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Generational “curses” and stigmas
Northwest posted a topic in Social/Family/PersonalAs an outsider looking in, I am putting this thread up for some insight. Abrahamic tradition does not hold one to be responsible for others’ deeds. Islam is no exception: one is not held responsible for the sins of one’s ancestors, but only one’s own. However, it is also acknowledged that the cumulative actions of one’s forebears can lead to certain inborn tendencies, as shown in the dynamics of alcoholism among certain demographics. Of course, there is a dispute as to the degree to which one’s actions can affect one’s genome, and the role of woo in distorting matters has not aided understanding. Still, if one is born into a family with a “generational curse”—be it diabetes or addictions—even if one is not responsible for one’s ancestors’ behaviour, one can still feel stigmatised relative to people who did not belong to a lineage with the said “curse.” One can, perhaps, better oneself, but remain at a disadvantage, in absolute terms, relative to others who were not born into one’s lineage and its attendant problems. In other words, one’s best would still be less than the worst (or best) of the others. Has anyone grappled with this dilemma and its attendant, complicated emotions?
Social Media Addiction
Marbles posted a topic in Social/Family/PersonalI can relate to it in the context of a couple of discussion boards (which I've outgrown) but I can't relate to it when it comes to popular social media platforms like those mentioned in tags. I don't have twitter or instagram or viber or whatever. I have a very old FB account which remains idle most of the year except lately when I've needed to use frequently to administer a travel group and do only and only that. But it seems social media is fast becoming a health hazard and a social crisis. I'm sure there are people among the readers who suffer from the addiction. How do you tackle it and what do you think about "social media addiction?"
My battle against major sinning
Mo76 posted a topic in Social/Family/PersonalBeing the only major religious issue nowadays in my life, so far I have to say that watching filth for almost a decade has cased detrimental impact on my life since it is extremely difficult to stop. In my early to mid teen years my muslim friend got me hooked. I am still friends with him, and have always thought that Insha'Allah if I am still kind to him despite him bringing this terrible habit onto me maybe I will get some thawab for being kind to someone who nearly stunted my growth for the last decade. But for the past year I've just grown so sick and tired that I feel like cursing my muslim friend although I still feel bad about the lanat. Currently I'm in my early 20s' and don't know what to do anymore. I have seen so many videos about the negative impacts of this terrible sin, after which I have temporary guilt and then sooner or later either I can't resist the urge any longer or I have some free time and my mind just clicks in the direction of watching filth. I have even read the benefits of abstinence, but my mind, and memory can be so short termed that whenever I feel the urge I forget the benefits of abstinence and ending the sin. I feel like it has almost stunted my growth and normal mental, social, and physical, development during my teen years, and now that I am an 'adult'. I have very weak will power and have fallen back into it more times than I can count. I know Allah forgives all sins, and that he is watching but it's almost like some part of my mind makes my rational thinking ignore the consequences and ignores that he is watching. I pray my namaz, and have been making dua to Allah desperately for years to end this sin but with my fast paced academic life in engineering, and other responsibilities such as work, and reciting in majalis in the sacred months I don't know what other option to do. Even with keeping busy and working out I feel constant urges. Nothing makes me feel better. This sin has made me depressed and at times I've felt really down in the gutter. I take anti-depressant meds to from the doctor. Sometimes I think this sin was in my qadr by Allah to begin with and I've seen Islamic videos that Allah makes us sin, but I just cant get over the fact that sometimes I actually have this problem. My condition is so bad that even my sibling (I am the youngest of 3) has caught me watching and my brain has been literally hardwired to continue afterwards despite being caught. I hate that it's a taboo because its a really serious issue to begin with. I have so many thoughts of negativity that this sin has brought that this thread would not be enough to explain my psychological problems. Sometimes I literally have no remorse after doing the sin, but later that day or the next day I feel the negative physical and mental impacts, such as weakness, laziness, fatigue etc.. I STILL DO IT. My parents aren't even accepting of this, YOU WONT BELIEVE I TOLD THEM. They say its a natural part of growing up but they have never dealt with this stuff so they don't know what it does as I am first generation Muslim American. I go to a muslim therapist and told him but he says to watch appropriate Islamic videos on its health detriments which I was watching even before I told him but I literally cannot stop. I even read the American No-fap threads.. I CANNOT IMAGINE MY FUTURE WITHOUT THIS ADDICTION basically. I don't know how to stop. Sorry for the super long story but honestly whoever can give me great advice from the heart, will deserve immense thawab in my opinion. :_( PLEASE HELP. I know there are probably numerous cases of this issue but I want to end this in MY LIFE so I can be a better person. Please be kind I am a new member.
