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In the Name of God بسم الله

Aryana

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    (Red) Shia Muslim

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  1. No, I propose that we all grab pitchforks, round up all the virgins and then burn them in a huge wicker man while Olivia Newton-John's 'Physical' plays in the background. Also, I've not seen that episode! *cue Simpsons marathon*
  2. That's your view. Thanks for sharing. Since it's already been established that we have vastly differing views of what a 'real' man is, I'm sure you won't be surprised if I don't agree. I have absolutely no problem with a man who wants all those things, as long as as he abides by God's law, doesn't impose his own personal biases on others and refrains from judgmental generalisations. I do however, find the implication that wanting those attributes in a wife somehow makes him a 'real' man extremely questionable. As far as I'm concerned people are free to live their lives however they want. It's when they feel they have the right to somehow infringe on the halaal rights of others that the problem arises. I'm not saying that you're doing this, just making my position clear. One thing I don't understand though, what do you mean she'd go through with it 'just for the sake of God'? Also, I have no respect for hypocrites who feel that they can do whatever they like before getting permanently married, feel sick at the thought of marrying a non-virgin female and yet don't feel that their future wives have the right to have the same sort of stipulations. Again, I'm not implying that you're like that but I felt it was important to clarify as I've come across this kind of man countless times. (Off topic here, but one of my friends had a suitor who was absolutely adamant that she have a pelvic exam before the wedding to make sure she was a virgin. She accepted, despite the fact that she found it incredibly demeaning and had barely looked at a na-mahram her entire life. Afterwards, she found out through a mutual acquaintance that Mr. Ghira had had over 50 'one-night stand' mut'ahs, including some with escorts and without protection. When she confronted him it was all, 'But I'm a man, I can't control my desires!' That kind of double-standard is sickening, yet curiously tolerated in many muslim societies.) Lychee's response is far better than any I could have written. Also, I truly feel for any daughter that doesn't feel able to confide in her father about matters that are troubling her, however uncomfortable the subject material. Just in case you missed it. :) I don't see how that is even remotely relevant to the topic at hand. This was so no na-mahram would see her shadow; nowhere have I ever talked about girls associating with na-mahrams. You'd truly disown your daughter for wanting to do what God has deemed permissible for her? Instead of worrying so much about what constitutes reputation and honour within our cultural value systems, we should worry about doing all we can do to support our children and prevent from being tempted into sin. I fully agree that the misuse of mut'ah is rampant nowadays and we need to raise awareness. I spent a few weeks working in Qom and was horrified by the thriving prostitution industry there. Men thought that saying a few words meant they could ignore the fact that these women were being exploited in the worst possible ways and the fact that they were financially aiding the continuation of a haraam economic activity. Islamic ethics are as important as Islamic law, but above all our standards need to be just that, Islamic. Yes there are low-lives out there that will take advantage of women; that's why it's so incredibly important for mut'ah to be brought out in the open not encouraged, but not demonised either (many young girls are even duped into thinking they don't need their father's permission despite being virgins, essentially making their acts haraam even if it goes nowhere near consummation), and for both families to be thoroughly aware and involved. Surely that would decrease the possibility for such occurances? As for coming back with triplets (1 in 6,889 chance) in tow, the same could be said for a failed permanent marriage. Do we stigmatise them as well? It's incredibly important that anyone going into mut'ah be taught that it is still a marriage. That their actions may leave them with responsibilities they need to face, and of the importance of using protection and contraception amongst other things. Who better to do this than their parents? Back at you. :) Forgive me if I've offended or rambled, I'm half asleep at this point.
  3. I think you may be looking for a concept similar to Judaism's 'Noahide laws' which I don't think exists in Islam, but someone more learned may correct me on that. Slightly off topic, but I've always read that one of the main theological differences between traditional Christianity and Islam was that Christianity preached 'salvation through faith' (orthodoxy - taken to extremes by branches such as Calvinism) whereas Islam preached 'salvation through works' (orthopraxy). That's not to say Islam doesn't consider one's faith to be of importance, or that, as Soroush pointed out, it is not of the utmost importance that one search for the truth with an open heart and mind; but that you will be judged primarily on your deeds. It would be interesting to know if anyone knows of any scholarly views on the matter.
