Search the Community

Hi, Any advice dealing and surviving childhood trauma?

Amongst some people it is fashionable to lay the blame for various types of social dysfunctionality in Muslim countries on Islam. Contrasts are often made with conditions in developed countries. I often contend that the difference is more an artefact of poverty and other socio-economic factors, than religion. So for example, the extreme violence that we see undertaken by ISIS has parallels with the violence delivered by south American drug lords (including macabre ways of killing people). And in both instances, this is a method for exercising control rather than an artefact of ideology. The following story illustrates another form of social dysfunctionality in another non-Muslim country. http://www.theguardian.com/world/2016/may/31/live-streaming-child-sex-abuse-family-business-philippines

I've been wondering about this for a while now. People seem to have different definitions of child abuse. For the purpose of this thread I'm going to talk about physical and emotional abuse; I really hope there are no doubts as to which side of the line sexual abuse falls on. My first question is, is there a 'line'? Depending on where you come from, the kind of childhood you had, what your parents believed in...your definition of child abuse can vary. So are there certain acceptable things and certain unacceptable things..or is this a matter of opinion? I know the general rules in sharia..being allowed to hit a child, for example, without the skin becoming red. But that is, I feel, very general. As far as physical abuse goes I suppose we could still distinguish where that line is, but not so much with emotional abuse. The factor of 'respecting your parents no matter what' (just respecting them in your heart, not behaving badly) also plays a part, which is why I'm asking this on SC. Being a little more specific, I'll outline a few scenarios and you tell me what you guys think - whether this would be considered acceptable, and if not, what is the degree of 'horror' you would rate it at. 1. Parents threatening to cut off a child's fingers if he/she doesn't cut nails, bringing a knife and everything and stopping only when the child has cried and begged. 2. Blackmailing a child. (If the child complains to the father about the mother calling calling him/her names, the mother will 'make sure Daddy knows what a bad kid you really are'). 3. Hitting a child in a way that leaves a slight bruise that'll go away in a day or two. 4. Making siblings slap each other/themselves as punishment. 5. Locking a child in a room for hours when he/she is afraid of the dark. 6. Making a child feel like she should not have been born (unintentionally), or saying other hurtful things. 7. Forcing the child to do something that is just recommended in Islam, not obligatory (recommended fasts or prayers) by threatening to cut off education or using emotional blackmail? 8. Forcing a (13-14 year old) child to eat something they cooked because it got too salty/spicy as punishment. 9. Emotionally blackmailing an older child (14 - 15) to take care of a younger sibling - like holding a sixteen year old accountable for a twelve year old's misbehavior. On a slightly digressive note, what if a child becomes disrespectful (says things like Stop this right now, you're acting crazy, snatching objects from the parent's hands like maybe something they were going to use to hit the child or a sibling with) in situations like numbers 3 or 6? Would this be warranted from a religious point of view, keeping in mind the Islamic theme to never hurt or disrespect your parents? Sorry if it got a bit long! I'd really appreciate some input.

Help me understand. So there's a special 'children's home' where kids from broken families who don't have anyone to care for them go, right? There's a big problem in the society if under age girls come back high on drugs and alcohol and no one in the management takes notice and does anything about it. Britain makes a big show of its 'rigorous' visa regime but it seems that Pakistan in the last couple of decades or so have had a 'rapist drain'. The 'best and bright' rapists have found their way to Her Majesty's little Island without let or hindrance. In any case, more juice for the right-wingers to feed on. http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-south-yorkshire-28974336

"There is evidence at least 20 prominent paedophiles - including former MPs and government ministers - abused children for "decades", a former child protection manager has claimed." BBC Credit: http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-politics-28203914 Wow what a world we live in!! May Allah bring justice on that which is deserved inshAllah!