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  1. I came across a hadith in Kitab al-Kafi that said not to marry Kurds because they're jinns. I asked a friend and they said that it isn't talking about the actual Kurdish race, but rather people who live in caves and in mountains. Like feral people. But what if these people do live like that, but are still pious and believing mu'min, would it still be haram to marry them? I'm concerned because my wife is Kurdish, and from a village in Kurdistan. And we both want to move to her village. But is it seriously haram that I married her because she's a Kurd?
  2. Salam, I am gay, I am never merried, never engaged in any sexual activity my parents want me to get merried to a girl, my parents want me to get merried I tried to tell my mum that I don't like girls, but my mum was like love happens after merrage how would you know when you havn't been merried and I am single child of my parents who are old, so they are worried about how would I live without a partner expecially when I am highly dependent person. I too feel like life would be really depressing without anyone in my life and I was also thinking maybe things change. I tried to watch straight porn, but I didn't felt attracted to females in it so should I get merried to a girl what does shariat says about it. I tried to ask a Maraji representative about my question, but he became extreamly angry even when I started and disconnected the phone.
  3. Assalamu 'alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu. I have an issue. I read on al-Islam that when saying the marriage words, the groom (me in this case) must say the acceptance words IMMEDIATELY after the woman (my wife) says her words. When we did our nikah, since we don't know Arabic and our pronunciation is very bad, we first said the words, then the English. But in this order: First she said, "An kah'tu nafsaka 'alal mahril ma'lum." Then she said the English, then I said "Qabilt ul-Nikaha", then I said the English. I'm having fears that our marriage may be invalid due to the Arabic being interrupted by the English, since I read on al-Islam that the groom's words need to be said IMMEDIATELY after the woman's words, I'm terrified our marriage was invalid. Can someone please clear up these worries, and please send me the Arabic writing for both of the marriage phrases?
  4. I found this article and am curious about anyone's opinion. Personally(privately religious, publically secular) I believe it is the state and communities responsibility to protect the individuals freedom to choose who they marry. https://www.iol.co.za/news/south-africa/western-cape/interfaith-couple-takes-gigantic-leap-as-they-marry-in-open-mosque-11250116
  5. Salaam all. A good friend of mine has a wife who confessed to having kissed a lesbian couple with passion which included lustful bodily contact as well as lustful gazes on each others' bodies. Of course he is devastated, but he was curious about what is the legal ruling on something like this, but didn't feel well enough to ask on a forum on his own so he asked me to look for some answers. Does this come under adultery? Yes or no? If yes, why and if no then why not? If no then what does this come under and legally what is the punishment (given the conditions are fulfilled such as for adultery which requires 4 confessions on separate occasions) Apart from that, although he didn't ask this, I wanted to ask so I can advise him: What should he do now? He is obviously depressed and frustrated with anger but also said he loved her, but feels very betrayed and broken. She confessed because she saw a bad dream reminding her of what she did so she woke up crying and later confessed to him about her actions. What should he do? Answers are welcome from both Shia brothers and sisters
  6. am i allowed to do mutah but agree with no intercourse? and can i do this without my fathers permission
  7. Brothers & Sisters, I truly need your help. This is a jurisprudential query and I had written to my Marja's (Ayatullah Sistani's) office about 6 months ago but have not received a response yet. I shall describe my situation and then attach the ruling from Ayatullah Sistani on the topic below. Please go through it thoroughly and suggest what you think about the outcome. From my understanding, I have come to a conclusion but I keep getting doubts which are endlessly bothering me and affecting my daily life. My situation is as follows: I did Mutah with a girl who had recently got her Khula done. At the time of the mutah, both of us had a lack of knowledge about general Iddah rulings and thought that the purpose of the Iddah period is just to ensure that the girl is not pregnant. Therefore, we thought that the Iddah might not be applicable to her as she had been physically away from her husband since 4 months before the Khula and was getting her periods within this duration ascertaining that she is not pregnant. We were unsure about the applicability of the Mutah and did some further research, but could not find a definite answer. Therefore, without being completely sure about the applicability of the Iddah, we went ahead and did the Mutah Islamically. However, a couple of months later, without having gone to bed with each other yet (having sexual relations), we found out that marrying a girl in her waiting period knowingly makes the couple haraam for each other forever and hence, did a deep research to ensure that the Iddah was not applicable to her. However, upon doing