Jump to content
Guests can now reply in ALL forum topics (No registration required!) ×
Guests can now reply in ALL forum topics (No registration required!)
In the Name of God بسم الله

rkazmi33

Veteran Member
  • Content Count

    1,750
  • Joined


Reputation Activity

  1. Like
    rkazmi33 reacted to Gaius I. Caesar in [SERIOUS] I had a talk with my mother and now, I'm feeling conflicted and lost.   
    I think you are wrong here,  my reasons for not marrying a disabled person, are as follows:
    1) What if she gets hurt or injured in some way and I am unable to help and she suffers? Do you  realize how much guilt I will be feeling?
    2) I want children, if disabled with my  disability, those contractions and the general strain on a body with CP with far more intensity and stress for a woman with CP. It could very well lead to death.
    3) My disability is on a spectrum, ranging from having a limp to being locked in their body and with severe mental handicaps. Everyone has different  experiences with cerebral palsy. However those like me  are few and between.
    4) You said that most  normal people will look down on me and never understand me, that may be true but also my intelligence and personality also, so that usually makes them rethink their choice of words. I think the most arrogant and condescending bunch of people I've met so far are the people in r/cerebral palsy and the Cerebral Palsy discord channel. I don't need to embrace my disability to overcome it, I'm not Cerebral Palsy.
     I don't define myself by my disability like that. Yet I was told if I don't embrace my disability, I would have nothing to overcome and continue to miserable. All of this because I said I acknowledge and overcome CP and don't need to lie to myself or other people in order to succeed in life.  No abled bodied person has ever told me to embrace it, just these people.
    5) I don't relate to people because they share my disability  or have a disability in general. I go for intelligence or similar experiences.
    6) Because they won't have the baggage that my family has and will see through the nonsense. In America, we don't really have extended families in the same way Pakistan, I find that meaning changes. Because here, it implies distant relatives, not aunts and uncles or cousins.
  2. Like
    rkazmi33 reacted to notme in I can not keep it in anymore   
    Maybe talking with a counselor will help with the depression, self loathing, and anger issues, but it's important for young people to realize (I'm old and only recently realized this) nobody really understands anybody. It's perfectly normal to feel misunderstood and the best way to deal with it is to not expect anyone to understand you. 
  3. Like
    rkazmi33 got a reaction from Zellali in My husband and his second wife   
    He was physically abusive and he didn't take responsibility for his kids. It was his responsibility to provide for kids. That is a good enough reason for divorce. Since the OP is stable, he is only looking for money or he will give more emotional torture. Men like these need to suffer consequences. It's because women tolerate such men and take all the responsibilities, situation is getting worse for women. Other men look at these men and they think they can also get away with any kind of abuse and they don't need to work hard. I am stuck with such a man and I am determined that I will not do his work. I will not take his abuse AND raise his kids. 
  4. My Prayers
    rkazmi33 got a reaction from Lilly14 in RANT!   
    My sister (who I consider a bad woman) wrote in her diary that "if you don't work hard to get what you like, you will be forced to like what you get". Everywhere she goes, she gets the attention of best men and she makes sure that no good man even looks in my direction. By good men, I mean men who are not abusive and who treat women with respect. Unfortunately, that's mostly rich and powerful men.
    I recently read a study that educated and rich men choose skinny women. While poor and uneducated men prefer over weight women because they want to settle down and have kids. Just like most women go after a small percentage of men, good men have also become focused on small percentage of women who meet their high standards of beauty. I have seen my sister how she is willing to change and she completely transforms herself according to the like of a man, and I think I cannot compete with that. So I think I am just going to remain single but then she tries to force all the bad men over me. Unfortunately, this is the reality, all poor and unsuccessful men are abusive and they don't know how to respect women. Also, they don't have many choices, so they can become very creepy and clingy and they just cannot take rejection. 
    I have only seen this recently but all good men have become obsessed with model like appearance for women. And yes, there are a lot more good women than good men. So many men keep reminding me that this world does not exist because of good men, it exists because of good women. This gives men an excuse to behave badly.
    So, bad women have monopolized good men and men have allowed them to do so because they get seduced easily. Ghosting is the least hurtful form of abuse. 
  5. Sad
    rkazmi33 got a reaction from hasanhh in RANT!   
    My sister (who I consider a bad woman) wrote in her diary that "if you don't work hard to get what you like, you will be forced to like what you get". Everywhere she goes, she gets the attention of best men and she makes sure that no good man even looks in my direction. By good men, I mean men who are not abusive and who treat women with respect. Unfortunately, that's mostly rich and powerful men.
