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  1. Assalamu alaikum, I am a Shia revert, I have been Shia for years but a while back I lost my way and I met my now partner and we have a son together and also my older son sees him as his father. He was not Muslim at all but since I have started to find my way back to Allah subhana wa’tala, alhamdulillah, my partner has learnt a lot about Islam and I explained that I have to find my way back to the right path and unfortunately I will have to choose my faith over my relationship. After he learned some more about Islam he said he wanted to revert, like I had done, and I’m really happy and excited about this. He has reverted now and I know we have to get married - in an Islamic way - because I do not want to live in this disobedience of Allah subhana wa’tala and I want to show my two children how to be good Muslims. Sorry for the background information! I’ll get on to my actual question now: we live in a city that has no Shia mosques. I’m not joking. There’s like only a couple of mosques here and I’ve actually never been them because I was anxious, the Muslim community here is small and not many reverts and I have been looked down upon by the Muslim community here and really not accepted even when I was practicing and doing my best. We need to get married, I would like a permanent marriage because we were going to get married legally anyway before, we are already engaged in a western sense, but I don’t really care about that so much at the moment. But without a mosque to go to and without a sheikh, can we even get married?! Permanently and validly? I looked on Sistani’s website and I was confused. I was in a mutah marriage before with a man who really did introduce me properly to Islam, this was a long time ago now, and now I don’t even know if that was valid - we didn’t have witnesses. But I was told then that for mutah we didn’t need them. But for permanent marriage it’s my understanding we do? Do they need to be Muslim? My family is not Muslim. Do we need a religious leader like a sheikh to make a permanent marriage valid or not & to do the contracts…? I feel silly asking these things like I feel I should know it but anyway. I’m hoping someone can help me out. What does a couple do if there is no mosque or sheikh…? Like I said there’s a couple of mosques but they are not Shia. Can a permanent marriage & ceremony be done without this? And like I asked also for witnesses, can they be non-Muslim because my family is not Muslim and neither is my partner’s family. Thank you for reading and I hope I don’t sound really dumb and I hope I can get some clarity and we will be able to get married inshallah!
  2. If I'm going to go into a temporary marriage with a girl who is a non hijabi/ chats with other guys. Is it wajib for me to tell her/make her stop talking to other guys and make her wear hijab otherwise I'm a dayooth?? The thing is I'm not planning on marrying her forever/building a family with her so I don't really take these things seriously it's just to fulfill urges + I don't want to start arguments and make issues when we get married?. Also if I just advice her not to and she doesn't listen do I have to keep arguing with her about it, and do I have to leave her if she doesn't listen, does staying with her if she doesn't listen to what I say/my advice make me a dayooth? As we know there's a hadith that says the dayooth doesn't smell the fragrance of jannah + The answer I'm most interested in is the hijab question W salam.
  3. Is it harder to get marriage for a sunni or shia or for a convert from sunni or shia is it more difficult to get married for either?
  4. I am aware that there are certain boundaries that are forbidden to be crossed in terms of marriage. And since I am unable to get a clear answer from other sources, I am looking here for the same. Is it permitted to marry your mom's aunt's daughter?