America's opioid crisis
notme posted a topic in Social/Family/Personalhttps://www.drugabuse.gov/drugs-abuse/opioids/opioid-crisis I am admittedly a bit of a conspiracy theorist, but it looks intentional to me, just like the crack epidemic of the 80s. By destroying communities, the people are more easily divided and more easily controlled.
how to save my friend
Parastoo27 posted a topic in Social/Family/PersonalAs salam aleykum I have a friend (non muslim) who is about to get married.She has been treated badly by her family and was abused as a child, her fiance was also abused and is an alcoholic. I also have been abused by a close relative when I was young. Basically I am happy that he opened up about his situation and seems he will seek therapy.However I am very uncomfortable, for instance my friend leaves me in the room alone with him even when he was drunk, and I felt he is developing unhealthy feelings towards me.I want her honestly to leave him I know she loves him, but if this was my daughter I would say you cannot save him, you must save yourself.I don't believe in giving up on people, but I also felt compromised being drawn into the middle of all of this.They are getting married in a hall not in a church and I am the "maid of honour" how can I stand up for them, and the person who abused her is walking her down the aisle, how can I let her marry him he is very sick it's one thing he is an addict but I feel he is quite cunning and manipulative I don't like the way he talks to her, she puts up with what i saw today and other day every single day!He uses what she went through to put her down.I am scared to even say this because I don't like it to come accross as backbiting.Even if I have to say something to stop the wedding why should I care what people think-how can they have children this way!My feeling is too make sure they go through with therapy, and if they don't I am going to have to plan a way to help her leave. What are my duties what are my obligations as a Muslim in this regard I mean I know in my heart I can't let her marry him.We cannot save people sometimes we have to save ourselves, I will pray but I cannot lie unless obviously if she is in danger I would question that. You know where she works many muslim mothers come and ask her if she's single, or pity you are engaged I would like you for my son.She is amazing!!He is so lucky to have her, but I think he is too sick that it comes to a point she will have to reject him if she realise she is strong. Am I also getting to involved with this.I know I will not be alone with him again!Why should I put myself in danger I also must have self respect.He had grabbed my hands at one point cornering me. Later when he thought i was asleep (I didn't leave my friend, and stayed with her while he was on the couch) he came into the room and told her that he loves me because I'm nice. Astaghfirullah I don't want to be nice! Please make dua for my friend. I saw her in her wedding dress looking doubtful.I told her it is never too late to change your mind.Please advise me how to deal with this, without also making him alienate her from me.But I cannot be around him at all! JazakAllah khair
Feeling Trapped in Social Media
TryingToBe posted a topic in Social/Family/PersonalSalam Everyone, What does one do when they feel totally trapped in Social media? Instagram, Facebook, Whatsapp and what not When it starts taking toll on things that really matter. For example, it takes your time away from work, where your performance starts to get affected. and then, it starts affecting your sleep cycles. Health Starts to deteriorate. Where does it stop or what should we do to stop this viscous cycle? I think it has negatively affected my personal and professional development. Please help, anyone?
The Great Porn Experiment
.InshAllah. posted a topic in Science/Health/EconomicsIts great that there is increasing awareness of the dangers of porn and grass roots movements like http://www.nofap.com/ that are against it.
Need Help - Addicted To Lustful Thoughts And Porn
mohdjmi1 posted a topic in Social/Family/PersonalAsak everyone, I feel very shameful in writing the following but am feeling helpless and need help. I am a practising shiite muslim but during teenage i caught a bad habit of watching pornographic things on internet. This has become an addiction now...I have tried a lot to stop this bad act. I have tried following things like: 1.) Regular praying to Allah 2.) Keeping Fast 3.) Keeping away from internet as much as possible. ( i cant completely stop as there are few things for which internet is must also my job involves use of internet) 4.) stopped looking at normal movies /drama/music anything 5.) Namaz-e-shab 6.) Astaghfar 7.) being in the state of wadoo 8.) lowering my gaze however i am able to keep away from this shameful act for few days and then fall back into it again. No matter how much i vow not to repeat it when excited i dont seem to take heed to those vows. After doing this act i masturbate which is again haraam. I feel very ashamed after this and for next few timings i dont pray thinking with what face will i stand in salaat in front of god...last time i made a vow and did astaghfar and i have repeated the mistake again !! I cry for some time eventually i regroup my senses and make a vow not to do it again. this has become an endless cycle..... Its like this either i am very spiritual doing Dhikr/fasting/ praying/ and reading religious literature and when i fall, i fall to very lows watching such bad stuff which is destroying my spiritual self........i am on either extreme....i am leding a double life... This turmoil within is effecting everything ...professional and personal life....besides i start hating myself so much that i feel suicidal.... My profile is i am unmarried working professional of 26 yrs age. i have done thorough research on net about this type of addiction.Its a chemical imbalance and this addiction has been compared to cocaine addiction. the same chemicals get released and the craving is of same intensity. Marriage is often not the solution. besides this would be like cheating my to be spouse. If i am unable to control my addiction even after marriage i have spoiled her life as well. i feel like any other disease first i should cure myself and then marry. Does anyone reading this on the forum has any suggestions as to how can i overcome this problem. anyone who has successfully won over his "self" ....any special dua or act.........Thanking you in advance..
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