further research, we found out that the waiting period is applicable from the day of the Khula regardless of the girl being physically away from the husband or not. Based on the ruling of Ayatullah Sistani, we immediately separated as we thought we had done it out of ignorance and did the Mutah again after her waiting period. Moreover, we had not gone to bed within this period. The ruling from Ayatullah Sistani's official website is as follows: Ruling 2419. If a man marries a woman who is observing the ʿiddah of her marriage to another man, in the event that both or one of them knew that her ʿiddah was not yet over and they knew that marrying a woman who is observing ʿiddah is unlawful, the woman becomes unlawful for him forever even if they did not have sexual intercourse after getting married. And if they were ignorant about what ʿiddah is or about it being unlawful to marry a woman who is observing ʿiddah, then the marriage contract is invalid. Furthermore, if they have had sexual intercourse, it is forever unlawful [for them to get married to each other]; otherwise, it is not unlawful and they can get married again once the ʿiddah is over. Depending on the above description and ruling, I have come to the conclusion that since we did not know that the Iddah is applicable on the girl from the day of the Khula regardless of her being physically away from the husband or not, we did not know that she was actually in the waiting period and hence, did the mutah out of ignorance. Therefore, we can get married after the Iddah period ends. However, I keep getting doubts about this conclusion and am seeking some validation from you as I have not received any response from my marja's office yet. I really love this girl and want to do Nikah with her but am afraid that due to these doubts, my relationship will fall apart. Please help me clear these doubts. Jazakallah o Khair!
  8. Assalam aleykum brethren. So I've been searching for a while, what a the rules and obligations of a man, while searching/picking his future wive(s) (as in what he must look for or do, and what he must stay away from). Also was searching the rules and obligations of a husband, towards his wife(s). In both monogamy and polygamy cases. I did a bit of searching on my own, but could only find bits and pieces, or quick summaries. But I'm actually looking for the full detailed rulings from A to Z. Just in case it will matter, I follow the rulings of Ayatollah Sistani, and I can't read Arabic. So only English results will help me. Thank you everyone.
  9. Are Sunnis more likely to have more interacial marriages then Shias, i always thought Shia were more liberal, Is this right?
  10. Can A Muslim Woman Marry A Non-Muslim Man? | HuffPost null
  11. I was just curious to kno are South Asians liberal or strict when it comes to interacial marraige?would they marry a non south asian or convert?
  12. Assalamu alaikum, I am a Shia revert, I have been Shia for years but a while back I lost my way and I met my now partner and we have a son together and also my older son sees him as his father. He was not Muslim at all but since I have started to find my way back to Allah subhana wa’tala, alhamdulillah, my partner has learnt a lot about Islam and I explained that I have to find my way back to the right path and unfortunately I will have to choose my faith over my relationship. After he learned some more about Islam he said he wanted to revert, like I had done, and I’m really happy and excited about this. He has reverted now and I know we have to get married - in an Islamic way - because I do not want to live in this disobedience of Allah subhana wa’tala and I want to show my two children how to be good Muslims. Sorry for the background information! I’ll get on to my actual question now: we live in a city that has no Shia mosques. I’m not joking. There’s like only a couple of mosques here and I’ve actually never been them because I was anxious, the Muslim community here is small and not many reverts and I have been looked down upon by the Muslim community here and really not accepted even when I was practicing and doing my best. We need to get married, I would like a permanent marriage because we were going to get married legally anyway before, we are already engaged in a western sense, but I don’t really care about that so much at the moment. But without a mosque to go to and without a sheikh, can we even get married?! Permanently and validly? I looked on Sistani’s website and I was confused. I was in a mutah marriage before with a man who really did introduce me properly to Islam, this was a long time ago now, and now I don’t even know if that was valid - we didn’t have witnesses. But I was told then that for mutah we didn’t need them. But for permanent marriage it’s my understanding we do? Do they need to be Muslim? My family is not Muslim. Do we need a religious leader like a sheikh to make a permanent marriage valid or not & to do the contracts…? I feel silly asking these things like I feel I should know it but anyway. I’m hoping someone can help me out. What does a couple do if there is no mosque or sheikh…? Like I said there’s a couple of mosques but they are not Shia. Can a permanent marriage & ceremony be done without this? And like I asked also for witnesses, can they be non-Muslim because my family is not Muslim and neither is my partner’s family. Thank you for reading and I hope I don’t sound really dumb and I hope I can get some clarity and we will be able to get married inshallah!
