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  1. (bismillah) (wasalam) InshAllah you are well. I had been noticing a new divorce "trend" that has been seemingly augmenting among muslim communities recently. Divorce (Talaq) is one of the worst and hated halals that exists in Islam, but being the most realistic religion, Islam accepts divorce as a reality in certain social circumstances. How divorce's existence, or nonexistence, affects society as a whole is a different topic. But my question is, are we justifying too many 'silly' circumstances that are out of our comfort zone to mandate divorce? We all have flaws and only through genuine prayer and jihad of nafs do we allow ourselves to grow spiritually. I understand that it's easier said than done but whether from experience or by other means, what do you personally think are some of the most common reasons for divorce, how should they be avoided? Some reasons that I could think of from the top of my head (not in any specific order): 1.Spouses not educated about their Islamic responsibilities/rights in a marriage 2.Not aiming to live a God based marriage 3.Education and social prestige are prioritized over motherhood and responsibilities of a wife 4.Lack of forgiveness 5.There is a lot of blaming rather than self reflection 6.Lack of kindness 7.There is a lot of family meddling without proper management of the spouses 8.Lack of trust 9.Lack of attention and respect to the spouses interests --- (can translate to individuals 'worth' in the eyes of the spouse) Please feel free to add to the list, any relevant contribution helps inshAllah! jazakAllah khairan, mysterious secrets
  2. Salaam InshaAllah you are all reading this in good health. Question is quite self explanatory, I understand there are 3 stages to the divorce, number one is to initiate it, and apparently you have to make a public announcement you're divorcing the wife? Is this correct and how exactly do you do a public announcement? Just to clarify I'm not talking about myself here, I'm just comparing the divorce procedure between Sunnis and Shias.
  3. Assalam Alaykium Brother and sisters, I hope you and your families are doing well. Forgive me, I have a concern regarding temporary marriage. I found this this muslim girl for mutah since we want to keep our relationship halal. She is currently living with her parents and as a requirement I require the permission of her guardian which is her father but what she told me was she is divorced(?), thus she has complete decision on who she is allowed and not to marry as stated in Islamic law, correct me if i'm wrong. I have doubts also that she has committed fornication with someone else. Do I take her word for it if she divorced or has fornicated before? I did some research also regarding this matter and came upon an article regarding the mutch laws, on the al-islam website; It is recommended that a Muslim man conclude a temporary marriage only with a chaste Muslim woman. Here by 'chaste' (afifa) the classical authors have in mind someone who has never committed fornication and who follows the shari'a in her activities. More specifically, the adjective denotes a woman who has observed the shar'i laws concerning marriage and in general is honest and upright. The two attributes 'Muslim' and 'chaste' are derived from sayings by two of the Imams: the Imam al-Rida was asked: 'Is it possible for a man to conclude a temporary marriage with a Jew or a Christian?' He answered: 'I would prefer that he engage in mut'a with a free Muslim woman.'22 To a question about performing mut'a, the Imam Ja'far replied: 'It is permissible. So marry none but a chaste woman, for God says, " And those who guard their private parts" (23:5). Hence you should not put your private parts where you do not feel safe with your dirhams.'23 If someone makes an accusation against a woman, it is recommended that before concluding the contract of mut'a with her the man inquire from her about her situation, i.e., as to whether or not she has a husband and whether or not she is chaste. But asking is not a condition of the contract.24 According to the 'Principles of Jurisprudence',25 the principle of 'correctness' as applied to the acts of a Muslim 26 demands that one consider the act of a woman who has declared herself ready to enter into mut'a as correct. In a different area of the law, the canonical prayer provides a good example: If, after finishing his prayer, a person doubts as to whether or not he said the correct number of cycles, he assumes the number was correct, Otherwise he would spend a good deal of his time repeating acts of worship he has already performed. The slightest doubt would be sufficient to cause him to repeat the same act. On the basis of this principle, one must dismiss the possibility that a potential wife might be unchaste, so it is unnecessary to ask her. Several hadith are related which demonstrate the reprehensibility of asking about the woman's situation after the contract has been concluded. For example, a man once said to the Imam Ja'far: 'I married a woman temporarily, and then it came