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In the Name of God بسم الله
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Perhaps as a child I did once like the idea of getting married and having children. But over time I have come to realize, that I may be cursed (figuratively speaking). My great grandfather may have abused his wife, this is unconfirmed, my grandfather did certainly abuse his wife, and my own father definitely abused my mother. I'm horrified of this savage lineage I descend from, don't get me wrong I'm happy being a Muslim, I'm ashamed of at the culture I come from. With such a long line of abusive husbands, I don't want to fall into the same trap. I don't think I'd ever hit a woman, but I simply take take the risk. Perhaps my forefathers were once good people, but upon leaving childhood and ascending into adulthood they became amoral and hit their wives, an act I consider evil. I don't want to become them, so I started to distance myself from the concept of marriage, romance or companionship. Furthermore I am averse to the idea of engaging in intimate relations that come with marriage, even though I am fond of children, I can't imagine myself ever engaging in an act of reproduction, the thought itself feels perverse and I don't like the idea of anyone touching me to that certain level. It is therefore that I have resolved that I shall never marry or engage in sexual relations of any kind for the rest of my life, instead I shall devote it to cater for my own material (money, food, career, etc) and spiritual (fasting, salah, haj, etc) needs, as well as taking care of my mother and sisters. I expect my sisters will probably be married off at some point, which I suppose is good for them though sad for me as I'll become alone after my mother passes away one day, but I cannot see any alternate course of action. I know people say they'll never get married but end up marrying, but I am serious about this resolve which I intend to uphold until the day of my own death.
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