  5. Aoa Everyone, I was wondering how do the Ayaat of Surah Mujadilah apply to the lives of Muslims in this time and age. I was personally interpreting it as the fact that thihar were words used by the man to divorce his wife in the pre Islamic era, when in fact he would not divorce her but come around later and act as if nothing happened, and so it does not mean those words have to be the ones used by Hazrat Khawla's husband, but instead they can be placed in the context of todays world, where as Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) has stated that they do not mean that actually she has become like a mothers back to him, but now for the mental torture and his lack of control on his tongue he must make atonement, which is then further described by Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). Can anyone link what other scholar have to say about these ayats? Esp sistani and ghamdi? or is there a way to contact them, leave these questions for them? I will be honest, I am asking in reference to a personal situation. My father told my mother in our language (urdu) that 'mai tumhay farigh karta hun' (in an insullting tone saying i set you free (as if you are a characterless person who cannot be restrained)) and 'tumhay ab mai ghar se nikalta hun' (i am going to kick you out of the house). on other occasions he has used the words that now our relationship is finished. could these ayaat be applied in these lights? this is not just a one time anger issue, this is nearly ever week of my life the past 20 years, consistent mental abuse, just like with Hazrat Khawla RA. The above mentioned are two people i could talk to my father with reference to and he'd be willing to listen, he is the kind of person who goes back on his own words just to be always always, always right. no matter what he has to do to seem right. The Surah (1-4): 1. Certainly has Allah heard the speech of the one who argues with you, [O Muhammad], concerning her husband and directs her complaint to Allah . And Allah hears your dialogue; indeed, Allah is Hearing and Seeing. 2. Those who pronounce thihar among you [to separate] from their wives – they are not [consequently] their mothers. Their mothers are none but those who gave birth to them. And indeed, they are saying an objectionable statement and a falsehood. But indeed, Allah is Pardoning and Forgiving. 3. And those who pronounce thihar from their wives and then [wish to] go back on what they said – then [there must be] the freeing of a slave before they touch one another. That is what you are admonished thereby; and Allah is Acquainted with what you do. 4. And he who does not find [a slave] – then a fast for two months consecutively before they touch one another; and he who is unable – then the feeding of sixty poor persons. That is for you to believe [completely] in Allah and His Messenger; and those are the limits [set by] Allah . And for the disbelievers is a painful punishment.
  6. am i allowed to do mutah but agree with no intercourse? and can i do this without my fathers permission
  7. I am young guy and my parents are old they wants me to marry as fast as possible, all my related people that I know have somehow a miserable marriage life. a man married to a woman who run away during a trip and she waste his money, I heard that she wanted to marry someone else but now she is changing after 15 years. another related a woman married a man who wastes his money, he is not educated well but he thinks that he is always right, and thinks that everyone else around him wants to harm him, he have self ego, he don't want her family to help him or his wife. Now I am afraid of getting married I don't a girl that don't try to understand and I don't want to make our life miserable because of money. my parents will choose the girl but I don't know really if they will choose the right one because they are on hurry and I know they will ask people about the family of the girl, if one persons says they are okay and all others says no they are not okay, they will consider to choose the girl because like I said they are on hurry and they are kind they think everyone is kind but the world is changing, people changing too.
  8. This is the first Ramadan I will fast when married. I understand that I can not have sex with my wife during the fast. However I have some questions: Does no sex during the fast mean no penetration or no ejaculation? Can we touch each other's genitals? If no, do you mean to the point of ejaculation or literally no touching at all? Thank you for your responses in advance.
  9. Salam un alykum everyone Hope you all are doing well. I have some questions regarding intercultural marriage and how can you interact during engagement period in an appropriate way, where are the limits regarding Islamic laws? What are some important things you should consider before marrying someone from different culture background? How do you overcome cultural differences/ language issues in marriage? Lately I'm hearing a lot of negative comments about intercultural marriage... like "it won't last long, because of some of some differences"..."you don't speak same language"...."you won't be accepted by the in-laws"..."you will be the outsider..." I'm quite worried so if someone can give me any helpful advice...or if someone has experience with intercultural marriage...that would be great Waslam
  10. Aoa, This isn't me asking for advice. This isn't me asking to be told what's right and what's wrong (although that won't stop a good number from letting me know what I already know) This is more like me asking for anyone who can remember me in their prayers, for ease in mine and his heart, give both of us patience to bare this pain till we can get over it,some day. Please no one argue with anything, if you want to advise or give solutions you can, incase someone else in the future sees this post and it helps them. But please, be a bit kind and don't say things that would increase the pain in someone's life. I am in love with someone whom I can't marry. And he is in love with someone who can't marry him. My parents had made it clear that they want to marry me off to a Syed Shia guy, then someone good and I have an understanding with but who also has a certain (financially and standard) family background, etc. But the biggest problem is the first point I raised. He is neither. He is a very logical person and according to his own research, despite none of his parents even being part of one sect, he does not believe in sects. That's fine, and it's great because his own journey