to my mind that she might already have a husband. I investigated the matter and found out that it was so.' The Imam said: 'And why did you investigate?'27 It is reprehensible for a man to conclude a marriage of mut'a with a fornicatress, by reason of the Qur'anic verse: 'The fornicator shall marry not but a fornicatress or an idolatress, and the fornicatress- none shall marry her but a fornicator or an idolator; that is forbidden to the believers' (24:3). If a man should contract a temporary marriage with a fornicatress, it is his duty to command her not to perform adultery. But this is not a necessary condition of the marriage, by reason of the 'principle of correctness' as applied to the Muslim's act.28 It is also reprehensible, without any exceptions, to contract a temporary marriage with a virgin, by reason of the words of the Imam Ja'far: 'It is reprehensible, because it is a stain upon her family.'29 If a contract should nevertheless be concluded, it is not permissible for the man to consummate the marriage, unless the marriage took place with the permission of her father-a condition almost impossible to imagine in Muslim society. 'A virgin may not be married temporarily without her father's permission' (the Imam al-Rida) http://www.al-islam.org/muta-temporary-marriage-in-islamic-law-sachiko-murata/four-pillars-muta#ii-persons The article made some excellent points regarding this matter, but i'm still unsure if i should go with this. We both have our needs and I make to make sure that it is the halal way rather to fall onto zina, god forbid! Now the question is should I trust her? Should I assume that if i decide to go with it, that it is correct? Do I ask her even if she might be lying? Please someone enlighten me on this issue. Ahsent
  4. (bismillah) (salam) I've been reading this book by Wael Hallaq, entitled An Introduction to Islamic Law, and, in it, I came across an interesting passage where he gives a historical perspective into the dealings of the Muslim courts, with respect to women and I found it an interesting reply to those who argue women are disadvantaged in Islam as it clearly shows that while Islamic Law favours men in certain places (such as daughters only getting half the inheritance of their fathers, as compared to the sons), women also possess distinct advantages in other areas - while, at the same time, giving us valuable insight into how we can reform the current situation within Muslim communities: "Divorce, as the jurists understood very well, and as legal practice testifies, was a very costly financial enterprise for the husband, let alone that in many cases it was effectively ruinous (a fact which may also explain the rarity of polygamy). Upon [the invocation of the right to unilateral] divorce [by the husband], the ex-wife was entitled to maintenance for at least three months, delayed dower, children’s maintenance, any debts the husband incurred to her during the marriage (a relatively frequent occurrence), and if the children were young, a fee for nursing. And if the husband had not been consistent in paying for marital obligations (also a relatively frequent occurrence), he would owe the total sum due upon the initiation of divorce." THAT WAS THE SHORT QUOTE. IF YOU WANT TO READ MORE, WELL, CARRY ON: Furthermore, "In this context, it must be clear that when women entered marriage, they frequently did so with a fair amount of capital, which explains why they were a source of lending for many husbands and why so many of them engaged in the business of money-lending in the first place. In addition to the immediate dower and the financial and material guarantees for her livelihood, the wife secured a postponed payment, but one that she could retrieve at any time she wished (unless otherwise stipulated in the contract). But equally significant was the trousseau that she received from her parents, customarily consisting of her share of her natal family’s inheritance paid in the form of furniture, clothing, jewelry and at times cash. Many women, before or during marriage, were also endowed with a waqf portion, giving them further income. Whatever the form of the trousseau and the total wealth they could accumulate, women were entirely aware of 66 An Introduction to Islamic Law their exclusive right to this wealth, and understood well that they were under no obligation to spend any portion of it on others or even on themselves. They apparently spent their own money on themselves only if they chose to do so, since such expenses as pertained to sustenance, shelter and clothing (in the expansive meaning of these terms if the husband was prosperous) were entirely his responsibility, not hers. In other words, unlike that of husbands, the property of wives was not subject to the chipping effect of expenditure, but could instead be saved, invested and augmented. Considering the unassailability over the centuries of these rights–which on balance availed women of property accumulation–it is not surprising that, in the historical record, unilateral divorce by the husband appears to be less common than KHULʿ, the contractual