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In the Name of God بسم الله
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I am a Shia Muslim woman and have recently started my first year in college. I am away from home during the week and go home every weekend. Right as college started, I had a personal experience that was very difficult for me, and caused me to become depressed and second-guess my thoughts and actions to an extreme degree. It has been about a month and a half since then, and I have developed very unwanted thoughts that spontaneously pop up into my head. I would not want to go into too much detail about them, but they are extremely digusting, sexualized thoughts that I do not want at all. I know this is shaitan whispering, and I believe he is doing so at this time when I am very vulnerable. I say istighfar, Ash Shadu La Illa Ha Il Allah, Muhammadan Rasulillah, Inna Lillahi Wa Inna Ilayhi Rajioon, Allahuma Sali Ala Muhammadin Wa Ali Muhammad as much as I can. Prior to this, I never had thoughts this disgustng. It's as if I have no hold on what pops into my mind, and shaitan is trying to take control. I have sought refuge in Allah, and alhamdulillah He has given me power to control these thoughts more, but they haven't gone completely away. I feel so disgusted with myself to the point that I feel guilty even saying the name of Allah (s.w.t.) or our Rasulillah (s.a.w.w.) or our Imam (a.s.). AstaghifurAllah. I have no one to talk to about this and need help please. I feel that I'm going insane. Any helpful advice is welcome. Thank you.
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