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Everything posted by coldcow

  1. So much bilateral hatred. Who cares? Just be a good Muslim according to what you believe and let others be Muslim according to their beliefs. Quit slandering each other.
  2. No. I looked at it, but most of the reviews look like family members of the developers, it only has 5000 downloads, is designed just for Shias (I prefer not to discriminate). And any time you download an app, the developers get your email address and I think some other information about you. I'm a very privacy conscious individual, so don't want to blindly download apps if I'm not sure I trust them, or what they'll do with my data, first.
  3. I think perhaps you are right. It may be easier to pass on someone online, whereas in real life, even a casual conversation can break the ice enough to make you more amenable to looking past some criteria. But I honestly also have a fear of not being able to break things off with a girl if after a while she still is interested but I'm not, so I tend to be pretty aloof and try not to let things go very far if I'm on the fence early on, and why I don't deviate too much from my criteria. Some of the criteria are pretty big deals though. At least in my mind. I'm currently in a new city, very tiny Muslim population, and I've never lived in places with large Muslim populations, so not a whole lot of Muslim friends. Some of my family members keep trying to find me a wife from the motherland, even though that's one of the hard criteria I won't budge on. And since most of my family lives elsewhere, the people they do know in that area don't want to relocate to where I am.
  4. Yeah, I too have some pretty specific criteria due to my work/values. There are some people there that seem like a pretty good match in everything, except religion. Then there are folks that are the right amount of religious for me, but are complete opposites otherwise. And then when someone is a good match in both, they're not adaptable to my work requirements. If I had known it would be this difficult I would've started looking much earlier in life.
  5. There was a thread on this that I was unable to find, so I'll just start a new one. What marriage websites have you, or someone you know, had personal experience with? What can you tell me about them, besides if they were good or bad? A few issues I've run into with some of them include: Single Muslim - lots of fake profiles, lots of "members," but not that many are actually active, you get lots of messages from ladies while your account is free, and then when you pay, suddenly none of them respond to your messages Half our deen - everyone has to pay, so no fake profiles, but membership is pretty low, and pretty much everyone I've talked to there would want me to give up Shiaism completely. Shia match - that website is very buggy and painful to browse, lots of the profiles look pretty generic and the same, and also not a lot to choose from in my age target I think my mom has tried other websites, like muslimah and qiran, but no luck there, as most of those people don't live in the US. I think a couple of y'all mentioned success on some of the secular websites. I feel like selection would be much more limited on those websites, but maybe I'm wrong. Thanks
  6. There's a lot of factors to consider, but I think you should start looking into marriage earlier rather than later. But don't get married until you honestly believe you're mature enough for marriage, and aren't just getting married because you're wanting to have intercourse. For me, for example, I thought I shouldn't get married until after college and after I have a good job. I've got a great job now, but by the time I really started opening up to my parents to start finding me someone, I missed the window on a lot of good girls in the community around these parts. So now, not even living in my hometown area with a good size Muslim population, I'm stuck trying to find someone online as I live in an area with not a whole lot of Muslims. So atleast by starting to look early, you get a sense of what's out there, and if you see someone nice that fits you well, don't hesitate. Because you never know what'll come later.
  7. I keep my hands on the front of my thighs (currently hurt and can't perform regular salaat). But I was also taught to keep my hands against my thighs when performing regular salaat while standing. Not what the official ruling is.
  8. Has anyone noticed a lot of halal food comes from places like Brazil? I bought some marshmallows the other day, and it turns out they are made in Guatemala. Is there enough halal slaughtered beef over there to produce enough gelatin to make those marshmallows? I think a lot of the corned beef you get in a can comes from Brazil. And it's all certified halal. But is it really? Anyone have any inside info?
  9. I always stop. Because safety more so than anything else. Now, if I'm in the middle of a flat desert, I can clearly see there are no animals/people/cars/etc anywhere around me, AND it is a 4 way stop, I might only come to a rolling stop. Basically slow down to barely a roll, verify the intersection is clear, and move on.
  10. What does this mean? Is it a term we should really use? I see it a lot as I'm looking for a wife. A lot of ladies have it in their profiles saything they're either moderate, or they want a moderate husband. In my mind you're either a practicing Muslim or you're not. Certainly none of us are perfect, and none of us follow every aspect of the religion to perfection, but when I hear the term "moderate Muslim," in my mind that means that you're actively choosing to not follow certain aspects of it, and you think it's ok. A better, or more accurate, term might be a deficient Muslim. I certainly am a deficient Muslim, as I strive to be a practicing Muslim. Am I overthinking this? Have any of you thought about this?
  11. Not sure I'm deserving, as I usually just go around arguing with everyone on here. But thanks.
  12. Do you think it really matters? Do you think no sunni's prayer has been accepted by God because they're praying incorrectly? Do you think only Shia do everything correctly while Sunnis we differ on incorrectly?
  13. Maybe. It all depends. If you can work it out, then go for it. Better yet, if you both can come to an agreement and take a middle ground between both sects, and raise your children to be "just muslim," that'd be the best. If you look at the history of Sunni/Shia split, we've been finding ways over the years to diverge further and further from each other. It doesn't need to be that way. And in fact, it only makes the enemies of Islam happy the more divergent and less unified we are.
