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  1. So I heard once that to cope with constant emotional abuse, negativity or depression, negative people u can’t escape from like family n relatives, u need to build up your spiritual immunity How do u do that? Also that made me think how did Imam Ali (عليه السلام). cope mentally n emotionally through every heart break after the death of the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم)? Was it his spiritual immunity? I mean to deal with it n keep going n keep going until he was himself killed? How did he get back up after the death of his wife, death of his close companions being on battlefields with Muslims on the other side ammar bin yasir dying infront of him Wouldn't it all take a toll on him n break him? Some people have things happen to them constantly n they r so broken n they cry a lot. I just want to know the key to dealing with all things tragic n negative n injustice
  2. Salam Aleikum brothers and sisters, (I apologize if this is a long read, but I am desperate for help and advice because I really do not have anyone to talk to. The main reason I came here is just so I can explain everything without hopefully being judged but also get some advice.) I am going through extreme despair/hopelessness in my life mainly due to my family life, but also due to a lot of regrets and decisions I have taken in the past. I really want change in my life, I am 25 years old now and I feel lost and on the verge of giving up on life completely! a brief background.. I came to Canada at a very young age with my family (parents, 4 brothers and one younger sister). My family is not very, religious only my mom and I pray, fast etc. My parents and family back in my home country are very attached to their culture and are very proud of their own race. The biggest problem for me is that my parents(family ) are not educated, only my father finished highschool and was planning to do nursing when his father (my grandpa) died. So he had to work and support his large family to this day. I love my parents and all the hardships they went through to bring us to a safe country to get education, and better our lives. However, I feel that they do not know how to adjust to life here although it has been 17 years we have lived in Canada. They are extremely strict towards me especially because I am a female, I thought they would change when I grow older, but even until now I am 25 years old, I can't even go out with my friends without stuttering and telling my father where I am going and with whom. I was 23, and I told my father I am going to the mall with my friend and he dropped me in the subway station, before I reached the mall my father took my mom and came to the same mall which is 30 minutes drive. In the mall he called me and said which store am I in, I asked my mom why did you guys came but I know she made an excuse and said your father wanted to shop too. But I did not believe her obviously because he wanted to know with whom I am with and if I actually told the truth. He told me to meet him in front of the store, I went there and took my friend also just for them to see that I am with a girl, and I did come to where I said I would go. Everyday when I go to school, I must come home immediately after my classes. when I was working in retail store he knew when and what time I finish. I have had countless, teary arguments with my mother asking her why I am controlled so much, I need to breath I can't even do basic things being a 25 year old woman. She says, we have seen alot of youth/ girls go in the wrong way, do wrong things we just do not want our kids to go astray in this country too. I always felt deeply sad when my friends say that they have a very open, friendly relationship with their parents and siblings. I long for that but I can never ever have that kind of a relationship because my parents are not educated, they do not know how to speak to us to get their message across (although I know their intention is good) but they are extremely strict and controlling especially to me (oldest daughter). My father used to hit my mother, my aunts used to hit me and my siblings because we lived in the same house in my home country. My mother was always afraid of my father. To make matters even worse, my oldest brother and I never talk, he will hit me if I disagree with him, and I do not feel at all attached or feel that I can communicate with him because he looked up to my dad. The message my father tells my brothers is that when they marry, their wives must stay at home, and the moment they fight or disrespect your family, parents etc slap them once and do not let them control you. .....( This always hurts me because it is messages like this that have made my relationship with my brothers distant and cold, because they also are not open minded or friendly). I just wished they would understand that being highly controlling and strict does not mean pious kids who won't lie or do anything wrong behind them. I am going to be honest and confess that I have lied, and have been in many haram relationships because that is where I felt free, felt comfort expressing my feelings and getting back my so called view of "affection and love" from other guys/men. I just felt joy when I knew I was out of the house, and felt free even though I lied very well about my whereabouts especially when my father went overseas. I felt happy when I was sad or cried and someone took my hand and said I am here for you. I am not blaming my sins only to my parents, yes it is my fault and my own choices but please understand that I just wanted love,some freedom, someone to feel close to and talk to. My mother never talked about marriage