    I recently read a study that educated and rich men choose skinny women. While poor and uneducated men prefer over weight women because they want to settle down and have kids. Just like most women go after a small percentage of men, good men have also become focused on small percentage of women who meet their high standards of beauty. I have seen my sister how she is willing to change and she completely transforms herself according to the like of a man, and I think I cannot compete with that. So I think I am just going to remain single but then she tries to force all the bad men over me. Unfortunately, this is the reality, all poor and unsuccessful men are abusive and they don't know how to respect women. Also, they don't have many choices, so they can become very creepy and clingy and they just cannot take rejection. 
    I have only seen this recently but all good men have become obsessed with model like appearance for women. And yes, there are a lot more good women than good men. So many men keep reminding me that this world does not exist because of good men, it exists because of good women. This gives men an excuse to behave badly.
    So, bad women have monopolized good men and men have allowed them to do so because they get seduced easily. Ghosting is the least hurtful form of abuse. 
  6. My Prayers
    rkazmi33 got a reaction from Moalfas in RANT!   
    My sister (who I consider a bad woman) wrote in her diary that "if you don't work hard to get what you like, you will be forced to like what you get". Everywhere she goes, she gets the attention of best men and she makes sure that no good man even looks in my direction. By good men, I mean men who are not abusive and who treat women with respect. Unfortunately, that's mostly rich and powerful men.
    I recently read a study that educated and rich men choose skinny women. While poor and uneducated men prefer over weight women because they want to settle down and have kids. Just like most women go after a small percentage of men, good men have also become focused on small percentage of women who meet their high standards of beauty. I have seen my sister how she is willing to change and she completely transforms herself according to the like of a man, and I think I cannot compete with that. So I think I am just going to remain single but then she tries to force all the bad men over me. Unfortunately, this is the reality, all poor and unsuccessful men are abusive and they don't know how to respect women. Also, they don't have many choices, so they can become very creepy and clingy and they just cannot take rejection. 
    I have only seen this recently but all good men have become obsessed with model like appearance for women. And yes, there are a lot more good women than good men. So many men keep reminding me that this world does not exist because of good men, it exists because of good women. This gives men an excuse to behave badly.
    So, bad women have monopolized good men and men have allowed them to do so because they get seduced easily. Ghosting is the least hurtful form of abuse. 
  7. My Prayers
    rkazmi33 got a reaction from Moalfas in Chronic parent blamers!   
    I wouldn't blame my parents if they were terrible parents to all their kids. They were more than ideal parents to my evil sister and I see how it has helped her to shine. The problem is that eastern parents believe that some people are better than others, so they have favorite kids and those favorite kids are usually the ones who love their culture and defend their parents. My nieces are only 10 and 7 years old but I can already see that their grand parents, and parents have already decided that the younger one is evil and the older one is good. I can see that younger one is already facing every kind of abuse and how she will fail in life. I wish that I learn to survive and some day I can help her. 
  8. My Prayers
    rkazmi33 got a reaction from Anonymous-Male in Unintentional celibacy vs. sins   
    I completely agree that autistic people are more susceptible to manipulation. Even close family members try to take advantage of autistic people and autistic people also get hurt more, so it's better to avoid getting married. I believe it's easier for autistic people to remain single, so they shouldn't put themselves in difficult situations. In many cultures, even educated people have very ignorant beliefs about disabled people. Thinking it's a curse or punishment for sins, and disable people are burden on society, they need to prove that they are equal to other people. I am autistic and when I got married, my ex husband constantly called me retarded and he acted like he did a favor to me by getting married to me. For autistic people, social situations are very hard to comprehend and people constantly play dating games which are too complicated for me. Autistic people are very honest, they like to follow rules while other people don't care about rules as long as they don't get caught. My suggestion is to avoid marriage as long as you can. 
  9. Like
    rkazmi33 got a reaction from hasanhh in Vote: How Would You Invest? (POLL)   
    Stocks in companies, it is so easy. If I was a risk taker, I would stop working and invest all my money in stocks, but I am too scared to do that. People complain so much about instant gratification from social media. No one talks about instant gratification from stocks. 
  10. Like
    rkazmi33 reacted to Moalfas in Three divisions among Shias today?   
    Lool This cracked me up but what came after about her authority is disturbing !!!
    I don't think your family have understood the concept or are applying it properly. And by the way, no one on this planet has the right to force you to marry someone you don't want. 