  4. What story? Interesting bit of trivia about Bafgh, they filmed scenes from one of the historical epics there. It was either Imam Ali (as) or Rooze-Vaghe'e I think. Can't remember which though.
  5. Oh yeah I totally agree. It's 'wimpy' to be so upset about the young people around you falling into sin that you risk the ire of your community and eventual ostracisation because you try to revive the sunnah of the Prophet in the face of backward cultural bigotry and archaic, misogynistic values. Especially when you practice what you preach and let your daughter do the same. That doesn't take guts at all. You're right, a man with any 'jealousy/honour' would have locked me up in my room and married me off to the next decent suitor. That's what REAL men do. I hope I never meet a man who adheres to your defintion of ghira. Give me a 'wimpy' man who adheres to God's law and risks his reputation in trying to de-stigmatise it any day. :)
  6. I appreciate your concern. As you said, everyone is free do as they choose. To each their own.
  7. You seem like a sweet person speaking out of concern. There are a few points I have to make however: 1) I struggle to see how you managed to infer even half of what you did from my post. You've severely misunderstood most of what I said. 2) I mean no offence by this, but most of what you've written reflects a painfully narrow world-view. I'll reiterate; people are different. Just as you cannot comprehend why I want to live my life the way I do, I cannot comprehend the appeal of what you're telling me a relationship should be. Rather, I can understand it, as socialisation has taught me that people like me are very much the anomaly but I can't relate to it. I never truly got those happy-ever-after endings. The difference is however, that I can concede that we're different and respect your choices. You don't seem to be able to, and go about branding people as 'mentally unstable', 'victims' or 'running away from something' which is both insulting and implies a basic lack of understanding as to the variety of ways relationships work and the interpretations that exist for them. 3) You cannot presume to talk about what the Prophet would have wanted. The Prophet's entire life revolved around the propagation of and adherence to Islam and what God wants. I agree with you that people can peddle hadiths with no real understanding to rationialise their behaviour, but I find it difficult to believe he would criticise any form of relationship between two consenting adults that operates within an Islamic framework and is neither hurting nor exploiting anyone. The second part is relevant; for example personally I would never enter a mut'ah with a married man because I wouldn't want to risk hurting his wife. The Golden Rule of 'do unto others as you would have them do unto you' has been stressed time and time again in Islam in one way or another, far more than in any other philosophy. Like I said before, I may change my lifestyle one day. I don't really see it happening because I think I'm just wired this way, but I'm open to the possibility. I know however, that people's judgements won't be a factor in that decision. THANK YOU! I'm just eerily unlucky when it comes to contraception; I've been on different kinds of pills, they all mess up my system. Plus I turn into a raging monster, which is extremely unpleasant for all involved. Same for the implant, shots, patches and the nuvaring. Used to rely on condoms, but I've developed an allergy to both the latex and non-latex kinds over the past year. The copper IUD was literally the only option left. If anyone is still even remotely interested, all is good now. Loving the coil since everything was sorted out, the ghusl question is also no longer relevant. Nothing to see here anymore. Can this thread be closed now? Please?
  8. That's really interesting, it would be fascinating to do some sort of study to look at the after-effects of shock in this area. If it is shock, would you rather it wear off or not?
  9. I think your sarcasm is rather uncalled for. How did you assume I mean that Islam 'got in the way'? I believe my tendencies aren't something to indulge in, which is why I'm trying to live my life within an Islamic framework. If I thought of Islam as something that simply got in the way, I wouldn't have upended my life to start practicing. I see it as the truth and something that enriches my life beyond recognition, but everyone has their personal tests that they need to overcome. Of course mine are going to be different from yours. I wrote you a rather venomous reply but I stopped myself before posting it; I do consider myself a muslim and as such believe I should swallow my anger (or irritation in this case), especially if it's leading me to direct sharp words towards a fellow muslim. Just because something doesn't fit in nicely with your particular worldview, doesn't mean it's 'rubbish'. People are different, sometimes unfathomably so. Your ignorance as to how others experience the world around them doesn't make their experiences any less valid, or the demons they battle with any more laughable than the ones that plague you. By the way, I'm curious to know how you associate extreme sarcasm with delusion? Can't say I've ever seen a connection there to be honest.
