rkazmi33

I agree with @kadhim, forcing people to follow religion only takes them away from religion. We make no distinction between amar bil maroof nahi anil munkir and "bullying". People, who are bullies, have found a great justification for their behavior in amar bil maroof nahi anil munkir and they are the ones who are biggest supporter of doing this. Despite living in west, I was religious for 19 years, then my sister decided to become religious and started doing amar bil maroof nahi anil munkir and bullied me and she received support from community. Now I am so far from religion and the all blame it on me living in west. I heard one great thing from Brother Shabbir Kirmani this Muharram. He said that don't take religion from mimbar because religion that is represented on mimbar is controlled by people who give donations and by the government. I wish more scholars had the moral courage to say this truth. People, who give most donations are the ones who make most money and they are usually most corrupt.

Yes, probably! The way he described his kids was very similar to how my parents and community talk about me, especially comparison with Prophet Noah's son. But my observation says that most people, who receive a reputation like this are only trying to stand up to a bully.

May I give you your kids' perspective? I am in their position. My parents also say about me that I commit all these sins, which I don't. Yes, I neglect my prayers sometimes, because I am so tired from fighting all the time and I have gotten away from religion exactly because of all these accusations. When you try to avoid all these sins, and still get accused falsely, it's so sad. My only sin is that I refuse to marry according to their choice. They have chosen a man who is not equal to me in any way. He is short, poor, married with 4 kids, unattractive, creepy, controlling. I am not attracted towards him at all and I can never give him respect of a husband. They insist on me marrying him because he will be financially dependent upon them and will take care of them in their old age. He will not be busy with his job and he will be so grateful to them for getting me married to him, he will act like a loyal dog. My parents have some property in a village in Pakistan. He is also from a village, so they think he will take care of the property and send them money while my parents and two sisters can comfortably enjoy western lifestyle while still getting money from their property in Pakistan. Who will be the scapegoat? Me. I will leave western lifestyle and live in a Pakistani village with a husband I hate. One more thing, one of my two sisters has only daughters and the other one is their favorite, so of course she is never getting married. It's also my responsibility to provide them with a male heir. They are not worried about their akhirat or my akhirat. Money and selfishness are the reason they constantly humiliate me among extended family and community and they Compare me to Prophet Noah's son. They also claim that Allah has chosen that man as my husband and by refusing to marry him, I am disobeying Allah. When did Allah start instructing individuals about choosing spouses? The icing on the cake is that I don't even receive any income from my parent's property. It all goes to my sister's bank account. Now tell us the truth. Do your kids really commit all those sins or their only sin is that they refuse to marry a person of your choice?

I am not worried about your relationship from past, I am worried about your relationship now. There's some narcissist who is dumping toxic shame on you. It's either your female friend, who is jealous of you. Or it could be a guy, who knows you are wayyyyyy out of his league, so he is trying to build this narrative that you are sinful while he of course is pious, perfect momin, so he is dumping this toxic shame on you. Use your common sense, of course talking is NOT equal to fornication, otherwise they would get same punishment in shariat. I can bet that people, who are dumping this toxic shame on you, commit all kinds of sins without any shame. So tell them to shut up and focus on your studies. That guy will convince you that if you remain unmarried, you will commit more sins, so you need to get married to HIM and NOW. I know it's not easy to ignore such people, but you need to focus on your education.

Shame is human poison. We are living in an era where everyone is either living in shame or shaming others or both. So true!! I am so sick of people constantly trying to shame me for one thing or another. I want to stop feeling this toxic shame.

People, who are saying that it doesn't make sense why only Mahsa was beaten. There's a Chinese proverb: kill the chicken to scare the monkeys. Saudi Arabia is giving severe punishments to activists while giving more rights to other women. Recently two women were sentenced to years in jail because of some tweets. Authoritarian people just like to give punishments randomly to create fear. Their punishments never make any sense.

I was thinking that so many people are constantly talking about charity like giving pledge etc, then why is it that poor people are getting poorer? I think that projects like climate change and finding another planet where humans can survive will require billions of dollars. So all the things we hear that by 2030, there will be new world order might be true. The rich and powerful will decide that it's more important to fight climate change and finding a new planet than trying to help the people, who are already alive. So they will try to control all the resources and they will become more authoritarian in trying to control the people. Of course, the poor and weak will suffer the most, they are not contributing much, so their lives don't matter.

