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In the Name of God بسم الله


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  1. What if they were to decide to continue getting to know each other on their own (without either of their parents knowing), and then in a couple years from now try bringing the parents back in? Even though the parents may be in the wrong, it is still very difficult to break away from family and marry without the parents' permission. So, they're hoping in a couple years, they can minimize any detrimental effects on their relations with their parents - like their parents might be willing to give it a chance again after they've cooled off a bit, they'll see that this brother and sister are serious about each other, this brother and sister will be older, this sister will be more independent from her parents, and they'll make sure they're geographically away from their parents, too. The only risk with that is the possibility that even a couple years from now the parents will be just as against it, and this brother and sister will be even more attached, so they'd really have to resort to putting their foot down and marrying without their parents' permission. So, if they continue on their own, it'd be a happy couple years for them, but with the future unknown....Should they risk it? What do you think? If anyone has had such a dilemma, please share!
  2. As-salamualaykum, A very good friend of mine is interested in a sister for marriage. He approached her parents already, but they aren't too favorable about allowing their daughter to get to know him for marriage because of his only local family member in the area - an extended family member who has multiple wives. So, before granting permission for this brother to start talking to this sister, her parents have focused on this family member of his and what this brother thinks of his relative's choice of lifestyle. Even though he has reiterated that he himself will never engage in a polygamous relationship, this sister's parents aren't satisfied with his answers because he has not outright condemned his relative's polygamous marriage and has not outright condemned polygamy in America in general. Plus, since marriage is not just the joining of two individuals but the joining of two families, her parents are concerned with her entering into a family that has such a family member. For example, they have stated concerns that their grand kids will be raised thinking polygamy is okay because they are in that environment. Now this brother's parents are against the match as well and don't want their son to pursue her anymore. His parents are insulted with how this sister's parents focused solely on this family member from the get-go and seem to be overlooking this brother's positive qualities and judging him harshly because he has such a family member with an atypical and perhaps ethically questionable lifestyle. They also found this sister's parents as coming off really strong in how they don't want their daughter marrying this brother and so this brother's parents find no point for their son to continue in pursuing her. This sister and brother are very much interested in each other, however, despite their parents disapproval of the match. They feel that they are compatible with each other and would like to have gotten married, if it weren't for the fact that their parents, particularly this sister's parents, were giving such a hard time. Now they cannot go forward anymore with their parents involvement because neither parents want it. So my question is, should they proceed without the parents approval? I know Islamically if the parents reject a man based on un-Islamic reasons, then the girl can marry him without their permission. And, yes, in this case the sister's parents have not explicitly rejected this brother, but were very much not approving of the match and were allowing it to barely inch forward (it finally ended when this brother's parents stopped their son from continuing). But, of course, we can't just look at what is Islamically right because that would be putting this brother and sister in a hard position of ruining their relationship with their family, which neither of them want to resort to. Has anyone been in or seen a similar experience and are willing to talk about it? I'm sure these situations are fairly common in America because of all the different ideas Muslims have regarding marriage and what to focus on, etc. Any advice would be much appreciated, especially from people who found themselves in a similar situation. Thanks!
  3. Yeah, but the point of the matter is, since polygamy is illegal in America (it has been illegal since 1878), the second wife is not legally recognized as the man's wife by the state, and therefore this wife has no rights in the eyes of the state. So, if her husband were to be abusive (God forbid),for example, then she cannot seek the state for protection since she is not legally recognized as his wife. Furthermore, all 50 states have laws against polygamy, and the states vary as to how they characterize it (whether as a felony, misdemeanor, etc). http://usmarriagelaws.com/search/united_states/polygamy/index.shtml Therefore, the punishment for polygamy varies from state to state, depending on how the state characterizes it as. For example, in California, this is the punishment is as follows: "Bigamy is punishable by a fine not exceeding ten thousand dollars ($10,000) or by imprisonment in a county jail not exceeding one year or in the state prison." http://law.onecle.com/california/penal/283.html So, a man is disobeying the law of the land and can be punished if he were to have a 2nd wife. And this second wife does not have equal rights as the first wife (in fact, she has zero rights), and therefore equality does not exist between the two wives, and doesn't Islam mandate that in polygamy, all the wives need to be on an equal footing? And, yes, unfortunately, America is not against spouses having affairs, etc. But that's a separate matter. I'm only talking about this act of polygamy in America, and whether we can consider it a haram act since it is not legally recognized by the state. Plus, as Muslims, aren't we supposed to law-abiding citizens (Ayatullah Seestani touches on this idea that we must obey the law of the land in the introduction of his work "A Code of Practice For Muslims in the West: http://www.al-islam.org/code-of-practice-for-muslims-in-west/)? And since polygamy is not a wajib act, then one should not engage in it, in a land that prohibits it, right? Let me know where you think my reasoning may be flawed because I'm just thinking this through and don't know what the correct answer is (if there is even a correct answer-- there very well can be different interpretations).
  4. As-salamualaykum, Can we say that practicing polygamy in America is haram? In other words, can we claim that Islamic law requires that we abide by the law of the land, and since polygamy is not allowed in America, then as Muslims we should not engage in it? I read this from a news article that states that polygamy is not Islamically permissible in America: " Islamic Law requires adherents to abide by the laws of the land in which they reside. Regardless of whether an American Muslim subscribes to a liberal or conservative viewpoint of polygamy, as noted above, they are religiously prohibited from engaging in polygamous relationships because it is illegal in the United States to do so." http://www.huffingtonpost.com/engy-abdelkader/american-muslim-sisterwiv_b_1001163.html In general, what role does the law of the land play in relation to Islamic law? Thanks in advance for any feedback!
  5. It's fine for someone to have certain homosexual desires as long as they don't act on them. I have ran into homosexual muslims who understand their problem and seek help. Many of them got married and are able to live a happy life. I think communities should understand that there will be muslims out there with these desires and be open enough for them to feel comfortable to help them. Because without help these people might go off and commit sins.
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