has bought him to love the ahlelbayt on his own (the great members of the household who came under the cloak with Rasulallah SAW). However he still looks up to the first 2 caliphs, especially the second one, believing that certain events are made up in much later centuries to cause a drift between the Muslims. To be honest, if someone with good knowledge, and strong historical references, who could have an actual conclusive debate with him, and counter all his arguments in a smooth and conclusive manner, if he had or has in the future someone like that, he would be more than happy to accept the truth and follow it. He's had a rough childhood, and still has a bit rough life, and he's learned to live and be flexible according to it. And one of the things he's learned is to never think you've become the teacher. Always believe in being the student. Many of you will try to say, well if he's such a good researcher why hasn't he reached the truth already? Because, everyone has their own journey, and Ive tried my the best to be the person I described above (someone who could give conclusive answers) but I failed. Anyways, even for myself I know I can't marry someone I might have to convince of beliefs that are basic to me, and I can't marry someone who won't be reassured of their beliefs of people they look up to by me. It's just cruel to each other. If we put just religion according to the Quran and Hadith and daily life on the table, since he really loves the Ahlulbayt as well, it's totally fine. If we come to the topic of sensibility, maturity, security, respect, logical and reasonable thinking, understanding, guiding, caring, recognizing things like roles of people especially men (for himself) in the society and in a marriage, having similar perspectives and understanding of the world and its affairs, the afterlife and it's affairs, you get the gist, we're really compatible in that department. And you can compromise alot of departments when you think about being with some one for the rest of your lives, but this above mentioned department, which is detrimental to how you both work together in your daily lives, for the rest of your life, this is something you need to be on the same page. And it's crazy how much we are. It's crazy that this isn't the only department we're really amazing together in. Nearly 90% of it without having lived together, and maybe we can bring that down to 60% if we did since people say you never know how you can't tolerate someone till you live with them, but that's alot more than alot of other people get. And who said that if it's 60% in the beginning it stays like that. But no matter how good we are together, in the end, it comes back in a circle to problem 1 and 2. One being my parents need for A Syed shia, and two being that he can never be a syed. Maybe I could convince my parents to let go of the family background stuff, because his father is a caring man who has never left his mother's side despite her developing severe OCD and other illnesses after his birth (he's an only child) and his mom is someone who's understanding, especially of the situation she is in and that if you have family by your side, unnecessary pressures by society don't matter. So who cares, rizk is given by Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) anyways, as long as you have pure intentions and a good heart and you keep working hard. But I cant let my parents down. I had always told them, they will choose someone suitable for me, and then I will see if he really is compatible, that way if I say yes finally, my parents won't have any problems with the person. But it seems now, since I had the perfect plan to avoid heartbreak and also please my parents in one go, It was decided this will become my test in this life. It's so ironic, I was the one who told everyone else to never fall for anybody outside of marriage and that it's silly to think it can't be avoided. I became hard as a rock, unbreakable, unbendable. And now I'm experiencing a side to myself, a soft side Im scared I never would've even found if I hadn't met him. Yeah, I might have seen it come out for my husband, but it's not the same. Because with him it would be there knowing I'm secure to some extent, because I'd be in a marriage. This is, me feeling like this knowing nothing will come out of it in the end. and still not being able to hold my feelings back. I wish we all knew the truth. I wish the opinions on what REALLY happened weren't blended into many sects, like the jews and the Christians basic faith has been; the lies mixed with the truths, instead of black and white, a blurry Grey. I hope he starts believing he deserves to have someone in his life who would be interested in everythint he has to say, understand his jokes, would be at the same mental capacity, would get the day to day references to the DC and Marvel universe. These are obviously surface level things, I'm just saying from personal point of view, a marriage is obviously much more deeper; all I'm trying to say is he would get his person. Hope his parents don't marry him off to someone they think he'd be compatible with, because he wouldn't fight them, and they might not know him like this. I know, our parents want the best for us. There is a generation gap albeit in today's times, that's what I'm speaking about. Maybe I'm blabbering because my heart aches that that won't be me, or for me, that won't be him. Maybe we'll find someone a hundred times better for each of us. Who knows? But is it wrong to say, some people just become a part of you, for the rest of your life. Especially when they come into your life in the most unexpected time, from the most unexpected places, and give you the most unexpected experiences. Yes I'll love again, yes I'll continue to live, yes we both will. Yes I might have it all with someone else, and he might too. I know all of this. don't think I am ignorant to the truth of moving and living on. But, you don't get it till you're in it. And boy, am I in the middle of the very thing I would kill one of my friends if they were in. I hope no one goes through this. I pray no one goes through thinking they might have found their person and then proceed to live without them. Even if that sounds dramatic and dumb. It's how I'm feeling. But in the end, this person has also helped me fully give in to Allah's plans. To just have pure intentions towards my situations and trust the solving of problems to Allah. Just trust Him completely. "They plan and Allah Plans and Allah is the best of the Planners" Ya Al Razzaq, ease our hearts.
