Search the Community

alsalam alaykum, i need some serious advice because i feel like a complete fraud and my heart is entirely numb. i know that im a shia, i watch ashoura, i cry over al hussein and karbala, i know a ton of deen rules, i debate people about islam and the true islam not whats spread on the internet, and i even teach others about Islam, but on the inside i dont feel like a muslim at all. i consistently miss my prayers, even during ramadan, when i know it makes my fast unaccepted, but the scariest part is that i dont feel that "incomplete" or guilty feeling people talk about when they miss salat. i just feel absolutely nothing. like the time just passes and i dont even blink or care that i missed it. on top of that, i lie to my parents constantly and break their rules, and honestly, it doesnt even upset me that im going against them i only get upset when i get caught because of the fear of consequences and the drama that comes with it. i feel like i literally have zero real respect for my family and that eats me alive because i know how big of a sin that is in our deen but emotionally the needle just doesnt move. i look at role models like our sayida fatima and sayida zeinab alayhima al salam and want to be like them so bad, but i feel like i have way too many thunoob and no respect for my family to ever get there, not just that i feel like i dont carry islam in my heart and its just a cover up for who i really am. i feel like im living a double life where everyone thinks im this religious knowledgeable person but secretly im just hollow and full of sins. am i too far gone? how do i actually get islam into my heart and purify myself and break this habit of lying and missing prayers when my soul feels completely dead and hard as a rock? has anyone else survived this level of this numbness or anything slightly similiar? please give me practical steps on how to fix a heart that literally feels nothing.

Assalamualaikum. I've been watching self-improvement content but not taking any action on it for a long time. I watch Hamza, Captain Sinbad, Tim Ferriss, Dan Koe, Alex Hormozi, Jordan Peterson and Chris Williamson. I've also read over 40 books on self-improvement, some of which suggested haram practices which I didn't engage in that would supposedly get me results in a particular pursuit. I've read books on relationships, quitting vices, psychology, fitness, habit formation, improving your mental health, making tough decisions and mental toughness. Mentally, I have gotten stronger from reading these books. I have a lot of discipline now outside of one or two haram vices that I'm trying to quit. I have been inspired by these content creators to pursue entrepreneurship and I've found philosophical wisdom that I can apply to any situation to maintain a positive outlook on life. I've became an optimist thanks to these videos, but I'm not being grateful to Allah. I watched a couple of videos today; one of them called Self-Improvement idolatry, the other claimed that it ruined his relationship with Allah. I could barely sit through both videos because I have a greater purpose with self-improvement, which is providing value to my family. It's providing value to my community. I wouldn't have found out how to without self-improvement, or is that a limiting belief because those videos have shown me how low my iman is? I don't believe that I can live a purposeful life without those books and videos. I feel addicted to self-improvement and that addiction has left me feeling kind of empty. I felt empty anyway. Did Allah lead me to Islam, or did self-improvement lead me there? I have no idea. You're arguing with something nebulous that most people can't see. I feel as though Islam promotes an external locus of control, meaning that it promotes giving in completely to circumstance. Admitting that improving your life is hopeless when you weren't the one that created yourself. You act as though you can create yourself, when it's Allah who created you and you're just trying to metaphorically draw yourself a new face. I'm scared of believing in Allah 100%, meaning that my last Shahadah was probably invalid inshallah. I don't want to give up my internal locus of control, my self-belief, unless there's a how to guide which gives convincing evidence by contrasting facts about mammals. I'm stuck in this dunya. Help.

Salam, So I've been looking at programs and schools for my masters and I really want to do mine in London. Of course I would be an international student, doing something along the studies of politics. I've been doing plenty of research, however, I was wondering if anyone can give me some advice on the better places to look at and what is life actually like over there. LSE is at the top of my list, please share your advice on universities and life in general (like what I should expect if I do choose the option of studying abroad?)