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In the Name of God بسم الله

zede

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  • Religion
    Shia Isna Ashari Syed

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  1. reading all the replies just makes me realize the level of bias in muslim culture regardless of the country .. one thing .. this thread was not about polygamy!! polygamy is when a guy has more than 1 simultaneous marriages .. getting married again after divorce is not polygamy if the guy has only one spouse .. so all those references to farms and seeds and stuff are just pointless .. my intention was to highlight and discuss the bias men have marrying divorced women without taking into consideration the good aspects of their personality rather just focusing on their past marriage and the assumed reasons for its breakup .. i agree men will usually side with men and same for women .. so if i hear about any divorce i'l automatically think that the husband was at fault as I have faced this , and similarly a guy will think the wife was at fault. Also one of the posters compared women with beggars!! highly highly inappropriate comparision (beggars <women> cant be choosers) really sick thinking!! in my opinion men definitely are more egoistic .. they would just look at the fact that their wife should be a virgin whether or not they are themselves virgin or pious enough to match up against a good woman. I am not saying all woman are a symbol of piety .. but we are definitly more ready to accept some flaws as long as the man is of good character .. ofcourse many times woman are naive in judging the real character of the man and often this leads to the problems later on in marriage
  2. the same applies to women too Khalilallah ... women also cringe at the thought that their husband was in an intimate relationship with another woman
  3. Aoa .. I have always believed that a person should be judged by their character and personality .. not his past .. but obviously many people dont share the same believes .. I was married to a guy who was a divorcee .. when i got his proposal i made the ultimate mistake of believing his fake personality and not going deep into his past and his reasons for divorce ..( the guy was a master of disguise and manipulation .. literally a genius at keeping up appearances and making the other person guilty for no reason ..) I got to know the real him only after we got married and started living together .. it was too late for me to back out then so i tried to make things work as much as possible .. but he was an impossible guy .. and ultimately we got divorced .. what has been bothering me is why are girls so naive? we are really emotional fools .. thinking that the guy is a good person and even ignoring his many short comings in the hope that things will settle down when we start living together .. where as mostly never-married guys or even the divorced ones will usually prefer to have their future brides who have never been married?? when girls can ignore their previous marriage, their short comings then why cant the men do that??
  4. Thanx @blu115 .. i'l take your advice and suggest it to Dr. Sahab.
  5. Come on guys .. show some support please .. all you have to do is visit the page and like it .. it is not too much to ask. A very little effort on your part can mean a lot to someone else. https://www.facebook.com/DrSyedAliAbbasRizviJarchivi
  6. Assalam Alikum everyone, I am posting below the links to facebook page of a new and upcoming noha khwan based in Australia. He is a surgeon by profession but has always been passionate about noha khwani and Zikr-e-Ahl-e-Bait (as) .. he has been reciting noha since long time and has been releasing noha albums for 3 years .. This year he will release his 4th noha Album. I have personally been touched by his voice and the wording of his nohas. I have heard all of his previous noha and through very reliable sources have got hold of his current unreleased nohas and mashallah they are very inspiring. I believe his nohas really touch your heart. Seeing that his work is of good quality, it's disheartening that he has got very little recognition. I would therefore request all the members of this forum to please show your support to Dr. Ali Abbas Rizvi as he's doing a great job of spreading the message of Hussainiyat and Karbala in Shia Minority regions. Please visit his Facebook page below and like it. Thanks a lot. https://www.facebook.com/DrSyedAliAbbasRizviJarchivi
  7. I know i am posting years after this thread was started .. but I was extremely worried as I had lost a very important document. So I was searching this website for any Amal to find lost items and came across this thread. I followed the Amal of saying 7 salams to Bibi Fatima (6 before looking for the lost item and 1 after finding the item) and Subhanallah I found it. Although it took me more than 1 hour to find it but I did in the end. Praise to the Ahl-e-bait (as)
