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Found 13 results

  1. If Islam is a religion of justice why does it allow a man to marry upto 4 wives? You might give me all those common reasons which are very popular among scholars. I say that there could be numerous reasons like population of women etc, but the fact remains that it hurts a woman, it degrades her honor that she has to share her husband. In one Hadiths Prophet Muhammad saw prohibited Ali to practice polygamy when Fatima was alive. It shows that he knew it hurts a woman , but still he allowed it, why? We all have heard about numerous reasons why it is allowed but we all know that A woman hates it, it is unbearable for a woman . It shows that Islam degrades the value of a wife (I didn't say women).
  2. Bismillah, Here is the scenario. There is a man who is a muslim and a mumin (i.e. he prays, fasts, gives zakat, hajj, is good with his family, good aklaq, etc). He's not perfect but the vast majority of the time he treats his wife and children good, i.e. supports them financially, does not abuse them, is generous with them, in general. At the same time, he wants more out of life so he meets a women who is a refugee from the war in Syria and has two small children. Her husband is dead and she is looking for someone to help her. So the man decides to get married to her and he tells his wife. She objects but he does the marriage over her objections. If you were a sister, what would you do in this situation, considering 1) You relationship with your husband before this time was not perfect, but good and even better than average for all the other women that you knew 2) He supports you financially and although he is not a very rich man, is as generous as he could be within the limitations of his income 3) He has enough income to maintain two households (i.e. support a second wife) I don't want to start WWIII, I just want to know roughly the percentages of what is likely to happen in this case. Please sisters only answer.
  3. Salam Brothers and Sisters. I have heard from some non Arabs that within Arab culture, polygamy is generally more accepted. I would like some Arabs to confirm or deny this based on whether in their experience it is true or false. So, is Polygamy a common practice? Are the women fine with it? Do the women show signs of distress and worry when thinking of their husbands being with another man? In my opinion, all women are the same and no woman would want to be without their husband a single night unless that husband is just not nice to her. In this discussion I am only concerned about wives with loving and loved husbands, I know many women, if they hate their husbands, would push them away to be rid of them by letting them get marry again happily. Also I have discussed this topic academically with my wife, and I have learned that wives may be disgusted by thinking about their husband being with other women sexually, is this true or are some women not concerned whether another woman has been "there". Married people's advice is preferred and please! No Arabs giving their view about how Arabs are unless they have Arab in laws. [MOD NOTE: Your topic asking for polygamous Arabs to talk about their sex life is not appropriate and not approved.]
  4. So I received an interesting email: Asalaamu Alaykum, We are in talks with a 9pm Channel 4 Documentary producer... they are looking for someone who may fit your profile. The documentary will be sensitive in nature and feature positive or neutral content. They are looking to hear why you have chosen polygamy as a lifestyle. They would like to follow your journey in finding a secondwife. If you are indeed married already it would be great to hear how things are working out for you. Perhaps it's time for a third wife? So that said, I am wondering if you'd be willing to participate in it and help us further the cause of reviving the lost Sunnah of polygamy. We will need at most 10-15 minutes worth of footage... of which only a few minutes would be used. If your interested please let me know so I can forward your email to the producer so they can make contact with you. Kind regards, Azad Chaiwala How should I respond to this? BTW, I am a very happily married monogamist.
  5. So I heard something on chat yesterday that blew me away. The conversation started with the topic about whether the wife should be told if a man does mutah and there were 2 groups. Both groups agreed that from a religious perspective, she does not have to be told but from a relationship perspective, should she be told about it. Anyway, that is not the issue. I may have interpreted it incorrectly but I think what I heard the other group say was that whenever a Muslim girl marries a Muslim man, she is subconsciously or consciously agreeing/accepting that he will marry other women (perm or temp). Is this true? @Inner Peace, @repenter
  6. 2469. If a woman compromises her Mahr with her husband, on a condition that he will not marry another woman, it is obligatory upon him that he does not marry another woman, and that the wife should not claim her Mahr. Syed Sistani.