  13. If I'm going to go into a temporary marriage with a girl who is a non hijabi/ chats with other guys. Is it wajib for me to tell her/make her stop talking to other guys and make her wear hijab otherwise I'm a dayooth?? The thing is I'm not planning on marrying her forever/building a family with her so I don't really take these things seriously it's just to fulfill urges + I don't want to start arguments and make issues when we get married?. Also if I just advice her not to and she doesn't listen do I have to keep arguing with her about it, and do I have to leave her if she doesn't listen, does staying with her if she doesn't listen to what I say/my advice make me a dayooth? As we know there's a hadith that says the dayooth doesn't smell the fragrance of jannah + The answer I'm most interested in is the hijab question W salam.
  14. Is it harder to get marriage for a sunni or shia or for a convert from sunni or shia is it more difficult to get married for either?
  15. I am aware that there are certain boundaries that are forbidden to be crossed in terms of marriage. And since I am unable to get a clear answer from other sources, I am looking here for the same. Is it permitted to marry your mom's aunt's daughter?
  16. Aoa Everyone, I was wondering how do the Ayaat of Surah Mujadilah apply to the lives of Muslims in this time and age. I was personally interpreting it as the fact that thihar were words used by the man to divorce his wife in the pre Islamic era, when in fact he would not divorce her but come around later and act as if nothing happened, and so it does not mean those words have to be the ones used by Hazrat Khawla's husband, but instead they can be placed in the context of todays world, where as Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) has stated that they do not mean that actually she has become like a mothers back to him, but now for the mental torture and his lack of control on his tongue he must make atonement, which is then further described by Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). Can anyone link what other scholar have to say about these ayats? Esp sistani and ghamdi? or is there a way to contact them, leave these questions for them? I will be honest, I am asking in reference to a personal situation. My father told my mother in our language (urdu) that 'mai tumhay farigh karta hun' (in an insullting tone saying i set you free (as if you are a characterless person who cannot be restrained)) and 'tumhay ab mai ghar se nikalta hun' (i am going to kick you out of the house). on other occasions he has used the words that now our relationship is finished. could these ayaat be applied in these lights? this is not just a one time anger issue, this is nearly ever week of my life the past 20 years, consistent mental abuse, just like with Hazrat Khawla RA. The above mentioned are two people i could talk to my father with reference to and he'd be willing to listen, he is the kind of person who goes back on his own words just to be always always, always right. no matter what he has to do to seem right. The Surah (1-4): 1. Certainly has Allah heard the speech of the one who argues with you, [O Muhammad], concerning her husband and directs her complaint to Allah . And Allah hears your dialogue; indeed, Allah is Hearing and Seeing. 2. Those who pronounce thihar among you [to separate] from their wives – they are not [consequently] their mothers. Their mothers are none but those who gave birth to them. And indeed, they are saying an objectionable statement and a falsehood. But indeed, Allah is Pardoning and Forgiving. 3. And those who pronounce thihar from their wives and then [wish to] go back on what they said – then [there must be] the freeing of a slave before they touch one another. That is what you are admonished thereby; and Allah is Acquainted with what you do. 4. And he who does not find [a slave] – then a fast for two months consecutively before they touch one another; and he who is unable – then the feeding of sixty poor persons. That is for you to believe [completely] in Allah and His Messenger; and those are the limits [set by] Allah . And for the disbelievers is a painful punishment.
  17. I am young guy and my parents are old they wants me to marry as fast as possible, all my related people that I know have somehow a miserable marriage life. a man married to a woman who run away during a trip and she waste his money, I heard that she wanted to marry someone else but now she is changing after 15 years. another related a woman married a man who wastes his money, he is not educated well but he thinks that he is always right, and thinks that everyone else around him wants to harm him, he have self ego, he don't want her family to help him or his wife. Now I am afraid of getting married I don't a girl that don't try to understand and I don't want to make our life miserable because of money. my parents will choose the girl but I don't know really if they will choose the right one because they are on hurry and I know they will ask people about the family of the girl, if one persons says they are okay and all others says no they are not okay, they will consider to choose the girl because like I said they are on hurry and they are kind they think everyone is kind but the world is changing, people changing too.
