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In the Name of God بسم الله

LZAA

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  • Location
    Amsterdam
  • Religion
    Muslim

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    Female
  1. LZAA

    Salam, Please remove my account and all associated posts. Thank you

  2. S/A I feel your pain, finding a husband is not the easiest thing to do especially when your parents are not willing to help you. I fully understand all your obstacles. I have considered ways of going about finding a husband myself and speaking to someone from the local Masjid has also crossed my mind but I always go against it. I personally know most if not all the women very well; I grew up around them and I see the way they act and the things they say. Most of them seem like the nicest people ever but backbiting is the way they get through the day. And may I add they don't know how to keep things to themselves. Going to one of these ladies no matter how well you think you know them or how much you can trust them; I assure you the whole community will find out about what you said to this woman. It is not a sin to want to get married an complete your dean so you may think who cares if she tells anyone that I went to her directly and told her I want to get married BUT this in turn makes you seem desperate in some communities and do not forget that it will get back to your parents who will in turn be furious because "you make them seem like bad parents." If it is an elder lady you plan on speaking to she will tell all the other ladies and if it is a younger one she will tell her mother who will tell everyone else. What I am saying is you have to be very careful as to who you trust in this matter and any matter. I know this causes frustration and sometimes you probably just sit there and want to cry or do cry and that's okay. From experience crying does help but it also helps to talk to someone close to you even if that person can't help you. It makes you feel better knowing someone is listening. Good Luck!
  3. So it's not haram to have photos of a man who isn't muhrum to you anymore and as for the man...these pictures will obviously be with the ex-wife without hijab.
  4. I would consider a divorced man even though I have never been married before. Of course my parents would not agree but personally I would have no problem with it as long as I knew the reason behind the divorce and where he stands. Considering most men and women in our culture get married without really knowing the person divorce is bound to happen especially in this day and age.
  5. I was just wondering; is it haram for a man or woman to keep pictures of their wedding or any pictures from their life together after they get divorced? Wedding pictures, family pictures, or intimate pictures of them both? Thank you!
  6. Honestly I've never been against mutah because it is a part of Islam, if the Prophet allowed it who are we to say other wise? But to use it to become a prostitute is wrong. That is not what the concept of mutah is intended for.
  7. From my understanding it could turn into a permanant marriage at any time during the mutah period and after. I believe it is treated as a normal divorce and if sexual intercorse did take place the idah (sp?) (waiting period) of 45 days is still to take place.
  8. See that's the problem there. You're making it sound like prostitution. If you do it for the money then yes it is prostitution. Personally I don't think there is anything wrong with Mutah. It is not only done for sexual relations, lots of people perform mutah to get to know the person before permanant marriage. Times have changed and there are people that accept a guy and a girl getting to know each other before marriage without some kind of contract but there are also still many that say it is unaccaptable for any realtion before marriage. It is hard for many to marry someone they know nothing about so they use mutah to get to know each other.
  9. Well it has happened. I was notified that someone was to come and ask for my hand. Of course it took a lot of talking and my sister got involved and spoke to them my father did not get involved. He refused to meet the guy and did not speak to me. How could I go along with it if he felt so strongly toword it. A second time I was notified I told myself that was it I had to do something so I personally told my mom I was ready for marriage and my sister again spoke to them and again my dad did not talk to me through out the process. But I still went ahead and said I would meet this person. Before meeting him I met his mom and sister who had seen me at the Mosque. Turns out the guy was no where close to religion and expected me to take off my Hijab and has sworn he would never enter a mosque. Why you would even propose to someone who wears a hijab in the first place is beyond me. This of course made my parents very happy. My dad did start talking to me after and my mom started laughing and repeating over and over again the events of that day. this happened recently.
  10. I think it is because they get involved in other peoples lives too much. The sayyid's wife of my community is always complaining about her husband not being around much and of all the problems that people have and include him in. He has people calling in the middle of the night looking for his help. If they do not reach him on his cell phone the call the home phone and if not the home phone they call his wife's phone. He doesn't have enough time for his family. I am guessing this is the situation with most and I am sure it is enough to cause distress among a family.
  11. They could, they could also live with of the many other children they have they just don't want to. I'm not exactly sure what they want. They aren't here all the time they come and go but they only come back because of me supposedly and when they leave I have to go from house to house (among my siblings) so that I am not left home alone. I want a stable life. I don't think that is too much to ask for. And as for looking for someone they don't need to. As I mentioned earlier I am very active in my Mosque, I am known to all the families and my family is well known among the community. I feel very lost. They do because every time there is a proposal they here about it and they hear it was rejected. Which is why I was told that people will stop coming if I keep rejecting.
  12. I have accepted their not wanting to marry me off. What I don't accept is them going around telling people that no one wants me. It is NOT acceptable. I am not "hasty" to get married. I have to worry about my reputation and the way things are going is causing it to go down. I came here looking for help as to how to deal with this. I did not say that I am treating my parents in any wrong way. I am angry with them but on the inside. When I get upset about it I keep to myself and stay quite in fear that I will say something I will regret and that is the best I could do.
  13. No they are not looking for anyone. When I mention for them to stop talking like that and say they are the ones not allowing it the response is that no one has come for me. Thats what they want me to believe. I fully understand if they want to keep me around because they are old and I'm the last child but I want them to stop telling people and telling me that if it werent for me they would travel making me sound like a burden
  14. Thank you for your help. No, and I can't say they thought it was best because of who the people were because they never knew them. As soon as the topic is brought up they say no. They never give it a chance. I don't think it's the not getting married part that is bothering me as much as them making me feel like I am holding them back by saying these things to people.
  15. I am their last child. I am 100% sure because I always hear them telling one another when someone has approached them but they do not tell me about it directly. My own brother told me that I am getting proposals but assumed I was the one who did not want to get married. Also, I've had people come up to me and say "oh I heard you rejected this proposal too, thats too bad" She denies it because she doesn't know I know about them. It is true that not only parents but everyone says things they don't always mean but to repeat something over and over again is unacceptable and shows that it is meant. I am a religious girl that attends the Masjid regularly and am the head of the volunteers for the women's section. I am afraid this will effect me and my beliefs.
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