and I'd like to get some other peoples opinions on this. I'm sorry theres a lot of details but it would mean alot if you could read them. First off, I got engaged in Iraq and I bought my husband to America. We live with my parents. The first couple of months were hard but alhamdulilah we got through them. We both fell in love with each other and things were great. He would help out with the bills and everything like that. Anything I would need to buy, he would buy for me. Our marriage was good literally up until the point where we decided to visit Iraq and see his family after a year of marriage. We went to Iraq and everything went down hill. First off, his mom is an amazing liar and manipulator. My problem is, my husband loves his mom to literal death. And theres nothing wrong with that but no matter how wrong she is, he will always be on her side and whatever she wants him to do, he will do it. When I went to Iraq, I saw his true colors. In his family, if you put down the wife it's considered manly which makes no sense because his mom is the queen in their house. Shouldn't they be treating their wives like queens too? No. She encourages them to not spoil their wives, and to not be romantic with them because according to her this will give the wife confidence and will make her spoiled. Their mom is literally never in the house she's always out and they never ask where she is but when their wives want to go somewhere they don't allow them. What really made me mad was the fact that my husband was talking about my family behind my back. I know this because of his little sisters. They're still young so they don't understand and they come and tell me what they hear. He literally told them how he buys bread and pays bills. He doesn't agree with that and his mom doesn't either apparently. She tells him don't pay anything, what are they gonna do to you? She wants his money for her only. She manipulated him into buying a piece of land for 30 thousand dollars in iraq for his "future" when we don't even have a house here to our selves in America! I tried talking to him but he tells me to not worry about it and that he's doing something good for us. He makes plans with his mom when it's supposed to be between me and him because it's OUR future, not hers! When we were in Iraq, he would keep all his money with his mom. Again, no big deal but it made me feel sad because it's like I'm your wife, aren't you supposed to trust me with your belongings? I don't even know how much money he has! Theres SO MUCH more that happened in Iraq that made me change my feelings toward him but moving onto my problems now- I became really close with my brother in laws wife when I was there. We were going through the same things with our husbands being obsessed with their manipulative mom so we were the only ones that understood each other. Anyways, when we came back from Iraq, me and my husband had a little argument and he just couldn't help but go and call his mom and tell her about it. And her advice to him? was to hit me! Obviously he didn't hit me. But what made me mad was the fact that it was such a simple argument, and he HAD to tell his mom about it. It couldn't stay between us. In my opinion, everything and anything that happens between a man and a woman in marriage should stay only between them. The argument was over a towel. I can't imagine what he would've said if it was actually over something serious. This made me lose all the respect I had towards him. He proved to me that I'm married to him and his mom, not just him. And that things can't stay just between us, which is very important to me. Before we came back from Iraq, we agreed to start trying to have a baby. We're over our 2 year mark and and we agreed it was time. We came back and one day he randomly told me he doesn't want a baby anymore. I was devastated so I called my brother in laws wife and told her that we aren't going to be trying for a baby anymore. She literally tells me that his mom talked him out of having a baby because of how much money they would cost which is exactly what his excuse was to me. His excuse was bs. He said we don't have time and when he comes back from work he will go to the gym so he won't even see his baby and that they cost money. This and everything else that happened really made me rethink my future with him. My husband would put the gym over his own child? My husband doesn't want to spend money on his OWN child yet he'd spend thousands of dollars over his mom in a heartbeat. Now I'm just so repulsed at the fact that I'll EVER have a baby with him. He wants to wait until we own our own house and make over 5000 a month until we try. I feel like those things are soo far down into the future. Not everyone owns their own house before they have a baby and they're all doing fine. And when will we own our own house if youre buying lands in Iraq?? He's waiting on ME to finish my education and work before buying our own house. There's just soo much stuff that changed in him after we went to Iraq and it made me rethink my future with him. I know you guys will say to talk to him, and I have tried but he's hard headed. I can't tell him your mom is manipulating you don't listen to her. There's just somethings that can't be said. We care for each other and love each other but we're both unhappy in our marriage. It actually breaks my heart to look at where we are now compared to how happy we were before. What do you guys think I should do in this situation? I'm considering divorce because I'm married to a guy that doesn't know reality exists. He wants to please his mom and only his mom and will listen to her only. A man makes his own choices. I feel like he'll only benefit his mom instead of our future in the long run.
  25. Salam Alaikum I have a query regarding divorce and hope you can advise upon this. I was forced to marry a girl in Pakistan in 2000 and we lived together in my parent's home after she came to the UK. We had a son in February 2003, however, due to ongoing personality clashes, I divorced her in February 2004 at a local civil court in Pakistan. Since the divorce in February 2004, my father brought her back to the UK to force the marriage to work. However, I was not happy with this and did not accept her back as my wife. We lived in the same house separately, as my father did not want to lose access to his grandson. However, we did not resume relations as husband and wife until July 2005 as I tried to make our relationship work again, but we continued to clash. We had a daughter in February 2006, but we continued to clash and had many arguments. We are now at a stage where we both want to move forward with our lives and live independent lives. In Islamic terms, is she still considered as my wife, even though I divorced almost 12 years ago, even though our daughter was born after the divorce ? In Islamic terms, do we need to seek another divorce, or is the original one still valid ? If you could kindly let me know your views on this. W'salam
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