  11. Salaam I hope everyone is doing fine. I have been going through a lot from a past month now...from failures to heart broken and then quitting Uni...this all has been a quite burden and stressing for me....but the one thing that I have noticed is that my faith in Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) has increased immensely...for which I'm really thankful... But I'm still in the process to realise it doesn't matter what I want... the only thing what actually should matter is what Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) wants for me....and that's the best thing...he knows what's the best for me..no doubt Still deep inside of me there are some regrets, anxiety, a sea full of tears and I think it is important to go through a point in your life where everything seems out of control. Once you get to that point, it’s hard to know where to start. The bad news is that it will be hard, for sure...but the good thing is that you will get through it. Why I'm saying this is that I know...many of us are going through some hardships and many are not motivated to carry on ...many of us will be saying..."Why this always happens to me??? Why I'm the only one ?? Why god..." Stop blaming Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) ...start asking yourself... where did you go wrong...how can you improve...stop being stubborn... just learn to move on! It's okay to not be okay...and that's normale...please don't be harsh on yourself...it will take time for the situation to get stable. And I'm sure I'm not the only one ... there are many people who feel the same...and please be open to discuss such matters.... I know some of them hides their pain and keep it to themselves (that's what I used to be)... believe me this finishes you innerly... at least talk to someone who you believe can help you out with your problems and don't forget that Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) is always with you:) Wasalam
  12. Salam everyone Most of you guys will know my story from my previous thread. So the situation got really dramatic after I told my mum that I'm interested in someone from different culture background and that he is 10 years older than me. She got angry and started blackmailing, like typical desi mum... the discussion turned into a long lecture and my Nani got involved too ...such a bad timing She said this will effect my studies and that I'll become a housewife... according to her, Arab men has a lot ego- issues they can't see their wives independent ... I don't believe in those stereotypes ... anyways I don't know what to do My mum told me to not talk to my father about this matter... I'm really stressed about it... I never thought she will ignore my feelings like that .. I told her everything And the guy wants to meet my family ..... I'm stuck in a bad situation PleaseI need some helpful advices Waslam
  13. Salam to all. "Apologies for reposting this topic from Jurisprudence section, but I wasn't getting any response there and really was looking forward to some replies on this topic. If repostings aren't allowed here I do not mind this topic being deleted." A recent wedding in my friends circle the mahr was decided to be reading of a certain number of times The Quran and certain number of Tasbeeh of Salawat. I wanted to know if this practice is correct as per our Marjas rulings, because we have read/ heard about Mahr being monetary in nature.
  14. Assalamu alaikum, I am a 28 year old woman. I have a problem I don't know how to fix. I am very confused and tired and exhausted and worried and I don't know what to do. I really need help. I try my best to be a good muslimah and do what is right and avoid haram. I have wanted to marry for a long time and I have made dua for years and years and I have expressed this to my father in my very early 20s. My parents have not found me any matches and I became depressed. I am not an ugly, I am an educated woman, good looking, smart, and muminah. I see most women my age with husbands and children and their own lives and I feel stuck. Alhamdulillah for everything but it is very painful. The older I get the less options I have. As a woman close to my 30s I don't know what options I have left. This year I have gotten no proposals. I also live in the west and we are very distant from the community and my father doesn't allow us to mix with people or allow my mother to make friends so our options are even more limited. I recently met a man who is also shia muslim and a good educated man. I really like this man and he has a lot of qualities I have been looking for in a husband. When I suggested him to my father he became very very angry and rude to me, he said things I do not wish to repeat and threatened my life. He did not allow me to marry him because the man is not from the same culture as us. My father says I can only marry from my own culture. I feel as though this man is kind and religious and I would like to marry him. I am not getting any younger and I do not have any prospects. The man and I decided to not speak anymore to avoid any haram that may occur. Him and I have not overstepped boundaries or committed any haram. We decided to not message each other often and speak so that chances of haram are reduced. We still wish to marry except we are not speaking now so that we can give it some time and avoid haram. My father has made it clear he will not allow me to marry any man outside my culture and he says alot of racist things. I don't know what to do. I feel very lonely and depressed. I don't know what to do. I'm treated like a child and I have no options. My mother knows the situation and is very understanding. my father is not understanding or kind. I don't wish to hurt my family or do something haram. All I want is to be able to marry the man that interests me peacefully in a halal and peaceful way. I don't even want money or an extravagant wedding or anything beyond reason. I just want to be happy and peaceful. I just want to marry a man that interests me like any other woman. I try not