with me because she is shy or awkward about it. Therefore I never opened up either. The only thing my parents ever spoke about was just get your education. Not religion, not marriage, not asking how I feel and what to expect in the future, how my day is, or why I look sad if they noticed. Beginning of university until now I have changed majors, I have severe depression, feel extremely lonely. Been in many haram relationships that led to heartbreaks, rejection. I feel like I am scarred for the rest of my life. I DO NOT want to marry anyone from my country, I have no interest, I am not attracted to them even if they are "good" guys. I feel like they are allll like my father and brothers. I want to marry outside of my culture. I feel that even if I force myself to marry someone from my culture I cannot. The problem now is my family is completely opposite of me. It is a big shame if I marry anyone not from my culture, country, city etc......My father would kill me if I tell him I want to marry a good man, who is pious, loves Allah, the prophet and his family, but who is from a different culture and speaks a different language. Some of the relationships I was in, I had to break off because they asked to speak to my parents and get married. But I was so scared of my brothers and father that I could no longer carry on the relationship and break it off. There was one guy who was very kind, generous and pious that I met while volunteering at a mosque. He immediately wanted to meet my parents and I meet his family, and keep everything from day one halal and with the intention of marriage, that I left him as well because I knew it is impossible for my father to accept that marriage. Why did I start a relationship with him in the first place knowing that? Because I thought I can learn something from him, get close to god, and most importantly get some comfort and someone to talk to. Now he married a girl from my mosque, who is from my country but her family is so open minded and accepting that they approved him even though he is from a different cultural background and speaks a different language. In another mosque ladies asked my mother if I would get a chance to get to know their sons' for marriage but my mom obviously did not accept. What should I do now that I am 25? I have no one in my life. I am tired of temporary relationships, tired of being depressed. I cannot get even simple tasks done, I do not want to leave my bed in the morning, I always want to be alone. I am back in school with 40k debt, I am jobless because I quit my job at a bank because I was so depressed, lacked confidence to have conversations and relationships with coworkers. I was not like this before but as time went by until now, I am scared to get a new job because I feel like I cannot do the job, cannot have friends. I am always upset and feel COMPLETELY EMPTY. I started wearing the hijab last Ramadan to push myself to become a better person, and hopefully Allah swt can forgive me for my severe sins. But I am back in the spiral, no change has come except more depression. I know it is haram to feel hopeless but I just want one thing from God, change in my life. I want to meet the person I will get married to, make my parents accept him for his piety and goodness not be racist towards him and reject him just because he does not come from the same cultural background. My parents SPECIFICALLY want me to marry someone from their city, their ethnic background and preferably from a family they know. That would be a complete nightmare for me... I have always prayed, listened to lectures, attended mosque, learned about religion but my depression and hopelessness due to my family (parents') expectations I have felt completely numb. I feel that I am just dreaming about miracles, that my parents would change, ill get a job ill atleast be happy to work in and not be rejected and somehow I may marry the right person who I would love and would be from my own choice....but I know it is false hopes. I am getting older but getting nowhere in my life, drowning in debt, jobless, lonely and depressed. I tried talking to my mom several times, but it only led to me locking myself in my room and just crying because my mom has no power but also has a strict, old, cultural mentality herself. She cannot help me. My brothers cannot help me. My father and I cannot talk about these things openly because he is not like that, he was not brought up that way. My younger sister I am afraid is going in the same path I went, she is hiding alot of things and I try to teach her and help her, but if the entire family environment is messed up, she is in the same situation as me. Please help me, tell me what should I do? It is Ramadan and I am fasting, I promise my intention is pure for my future. I just want to live a normal life, get married with someone I will love, start a family, I want to work at a job I will feel accomplished, I want to help the less fortunate and make even a small difference in someones' life, but I feel like a complete FAILURE. I do not have the job, or money to help the poor. I am drowning in debt too. I am tired of not having someone to genuinely talk to and be with. I AM ALWAYS THINKING OF GIVING UP AND JUST LEAVING THIS WORLD. But I know it will be a grave sin, and I know that Allah swt is compassionate and merciful, and that would be selfish and ungrateful of me to do. But I just do not know for how long will I keep living like this, will I end up lonely? (I can never force myself to marry the man they choose for me, it is impossible and it seems like their mentality won't change either). Should I believe in miracles? I am desperate for your advice and responses brothers and sisters.