  7. “Polygamy, Not My Problem”- A Muslim Woman “If you don’t want your husband to marry another woman,” the imams said, “then, reflect on the hadith of the Prophet,(peace and blessings be upon him). You should love for your sister what you love for yourself.” I turned off the video and sipped my tea in the silence of the room. I had planned to watch the prominent imam’s entire lecture on the subject of plural marriage in Islam, but I couldn’t get past the first few minutes. It wasn’t that I disagreed with his point. After all, it is true. If Muslim women who are already married think of a potential co-wife as a sister in Islam instead of a potential rival, then sharing a husband wouldn’t be so difficult. But is this mental shift really as simple as people make it sound? Is it even realistic? “What role do you think women play in polygamy?” More about Polygamy: - Muslim Family and Polygamy (Special) - Polygamy: Not a Sixth Pillar of Islam - One Eve For Adam, So Why Polygamy? - Polygamy: A Male View I had just arrived for a meeting at the home of a community leader and his wife when he asked me this question. The inquiry took me off guard because it was unrelated to the subject of the meeting. He wasn’t asking about the details of women’s role in a Muslim marriage (He already knew that). He was asking what role they play in ensuring that a husband’s pursuit of subsequent life in plural marriage is successful and relatively uncomplicated. “They don’t have one,” I said. I could tell he hadn’t expected this response. Then again, I hadn’t either. But it was what I honestly felt. Brows furrowed, he asked, “What do you mean?” “She’s not the one taking another wife—he is,” I said. “So the burden is on his shoulders, not hers.” “But don’t you think women have some responsibility in making it work?” “No, I don’t.” The shocked silence in the room made me realize I should clarify. “I’m not saying she has no accountability to her co-wife,” I explained. “The co-wife is her sister in Islam, and she can’t violate her sister’s rights.” I went on, “But what I mean is, beyond her normal duties when her husband is married to only her, her role doesn’t change when he marries someone else. But the husband’s role does change because he chose polygamy.” He nodded, beginning to see my point. “And when a man marries another woman,” I told him, “he must understand that his first wife will naturally be hurt and upset. But this comes with the package. And if he can’t handle this natural hurt and upset without blaming his wife or asking her to change, then he’s the one at fault. Women will be women,” I said with a shrug. “And if a man doesn’t fully accept what that means in reality, then he’s not ready for polygamy.” I am saying is that whatever responsibility exists in making the Sunnah of polygamy work rests almost entirely with the man, who must engage in careful introspection, seeking advice, and making du’aa. “But If You Fear…” Though it has been many years since I had this conversation with the community leader, my views have not changed. If anything, they have become more resolute. And if there were any advice I would give to Muslim leaders who wish to tackle this topic with any success, it would be this: “Stop addressing women, and start addressing men.” Allah says, “And if you fear that you will not deal justly with the orphan girls, then marry those that please you of [other] women, two or three or four. But if you fear that you will not be just, then [marry only] one or those your right hand possesses. That is more suitable that you may not incline [to injustice].”—Al-Nisaa’, 4:3 The more I reflect on this verse, the more I get a small glimpse into the infinite wisdom in these words. Specifically, five points stand out to me: Allah is addressing only men in this verse. No advice or instructions are given to women regarding plural marriage. Allah is asking men to engage in careful introspection when determining whether or not to pursue polygamy. The last part of the verse clearly implies that marrying more than one woman results in increased responsibility (and thus accountability) as opposed to marrying only one woman. The last part also suggests that polygamy itself will be a challenge—so much so that Allah tells men outright that being married to only one increase the likelihood of the man being just to his wife. No, I’m not suggesting under the guise of advice that “one is best for you” while secretly hoping that no man engages in this Sunnah. Actually, in my heart of hearts, I do hope that men (at least the ones responsible and financially capable) find a way to make plural marriage work—with wives by their side who are both fulfilled and pleased. Otherwise, there will be an ever-growing list of single— never been married, widowed, and divorced—women denied the joys and blessings of an Islamic marriage. But what I am saying is that whatever responsibility exists in making the Sunnah of polygamy work rests almost entirely with the man, who must engage in careful introspection, seeking advice, and making du’aa and Istikhaarah when making this difficult decision and subsequently living with its naturally challenging consequences. It goes without saying (or at least it should go without saying) that if a man’s current wife doesn’t wish to be in polygamy, it is illogical to ask her to shoulder the responsibility of making successful something that she neither desires nor chose. The real man is the one whose good treatment, patience, and understanding will inspire even the most reluctant and upset wife to stay with him—even as she may never like that polygamy is part of her life. In other words, real men implement the Sunnah of being men. Those women who seek to “love polygamy” often live in psychological and emotional turmoil as they deny themselves the right to hurt or even cry. Will You Share You Husband? Time and time again I speak to women who have helped their husbands find another wife, supported their husband’s decision, or even made a habit of speaking or writing about the beauty of this Sunnah. Some have even gone as far as to share their home with a co-wife (something even I would not suggest or recommend). Yet, despite Muslim women having gone over and beyond the call of duty in trying to overcome their natural dislike for sharing their husband (as a simple Google search on polygamy will reveal), advice, lectures, and complaints by Muslim men on the subject of polygamy continue to focus on the actions and thoughts of women. It is always with the apparent goal of inspiring women