to feel hopeless because I don't want to be ungrateful and I say alhamdulillah for everything but every day that goes by I fall deeper and deeper into my sadness and my depression. I don't have energy or will to do anything. Sometimes I wish for death because it's easier. My dad doesn't allow us to go and meet people or interact with the community. we are just stuck at home. I have a masters and I work. That is all that I have in life. work and sleep. and now with covid 19 all I do is work from home and sleep and i feel like a waste of a person with no future. I just want to marry this man. I just want what any other woman my age wants. I don't want to hurt anyone or cause problems. I want to have a life. someone to love me and for me to love them back. To travel and have children and a home and be able to feel like a adult and have the options to do things. I have waited for marriage as a way to finally live and be happy but I am stuck. I'm not allowed to meet with friends or travel or anything. now i am not allowed to marry. It is killing me to feel this way. I don't feel that I want something crazy. I am so confused and lonely and my heart and brain can not take this. I can't sleep because I am so stressed. I don't know what to do. I just want to marry but I don't want to cause harm to my family. I am torn. I know there is much worse in the world. I don't mean to sound ungrateful. Is it haram to want to marry a man of my choosing? can i get a kheira? What do I do? What is the islamic ruling on such a situation? I see a lot of lectures that say not allowing a daughter to marry based on race, culture or ethnicity is not a valid reason. But what does one do in this situation? Do I remain unmarried and depressed? I'm scared of telling my father again. I don't want my mother or siblings to hurt as a result of me. I am torn between being happy and married to a man I am interested in but hurting my family or unhappy and unmarried but keep my family from hurting. My mother supports my marriage to this man. It is just my father who says no. I am the oldest so I don't have a big brother or any other family to step in. When I say i'm scared of hurting my family I mean i'm scared my father will take his anger out on my mother and siblings. I am very lost. Please if you can provide me with some kind of direction or help. Is there a specific dua I have to do? I am really desperate and sad. Thank you very much for reading my message. Wa alsalam
  15. Transgender marriage is one of the new issues of our era. It does not mean that at the time of Prophet ((صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم)) no one was hermaphrodite. But the science of changing the sex into male or female, or curing this disorder to some extent had not been known yet. Therefore there is no verse or narration regarding this issue. But how do we find out if transgender marriage is allowed (Halal) or forbidden (Haram) according to Islamic jurisprudence? Transsexuals and Hermaphrodites People who are known to be transsexual (a person who emotionally and psychologically feels that they belong to the opposite sex) or hermaphrodite (a person having both male and female sex organs or other sexual characteristics) are different from those who decide to be homosexual (lesbian or gay). Nevertheless, some of those who have homosexual tendencies may suffer from hermaphrodite disorders as well. But the improvement of science these days has made it possible for transsexuals and hermaphrodites to go through a sex reassignment surgery (SRS) in which they can change their gender into the one they feel they belong to(obviously according to the physician’s opinion). Since not having the operation and changing the sex may cause the person to commit a sin, or personal and social damages, it would be best if they can go through a sex reassignment surgery (SRS) and reduce these harms. The Pessimistic Look at Transsexuals and Hermaphrodites While transsexuality and hermaphrodites are obvious to be human disorders, most sufferers experience hostile encounters in the society. It is important for the society, especially for Muslim communities, to become familiar with their issues and support them in a way that they can have a normal life alongside others. One of the most offending manners towards them is to accuse them of having immoral sexual behaviors. It should be very well understood by the society that accusing them of adultery is a forbidden (Haram) act according to Islam. We should keep in mind that they are human beings with all the rights and needs of a human. The only difference is that they suffer from a disease, which makes them even more vulnerable. Hence they need special support from the society; such as disability support services provided by the government. Is Marrying a Transgender in Islam Forbidden (Haram)? Since marriage, according to Islam and all the other Abrahamic religions is based on sexual differences, it is clearly false for a Muslim to marry a person with unknown gender. If a Man marries a transsexual with unknown gender, he cannot be sure if he has married a male or a female, therefore, that should become clear before marriage. But if the sufferer has gone through the sex reassignment surgery (SRS) and the gender is now obvious, then there is no problem for a Muslim man or a Muslim woman to marry such a person under the Islamic rules of marriage. However, they should both be aware that people who change their gender, will not be able to have children at all. (We hope that human knowledge can solve this issue in the near future). So, people who have had a sex reassignment surgery (SRS) should inform their “spouse to be” of their surgery and the consequences of the operation. To conclude, we understand that marriage between or to a transgender -after the operation- is allowed (Halal) according to Islam and the couples may be able to shape a great family in which they feel comfort and relief. And if they wish to have children, they could always adopt a child which is strongly recommended in Islam.