  10. No of course not. You'll forgive me if I don't have the time or energy to outline the issues I have with the etymology of the word and the historical epistemology of its various conceptualisations; as you can tell by this thread I'm not feeling my best! But the most personal and arguably most important reason is because it connotes permanence and I find that difficult. I'm polyamorous at heart, but obviously given the limitations put on women I make do with serial monogamy. I find the idea of spending the rest of my life with a single person incredibly depressing. Using the word 'husband' for any man makes me imagine waking up to his face every single day for the rest of my life; and as much as I may love that person, that's just not for me. In fact, it makes me feel slightly sick. That could well change with time, but that's how I feel at the moment. Hope that goes towards answering your question!
  11. I find the whole thing with music really confusing. I come from what most people would consider a very religious family, but we all learnt to play instruments from childhood and my sister and I were brought up on European and Iranian classical music, as well as the indigenous music of various cultures. I play the classical violin and cello, my sister plays the santoor, my mum plays the daf, tar and sehtar, my dad plays the piano and kamanche and my aunt is the fastest flamenco and electric guitar player I've ever met. We had extremely limited contact with muslims outside my family and I remember going to an Iranian school at 12 and being really shocked at finding out that it could be considered a problem. People who were like us in every other way were appalled that we had instruments in the house, but we were always told to only not listen to any music that made us forgetful of God. Sometimes during his prayers (not salat, but raz o niaz as you'd say in farsi) my dad plays his kamanche and cries while praying. He's also written loads of dark, haunting melodies for Ashura that he'd play while recounting the events to us when we were younger; not because the events themselves aren't enough to cause deep sorrow, but more as an expression of his own grief. I realise that some people would consider that deviant behaviour. I don't exactly know how I feel about it since considering myself muslim again and trying to practice properly; people around me keep saying that even clapping with a rhythm is haraam? :wacko: But playing my instruments almost has the same effect on me that praying does.... One of the most spiritual moments of my life was sitting on a hill overlooking Jerusalem and listening to Adiemus on my iPod. Cheesy but true.
  12. Same here. Do you have low blood pressure? Rh negative blood tends to occur more often in isolated communities like the Basque or Mizrahi Jews so it's thought to be a mutation, but a very strange one. That's why there are so many crazy theories regarding its origins. Only about 15% of the population have it apparently. O- is also considered the 'purest' blood type, because of the lack of all main antigens and its status as universal donor for red blood cells.
  13. I really want to know now! Hala namishe beged? (That's my Yazdi accent. I know, it rocks. :P) I like to think I've visited all the whole province, but I probably haven't. Taft and Bafgh are my favourites though.
  14. No they didn't say anything about perforation. Apparently as my body was trying to expel it it had turned sideways with one arm becoming lodged into the floor of the uterus? Or something along those lines, I felt rather faint as she was explaining so I may have misunderstood. She did say that I went to the hospital in the nick of time because another round of contractions like the ones I had would have meant them fishing it out of my abdominal cavity. At that point I needed to sit down and have some sugar.... I got sent home with antibiotics and and told to stay in bed for a week. :lol: I was in so much agony I would have probably done it myself if I had a knife handy at that point. Thank you, that's very kind of you. Some women are fine on hormones, while others like me find them unbearable for a whole variety of reasons. For me, it was absolutely my choice and only after every other method had been exhausted. I completely agree with you though, it's disturbing that some men feel they have the right to force it upon their partners. It's good to know there are men like you who realise that contraception isn't just a woman's burden. I mean partner. In this case it's a mu'tah, but I'd still use the same term in a permanent marriage. I don't like 'husband'. It makes me feel very uncomfortable.
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