to lovethe arrangement and relish in its blessings by giving their husbands “no problems” with the pursuit. Ah… If only… But the fact of the matter is that Allah created women with a natural reluctance and dislike for sharing their husbands. When I speak to women struggling in polygamy, one of my first pieces of advice is to accept that polygamy is inherently difficult and painful for women. It’s not “supposed to” be enjoyable or desired, I tell them—even though this natural difficulty and pain does not preclude having a loving, fulfilling relationship with your husband though he’s married to someone else. Those women who seek to “love polygamy” often live in psychological and emotional turmoil as they deny themselves the right to hurt or even cry. They feel guilty for any resentment or emotional outbursts, and their husbands, unfortunately, often berate them for their struggles. “This is the Sunnah,” their husbands may say, “so if you don’t love it, you have weak Iman,”—and, tragically, the wives believe them. Ultimately, many of these women simply “break” and become so embittered and spiritually traumatized that they blame Allah or Islam for their misery—when neither Allah nor Islam asked them to “love polygamy” in the first place. Be a man. In my view, this summarizes the essence of the only advice men should give (and receive) regarding polygamy. And, no, being a man doesn’t mean diving into polygamy while completely disregarding the first wife’s feelings. Sometimes, as we know from the famous story of Ali and Fatimah (may Allah be pleased with them), it may actually mean not pursuing polygamy at all. “None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.”— (Bukhari and Muslim) Yes, women, like all believers, can benefit from reminders for their souls, and these reminders may or may not inspire them to accept polygamy in their lives. Either way, women should love for their sisters what they love for themselves—as should men with their brothers. But suggesting that this means a woman should accept polygamy and love for another woman to marry her husband is little different than suggesting that a man should accept divorce and love for his unmarried friend to marry and enjoy his beloved wife. So, dear imams, let us ask men and women to focus on their own responsibilities and roles, not someone else’s. And by the mercy of Allah, as a woman, polygamy is not one of mine. Source: http://www.onislam.n...-.html?Intimacy
  8. I was listening to this the other day, thought I'd log on here after so long, and share... Jemima Khan investigates the practice of polygamy in the UK's Muslim community. For divorced Muslim women, finding a new spouse isn't always easy. But would being a part-time wife be the solution? Khan attends a Muslim matchmaking event to talk to divorced and widowed women about whether they would contemplate becoming a co-wife. She finds a number of women who are actively considering it. Polygamy in the UK is mostly practiced by Muslims, though not exclusively. Although only one marriage can be officially registered under British law, the Quran permits men to take four wives. But some Muslims believe that this permission needs to be interpreted in the context of 21st century Britain, where women enjoy equality with men and should not be subject to religious laws which seem to contradict their rights. In this programme, Jemima Khan speaks to women who have chosen to become second wives as well as women who have had polygamy imposed upon them without their consent or, sometimes, even their knowledge. We hear from a family barrister and a representative of the Sharia Council. Baroness Caroline Cox explains why she believes that practices such as polygamy bring suffering to women and must be prevented from happening; but Islamic law consultant, Khola Hasan, wants the English legal system to recognise the existence of polygamy (though she does not wish the law to be changed to accommodate the practice.) Listen here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b01s46rr
  9. Assalamu Alaykum, I am married for last 4 years but my wife does not full-fill my conjugal Rights (most of the times). Because of this I sometime fall in Sins (may Allah SWT forgives me). I am sure if my wife has the right attitude towards me I can protect myself from Sins. I discussed the same several times with her but this never worked out. I am even thinking to divorce my wife. I cannot currently divorce her until 2 years (or 7 Years recommended based on precaution) because of my new born child. I have tried my best to make good relation with my wife as I always care and respect her. It works some time but when it comes to sex I have no rights and if I insist she usually insults and makes me feel guilty as I have done something wrong. It makes it worse and now I have stopped asking for sex and we haven’t done it for months. I have not discussed this with anybody except my wife but the only solution to this I can see is second marriage that I can easily afford (financially) to protect myself from sins. My main concern is what is obligatory/wajib on me to deal with this situation. If I Can prevent myself is prevention now Wajib on me? This is getting very serious for me now by thinking if I die in this situation (with sins and without protecting myself). I cannot imagine living such life till my death. In our family second marriage is not considered with respect either but I don’t want to care about people as I know I am responsible of my actions alone. I dont know how to deal with my disobedient wife or to this situation. I would greatly appreciate your suggestions. Please advise, Wassalamu Alaykum,
  10. As-salamualaykum, Can we say that practicing polygamy in America is haram? In other words, can we claim that Islamic law requires that we abide by the law of the land, and since polygamy is not allowed in America, then as Muslims we should not engage in it? I read this from a news article that states that polygamy is not Islamically permissible in America: " Islamic Law requires adherents to abide by the laws of the land in which they reside. Regardless of whether an American Muslim subscribes to a liberal or conservative viewpoint of polygamy, as noted above, they are religiously prohibited from engaging in polygamous relationships because it is illegal in the United States to do so." http://www.huffingtonpost.com/engy-abdelkader/american-muslim-sisterwiv_b_1001163.html In general, what role does the law of the land play in relation to Islamic law? Thanks in advance for any feedback!
