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In the Name of God بسم الله


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Everything posted by reckless.spouse

  1. True. There in lies the problem . The terms 'practising' is very fluid now.
  2. I believe that to be true. And I think I am too traditional for a man to find someone here. I have lately felt it is probably best to try to meet people who potentially work in the same industry. Though I can be so wrong. Thanks for your dua
  3. I believe we are flawed being. That requires us to forge ahead and keep hoping to not repeat the mistakes. A blog is essentially an intimate expression of who we are right? That is the best and the most insidious way of sharing your own perspective. I can disapprove of all the assertions on the blog, but that is what will sometimes take root. Is there a blog about you out there as well ?
  4. Okay. So I briefly glanced through my previous comments I had left before, and I realised the following: I do not remember most of what I wrote before. Even if I were to respond today, I would probably express the same thoughts. With perhaps a little more introspection. Sister @hameedeh is incredibly accurate and I join Sister @Sumayyeh hat-tip in acknowledging her prowess of summation. @l'Optimiste is very eloquent is his/her assessment of it all The protracted divorce did happen. The road back to sanity is bumpy. It takes one through a maze of disbelief, skepticism, rage and disgust. But I will tell you something - I am today happy to be the same man I once was before, before my marriage. And so happy to not be the man I became during my marriage. I feel it is exponentially more difficult for women to cope with something like this, not to say us men do not feel the brunt. My father wept for a good straight week. He did not speak to me for a month. He refused to see me. My mother explained to him - as she had an idea about how my ex was. Eventually he started to believe when he heard stories from the local Imambargah. Stories about his son which could never be true. Factual inaccuracies. Like oh he used to drink, or he used to not pray. And my favorite: he could not bed her. Et cetara. Ah and as a family we found out what a divorced woman's Zakira mother can do to convince the lot the 'Khulla' was necessary yada yada. The funny thing, when my faith over women folk was all time low - the most love and support I got from were women as well. My mother, aunts, sisters, and friends. Even several of their relatives ended up talking to us. They expressed their 'condolences' LOLL. The most overwhelming was last eid when her first cousin came over with her husband and two kids. Spent half a day with us etc. Side note: apparently theres a hate blog about me out there. I have since found peace, and I have no one my Allah, Masoomeen (a.s) and Ummehaat (a.s) to thank. I would be happy to go into more details if necessary. I also feel @l'Optimiste is correct is looking at the broad canvas. SC is indeed expanding.
  5. well. I have a fascinating story to tell. I just logged in and I can assure you it has been a rollercoaster!
  6. A combination of factors play a role into a successful marriage. Families do not need to be identical but must understand and appreciate the difference. The boy and girl need to have commonalities and hopefully be attracted to each other. And then the two should understand that it is their marriage and not anyone else dominate the environment.
  7. haha Really? you think your 5 year old daughter only learns from you? Time and again science, society and religion have reiterated that a child learns from his/her surroundings. I guess if we have a problem with people holding hands, we think hard about the country we want our child to grow up in.
  8. Just looked at the reviews for this book. This looks like a wonderful read! Thanks for sharing that. gonna get me a copy.
  9. You're assuming that a picture even with Hijab 'will' lead to Haram thoughts. Since there is no guarantee to support either side of that argument, your assumption is baseless. Perhaps you need to be reminded about the negative impacts of assumptions in Islam, but I know better than to use religion to whip people in public. Never works, especially if you want them to understand and appreciate the beauty of this religion.
  10. Also I have noticed, everyone loves to 'interpret' Islam to fit their own bill. That certainly leads to trigger happy moments.
  11. Why is it Haram if the pictures are in Hijab and appropriate? I dont see any reason why that merits a reminder about being on a religious forum.
  12. Tried reading your post. Disturbing formatting. Perhaps some other time.
  13. It can easily be nervous energy or the far the fact that she likes you a lot . Either way, as long as you can get a sense of what shes saying and like it as well, go for it.
  14. They're mashallah from a good background. Her mother is actually a Zakira and I once thought that was a good thing. But then I started noticing the extremism and orthodoxy which made me very uncomfortable. I saw them ridicule women who were not wearing abayas but were in perfect hijab stating one reason or the other. I saw then frowning upon other mothers and girls who wanted to study and make something our of their lives besides just being incubators and maids. How was I supposed to know there is a way of justifying this through religion. How much can one find out before getting married any way. There is no future, and I want none with a girl who would rather use walk away from a man who has so much to offer. And in this case, I think Im glad we both decide to amicably walk aways from each other. She is a wonderful girl who would make a traditional Shia man very happy. Im not cut out for this. No man is happy at the potential breakup of his marriage but in this case, I feel it is for the better. I am here so I can share it with people and not because it is a sob story, but because we need to try to look for people who we can collaborate with. In the sense of religion, society and life. Only then theres a synergy. I am alhumdollilah on the right track . There is one little setback in my life after this though. I wanted to accomplish many feats in life, which wouldve been easier had I shared my life with a woman by my side. Now it will have to be a while before I accomplish my goals.
