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In the Name of God بسم الله

rkazmi33

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About rkazmi33

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    Shia Islam

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    Female

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  1. I think that the world is divided into 2 groups. On one side there are nice women protected by mean men. On the other side, there are nice men protected by mean women. If you are a nice person, it's best to choose the side with bullies of opposite gender. Because bullies can be a blood sucking vampire to their own gender, but they always make an effort to be nice to the opposite gender. If you can get concession from a bully because of your gender, that's great. But the problem is you have to get married to a bully and that's when their gloves come off and bullies show their real faces after marriage. I don't want to deal with women bullies but I don't want to marry a man bully. Why cannot nice men and women form a separate group? A group in which no bullies are allowed. It may be hard for them to fight but I am sure nice people are much more in number than bullies and if they get together, they can defeat the bullies.
  2. An Update! I quit from that job. In the second shift, there were other creepy men (one was ex-convict). I am so shocked. I have been dealing with non-Muslim men for 18 years, but it was mostly educated men. No one ever asked me out on a date. Few years ago, I worked among uneducated people for few months but it was mostly women. They were yelling at me but it was mostly work related. This was my first experience with working at an odd job. I heard so many humiliating personal comments about me. I wanted to lock myself in my house and never get out again. In my community, there's a stigma with working at odd jobs. I didn't understand it but now I understand. How do so many Muslim women work at odd jobs? That environment is so inappropriate for Muslim women. I am just surprised at how delusional these uneducated creepy men are. They really think if they try long enough, I will fall in love with a non-Muslim who is not equal to me in education and status, while I am 36 years old. I made the mistake of telling them I live with my parents in a single family house. And they thought I was a lottery ticket which could change their lives. Why is there such a big difference between educated and un-educated men? And all those Muslim women who work at odd jobs, how do they survive? I couldn't even survive for 2 months. When I told them I was leaving, they started speculating that I will get a sugar daddy to cover my expenses.
  3. It's really sad to see so many adult members who probably know about the realities of life, they are misleading this young girl. I am autistic, it's not a visible disability, I don't have to depend upon anyone, still I regularly receive hate because of this. People exploit your weaknesses. When I got married, I was fulfilling most responsibilities in my marriage, still my ex husband used my disability to his advantage as much as he could. He always acted like he did a huge favor by marrying me, he expected me to take care of most responsibilities in marriage (outside AND inside), and he had many affairs because he used ME to gain sympathy from women. Apparently, being married to me was a very big test, everyone especially women felt sorry for him, and tried to make him feel better. I was constantly told that I was ungrateful. Except for my parents, all other people, coworkers, siblings, cousins, people in ziyarat group literally act like they are doing me a favor by just allowing me to breathe and live my life. And I don't understand the reason for all the hate, If I was dependent upon them, I would understand the reason. If I am not depending upon them, why would you hate someone just because you believe they are less capable than you. Now I cannot find a job according to my qualifications. And people who tell you to live a normal like everyone else, they are wolf in sheep's clothing. I have dealt with such people, they won't bother a normal single person, but for some reason, I just need to do more than everyone else. While other people are allowed to live child free life, for some reason it's only MY obligation to have kids and raise them like a single mother. I have noticed this recently, my co-worker who is even more disabled than me, I see people regularly yelling at him. Due to that, he has developed anger problems, and this gives people a reason to gang up on him. When watching from a neutral point of view, I was able to see clearly that when I have fights with my family, how much is my fault and why does everyone turns against me. There are two extremes: some people won't give me an entry level job, believing I cannot do it, while other people constantly push me and tell me that I have to achieve more than normal people to prove that I deserve to live. Remember Nazis killed all the disabled people, and I am seeing the same kind of hate from some people now. They hate disabled people just because they are disabled. No other reason, just because they believe that disability is a kind of punishment for sins. I especially hate the people who push me to do things, while acting like they are encouraging me. Sometimes, it looks like they just want to see me fail and want me to commit suicide, because they don't want to kill me (they would end up in jail). I cannot emphasize this enough, be very careful. People who look all sympathetic, and say that disability doesn't matter to me, they have ulterior motives. Your goal should be survival only. I earn enough money to live independently, I can cook and clean for myself, so I am not really dependent upon anyone. But the responsibilities which are expectations of society and culture, I cannot fulfill them, and because of that, I am considered a burden. Like the above poster mentioned, in our culture, women have a lot more responsibilities than the responsibilities given by Islam in marriage. And you will be living among cultural Muslims. You will probably meet only 1 or 2 Muslims in real life who won't judge you because of your disability. People have made it very clear that I don't deserve anything. I mentioned how my life partner treated me, even any money which I earn, I sometimes feel like I have to give half of that money to other people. If my parents weren't around to protect me, I would be