  18. This is the first Ramadan I will fast when married. I understand that I can not have sex with my wife during the fast. However I have some questions: Does no sex during the fast mean no penetration or no ejaculation? Can we touch each other's genitals? If no, do you mean to the point of ejaculation or literally no touching at all? Thank you for your responses in advance.
  19. Salam un alykum everyone Hope you all are doing well. I have some questions regarding intercultural marriage and how can you interact during engagement period in an appropriate way, where are the limits regarding Islamic laws? What are some important things you should consider before marrying someone from different culture background? How do you overcome cultural differences/ language issues in marriage? Lately I'm hearing a lot of negative comments about intercultural marriage... like "it won't last long, because of some of some differences"..."you don't speak same language"...."you won't be accepted by the in-laws"..."you will be the outsider..." I'm quite worried so if someone can give me any helpful advice...or if someone has experience with intercultural marriage...that would be great Waslam
  20. Aoa, This isn't me asking for advice. This isn't me asking to be told what's right and what's wrong (although that won't stop a good number from letting me know what I already know) This is more like me asking for anyone who can remember me in their prayers, for ease in mine and his heart, give both of us patience to bare this pain till we can get over it,some day. Please no one argue with anything, if you want to advise or give solutions you can, incase someone else in the future sees this post and it helps them. But please, be a bit kind and don't say things that would increase the pain in someone's life. I am in love with someone whom I can't marry. And he is in love with someone who can't marry him. My parents had made it clear that they want to marry me off to a Syed Shia guy, then someone good and I have an understanding with but who also has a certain (financially and standard) family background, etc. But the biggest problem is the first point I raised. He is neither. He is a very logical person and according to his own research, despite none of his parents even being part of one sect, he does not believe in sects. That's fine, and it's great because his own journey has bought him to love the ahlelbayt on his own (the great members of the household who came under the cloak with Rasulallah SAW). However he still looks up to the first 2 caliphs, especially the second one, believing that certain events are made up in much later centuries to cause a drift between the Muslims. To be honest, if someone with good knowledge, and strong historical references, who could have an actual conclusive debate with him, and counter all his arguments in a smooth and conclusive manner, if he had or has in the future someone like that, he would be more than happy to accept the truth and follow it. He's had a rough childhood, and still has a bit rough life, and he's learned to live and be flexible according to it. And one of the things he's learned is to never think you've become the teacher. Always believe in being the student. Many of you will try to say, well if he's such a good researcher why hasn't he reached the truth already? Because, everyone has their own journey, and Ive tried my the best to be the person I described above (someone who could give conclusive answers) but I failed. Anyways, even for myself I know I can't marry someone I might have to convince of beliefs that are basic to me, and I can't marry someone who won't be reassured of their beliefs of people they look up to by me. It's just cruel to each other. If we put just religion according to the Quran and Hadith and daily life on the table, since he really loves the Ahlulbayt as well, it's totally fine. If we come to the topic of sensibility, maturity, security, respect, logical and reasonable thinking, understanding, guiding, caring, recognizing things like roles of people especially men (for himself) in the society and in a marriage, having similar perspectives and understanding of the world and its affairs, the afterlife and it's affairs, you get the gist, we're really compatible in that department. And you can compromise alot of departments when you think about being with some one for the rest of your lives, but this above mentioned department, which is detrimental to how you both work together in your daily lives, for the rest of your life, this is something you need to be on the same page. And it's crazy how much we are. It's crazy that this isn't the only department we're really amazing together in. Nearly 90% of it without having lived together, and maybe we can bring that down to 60% if we did since people say you never know how you can't tolerate someone till you live with them, but that's alot more than alot of other people get. And who said that if it's 60% in the beginning it stays like that. But no matter how good we are together, in the end, it comes back in a circle to problem 1 and 2. One being my parents need for A Syed shia, and two being that he can never be a syed. Maybe I could convince my parents to let go of the family background stuff, because his father is a caring man who has never left his mother's side despite her developing severe OCD and other illnesses after his birth (he's an only child) and his mom is someone who's understanding, especially of the situation she is in and that if you have family by your side, unnecessary pressures by society don't matter. So who cares, rizk is given by Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) anyways, as long as you have pure intentions and a good heart and you keep working hard. But I cant let my parents down. I had always told them, they will choose someone suitable for me, and then I will see if he really is compatible, that way if I say yes finally, my parents won't have any problems with the person. But it seems now, since I had the perfect plan to avoid heartbreak and also please my parents in one go, It was decided this will become my test in this life. It's so ironic, I was the one who told