  3. Hey folks - I have recently spiralled into a depression - it it has been going on for about six years - i cant seem to snap out of it. i opened up a successful business that prospered and bought a house and a development land and moved in with my partner etc then one day I decided to seperate from my partner due to some issues we were having, I got sued by some people (who I am winning the case ) and I went through a sequence of events at work currently work is going good - so is my investments and my relationship but the depression is kicking in I think I put too much pressure on myself ( I am turning 27) especially since I did all this on my own - real estate deposits etc how do I snap out of the depression guys
  4. Assalam-O-Alaikum My Shia Brothers and Sisters in Islam I hope you all are living a Good Life by The Grace of Allah. Alhamdulillah. My English is not that good, I hope you all will understand my words. My Brothers and Sisters, are trials of life Test from Allah or Punishment from Allah? I am now tired. What to do? Things are Just screwed up, messed up. Want a Good, Peaceful and Loving life. How Can I Escape? (Note : Please Pray for Me)
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    Praying

    Salam alaikum dear sisters and brothers. - - This question is mostly to my sisters out there - So I'm a girl who lives in Europe with my family and ever since I was born, I never got to do namaaz, my parents never taught me, and I think that is the reason why I'm depressed, I believe in Allahسُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى of course, and I can say few verses from the Quran, and some few duaas. The main problem is just that I don't know how to pray, I deeply wanna learn how to, so I can start praying immediately, my heart yearns for it and I know the only way of healing myself is to pray and call out for Allahسُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى - Also so I can pray for my dad since he has brain hemorrhage. I hope I don't offend anyone with me not being taught to pray.. I'm very sad about it, and it has affected me ever since. Sincerely N
  6. Alsalamu Alaykum, I'm a 16 yr old girl. I'm badly strugginling with the following: - (undiagnosed) bulimia, depression, self harm and anxiety - masturbation (every several weeks), I wathced porn three times but I've been able not to ( so far ) - lonliness I pray (without any concnetration), I listen and read Quran weekly (only to feel good about myself), I fast (but I hate it), I give sadaqah (when I utterly mess up) I don't spend most of my time on my phone, I usually read books, draw, photograph, edit and write I stopped listening to music (but still listen to muslim songs by Sami Yusuf and Maher Zain) I used to make an oath to Allah not to masturbate, but I only end up breaking it every single time I have been trying to do everything in my power to be positive and stop masturbating I really do know I'm supposed to feel horrible. But I just feel empty. I breakdown every several days, but that's pretty much the closest I get to emotions The only thing I can always strongly feel is pain. Pain when people stab my back, pain knowing I'm the one who handed them the knife (again) I smile and nod when appropriate, I can make conversation, but tbh, it's all just an act Telling my parents useless because they have 0% understanding and -1000000% will to try to understand I know I deserve to burn in hell, but something inside me keeps telling me I will not, that Allah will forgive me as long as I keep trying to repent Please bring me back to my senses Talk to me about the punishments that awiats the transgressors Tell me what to do It's 1 AM, I have major important exams coming up and I can't focus on anything, I keep walking around the house for no reason, thinking, talking to myself I had a dream I was mastrubating and since ever since I woke up I was fighting the urges until I lost as usual a few hours ago What should I do
  7. Dua /amal for deprission. Please rember me in prayers
  8. Employee who took sick days for mental health gets unexpected response from CEO Published July 11, 2017 A CEO's reply to an employee's mental health email went viral. (BrianAJackson) A Michigan CEO’s reply to his employee’s sick day email has gone viral. Madalyn Parker, a web developer at Olark Live Chat, emailed her colleagues at the end of June to let them know she’d be taking two days off to focus on her mental health. “Hopefully I’ll be back next week refreshed and back to 100%” Parker wrote in the email. In an unexpected turn of events, CEO Ben Congleton replied directly to Parker, thanking her for shining a light on mental health. “I use (your email) as a reminder of the importance of using sick days for mental health – I can’t believe this is not standard practice at all organizations,” Congleton wrote. “You are an example to us all, and help cut through the stigma so we can all bring our whole selves to work.” Parker went on to share screengrabs of the email exchange on Twitter. The tweet, posted on June 30, has since been retweeted more than 11,000 times as of Tuesday. Congleton was praised by some Twitter users for the refreshing response. “Great to see such understanding from executive management,” one Twitter user wrote. The CEO took the email exchange a step further, writing about mental health in the workplace on Medium. He urged other company leaders to “empower and motivate” their teams by “expressing gratitude” to their employees and reflecting on their business values. One in five adults in the United States experiences mental illness every year, according to the National Alliance of Mental Illness. http://www.foxnews.com/health/2017/07/11/employee-who-took-sick-days-for-mental-health-gets-unexpected-response-from-ceo.html