  11. Ok I have a question ........Is it acceptable to marry two women or more and expect those women to support themselves? Also Is it acceptable for a man to expect support from his wives? I have a close friend who once married a man mutah who had a permanent wife. The man was attracted to her because of her religious behavior she wore hijab and was willing to please her husband while his permanent wife did not wear hijab and was very oppinionate infact his permanent wife did not even know about my friend his mutah wife. Anyways my friend was infactuated with this man and thought back then he was the closiest she could get to having someone love her. The man would buy her household products and alot of time take products from his permanent wife's house to my friend. When she realized he was not working and completely depending on his permanent wife she started to doubt how halal her marriage really was. Eventually she got sick and did not have her woman's cycle on time she became worried, she felt nausea. SHE went an got a pregnancy test. She told Her temporary husband about it and he told her he would love to have a baby with her but he could not support the baby and that if his permanent wife found out she would kick him out the house and if their community found out she could ruin him socially and he had already made her promise not to tell people about their secret marriage. Well she found out she was not pregnant "lucky" for her. And She did not renew her mutah contract after that. I wonder is it acceptable for a man to marry women and depend on them financially and let them raise their own children?
  12. High-flying Muslim career women willing to 'share husbands' because of a lack of suitable men http://www.dailymail...l#ixzz1oqrDHxxq Muslim career women in Britain are choosing to become involved in polygamous relationships because of a lack of suitable men. Some of them even choosing to become second or third wives to married men, according to the Islamic Sharia Council. The charity, based in Britain, gives legal guidance to Muslims and has said it is receiving a high number of queries from women struggling to find suitable partners. Many of the women have also said they would prefer to hold down high-profile jobs rather than look after their husbands. Taking more than one wife is illegal in the UK but men marry again in a nikah religious ceremony, allowing them to take up to four wives. Mizan Raja, 35, who organises Muslim marriages around the world, told the Sunday Times, that he has had hundreds of calls in the past six months from women asking about becoming second wives. Mr Raja said: 'The demand for these relationships is led by the women, not the men. In one generation women have become educated, entrepreneurial and professional. 'The Muslim community is struggling with this, how do you cope with women who wear trousers?' He said that many Muslim men just wanted a 'homemaker' and to come home to a clean house and a plate of food on the table. He added the men didn't want the 'headache' of being in a relationship with a professional woman. It is thought the Muslim women are also actively seeking out married men because they do not want the hassle of having to cook for their husbands after a hard day at work and are quite happy to have part-time relationships. One woman who spoke to the Sunday Times, and asked not to be named, had an affair with a married man after divorcing her first husband. When he offered to leave his wife she preferred to become his second wife because she did not want him 'under her shoes 24/7'. It is thought about 12,000 brides are brought to the UK by Muslim men. The decline in available husbands has become such a problem it is now referred to as the 'Muslim spinster crisis'.