everyone else to never fall for anybody outside of marriage and that it's silly to think it can't be avoided. I became hard as a rock, unbreakable, unbendable. And now I'm experiencing a side to myself, a soft side Im scared I never would've even found if I hadn't met him. Yeah, I might have seen it come out for my husband, but it's not the same. Because with him it would be there knowing I'm secure to some extent, because I'd be in a marriage. This is, me feeling like this knowing nothing will come out of it in the end. and still not being able to hold my feelings back. I wish we all knew the truth. I wish the opinions on what REALLY happened weren't blended into many sects, like the jews and the Christians basic faith has been; the lies mixed with the truths, instead of black and white, a blurry Grey. I hope he starts believing he deserves to have someone in his life who would be interested in everythint he has to say, understand his jokes, would be at the same mental capacity, would get the day to day references to the DC and Marvel universe. These are obviously surface level things, I'm just saying from personal point of view, a marriage is obviously much more deeper; all I'm trying to say is he would get his person. Hope his parents don't marry him off to someone they think he'd be compatible with, because he wouldn't fight them, and they might not know him like this. I know, our parents want the best for us. There is a generation gap albeit in today's times, that's what I'm speaking about. Maybe I'm blabbering because my heart aches that that won't be me, or for me, that won't be him. Maybe we'll find someone a hundred times better for each of us. Who knows? But is it wrong to say, some people just become a part of you, for the rest of your life. Especially when they come into your life in the most unexpected time, from the most unexpected places, and give you the most unexpected experiences. Yes I'll love again, yes I'll continue to live, yes we both will. Yes I might have it all with someone else, and he might too. I know all of this. don't think I am ignorant to the truth of moving and living on. But, you don't get it till you're in it. And boy, am I in the middle of the very thing I would kill one of my friends if they were in. I hope no one goes through this. I pray no one goes through thinking they might have found their person and then proceed to live without them. Even if that sounds dramatic and dumb. It's how I'm feeling. But in the end, this person has also helped me fully give in to Allah's plans. To just have pure intentions towards my situations and trust the solving of problems to Allah. Just trust Him completely. "They plan and Allah Plans and Allah is the best of the Planners" Ya Al Razzaq, ease our hearts.
  21. Salaam I hope everyone is doing fine. I have been going through a lot from a past month now...from failures to heart broken and then quitting Uni...this all has been a quite burden and stressing for me....but the one thing that I have noticed is that my faith in Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) has increased immensely...for which I'm really thankful... But I'm still in the process to realise it doesn't matter what I want... the only thing what actually should matter is what Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) wants for me....and that's the best thing...he knows what's the best for me..no doubt Still deep inside of me there are some regrets, anxiety, a sea full of tears and I think it is important to go through a point in your life where everything seems out of control. Once you get to that point, it’s hard to know where to start. The bad news is that it will be hard, for sure...but the good thing is that you will get through it. Why I'm saying this is that I know...many of us are going through some hardships and many are not motivated to carry on ...many of us will be saying..."Why this always happens to me??? Why I'm the only one ?? Why god..." Stop blaming Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) ...start asking yourself... where did you go wrong...how can you improve...stop being stubborn... just learn to move on! It's okay to not be okay...and that's normale...please don't be harsh on yourself...it will take time for the situation to get stable. And I'm sure I'm not the only one ... there are many people who feel the same...and please be open to discuss such matters.... I know some of them hides their pain and keep it to themselves (that's what I used to be)... believe me this finishes you innerly... at least talk to someone who you believe can help you out with your problems and don't forget that Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) is always with you:) Wasalam
  22. Salam everyone Most of you guys will know my story from my previous thread. So the situation got really dramatic after I told my mum that I'm interested in someone from different culture background and that he is 10 years older than me. She got angry and started blackmailing, like typical desi mum... the discussion turned into a long lecture and my Nani got involved too ...such a bad timing She said this will effect my studies and that I'll become a housewife... according to her, Arab men has a lot ego- issues they can't see their wives independent ... I don't believe in those stereotypes ... anyways I don't know what to do My mum told me to not talk to my father about this matter... I'm really stressed about it... I never thought she will ignore my feelings like that .. I told her everything And the guy wants to meet my family ..... I'm stuck in a bad situation PleaseI need some helpful advices Waslam
  23. Salam to all. "Apologies for reposting this topic from Jurisprudence section, but I wasn't getting any response there and really was looking forward to some replies on this topic. If repostings aren't allowed here I do not mind this topic being deleted." A recent wedding in my friends circle the mahr was decided to be reading of a certain number of times The Quran and certain number of Tasbeeh of Salawat. I wanted to know if this practice is correct as per our Marjas rulings, because we have read/ heard about Mahr being monetary in nature.