  14. https://www.google.com/search?q=sistani+halal+animals&oq
  15. THank you. I think that 1/3, 1/3, 1/3 quote is what I was remembering. Sounds very familiar. Good advice.
  16. I've heard a quote told to me, and I can't find it. It's something along the lines of "eat until you have room for only a little more," or something like that. Basically, don't fill up or over fill, your stomach. Do any of you know it? Or it may not even be a real quote. You know some people just make stuff up and attribute it to the prophet. Thanks for your help
  17. Exactly. A good parent will explain what they are doing and why, and why it is in the best interest of the child to do it. I've seen plenty of sisters take off the hijab, with no resistance from the parents, only to come back to it later after they realized they should be wearing it. I've also seen plenty that resented the idea of being forced to do things (hijab being one thing), that they only wore hijab when around family. You can't force people to be religious, just like you can't force people to not be racist. You have to open their eyes to the logic and reasoning and hope they accept the religion with their hearts. Remember, she will one day leave your house. It may be by marriage, or it may be by running away. You can't control people. What are you going to do if one day she takes off her hijab and walks out the front door? Beat her? Lock her in the house? What if she endures the beatings and still refuses to wear it? What then? Umm... Yeah, I've seen hijabis with boyfriends, and even getting very physical, as early as high school. Hijab by itself doesn't mean anything if their hearts don't believe what it stands for. And why are we bumping up a 6 year old thread?
  18. I know, that was my point. He was trying to suggest an equivalency to a husband being criticized for not wearing pants to a woman [presumably] relaxing at home taking care of the kids and doing all that home stuff. My post was intended to suggest that maybe she's really worth more to the household doing all that than going to work outside, and perhaps that "sympathy" he wants from her isn't really so one-sided. That being said, this hypothetical housewife shouldn't be bickering at her husband saying "when are you going to buy me a house" when she knows he's working full and as hard as he can. And then there was that post on another thread where someone said women shouldn't leave the house except for necessities. And as far as clothing, yeah, free country, we can do whatever we want. But others will judge not us, but our religion by our actions. "They say all this stuff about equality and what not in Islam, but then they make their women suffocate in the heat while they walk around in shorts and a t-shirt."
  19. I don't know many hijab wearing women that would wear full-length jeans at the beach either. But I don't think it's unreasonable for men to wear a shirt at the beach, if in public. The husband and wife could hire a nanny to take care of the 3 kids, cook, and clean, so that they may both work to save up for the mortgage. That would make things more equivocal. Oh, but then some would criticise the woman for leaving the house and working. Hmmm... Yeah, I don't know.
  20. Yes, even if someone curses my mother. It's not like they are actually harming her in any way. Why would I let me emotions get the better of me and start a fight? What if that fight escalates and someone pulls out a knife or a gun? Do you think someone cursing your mother is worth killing someone over? Or getting killed trying to defend her against words?
  21. Isn't there the story of one of the prophets, if not Prophet Muhammad himself, being verbally and sometimes physically attacked by a woman everyday. He ignored her, until one day she wasn't there to attack him. So he went to her house and found her ill, and took care of her, and this resulted in her converting? Something like that. Anyways, point being, sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. As far as I'm concerned, unless someone is threatening physical harm to myself or someone else, I see no reason to respond with physical harm to them. And even then, I can't remember if it was Isa or Ghandi, but I think one of them said that if someone hit's you in one cheek, turn and offer them the other. [mind blown] We don't always have to look for reasons to respond to violence with violence. But we should always be prepared to do so.
  22. I wasn't sure where to post this, I figured this is less of a conversation about what we are allowed to do and more a conversation about what we should do, so I posted it here. Men are allowed to wear short sleeves, and even allowed to wear shorts, according to most scholars. The length of the shorts and the amount of torso that's allowed to be exposed is debateable, ranging from basic shorts, to "knees to navel," to below knees to at least cover the chest. But the issue I raise here is, in this summer heat, why do men (particularly husbands) wear shorts and a t-shirt when going out with their hijabi wives in this summer heat? Is it just me, or do you all think that as a sign of respect for her, and the struggle she's dealing with, it might be better to at least wear long pants? Again, this isn't about Islamic rulings on the matter. If I wanted that I would've posted in the other jusisprudence/relgion forum. I wanted more opinions on the social aspect of this.
  23. Please remember, the number of deportations increased substantially after Obama came into office. The policy of separating children from parents also came about under Obama. The media only made a big deal about it now because it plays into the narrative they're pushing to get more people to watch their shows and click on their website. Please remember, Americans give more money to charity (both locally and internationally) than any other country in the world. By far. This is true anywhere in the world. The average citizen of any country is just going about their daily lives trying to make a living for themselves and their family. They generally believe whatever the media tells them.
  24. I use Adhan Alarm on android. It gives several different calculation methods to choose from, all varying just a little bit. It also workds based on GPS coordinates, so it can work anywhere in the world, even if you don't have a nearby address to work off. I also like praying separately rather than combining prayers.
  25. Well, I mean it puts "self harm" in a different context in regards to religion, if that's what you mean. I think there is more nuance to it than can be adequately described through text, and I think intention has a lot to do with it.
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