I agree, it looks like we have forgotten all about slander being a big sin. We have become obsessed with fornication and alcohol. People want to force everyone to get married ASAP, to save them from fornication and forget that there are 70 Gunah e kabeera and so many gunah e sagheera. If watching any na mehram man on tv is equal to watching porn, drinking coca cola/ pepsi or coffee is equal to drinking alcohol, you can guess how they exaggerate other sins and accuse people of adultery/ fornication. If you force people in abusive/ bad marriages, they might be saved from fornication but they will commit other sins. And people stuck in abusive marriages are more likely to fornicate than single people. I think every woman should reject a man's proposal once to see his reaction. They go from "you are so beautiful and modest" to "you [Edited Out]! how dare you reject me?" It takes few minutes for them to decide to get married to me, and for me to reject them and their ego gets hurt and they slander me, spread rumors about me for months. After showing their true colors, they still think I will agree to marry them.

Wasalam! Obviously you should talk to them more and find out what was the reason. You shouldn't assume that it was because you are their second choice. Even if you are, you shouldn't be so rigid. If their first choice is not available, you may become their first choice. Even after you get married, they might meet someone very attractive. In professional life, people are constantly judged based on their work performance and respect is given based on that. Unless you manage to be best at every job, you will always made to feel like you are second choice and you will be given less respect. If you act rigid, you will never be able to work. If you want to be sure that you are the first choice, then you will have to marry someone who is not equal to you in looks, education, status, personality etc. and you might not find them attractive. There are people about whom you are sure that you will always be their first choice, but trust me they are so creepy with their years long obsession the only feeling you get with them is cringe.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmIthe[Edited Out]/comments/x9tdjr/wibta_for_letting_my_daughter_skip_christmas_with/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share I have seen two extreme behaviors by people. There are some people who say that if your spouse is cheating, then you shouldn't feel jealous of other person but you should improve yourself so that your spouse has no reason to cheat. Some people are on the other extreme, they are very insecure, jealous and controlling people and they try to justify their behavior by saying they are just trying to prevent their spouse from cheating. There is one guy, who sent his proposal for me. He is short and creepy and I am not attracted towards him at all but he is a creep who wouldn't leave me alone. He is jealous of me living with my father in the same house and he used my sister to abuse me so much I had to move out. Now I am living with strange non Muslim men but he doesn't have a problem with that. I don't understand because I don't even have a close relationship with my father. I am his least favorite daughter, still people are getting insecure. I told that guy that I will never marry him because he is ugly and now he thinks that I find him ugly because I see good looking men on TV. He wants me to stop watching TV and he thinks if I stop looking at other men, then I will find him attractive. Whenever I watch TV, people accuse me of watching porn which is a false accusation but they just want to shame me so that I stop watching TV. Until Few years ago, jealous spouses were called crazy and they were shamed for doing tohmat. But now we are going towards other extreme and as soon as someone accuses their partner of cheating, people don't even ask for evidence and punish the "cheating spouse". Crazy men, acting like my husband, constantly accusing me of "sinning, adultery". I like the thinking used by this mother in reddit post. I think it's very unrealistic if people try to control their spouses and it's repulsive. Your partner SHOULD want to remain loyal to you. If they don't want to be loyal, they will always find a way. You cannot put them in a bubble and accusing them of fornication or adultery because of your suspicion is sin because you are doing tohmat. What are your thoughts?

Thank you Sister!

Salam! I feel bad that I keep asking for prayers. I used to go for ziyarat every year and that would solve my problems. But now I am renting my own place, so I cannot afford to go for ziarat and my enemy is going for ziarat after every 6 months. Going for ziarat is not teaching her to be kind and forgiving and she is hurting me in every way she can. I don't understand Allah's justice. Anyway, this thread's title is making duas for each other. So I am once again asking for duas.

Since 2019, I have been spending all my free time in fighting with my sister, my family and community. I was feeling like I am wasting my life because I don't want to fight. I watched this video and it has made me feel so much better. I keep listening to it again and again. 27 is really young to feel like that. You should also watch this and it may make you feel better. https://youtu.be/3Dp4Vcxl1aE

This is interesting, that just because this girl is having problems in her marriage, people assume that she is non-religious or has bad company. Why? Religious women never have problems in their marriages? As someone has said already, your daughter is not responsible for your son's life. Why do you assume that your daughter's divorce will cause problems in your son's marriage? Divorce will be a stigma for your son's wife also and if everything is good in your son's marriage, his wife will not be so stupid to take divorce just because of her brother. Your daughter made a mistake in saying yes to nikah without getting to know her potential husband, but it will be a bigger mistake to force her to accept this marriage.

Once again, I am asking for prayers from brothers and sisters. I am going to rent a place but it's available in August and things are very difficult at home. Please pray that things get easier or I find somewhere to live from 16 July to 31 July. Thank you.