dissolution of marriage (where the wife surrenders some of her financial rights in exchange for divorce). The relative frequency ofkhulʿ in Istanbul, Anatolia, Syria, Muslim Cyprus, Egypt and Palestine has been duly noted by historians. It is a phenomenon that explains –in this context –three significant features of Muslim dissolution of marriage. First, while the husband could divorce unilaterally, there was also a“price”that he paid for this prerogative. In other words, the average husband was constrained by hefty financial deterrents, coupled with legal and moral deterrents installed by the law as well. Second, the husband’s unilateral divorce in effect also amounted to a one-way transfer of property from the husband to the wife, beyond and above all that he was–for the duration of the marriage – obliged to provide his wife by default. In fact, an important effect of this transfer was the fact that many repudiated women purchased the husband’s share in the matrimonial house, funneling the divorce payment due to them toward such a purchase. Third,khulʿ, within the economic equation of Muslim marriages, was in a sense less of a depletion of the woman’s property because the payment by the wife was usually the delayed dower her husband owed her, plus her waiting period allowance. This was so typical that the juristic manuals reflected this practice as a normative doctrine. The point, however, remains that it was the very financial promise made by the groom that was used as the bargaining chip for khulʿ. Khulʿ, a means by which a woman could exit an unhappy marriage, provides an excellent context to assess domestic violence against womenand other causes of their marital discord. Because they had fairly easy access to the courts, unhappy wives had the option of addressing themselves to the qadi, who would assign officials of the court to investigate the abuse or other harm that made these women’s marriage unbearable. If abuse was proven, the court had the power to dissolve the marriage, as it often did. The law also allowed the woman the right to self-defense, including, under certain circumstances, the killing of an abusive husband. But if the husband was not at fault, a wife who found her marriage unbearable could at least dissolve it by khulʿ. The formal legal aspect of such situations might well be augmented by another social aspect. Obviously, the ties of the wife/woman with heroriginal family were not, upon marriage, severed, and her parents, brothers and sisters continued to watch closely as the marriage of their daughter/ sister unfolded. It was, after all, the parents of the wife who had usually arranged the marriage, and who were at least to some extent responsible for it as well as for the well-being of their daughter. If the marriage failed, they not only had to deal with such a failure in the public space, but also had to“take back”their daughter, with all the economic and other consequences this“taking back”might entail. Their interest in the success of their daughter’s marriage explains the close scrutiny many families exercised (and still do) to prevent abuse by the husband of their daughter (including such measures as the beating of the abusive husband by the wife’s brothers). Unlike the present situation of many women who, in the nuclear family of today, must fend for themselves, women in earlier Islamic societies continued to have the psychological and social –and when necessary economic–backing of their original families. This obviously did not prevent abuse in all cases, but it did contribute significantly to its reduction. However, when all attempts had failed, the wife’s original family, often with the collaboration of the husband’s own family, would exercise the necessary pressures to bring the marriage to an end, before the qadi or not. Finally, a few words about women and property rights are in order. Making up about 40 percent of the real estate dealers in some cities, women regularly approached the court to register their sales and purchases, recording in this way the fact that they were heavily involved intransactions related to house transfers. As court litigation and registries show, women owned both residential and commercial properties, mainly rent-earning shops. They often owned their own houses, and frequently jointly purchased houses with their husbands, during, but also before, the marriage. As already mentioned, when they were repudiated by their husbands, they often bought the latter’s share in their matrimonial house with the very money their husbands owed them as a result of divorce. Women were also participants in one of the most powerful economies in Muslim lands, namely, the real property dedicated as waqf, which, by the dawn of European colonialism, constituted between 40 and 60 percent of all real property. Except for the largest endowments, usually established by sultans, kings, viziers and emirs, many of the founders of medium-size and smaller waqfs were women. They often foundedand managed endowments alone, and to a lesser extent they were also co-founders, along with males and other females. A