  11. Completely Agree
    rkazmi33 reacted to Northwest in Unintentional celibacy vs. sins   
    What if, for some pious people, issues such as disabilities make them more susceptible to manipulation by others, hence their choosing chaste self-seclusion to avoid being harmed, either psychologically or physically (I.e., via abuse and power differentials in all kinds of relationships, whether personal or impersonal), either of which could lead to sin? One may note that some people with autism or other complications, if self-reflective, tend to avoid being in a position to enter a relationship, bad or otherwise, knowing their own personal defects and vulnerabilities, and instead may opt to modulate the effects of celibacy via exercise and/or fasting, including a limited, specialised diet. What does Islam think about "shy," unmarried men who are not sexually "deviant" but, due to circumstances, come across as rather aloof, sensitive, and "effeminate," if not in a religious sense, then at least in a cultural one?
  12. Like
    rkazmi33 reacted to Lilly14 in Feeling pressured to get married but my standards are too high   
    I hope everything is working out for you now sister inshaallah!
    Alhamdolillah not many aunties talk to me about me needing to get married even though im nearing my 30s, but even when they I do I know they mean well so I don't feel annoyed like the girl in the video.
  13. Like
    rkazmi33 got a reaction from Ibn Al-Shahid in Feeling pressured to get married but my standards are too high   
    The part where she talks about married women talking about married life is such an accurate depiction. When they are saying good things about married life, their expressions are saying completely different things. I got married at 28 and yes I was very scared of becoming 30 and never being able to get married, so I said yes to the first proposal that was available. It was the biggest mistake of my life. 
  14. Like
    rkazmi33 got a reaction from tri-star in Feeling pressured to get married but my standards are too high   
    The part where she talks about married women talking about married life is such an accurate depiction. When they are saying good things about married life, their expressions are saying completely different things. I got married at 28 and yes I was very scared of becoming 30 and never being able to get married, so I said yes to the first proposal that was available. It was the biggest mistake of my life. 
  15. Completely Agree
    rkazmi33 reacted to ali_fatheroforphans in Feeling pressured to get married but my standards are too high   
    @rkazmi33 I watched that video recently and it was hilarious but true at the same time. I don't like how some aunties talk in a overly sympathetic way as if the girl's life is sad and depressing. They basically make every 28 year old girl seem like a "bechari". It's bad for girls self-esteem imo and it's not the right way to talk to them.
  16. Completely Agree
    rkazmi33 got a reaction from ali_fatheroforphans in Feeling pressured to get married but my standards are too high   
    The part where she talks about married women talking about married life is such an accurate depiction. When they are saying good things about married life, their expressions are saying completely different things. I got married at 28 and yes I was very scared of becoming 30 and never being able to get married, so I said yes to the first proposal that was available. It was the biggest mistake of my life. 
  17. Like
    rkazmi33 reacted to habib e najjaar in Marriage centers in the West   
    I think you should open this up as a separate thread, since if we start responding to this very interesting discussion you have raised, it will deviate from the topic of the OP.
     
    As for the OP topic, I think centers will only be as strong as the communities they serve. If we do not have strong communities of Muslims/Shias, we cannot have strong or effective centers to do this job. The centers which are able to organize themselves on non tribal/racial/nationality lines and do things together like organize summer camps for their kids, employment opportunities for their youths, activities for their members, will just as easily and naturally be able to provide a marriage match making service without even necessarily needing to set up a halal dating network.
  18. Completely Agree
    rkazmi33 got a reaction from Hameedeh in What are the signs of a toxic relationship?   
    There is physical abuse, verbal abuse, emotional abuse and psychological abuse. Emotional abuse can happen in so many different ways. I have read so much about this and there are so many checklists of red flags available online. I will suggest you read about narcissists and see if you can find out any things similar in your relationship. 
  19. Thanks
    rkazmi33 got a reaction from Jannat786 in What are the signs of a toxic relationship?   
    There is physical abuse, verbal abuse, emotional abuse and psychological abuse. Emotional abuse can happen in so many different ways. I have read so much about this and there are so many checklists of red flags available online. I will suggest you read about narcissists and see if you can find out any things similar in your relationship. 
  20. My Prayers
    rkazmi33 got a reaction from habib e najjaar in Marriage centers in the West   
    It seems like there's no point in looking for a compatible spouse. This video states that if you don't want your spouse to have certain quality, Allah will give you a spouse with that quality. After I got married, I realized that the qualities which I hated were dishonesty, cruelty and promiscuity. And my ex husband had all three qualities. I have not seen a more cruel and promiscuous man and a bigger liar. It seems like even if I tried to get married again, I will end up with similar type of person. My family was a civilized, educated family and they are becoming so backward and cruel. I am autistic and for autistic people, change is not easy to accept. It's also very hard for them to change themselves. Does this mean Islam is not a religion for autistic people? 