  15. Sharing this article is easy and I appreciate that. Makes me feel good. But Ive found some really orthodox opinions in Shias lately. Troubles me a lot. I would never have guessed.
  16. Well it is supposedly done that way so anyone can cross from the front. Apparently it's a 'sin' if you walk across without that. meh
  17. What Islamic Unfortunately there is a lot of doubt about what real Islamic values are.
  18. Came across something very interesting. Just thought Id share ti with my family here. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Being mindful of your cognitive biases isn't enough Facts that challenge basic assumptions—and thereby threaten people’s livelihood and self-esteem—are simply not absorbed. The mind does not digest them.” —Daniel KahnemanThere are numerous cognitive biases that threaten to lead us to incorrect conclusions as we reason our way through problems: confirmation bias (where we selectively pay attention only to evidence that supports our pre-existing beliefs), non-confirmation bias (where we selectively ignore evidence that contradicts our pre-existing beliefs), and belief bias (which predisposes us to accept that which is consistent with our pre-existing beliefs), to name just three. In his book, Thinking, Fast and Slow, Daniel Kahneman argues persuasively, however, that if we consciously identify and attend to our biases in real-time—a feat that requires great effort, admittedly—we can lesson their affect on our reasoning (at least, to some degree). But there's another mistake we make perhaps just as commonly as we reason through problems that if we don't make a conscious effort to correct will cause us to leap to the wrong conclusions again and again. It's a mistake as insidious as any caused by cognitive bias, but one unrelated. In fact, it may be even more insidious, for the better we're able to reason, to free ourselves from even the least of our cognitive biases, the more likely we are to make it. The mistake I'm referring to? Failing to question our assumptions. Like cognitive biases, we're often not consciously aware of our assumptions. But all arguments, all conclusions, rest on them. With respect to the effect our assumptions have on our conclusions, we're all like computers: GIGO (garbage in, garbage out). No matter how flawless and unbiased we may train our reasoning to be, our conclusions will only be as valid as our assumptions. While this is undoubtedly obvious to many of us, much of the time many of us still fail to question our assumptions enough. It's just so easy not to. The remedy? Mindfulness. We must take the time and expend the energy to examine our own thought processes consciously and continuously. If the solutions we come up with for problems don't work, we at least have a reason to question our assumptions: our problem remains unsolved (though, surprisingly, we often still won't; rather we'll go back to examine our reasoning only, not the assumptions on which it's based). But often we're merely drawing conclusions about what we believe, not about a solution we need to implement. And in that circumstance, we have little impetus to challenge—or even examine—the first step in our reasoning, the step preceded by no other and ask ourselves why we believe it's true. And here, of course, is where our cognitive biases exert their most powerful influence, often blinding us to the fact that what we assume is true is in reality false. But if you're after the truth more than you are a comforting feeling or the satisfaction of being right about something, you may just be able to open your mind to examining an assumption you don't like or don't want to believe, and therefore make it far more likely that the conclusion you reason your way toward is actually true. Don't believe this is an issue for you—that you're pretty good at examining and uncovering your mistaken assumptions—or that you aren't operating with as many assumptions as others in your daily life? Then try this experiment: record one of your conversations. It doesn't matter who it's with or what it's about. Then listen to it with a pen in hand and for every statement you hear yourself make and every statement you hear the person with whom you're talking make, write down the assumptions that underlie them (in two columns, one for you and one for the other person). Then examine each assumption and rate the likelihood of it actually being true (0%-100%). If you're results are anything like mine, you're in for a surprise.
  19. Why must every thing this minute be about haram or halal ? If you're divorced, just chuck them. Or WinZip.
  20. If you want something in life, go for it. Just know your reasons.
  21. Not really hard to believe. Men and women these days are looking for very subjective versions of love. But I like the way you define it.
  22. I dont know about getting back together, but my mother feels the most important reason behind the increase of divorce in this generation is due to accessibility. She says back in her days, they all had to work it out. And to be honest I see some very successful old marriages which have seen some very rocky starts. I have detailed my dilemma in this thread, if anyone's interested.
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