relatively impressive number of waqfs were established by manumitted female slaves associated with the political and military elites, and these too established waqfs independently as well as with their (former) masters (a fact that attests to the financial, and even political, power of female slaves).Waqfs of modest range appear to have been established by men and women in equal numbers. Their participation in the important waqf economy began early on, and steadily increased throughout the centuries. By the eighteenth century, women constituted between 30 and 50 percent of waqf founders. In some places, there were more women establishing endowments than men. In certain cities, a significant number, and at times more than half, of the endowments established by women were public, dedicated to religious and educational purposes or to caring for and feeding the poor. And like men, most women creating endowments purchased their properties for this purpose. It is only reasonable to assume that more women benefited from waqf endowments as beneficiaries than there were women who founded suchendowments. Quantitative evidence of the proportions of men and women who were waqf beneficiaries has still to be tabulated, but the general evidence thus far points to well-nigh equal numbers. The theory that the juridical instrument of waqf was used to deprive females of their entitlements to inheritance no longer stands, for it appears, to the contrary, that the waqf was resorted to in order to create a sort of matrilineal system of property devolution. Equally important, however, was the crucial factor of avoiding the partition of family property (which Quranic inheritance tended to do), this frequently having harmful economic effects that were curbed by having recourse to the waqf instrument. It should therefore not be surprising to find many waqf deeds that allocate to the beneficiaries the same proportional entitlement to the estate as the Quranic shares. One historian has found that in eighteenth- and nineteenth-century Aleppo women were disadvantaged as inheritors in less than 1 percent of the 468 waqf deeds she examined. Women generally designated more females than males as beneficiaries, while some 85 percent of men designated their wives and/or daughters, a situation that obtained in sixteenth-century Istanbul as well. The same pattern occurs with regardto rights of residency in the family dwelling of the founder. The great majority of waqf deeds–in Aleppo, Istanbul and elsewhere –did not discriminate against females, nor did they limit their rights in any way. But when they did, the restriction did not preclude the right to live in the house until marriage, or to return to it when they became orphaned or divorced. Nor did preclusion apply to female descendants, a fact that“left the door open for married women and their spouses and their offspring to claim their rights to live in the house.” Women were also deemed to be as qualified as men in their capacity as managers of endowments, an influential administrative and financial position. Although there were more men than women performing this function, a large number of women appear as administrators of waqfs established by their fathers, mothers, grandparents and distant relatives. In the eyes of the court too, women manifestly had precedence over younger males as administrators. And like men, women reserved for themselves the right to be the first administrators of their own endowments. They also reserved and used the right to sue against infringements of waqf rights, on behalf of themselves as well as others. In sum, Muslim women were full participants in the life of the law. As one historian has put it with regard to Ottoman women, they“used their right of access to the courts to promote their interests, in which a manumitted slave could restrict the claim of her past master to her estate, where a farm woman could challenge the claim of a creditor upon the expensive livestock she had purchased, where a widow could assert her priority right to buy her husband’s share in real property, and where a woman traveling alone from one village to another could charge a police officer with obstructing her path.” But if the law depended, in its proper functioning, on the moral community, then women–just as much as men – were the full bearers of the very morality that the law and the court demanded. And as moral denizens, or denizens who aspired to the power that was generated by moral character, they engaged in the law, losing and winning on the way. As participants in the legal system, they developed their own strategies, and drew on the moral and social resources available to them. They no doubt lived in a patriarchy, but the inner dynamics of this patriarchy afforded them plenty of agency that allowed them a great deal of latitude. That“Islamic modernity”has often proven to be oppressive of women, as we shall see inchapter 8, cannot take away from the fact that for a millennium before the dawn of modernity they compared favorably with their counterparts in many parts of the globe, particularly in Europe."