  21. Completely Agree
    rkazmi33 got a reaction from Ashvazdanghe in Being Nice   
    This seems like very twisted thinking. What's the point of talking in a nice way if you are going to kill a person? What hurts more? someone saying mean things or someone killing you? I think the person getting killed will prefer if the other person is harsh or abusive, but doesn't kill him. This reminds me of ISIS videos, where they were talking so nicely to the prisoners. Also, they took their prisoners to kill several times, but they would not kill them. That's why when they actually killed a person, he was thinking it is another false alarm. In all the videos posted by them, their victims looked calm and relaxed. It was sad to see those victims, smiling and feeling good with sweet talk, while they didn't know they were going to get killed next moment. To me, it looked like a last sick twisted attempt to mock their victims: "look at this fool, he is smiling and just because we talked nicely with him, he thinks we are his friends. He doesn't know what is going to happen to him in few minutes". 
    Killing a person is still zulm and it's much greater zulm than verbally abusing a person. By talking nicely to your victim, you just make yourself feel good, it doesn't count as kindness. Your victim will hate you as much. To him, it doesn't matter whether you talking nicely or harshly to him before killing him. You are his killer, and he doesn't care if you are classy or rude. This is the ideology of Sufis, they are all nice and sweet talk on surface but in reality they are like ISIS. 
  22. Completely Agree
    rkazmi33 reacted to starlight in Career VS Marriage   
    What a lame argument. Going by this we should all sit at home and wait for the Raaziq to provide everything for us. Women aside, even men don't need a career because Allah will provide to children and their parents.
  23. Completely Agree
    rkazmi33 reacted to A_A in Career VS Marriage   
    Except marriage entails children and providing for your wife. Sure you can perhaps go on 1 year with safe sex but what about for 6-8 years? What's the point anyways? Just for the sex? The relationship would probably die by the time you even get children. That's why many unmarried couple eventually get married in the West. They eventually are forced to because of an unwanted pregnancy which could lead to an unhealthy relationship where the only thing that is attaching the two is the child they brought into the world and even then it may end with a divorce, only causing more problems for everyone. All because their initial motive was merely the sexual release they were deprived of. It's easy being idealistic in this regard but most people don't have it that easy. The concept of marriage at this age is ridiculous if I can't even provide for myself because I'm still studying! 
  24. Completely Agree
    rkazmi33 reacted to A_A in Career VS Marriage   
    Studying medicine is indeed a job and I know. This situation would be more difficult for a man since he is expected to provide for the family and marriage before having a career cannot sustain a family. It is not reasonable in this day and age where most of us are living from paycheck to paycheck. If the father of the man is expected to provide for his son's education in medicine and his family, it is unreasonable and very difficult especially for those that live in Western countries. It is not as if our sexual desires appear in our 20s, we have had them since teen-hood so marriage for the sake of sexual relief in such a position will make matters more difficult for the entire family and seems illogical. 
    By the time she graduates and finds a good job she will still be young, so to imply that a 20 y.o. is becoming old for marriage is preposterous. Most of us aren't living lives where we can get married young and I sense that the traditions and cultures our people follow do not help us in this situation, but rather corner us. We are told to become doctors, engineers, lawyers, professionals to keep our country alive, but to abstain from sexual relief until marriage which is possible if financially well-off or ready, but what of those who do not have the money and time? Are they forsaken from sex or sexual relief or are they forsaken from following their ambitions simply because they didn't have enough money or time to care for a family and studies? 
    If we were all expected to marry young, then how many of us will truly manage fulfilling our ambitions and endeavors? Is the Muslim population expected to take loans to do it? Abstain from studying for professions that could take up to 8 years? We will all get married, with lousy jobs, in an already dying economy which will only become worse with fewer professionals around, all whilst having the responsibility of caring for those that you bring into this world. 
    I do not think this is a dilemma, and in my humble opinion, it is best to continue your studies to have a job in the future which will provide for a family and keep that family at ease. In the meantime it is our Jihad to suppress our sexual desires by trying. Is it not better to have a family living comfortably in the future than to have a family living with scraps now and will only have a bleaker future? 
    Only God knows what we go through and only He can judge us. He is indeed the most Merciful and Beneficent. Whichever road you take, for whatever reasons, may your faith and will remain strong. 
  25. Like
    rkazmi33 reacted to Guest31324 in Career VS Marriage   
    This was very helpful...  However I think it's important that we read the whole document and all 8 of the advice, it says a lot..  And to be honest it was just what we needed! Thanks for the link
×
×
  • Create New...