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In the Name of God بسم الله
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Fascinating video about the statistics of attraction between the two sexes, with some rather interesting conclusions. He does, however, not consider the impact factors not relating to attraction have on divorce, relegating the phenomenon entirely to each sex's perception of the other's attractiveness. He also assumes that women's perception of their own attractiveness is the same as men's perception of it (which is the source of the data) when commenting on women 'settling'. Either way, quite an amusing watch!
(salam) There have been many beneficial discussions and threads on the importance of religiosity (Imaan and Piety) and Akhlaq as being the two most important characteristics that an individual seeking to get married should look for in a potential spouse. However sometimes there has been little attention/analysis given to the significance of 'Physical attractiveness' between the potential spouses. According to the 35 years experienced therapist who have written an article on this subject, on http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/magnetic-partners/201311/the-role-physical-attraction-in-your-relationship , Physical attractiveness is vital in a successful marriage life. In the article he talks about how even though some couples that came to him for help, loved and respected their partner because of their good characteristics, yet the lack of 'physical attraction' was what led their marriage to failure and thus came to seek his help. Here are some of his important quotes: - In nearly 35 years of practicing couple’s therapy I’ve never seen a partner “get it” when they “never had it” to begin with, (referring to physical attraction). - I’ve seen a few who “had some” and “grew more,” but even those that were attracted to non-physical aspects of their partners (such as intellect) couldn’t seem to harvest a physical attraction. In this sense, you either have it from the beginning or… - None of the partners that lost desire disliked their mates. All felt guilty about their behaviour and expressed empathy for their partners. Also some viewers have commented at the bottom of the article about how they also suffer or did suffer from this problem. I went on al-islam.org and found this book on marriage by Sayed Athar Hussain H.S Rizvi, http://www.al-islam.org/islamic-marriage-syed-athar-husain-sh-rizvi, there which I found a hadith by the Prophet (P) which says, “When one intends to marry a woman, he should ask about her hair, just as he asks about her face (beauty), since the hair is one of the two beauties (of women).” Thus encouraging the importance of physical attraction when looking for a potential life partner. Consequently those that advice young people saying that physical attraction is not important, or it fades away, are not quite right. Nonetheless this does not goes to say that one should go looking for the most attractive spouse they can find and sacrifice other more important traits, but rather one should consider the chemistry when choosing a potential spouse. I'd like to see the opinions of specially our married brothers and sisters on this forum.
Salam everyone I have a bit of an odd question. I've sometimes heard people comment that they're attracted to (blank) ethnicity or want to marry someone of (blank) ethnicity, even when they're not terribly familiar with said ethnicities. That makes me curious. What makes people develop a particular attraction to people of a specific ethnicity (that is not their own) which they have no significant connection to? I understand having an affinity for a community that one has interacted with and has had a positive experience with, such as a person who grew up near a particular community having an affinity for people of that culture on account of familiarity and common interests. Having a scholarly interest in a culture and therefore, its people is also quite pretty reasonable. What I don't understand is what makes people idealize a particular ethnicity if they have no connection to it and/or don't regularly interact with people of said ethnicity. For instance, I've heard some of my brother's friends, who have never been to Turkey and frankly, probably couldn't even find it on a map, say that they have a thing for Turkish girls and intend on marrying one. Also, at uni, I had Pakistani friend who seems to have a particular attraction to Iranian guys yet has never been to Iran, doesn't speak Farsi, and doesn't really seem all that interested in Iranian culture. Frankly, I don't get it (in either case). I'll be quite honest, I've always thought that when people have such a specific preference, it's probably based on appearance and likely superficial. I'd like to think that people aren't really THAT superficial, especially when looking for a spouse though. What do you guys think?
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