  5. Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh, Dear readers I need advice, I need help and support please... I was introduced to my cousin, at the age of 15 and instantly fell inlove with him, my mother was against it completey yet I decided to disobey and follow my heart, at the age of 21 we got married and my father was the one that did it all for me, paid for my wedding etc because he was his brothers son and because he was poor, he genuinely thought that the man loved me. But we were all fooled and tricked, after being married for 9 months I managed to bring him here to London, then I started seeing a side to him I've never seen before, he simply didn't want to work, spent it from one job to the other and at this time I was already pregnant. With him refusing to support me I worked all the way till I was 8 months pregnant. We lived with my parents because we couldn't afford our own place. His attitude and his ways became worse, he started comitting adultery, smoking weed and spending it in nightclubs and became abusive, verbually, physically and mentally... At this point my son was a year old and I decided I had had enough, I asked him for a divorce which he kept giving me conditions on, that I stay quiet act like nothing was wrong untill he went back to his family. As desperate as I was because I read how difficult it is for a woman to fight for the divorce. A day before he flew back in March 2012 he nearly strangled me to death just because he felt like it and he knew I wouldn't say anything because I wanted the divorce so I suffered in silence, I just wanted him gone... When he was gone he kept calling me and sending me messages to let me know he will never divorce me simply because I didn't deserve to live a happy life, that he was going to get married again and live his life as he wants.... I felt like I had married the devil himself and that there was no way out, my faith didn't deteriorate, instead it grew and I became stronger. I started researching as much as I could about me asking for a divorce and I spoke to many siyyad and masheyekh, each one trying their best to help but because he kept saying he's changed and he wants me back (which was a lie!) there wasn't much they could do... Untill out of no where he came back a few months ago, he stayed at our uncles place for a month.... That's when we found out a deeper darker secret to him, something that tore the whole family apart, no one will ever be the same again and I will forever feel sick to my stomach everytime I think about it. It was that he was having an affair with our uncle's wife.... His fathers brothers wife... We're all still in utter shock and disbelief, she is currently pregnant but its unknown who the father is, we found out because she confessed that it started in 2010!! 2010 when I was heavily pregnant!! Then I find out he also passed on a form of std that can cause cancer if left untreated.... It just kept getting worse and worse for me but again my amman only grew stronger... I have all the proof I need against him and I will be going to see a sayyid on Monday. He has ran away to Lebanon where his parents are protecting him from my uncle, he lied to all those close to him that he has nothing to do with anything that happened and she's the one lying. Now why would a woman lie about something like this, why would a woman ruin her entire life by confessing to something like this? All we have is her word against his, yet he got away and is now planning to get re married to a married American woman..... He goes ahead living his life without a care in the world and I sit here trying my best to hold on to my sanity in the strong belief that his punishment is going to be endless in the afterlife.... I don't seek pity or for anyone to feel sorry for me, I need help in recovering, in a path to forget, wise words, guidence in religion, how to move on Thank you for anyone who took time to read this and thank you for anyone who is willing to help me. Fi amman Allah
  6. Salam Alaikum Me and my ex husband have been divorced for two months now and he has payed my mahr to me, but we would like to get back together again (I'm still in my 'iddah) Since he has payed my mahr, is there any problems getting back together because of that?
  7. Salaam Alaykum everyone. I've been looking through some hadith books and I cant seem to find the rights of a woman in divorce: What I mean by this is... when a woman has asked for a divorce, but her husband is saying he shall never grant her one (he doesn't care about what she's trying to say, and what her wishes are) Then what are her rights according to Ahlul Bayt? Does anyone have hadiths? This is an example of somebody I know, who her husband treats her badly, beating her, disrespecting her etc.. and finally after forgiving as much as she can take, she gives up and begs for a divorce. I'm sorry if this might hurt anyone, I hope somebody can help me inshaAllah find these hadiths. Wa Salaam.
  8. Salam Aleykum If a man divorces his wife without her concent,e.g the wife really wants to make things work and she does NOT want to get a divorce, but the husband has given up. And so he does the divorce without the wife's consent. Is this kind of divorce a revocable divorce?
  9. Salams, I am writing in this forum in hope of finding a solution to a problem which has plagued our family for the past 4 years.Any help and comments will be welcome with thanks. My uncle got married about 6 years ago and as any wedding in the house, It was a joyous time in our household.Everything was good and well for 2 years in my uncle's married life in spite of the usual husband-wife quarrels. When my aunt had delivered her first baby boy , A premature 8 month old weak baby , She ran off to her father's house after his birth. On the 11th day from her father's house , she called my uncle and told him to take his dying son home as it was his responsibility.She told him that the kid had no chance of surviving and would definitely die. My uncle took his son home and nursed him to health with my grandmother as his support.My aunt made not attempts to find out the health of her son and instead insulted her mother in law , taunting that she would never raise her own son but make her (my grandmother) raise her grandson. MashaAllah, now this baby boy is going to be 4 and is a healthy and intelligent boy. He is staying with his mother and she refuse to send him to school effectively ruining his entire future .My cousin attended school for 6 months while he was living with his father but since he has surrendered his son to his wife , she has done nothing but ruin the innocent child.She teaches him abusive words and bad action such as hitting other people. My cousin had been staying with my uncle until he was about 3.5 years old but due to the displeasure of his brother he has had to give his son to his wife to raise. His wife refuse to come home or send their kid to school unless he pays her 1 Lakh Rupees per month. He only gets to see his son and take him to his home for a day and it hurts him badly every time he has to drop off his kid with his wife. He bears the insults of his in laws time and time agian because he knows he can't ask his mother to raise his child anymore. This situation has torn a happy and loving household apart and we are desperate for any form of advise which can help us save our family. Should my uncle divorce his wife and take custody of the kids or should we give him wife time to change her actions. JazakAllah for all the advise and keep my family in your prayers....May Allah grant our family it's happiness back .