  9. السلام عليكم I am someone who has been diagnosed with depression and social anxiety disorder due to serotonin deficiency. I have seen that antidepressants (SSRIs) work for me but when I take them I feel like I'm a different person. I also feel less inhibited and may even consider Islamic things less important. I notice that when I am depressed I spend more time in prayer and studying Islam because in a depressed state I am more introspective and conscious of my role as a mortal creation and of the despair that is inherent in a life without Allah from whom all Hope is derived. I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm in a state of constant suffering and though Allah provides me just enough strength to overcome it so that I don't fall to utter perdition in terms of suicide or complete social withdrawal (though I contemplate it at times, especially the latter), this medication can boost me up in an easier way. The struggle, the burden is lifted without any effort, but in the process I lose "me" and I feel alienated from my "soul" and its realization of the rights Allah has upon it. I apologize if I can't articulate myself properly. I just don't know whether I should be "me" and face this struggle or take a medication to assuage all my discomforts in one fell swoop. If you have any advice or know of any ahadith the Aimmah عليهم السلام said about the constant struggle of depression or any struggle that seems futile from a worldly perspective, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you في امان الله
  10. Hello, So here is my story I was born and raised in France and I never practiced islam before last ramadan. I started reading the quran because I was home for the summer, class was over and did not have a job. As I had a lot of free time I started praying and I was pushed to pray because eventhough I wasn't practicing before I was raised a believer and I knew about Allah. Since I wasn't in a place I wanted in life I started making duas. One year later I feel like nothing has changed and I'm still (if not more) depressed about my life I'm not sure where I'm going I feel like it's just a mess and what I wanted my prayers to bring me was guidance. So today I feel like all my duas and prayers were useless and it's quite hard for me to keep up praying and reading surats and hadiths everyday because inside im very sad and at the beginning I thought Islam would be the cure for my depression. Today Im still doing all this thing but I don't understand why because I am afraid I have become hopeless I guess I'm praying just to have nothing to lose in the end I don't think I'm bad person I even tried to help people as much as I can I really tried to make everything work for me like adding zakat, paying people food, fasting.. What do you suggest me to do ? What would you do at my place? I feel like I need a miracle
  11. salam alaikum everyone .. iam new here i use to have anxiety and depression . been going through some rough patches ,. use to do some anti depressants for a month or so now i got this intrusive memory . its a happy one but its stuck in my head . i was wondering is there any dua or tips for anxiety or stuff like this that i can read ? thank you any positive replies will be appreciated
  12. I struggle with : being patient, thinking positively, praying, accepting my existence, forgetting my past, and lots more.... BUT im still living
  13. Bismillahirahmaniraheem Asalaamu Alaykum all. Within the past few months, I have been very depressed in regards to my marriage, more specifically with my husband's interactions with me. I know in Islam the husband is the wali (leader) in the relationship & I completely accept that. The issue here is abuse of that power and my husband says that because he is my wali he has the right to hit me when I mis-behave. To him this means, if I speak loudly at home *not in a mean way, he can still hit me because "woman's voices should not be heard", if I angry and i raise my voice, if I swear, if my hijab becomes lose (hair peeks out, pin is lose, chin is showing) he calls me a bad hijabi. However, he can make sexist jokes, joke about rape, polygamy, swear etc & I have to be quiet because he is the wali. I want to know if being the wali, also means the relationship you have with your wife is a dominant-submissive one, he even jokes about calling me his slave. Being the wife, and him the wali- what do I do? I am not the quiet kind of person and I have spoken to him so many times but his response is always "wali" "husbands rights" please help, I am going through crazy depression and I cry almost everyday because of him.