  16. I would define myself as aromantic and asexual. Which means that I don't experience romantic or sexual attraction towards women (I am a male). But at the same time, I still do experience libido. It's just not directed at people. I have been having trouble with masturbation and such lately. I have been doing it wayyyy less now and only do it when it feels absolutely unavoidable. But I still have the intense urge to do it from time to time. I feel that my medical condition (bipolar disorder) makes me have the urge to have it do to my moods, as it's almost insatiable at times. But at the same time I limit myself and don't try to over do it. I did try to look for an older person to do mutah with. But the problem with that is (even with younger people) is that I don't feel romantic or sexually attracted enough for them to do sexual things with them. I feel repulsed from having romantic/sexual affection from women, but at the same time, that means I don't have a way to fulfil my sexual needs too. I also realize that a woman might not even do mutah with me, if I can't sexually satisfy her either. Because I'm not interested in doing anything sexual with her at all, which makes it hard for me to find someone that would actually do mutah with me. I have realized why masturbation is not a good thing to do in terms of spirituality. But at the same time I have difficulty not masturbating. Especially with the urges I feel when it comes to my mood disorder, I have difficulty with impulses. I realized that this is the case because I get the urge to masturbate when I'm late taking my medication and I've been awake for some time. I feel that I'm condemned to not having an orgasm, especially since I really don't want to marry. I feel this is really difficult for me, as others can just wait until they're married. But for me, being married, whether mut'ah or permanent isn't a desire I have and it's not feasible for me. Of course I'm not asking for masturbation to be permissible for me, but at the same time this is something I have a hard time avoiding due to my circumstances. I feel like masturbation can cause a drop in spirituality which is why I try avoid it and I only do it when I absolutely cannot avoid it. When I have the urge, it's like I absolutely can't avoid it. I have thankfully limited myself from masturbating way less but it's hard to eliminate it completely. Though, what should I do in my case though? I have trouble not knowing what to do. Usually the hope for some people is that they get married eventually. But I feel that is hard to do in my case. I wonder if I am excused from having sin placed upon me if this is something I genuinely cannot handle myself from not doing. Again, not saying it should be permissible for me and that I should have free reign to do it. But that I wonder if I am excused something akin to like how if a man can't stop flatulating during salah due to medical conditions, he is excused from that. I would appreciate any advice given. I would love to hear about any rulings that talk about masturbation in this sense for those that have disabilities, mental conditions that make it hard to avoid it, and those who cannot marry indefinitely due to a lack of a desire to marry. I would also love to know where I could possibly get a ruling from this other than a scholar saying it's just absolutely haram (which it is, not denying that) and actually give me genuine advice given my situation.
  17. Salam I'd like to get an opionion if it's the norm that a husband chooses to masturbate and watch porn as it makes him feel good. Why he chooses to do this if he's married ? He is aware it's haram but doesn't think it hurts anyone so not a problem doing it. I'd like to know do alot of men who are married do this ? Is this something that is happening in marriages that is widespread and noone talks about it? Does the man have the right to do this if for what ever reason his wife does not give him what he needs when he needs it? Or is it still wrong ? Has a wife got the right to ask him to stop this behaviour ? And if he does not, what can she do? Thank you
  18. Salaam The users on here who are married have given some solid and logical advice on marriage. Stuff like, make sure you find a partner you can tolerate, look past the initial charm, and don't ignore red flags. A question for those married users: what would you say is an important area for a young person to become mature in (knowledge-wise, personality-wise, mentality-wise, etc.) before getting married? And is there a certain amount of religious knowledge muslims should have before getting married? Someone who has never held a job before, lives with their parents, continuously tries to learn about their religion.....<-- is a pretty average scenario for muslims around me that I know. But those people have never lived with a stranger, might not know much about personal finance........they might want to get married, but what advice would you give to them before they start looking for a spouse? In what ways should they work on "self-improvement" before marriage?