  10. Salaam. I have a few questions concerning divorce. 1) Is it permissible to do divorce over the phone or skype as long as 2 witness are present? 2) can it be verbal and not written? 3) If the wife is not in menstruation, and the husband has not had any sexual intercourse during this time, and if there are two witness, and the arabic equivalent , i divorce my wife (saying her name is not necessary, right) is said, is this divorce considered valid? after the iddah period, must there be said something or any thing must be done or does the couple automatically become na mahram. 4) In what cases is divorce considered haraam? or highly disliked than usual 5) If both husband and wife consider it is better to separate on account of differences in personality and behavior and constant argumentation, what kind of divorce is this? even though neither hate each other but circumstances and finance are making it very difficult. 6) must a husband inform his new wife of his divorce status and is it her right to know?
  11. Assalamu Alaykum, I am married for last 4 years but my wife does not full-fill my conjugal Rights (most of the times). Because of this I sometime fall in Sins (may Allah SWT forgives me). I am sure if my wife has the right attitude towards me I can protect myself from Sins. I discussed the same several times with her but this never worked out. I am even thinking to divorce my wife. I cannot currently divorce her until 2 years (or 7 Years recommended based on precaution) because of my new born child. I have tried my best to make good relation with my wife as I always care and respect her. It works some time but when it comes to sex I have no rights and if I insist she usually insults and makes me feel guilty as I have done something wrong. It makes it worse and now I have stopped asking for sex and we haven’t done it for months. I have not discussed this with anybody except my wife but the only solution to this I can see is second marriage that I can easily afford (financially) to protect myself from sins. My main concern is what is obligatory/wajib on me to deal with this situation. If I Can prevent myself is prevention now Wajib on me? This is getting very serious for me now by thinking if I die in this situation (with sins and without protecting myself). I cannot imagine living such life till my death. In our family second marriage is not considered with respect either but I don’t want to care about people as I know I am responsible of my actions alone. I dont know how to deal with my disobedient wife or to this situation. I would greatly appreciate your suggestions. Please advise, Wassalamu Alaykum,
  12. Salam un Alaikum, I need help/Suggestion from all my Shia brother & sisters, I got married and have a wonderful son. It's been 1.5 years now but few issues started from my wife & In-laws side, agree the problem is because of me Since i started giving all the freedom. Things gone so worse, comes to a point we decided to separate (which i feel not good) but got to do this as all the hopes gone, no other way rather to get separated. So regarding this, i issued the Notice from the Court, no reply came then some of my relatives said to go Shia Community Head Kazi and seek his help. I met him and explain all the things, He gave me the Talaq form to fill and he sent to my wife, It's been more than 2 months no reply, so my Kazi again sent the second Notice... now it's been almost 1 month no reply... I decided to directly call and ask my wife what she wanted, upon talking to her she says she will never sign the Talaq papers and challenges me that she will trash my life. Here I'm so much afraid.. Don't know what to do. Can you guys tell me what Next i need to do... Kazi said me that he will wait for another 2 months then the Final Notice, this would end. My questions are 1. What is the actual process of getting Divorced via Kazi in Shia? 2. If i get a Talaq from Kazi is this more than enough or i need to again go to Court? Note:- Child custody we don't have any issues, i decided to give it to her and she is ok with it. Please help
  13. This is probably an odd thing for someone to think of but I think my parents need and should get a divorce. It's simple unhealthy for them to even see each other now, mentally and physically. It's one of those relationships that are simply not meant to be and it has effects on everyone else that lives with them. I think it's been like this for the past 5 years now and arguments break out everyday and all hell breaks loose. I can't simply cope another two years before I leave for university and hopefully never come back, I'll probably end up failing those two years in school (A levels). I'm not gonna say everything they do and why because it's just too long but I just need to know how to tell them that that's enough now, end it... odd but it's actually beneficial to everyone, even them.
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