living a life of a slave, literally a slave to my sister or some other stranger. That's why I don't care about all the lectures people give me about my obligations, my only goal is to survive. You have a weakness, people will exploit this weakness as much as they want. It has become so common that now it seems like people think there's nothing wrong with it. It's perfectly moral to exploit someone's weakness. Your only goal should be to be independent, you don't owe any more to any one. People are so cruel, whenever I try to mention that I cannot do something because of my autism, they always see it as an excuse. Or they constantly tell me to get cured, or tell me that a Shia cannot be autistic, Shias can perform miracles, so I should be like everyone else. I am so frustrated with always trying to prove that I am good enough. I don't even want to "Cure". If I am not dependent upon anyone, then I don't understand why people have a problem with my autism? I think I am more honest, more modest than non-autistic people and they are valuable qualities. There should be some people with these qualities in society. Like I mentioned earlier, even if you are smart and good in studies, even then there's no guarantee that you will be able to get a good job. It depends upon your co-workers, how God fearing and honest they are, whether they want to give you credit for your work or not. In today's world, it's hard to find even people who are willing to hire you, forget about finding a life partner who will be honest and kind and will give you respect and credit for your contributions to the marriage. @MasoomaZahra You probably don't realize all this because you are young, and everyone is treating you like a child. When you get married, or you start working, you will be considered an adult and then you will see the real faces of people.
  4. I just started this job and from next week I am going to second shift. He works in 1st shift, and hopefully stay in 1st shift. Another woman announced that she was going to 2nd shift. And he kept saying I am going to miss you so much. I want to go to 2nd shift with you. I don't understand why women allow such men to pass such creepy comments. Hopefully I won't have to deal with him after Friday. In just 1 and half weeks, he has annoyed me so much. Thankfully I don't have to work alone with him. There are mostly women, he is the only guy.
  5. Unfortunately I cannot wear niqab at work. I try to keep RBF, but it's very hard to do it for 8 hours. At my most recent job, there is a group of 10-12 people who work in small groups. Other people get to work with different people but for some reason, I have to work with that creepy guy every single day. He is twice my age, I just want to tell him, you are very close to death, at least now come out of your teenage phase and start thinking about your death and after life.
  6. Yes, I am shy, and I have expressive face. Every emotion that I am feeling, it's very obvious from my face. It's very hard to not react to them, I either get uncomfortable or angry and both reactions amuse them. Thank you for your tips, I will try to ignore them. And I am glad you can understand. I can expect non-Muslims to not understand, but even my own family and community members don't understand this issue. When I go to ziarat trips, I wear a niqab and surprisingly, such a simple solution has solved all my problems. I can avoid such men in family gatherings also. I only have problems at work place. I was hoping with #metoo movement, people will become aware and change their behavior, but I am disappointed that nothing has changed. I cannot trust anyone, in fact they just feel annoyed that I don't know how to deal with such men. 7, 8 years ago, work place environment was so much better, I am not sure if it was because I had more confidence or the work place environment was more professional.
  7. I am autistic, I have trouble maintaining eye contact even with women. I don't look at them in their eyes, it may happen by accident once or twice.
  8. Salam! This has become a very big problem in my life. Work place, ziyarat trips, family, everywhere I become the center of attention of the creepiest man. I am shy, introvert, and I have social anxiety, so of course I dislike the creepy men and their attempts to flirt with women. But my dislike always turns them into kind of a stalker. It has ruined my career. I used to work independently or among women mostly and I was doing good. But since Donald Trump became president, all the people criticize him so much but I feel like men like him have become popular and influential. What do these kind of men want from me? It seems like metoo movement has not done anything for me. How do women find the support of other women against harassers? In my case, other women mostly push me towards these men. I guess they are relieved that creepy men is not focusing on them anymore, and they think "better her than me". If a woman dislikes you because of your creepiness, do you really think you can force her to like you by being even more creepy and inappropriate? These kind of guys are street smart, they can get away without doing much work, then they are bored and apparently I am the biggest source of entertainment. It gives me so much mental torture. I have to control my anger and resentment and I cannot focus on my work. I hate being the center of attention, and these men make me the center of attention of everyone, that's why I end up making more mistakes. What do these people achieve by torturing me every day for months? Why don't they get tired and bored of doing the same thing over and over again? They are mostly, poor, uneducated, older average looking men. Then they have the audacity to say that I am arrogant. I don't like to talk to them because they are poor or not good looking. Mostly the younger, good looking and educated men have more self respect. If I don't talk to them, they don't make it an issue. But these creepy men: I am surprised at the employers, they encourage these creepy men. Really what kind of complaint is this that She doesn't talk to me? I want to really say to them "How old are you? 5? " I feel like they are so promiscuous, they secretly hate me for being modest and they just want to punish me for being modest. Can someone please tell me how do I deal with these men so that I don't hurt their fragile ego and turn them into my stalkers? That's why I don't even want to get married. I know I will probably end up with some creepy man, there's