  19. Salam guys, Can someone enlighten me on the caste system? I'm a Syed, Shia girl and want to marry a non syed Shia whos practicing his faith. Unfortunatly I come from the Indo/Pak region and my family is highly respected! If I marry this guy, I will bring shame to the family, and they'll probably kill me for the sake of family honour. I have had this conversation with my father, and he says that, Imam Ali(a.s) was a Syed but his kids from his other wives(aka Hazrat Abbas a.s) were not Syed. So I cant say that Imam Ali a.s got his other daughters married to non syeds. Is their any hadiths and any verses of the Qur'an that clearly state, this is halal?
  20. Salam everyone, I know with the older generation, some don’t believe in mental health but I feel my anxiety becoming worse since I got married. & my husband knew about me anxiety going into the marriage but I don’t think he knew how bad it was. I have trouble driving, being alone & meeting new people. When I meet knew people especially people that are important to him, I tend to avoid it as much as I can because I fear they won’t like me. My in-laws are amazing but everytime I go over I feel like I’ve failed them because I don’t speak Arabic well & I can’t have a proper conversation with them. My husband says he understands but called me a bad daughter in law because I chose not to go. my cry for help is how do I deal with this? My husband hurt me but I can’t change, my anxiety takes over my life.. I wish I can drive without fearing anything or going somewhere by myself or meeting people with so much confidence. What can I do so I don’t burden my husband? I believe that I’m burdening his life with my mental health issues & im tired of being upset by it everyday. Any marriage advice or mental heath advice please
  21. Salam everyone, I recently found out a Muslim brother has been cheating on his wife for awhile. Islamically am I meant to tell her what I know or do I leave it up to god?? I don’t want to do anything that I’m not suppose to, can someone please tell what the ruling on something like this is??
  22. Salam aleikum, I have a question regarding the validity of adding conditions in a marriage contract. From my understanding, having conditions is permissible if the rights of both parties are respected. However, I was in the process of getting engaged to someone after two years together but he did not know this was permissible and viewed it as a breach of trust. He has since terminated the relationship as he believed that I did not trust him whereas I viewed having conditions as a source of protection and accountability. My question is, is having stipulations in a marriage contract a cultural norm or does it have religious validity. If it is based in Islam, would it be possible to receive concrete facts on its validity from the Qu'ran or the Hadiths? Thank you very much for your help and insights!
  23. One of the motivations of those who convert to Islam may be marrying someone who is a Muslim. In Islam, marriage is a sacred and dear institution to Allah, and it plays a very crucial role in the formation of an ideal society. It is in fact, considered one of the greatest Divine blessings for responding to the natural instincts of human beings. However, according to the Islamic teachings, faith is the first quality to be considered in choosing a spouse. A faithful and harmonious partner plays a crucial role in having a prosperous life. It is on this basis that the Quran, the Holy Prophet ((صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم)) and his Ahl al-Bayt (عليه السلام) have laid great emphasis on religion and well mannerism as necessary criteria for marriage. Meanwhile, an important question that comes to mind is that, “can we convert to Islam for the sake of marriage or not?” The Highest Goal of Islamic Marriage Marriage is a natural necessity for every human being and several good outcomes such as procreation, sexual satisfaction, peace of mind, etc. are considered as the purposes of marriage. However, these could not be the ultimate goal of marriage in Islam as the non-Muslims can also achieve these, perhaps in better ways. Humankind is not created solely to eat, drink, sleep, seek pleasure or act lustfully. Thus, the aim of marriage for a religious person should be a means of gaining proximity to Allah and avoiding sins. In this regards, a good and faithful partner assumes a vital role as he/she invites his/her partner to goodness, in the same way as a corrupt person would tempt his/her partner towards corruption. Islam has enjoined its adherents to consider religion and good manners as necessary criteria for the selection of their future partners on different occasions. The Prophet ((صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم)) said: “If I were to bestow all the good of both worlds upon a Muslim, I would endow him with a humble heart; a tongue which continuously utters the praises of Allah; a body patient enough to withstand all calamities; and I would give him a pious spouse, who when he sees her becomes happy and protects his property as well as her own honour in his absence”.