  8. like others have already suggested you must speak to him and not just general chit chat but serious talk about religion and spirituality .. since your main concern about him is the difference of religious mindset. He might not be as religious as you are but he must already know about your level of commitment to islam and if after knowing this he is still proposing you then he must have something in his mind .. because quite frankly the kind of culture that is commonly growing in young generation is to distance themselves from islam .. most of the guys dont want their wife's to be parda-dar and many girls dont want their husbands to be mullah (in pakistan atleast - if the guy is from subcontinent) am not saying this is true for everyone .. but this is a fact .. and again your cousin might not be that kind of guy .. plus if he really likes you he might come even closer to islam through you .. but rejecting him just on the basis of a hunch is injustice to both of you ..
  9. i'v read that quote on FB .. not much of a drama fan .. the problem is i would have shown all the sabar in the world if he had shown me true love and care .. saying you entered into the marriage under pressure doesnt really win any woman's respect or heart .. if he cant own this relationship then can i expect anything else from him??? i agree with you .. i have always been very humble and understanding towards him .. always putting his word above mine .. always agreeing to his opinions and wants , likes and dislikes .. being taught that old school mantra of winning a man's heart that make him feel special and respected and agree with him and you will get respect and love from him in turn :-/ i actually agree with Mlle. Advice .... i am not in favor of divorce atleast not without giving him a second chance .. he has this god knows what impression about himself .. like he was an exceptionally good catch and me n my family cudnt say no to him .. for now he's getting ignored and silent treatment from me .. for the time being i am done being a loving and caring wife .. I dont know what is written in my fate .. only Allah knows best and i have been praying to him to steer me out of this mess
  10. the kind of person he is, if i had taken any initiative to solve this issue he would put it all back on me saying that i couldnot stay alone and pressurizing him .. so i waited for him to call .. he eventually did call me but only after i replied to his email saying am not coming back on his decided dates. over the call he got angry .. and i got angry too .. i told him most of the issues but he would not own any of it .. still blaming me .. i told him he should be ashamed of himself to which he replied i should be ashamed .. and now i have found that he wants me to apologize to him and only then he would call me back to his home
  11. i think he thinks like that .. obviously i would want affection from my husband and so early in marriage .. its not like we hv been married for yeaars that we hv gotten used to each other. i'v cried alot of times infront of him because of the rude things he says .. and this has gotten him to believe that i am a weak person and cannot survive on my own .. he told me once that i am very weak n lack confidence! when he clearly know how confidently i have managed all the affairs back home before marriage .. his mother had even praised about my confidence and boldness before marriage. we both have been disrespecting each other .. we both get angry during arguments and then our voices rise .. he never realizes that if he is yelling (and literally extreme yelling) then its disrespectful for me .. however when i raise my voice then its all very unethical, non-eastern, non-ladylike, n disrespectful.
  12. my parents are now really not in favor of continuing with this person .. they seriously doubt that he will change or talk properly .. i am confused because getiing a divorce is not an easy thing and specially in our culture its a taboo .. but the other option of continuing to live with such a dominating and suppresive person is again something i cannot do. once or twice when i suggested to have some quality time without mother in law , he would get all wound up saying "what issue do u have with my mother?"
  13. we were in a relationship for 2years before getting married and he has told me alot of things about him .. but the thing is he doesnt really trusts me as he thinks that whatever he will tell me will get passed around in my family .. also i know that he twists the truth to suit himself .. for instance if a family member has said something to him in my absence he will tell me about it the way it suits him or his own interpretation , when actually i will come to know the exact situation n the context. we were born and brought up in same cities, he later own got a permanent residence abroad
  14. I look after him .. even though we had a major fight one night before and i was to travel next day .. i washed n pressed his clothes .. cleaned the house etc to make sure he doesnt have trouble for atleast a few days .. but he never showed gratitude .. and after the rude things he said to me, he wasnt embarassed or ashamed .. and when i told him later that he should be ashamed of what he has said he was like you should be ashamed. i never wanted to end my ties with him .. that was the reason i continued with this relationship knowing he was rude .. even now that i am away from him .. he is only thinking about 'injustice' done to him by me n my family .. not once has he realized the rudeness n arrogance he has been showing to me n my parents ..
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