  14. Salam guys !!!!! I am 17 years old and I am facing very difficult days of my life here I tell you from start. A week ago one of my classmate has told me he is atheist and he doesn't believe on God but he wants some proves so he can start believing on God but I didn't had any prove to tell him but I told him our traditional dialogues for the prove of God but he didn't believed and that conversation also made me confused and made a doubt about god in my heart and here I tell you guys that I pray 5 times a day and a little bit active in other religious stuff so thats why it was very important for me to know about the existence of God because I almost depend my life on God and I had strong hope and I felt sprituality in my worship but now ..... so I started overthinking about the existence of God and how he was made and I also admit my mistake here that I start thinking about the existence of God and the doubt become stronger and the doubt still exist in my heart but I stop thinking about it but that doubt brought me to this disorder of depersonalisation and derealization . And I m not sure that do I have the exact same disorder but most of symptoms are similar to it and some one who knows about it and if someone can help me then plz give me some response but please do not response if you don't know about this disorder because my condition has also related to this confusion ..... so please help me it's getting worse and if someone can help me ,can also ask everything from me in detail because my confusion so complex and cannot be understood easily. So please help me I beg you guys I don't have any hope I only pray from my god for my forgiveness and mercy I am the only son of my parents and I love them so much and I chose this forum because this is very compatible for my both confusions so please answer me if someone can help me and wait for my response. Please understand me I have lots of goals and dreams but .......
  15. Salam Alaykum brothers and sisters This is my first post on this website, hope I get great feed back from everyone else. Any ways... Does anyone else suffer from social anxiety? I know my reason for suffering from this illness. It's feeling guilty for my past sins. I used to often let my self fall for sins since I was little and as I got older, I felt much more guilt for sinning which caused me to lose my self confidence and be afraid of people judging me. I would always seek Allah's forgiveness but than commit the same sins again and again and again. Except the margin of me committing that same sins widened from days to weeks to months. It's like when ever I commit those sins I feel sooo depressed that I would rather bury my self. I feel so ashamed for not keeping my promises with Allah. Now, Alhamdulliah I have stopped for a while and never intend to go back to my evil ways. But no matter how much I ask Allah for forgiveness I still have this lost self confidence which I don't know how to get back. My social anxiety grew bigger and bigger every time I would commit those same sins. But I still have this social anxiety in me. I feel like I am the only one who has it. I feel so alone and different. But I don't want this to get in my way... if I am going to be a father soon I can't let this get in my way. I need to gain my full confidence by the will of Allah, I need to battle Shaytan. I just want to stay on the right path of the Ahlul-Bayt, live a humble, clean and good life. Please everyone pray for me that this illness can be taken down. I am really trying. Peace
  16. Hi, as you guys know the exam's are up and I have my math's exam soon. I don't know what to do since I'm really bad. And I am not exactly acing all the other subjects at school either. I almost failed on my favorite subject and because of that I am so depressed and anxious. So if you guys kn ow any dua's please reply this. Thank you so much in advance.
  17. (salam) I hope you're all doing fine. Before you jump to your conclusions of this topic being about me, sorry to disappoint you but it ain't. This is about my brother. Long story short, my brother is doing PhD. in Texas, and it's currently his 4th semester, and, only God knows how, he started talking to this girl on FB. Apparently it became what you could consider being the closest you can possibly be to having an online girlfriend, and it's best if I don't mention what they would "talk" about. Through some series of events, this girl got back together with her ex, and my brother learnt that she had a son too... I don't really know what happened, but he claims to be the one to break it off before she actually reunited with her ex. Whatever the case, what matters is as follows:- After breaking contact, my brother has become really depressed, and in order to combat the aftereffects of the trauma, he's stopped using Facebook, he's blocked that girl's number on his phone, and he works out regularly to keep his discipline in check. Despite all this, it's not hard for us to identify his depressed face each time he appears on Skype, though you could attribute that sadness to the fact that he hasn't been home for more than 18 months, and that he's almost 26 with no sexual life (if someone isn't aware, my brother and I are from the typical Pakistani household where celibacy is considered an unspoken rule until permanent marriage). Now the reason I opened this thread is advice on whether or not to go through one or more of the following options:- -Tell him about Mutah; not that he's not aware about it, but I could just bring it to light that it's a temporary option to relieve some sexual tension -Find a girl myself from a pious Shia family for him, despite my mom and dad telling me I'm too young to delve into these matters (SIGH) -Keep on the path he is right now (no music, daily workouts, focus on studies, reading Quran), and give himself time to unfold his fate Open to all suggestions.
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