  13. The British Muslim men who love 'both their wives' BBC News By Perminder Khatkar BBC Asian Network The number of polygamous relationships among British Muslims is increasing, according to British Muslim groups. So what is it like to have two wives or be married to a man and share him with someone else? "I love both of them. Obviously you can love one more than the other. "I spend one day and one night with one, and one day one night with the other," says Imran (not his real name), one of the growing number of second generation British Muslim men who have two wives. Imran was born and brought up in Birmingham, where he runs his own successful business manufacturing Indian desserts. His first marriage was arranged at the age of 18. However, seven years into the marriage Imran says he fell in love with someone else. Instead of having an affair he did the honourable thing in the eyes of Islam and married her - thus taking a second wife. "It's better than a man being married and then having mistresses on the side when we can do it legitimately and it's perfectly allowed," he says. "God has created us the way we are, that mankind desires more in wealth in sexual desires. "The main thing is as long as you are 'just' among them, Islamically what can be more right than that, if you are taking care of them, fulfilling their rights," he says. But Imran did not tell his first wife that he had taken a second wife. His first wife lives with her in-laws. Imran admits the relationship between his second wife and his parents - who are originally from Pakistan, where monogamy is the norm - is at times strained. Initially, Imran didn't tell his first wife he had remarried, but eventually she accepted it and now she gets on with his second wife. The wives regularly go shopping together with all his children. He has four children with his first wife and two with his second wife. And Imran says a number of his friends now also have second wives too. Khola Hassan, a lecturer in Islamic Law and volunteer on the UK Sharia Council says she has witnessed a sense of a right to polygamy develop particularly amongst third generation British Muslims. When she was growing up in Britain 20 years ago she says no-one talked about polygamy as it was incredibly rare. However in the last 15 years she has noticed more polygamous marriages taking place. It is not known exactly how many British Muslims are involved in polygamous marriages. As they are illegal they are not being officially recorded. Bigamy is a criminal offence which for those convicted could mean a maximum jail term of up to seven years. To avoid this, Muslims already legally married instead have a religious ceremony known as a Nikka, which is not registered as a civil marriage, but rather recognises the union in the eyes of Allah. When a Nikka breaks down or someone wants a divorce, it is the UK Sharia Council some Muslims turn to. Its 2010 figures show while domestic violence is the most common reason for divorce cited by women, polygamy is now the ninth most common. But it is not only men who are choosing to live in a polygamous relationship. Aisha (not her real name) works for the NHS, has her own semi-detached house in Birmingham and is a divorced mother of three girls. Eight months ago she became a second wife after having a Nikka ceremony. Her first marriage broke up after she discovered her husband had been having an affair. But three years later she had an affair with a married man. Her new partner wanted to divorce his first wife and marry Aisha. But she had another idea. "(I said) 'I don't want to be with you 24/7. I appreciate you want to leave your wife but I don't want you to leave your wife'. "But he said 'I want to be with you. I want to be married to you'. So we sat down and I just said I want to be a second wife." Her husband had to break the news to his first wife who was very unhappy with the situation but eventually agreed to it rather than divorce. He agreed he would still support his first wife and their children, but she in turn said she did not want to know anything at all about Aisha, and she certainly did not want to become friends with her. Aisha's wedding ceremony was very small and held at home, and not all of Aisha's husband's family even know about her. She says it works well most of the time. "I have asked my husband if he loves his first wife, and he does say 'I do care about her' and yes he loves her as well. "That's the only time I do get jealous, but she was there before me, and you know I didn't want to take that away from her. Some Muslim women want nothing to do with their husband's second wives "I've not totally taken him away from his first wife." Khola Hassan's research has shown her that there are predominantly three types of men who are involved in polygamy. "There are the radicals, the orthodox who think polygamy is compulsory, almost sense of bravado or competition - 'oh he has second wife and I haven't'," she says. "The second group are those who have been forced into unhappy marriages usually to cousins from abroad, tried to make the marriage work, have children, and don't want a divorce as their parents will never speak to them again, so have taken a second wife. "Then there are those who have got a parent living abroad and want someone to look after them." Sheikh Ibrahim Mogra, a member of the Muslim Council of Britain, says polygamy is something Islam permits as it is in the Koran. He says in the chapter on women, one verse details how men can marry up to four wives at any one given time. The situation came about in the 14th Century when there was a battle in which many Muslim men were killed, resulting in many widows and orphans. In order to safeguard their property and wealth it was suggested other men should marry them. But according to Sheikh Ibrahim Mogra there is more context which some Muslims are choosing to ignore. The Koran goes on to say if a man cannot treat his wives fairly, justly and equally then he can only marry one woman. Although Sheikh Ibrahim Mogra is not against polygamy, he believes in reality very few men can treat even their first wife equally and justly. "The moment it becomes secretive, or you start treating one less well than the other then you are contradicting the conditions that the Koran sets out. "And if it's purely done for sexual gratification then that in itself is not a valid reason," he says.
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