[1] Convert to Islam for Marriage In the Quran, it is said: “Do not marry idolatresses until they embrace faith. A faithful slave girl is better than an idolatress, though she should impress you. And do not marry [your daughters] to idolaters until they embrace faith…” (2: 221) From the above verse, it is clear that faith and religion is an uncompromised condition for marriage in Islam. It has explicitly prohibited marriage with the infidels except that they embrace Islam, as the statement “until they embrace faith” indicates. Thus, neither is the man allowed to marry idolatress nor a Muslim woman is allowed to marry an idolater. However, there is a separate ruling to the marriage with the people of the Book (i.e., Jews and Christians). Meanwhile, following the Islamic jurisprudence, it is considered permissible for someone to convert to Islam for marriage, as there is not any religion hindrance on that, as far as it is based on the sincerity of intention and a strong determination to act by the Islamic teachings. Although such a conversion might not be the best idea, it might be a perfect chance to think more about converting to the real and true religion. Conclusion In Islam, faith and religion are crucial requirements to be considered in the choice of a future spouse. This is because the ultimate goal of a marriage is the everlasting salvation in this world and the Hereafter. And this cannot be achieved by marrying an idolatress or idolater. However, based on the verdicts of the Islamic jurists, it is acceptable to convert to Islam for the sake of marriage, so far as it is based on the sincerity of intention and a resolution to work in line with the teachings of the religion. Note: Books on the Islamic jurisprudence or the official sites of the religious authorities should be consulted for details of the ruling. References: [1] Hur Amuli; Wasa’il as-Shiah, Vol. 14, P. 3.
  24. Salam everyone. Please read this, any kind words will help, I promise you. I know it’s very long but there is soo much emotions going through my head at the moment 4 years ago, I found someone perfect for marriage. We told our parents 1 month after. I’m Iraqi & he is Lebanese. We knew it would be an issue but we are both Shia and we just knew this is the right choice for each other. when I told my dad, I was crying. I told him he’s a great man & a great family. He has so much deen in him, has a great character and very family oriented. My dads problem was only the nationality & our generation talk about us. Which aren’t valid for him to reject it. 3 1/2 years later, he allowed for him to come over and he absolutely loved him. He said as soon as I laid my eyes on him, I knew he was a very innocent good guy. Which is great right? It’s been 1 month since they came over twice and my dad is making this his last priority! He wants to go overseas, and my mum keeps telling him to go after I get married but it seems he gets annoyed when my mum talks to him about it. He will talk about my brother getting married but not me. So again, my mum would said stop talking about our son when our daughter is more than ready to get married, his family is waiting to hear from us. this situation in my life has broken me soo many times. I have cried over it way too many times, I will act like I’m not hurt infront of anyone, as I’m driving off crying my eyes out in the car. Everytime I smile I’m dying inside. I feel so drained, this is not far.. 4 years is way too long to wait when I was ready so early on. It’s not fair to me or him or his family. I don’t know why my dad isn’t making this his priority. I know what sabr is and I am, I mean 4 whole years of sabr but it’s sooo hard. I’m still doing my duties of being the perfect daughter, I help my dad out in any way possible but it’s gone to the point where I will be dropping him of somewhere and I’m literally tearing up driving while he’s in the passenger seat. Doesn’t he know that this is killing me? I have already finished 3 degrees because there’s nothing else to do, I’m ready for marriage, I’m ready for kids, I’m ready to do the duties of a wife. Why from all people, my dad is stopping me. I Don’t know what to do anymore. My sisters and friends will tell me “omg I would’ve lost my calm if I was you” “how are you so patience” or others will say “just be patience” & it’s starting to make me angry because I’ve been patient for 4 years, Don’t tell me “there’s no need to rush”. I honestly feel numb. Please someone say something just to make me step back & fall back on wallah. Sometimes I think to myself, why isn’t Allah helping me.. he knows the pain that I’m going through. Waiting to hear from you all, thank you for reading this. Btw I’m 24 now.
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