  24. Assalamu alaikum, I am a 28 year old woman. I have a problem I don't know how to fix. I am very confused and tired and exhausted and worried and I don't know what to do. I really need help. I try my best to be a good muslimah and do what is right and avoid haram. I have wanted to marry for a long time and I have made dua for years and years and I have expressed this to my father in my very early 20s. My parents have not found me any matches and I became depressed. I am not an ugly, I am an educated woman, good looking, smart, and muminah. I see most women my age with husbands and children and their own lives and I feel stuck. Alhamdulillah for everything but it is very painful. The older I get the less options I have. As a woman close to my 30s I don't know what options I have left. This year I have gotten no proposals. I also live in the west and we are very distant from the community and my father doesn't allow us to mix with people or allow my mother to make friends so our options are even more limited. I recently met a man who is also shia muslim and a good educated man. I really like this man and he has a lot of qualities I have been looking for in a husband. When I suggested him to my father he became very very angry and rude to me, he said things I do not wish to repeat and threatened my life. He did not allow me to marry him because the man is not from the same culture as us. My father says I can only marry from my own culture. I feel as though this man is kind and religious and I would like to marry him. I am not getting any younger and I do not have any prospects. The man and I decided to not speak anymore to avoid any haram that may occur. Him and I have not overstepped boundaries or committed any haram. We decided to not message each other often and speak so that chances of haram are reduced. We still wish to marry except we are not speaking now so that we can give it some time and avoid haram. My father has made it clear he will not allow me to marry any man outside my culture and he says alot of racist things. I don't know what to do. I feel very lonely and depressed. I don't know what to do. I'm treated like a child and I have no options. My mother knows the situation and is very understanding. my father is not understanding or kind. I don't wish to hurt my family or do something haram. All I want is to be able to marry the man that interests me peacefully in a halal and peaceful way. I don't even want money or an extravagant wedding or anything beyond reason. I just want to be happy and peaceful. I just want to marry a man that interests me like any other woman. I try not to feel hopeless because I don't want to be ungrateful and I say alhamdulillah for everything but every day that goes by I fall deeper and deeper into my sadness and my depression. I don't have energy or will to do anything. Sometimes I wish for death because it's easier. My dad doesn't allow us to go and meet people or interact with the community. we are just stuck at home. I have a masters and I work. That is all that I have in life. work and sleep. and now with covid 19 all I do is work from home and sleep and i feel like a waste of a person with no future. I just want to marry this man. I just want what any other woman my age wants. I don't want to hurt anyone or cause problems. I want to have a life. someone to love me and for me to love them back. To travel and have children and a home and be able to feel like a adult and have the options to do things. I have waited for marriage as a way to finally live and be happy but I am stuck. I'm not allowed to meet with friends or travel or anything. now i am not allowed to marry. It is killing me to feel this way. I don't feel that I want something crazy. I am so confused and lonely and my heart and brain can not take this. I can't sleep because I am so stressed. I don't know what to do. I just want to marry but I don't want to cause harm to my family. I am torn. I know there is much worse in the world. I don't mean to sound ungrateful. Is it haram to want to marry a man of my choosing? can i get a kheira? What do I do? What is the islamic ruling on such a situation? I see a lot of lectures that say not allowing a daughter to marry based on race, culture or ethnicity is not a valid reason. But what does one do in this situation? Do I remain unmarried and depressed? I'm scared of telling my father again. I don't want my mother or siblings to hurt as a result of me. I am torn between being happy and married to a man I am interested in but hurting my family or unhappy and unmarried but keep my family from hurting. My mother supports my marriage to this man. It is just my father who says no. I am the oldest so I don't have a big brother or any other family to step in. When I say i'm scared of hurting my family I mean i'm scared my father will take his anger out on my mother and siblings. I am very lost. Please if you can provide me with some kind of direction or help. Is there a specific dua I have to do? I am really desperate and sad. Thank you very much for reading my message. Wa alsalam
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