no way a decent guy can come near me. My ex-husband was the biggest flirt himself, he hated my modesty. In fact he wanted me to remove hijab and he was very good friends with all the creepy uncles in the family. While all the other men care so much about looks, these creepy men apparently don't care about looks. Even when I am surrounded by younger and beautiful women, I still manage to get attention from these creepy men. After years of experience with these men, I have so much anger and resentment. If I get married to a creepy man, I will probably hate him and resent him from day one. Being old and average looking is not an excuse for being creepy. I have seen FEW older men who are not creepy, and I respect them. I have become very careful about my social hijab. Since I feel so much resentment and anger towards such men, there's no way I am giving them any kind of wrong signal which encourages them. I cannot confront them. They never do anything that's obviously inappropriate. They mostly stare, try to stand very close or just make jokes while talking to other women. I feel they are just bullies. When women want to bully other women, they are openly mean. When men want to bully, they don't become mean, they just harass women. By observing how other women deal with them, I guess if I just talk with them in a friendly manner, flirt a little bit, giving them the assurance that I am not "out of their league" and they are "good enough" to have any woman they want, they will go away. But it's hard for me to lie, and it's hard for me to talk to any man in a friendly manner.
  9. Your question is very confusing. What exactly do you mean when you say your grandparents are Imams? Do you mean they are scholars? Because Shias have only 12 Imams and 11 of them lived 1400 years ago, and the 12th one is in occultation. Do you mean your grand parents are re-incarnations of Imams?
  10. Calling your sibling a Kafir is also not good akhlaq. My evil sister was exactly like him. Creating a big issue if I ever used her food or any other things. Later, she stole my husband, stole all my money and she doesn't even feel guilty for anything. Even now, she feels entitled to all my money. OP will become exactly like my evil sister. Someone needs to show him his real face, his holier than thou attitude is so annoying.
  11. I am so surprised by the responses. When a person posts about real issues, dealing with abusive parents, shiachatters give them lectures about respect for parents. This is a thread by a spoiled child who is clearly abusive with his parents and he is getting sympathy. I guess rules are not same for everyone. OP! I have an older sister like you and she is out of control and abusive just like you. Who do you think you are? Infallible Prophet or Imam, your whole family even your parents need to obey you? Except for music, you don't have any real issue. Regarding cleanliness, I am sure you have OCD. You need to go to a psychiatrist. Your family can never maintain your level of cleanliness because they are all normal people. They don't have OCD. Who are you to declare your sibling as Kafir. You know what your problem is? You are narcissist, attention hog, entitled. You cannot stand your siblings and you want your parents to only love you. While your parents are reasonable, just parents. They love all their children and you cannot tolerate that. Don't go to a psychiatrist. I hope you become a victim of your ugly personality and with anger issues like yours, I hope you end up [edit]. Then your family will be able to live in peace.
  12. I hate birthdays. For adults, it's a reminder of all goals they haven't achieved and one year less in life. My family and friends, they treat you like crap 364 days and suddenly on your birthday, start giving you special treatment. They do realize their behavior is bad and they try to feel better by giving you gifts and special treatment on one day. It's so annoying, like how do you expect me to forget the other 364 days? My sister just arranged a big birthday party for my 6 year old neice and dealing with thr stress of birthday party, she was yelling at her and beating her. A 6 year old can forget all the abuse due to a birthday party and gifts. You cannot expect adults to forget so easily. My parents never arranged big birthday parties for me and looking at my neice, I feel very grateful for that. Really! Because how all my enemies try to become nice on my birthdays, they have become painful for me.
  13. I really don't understand your father's obsession with your mother's friend. He obviously has feelings for her and this is enough proof of his fornication and cheating. Going to Karbala might improve things short term but I feel you are just delaying your response. If your father said he wants to separate, then that's really good. You should take your mother and live in separate house. It might be hard financially but any life is better than the life your mother is living now. I cannot imagine your mother's pain. Dealing with a life partner who is obsessed with your friend and beats you because of her. That's just terrible. For a 23 year old, it's very big step. But you have to do it. You should get help from an NGO. But you need to take your mother out of that hell.
  14. I can understand when so many people are against you, it might be hard to stand up to your father. But you have to do something. Take your mother to a woman's shelter. There are many NGOs in Pakistan. Get help from an NGO. Tell your father if he doesn't stop, you will start living in a separate house with your mother. Contact your maternal relatives and tell them what's going on. Generally men in Pakistan give a lot of power to their adult sons, if your father is trying to give explanation, it means that he cares about your opinion. Tell him firmly that no matter what your mother has done, it's not okay to beat her.
  15. Your post made me angry. Why do you need guidance in this matter? Use your common sense. What's the point of having an adult son when your mother gets beaten by your father daily. Shame on you, what kind of son are you? If my father was beating my mother daily, I would call police and send him to jail. I wouldn't think about what Shia Islam says about it. If protecting my mother means going to hell, I would choose to go to hell. My father once beat my mother. I took pictures of the scars my mother had and I told my father I would give those to police as evidence.
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