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In the Name of God بسم الله


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Everything posted by ASyeda

  1. Salaam. I am the youngest of four girls, and there's an 11 year gap between me and my sisters - the oldest is in her early thirties and I'm in my early 20s. We all have a different relationship with our mother, but I think I have the most strained one. My mother is known to have anger management problems. She will snap and get mad at anything if she is in a bad mood, and she is a very rushed and anxious person. She even takes medication for this. She's like this with me and my sisters, but especially with me because I've been the only one at home for the past 5-10 years, as all of my sisters are married and have moved away. I hoped this time together would bring us closer (we weren't close before either,) but it hasn't. She takes out most of her frustration on me, and I take my frustrations out on her too. I have been in college the past few years and have been very very stressed. It gets worse when my mom acts harshly, which makes me more likely to take out my frustrations on her too. I feel that my mom doesn't know anything about me as a person, and she doesn't care to know either. When I try to sincerely talk to her, she brushes it off. And when I try to talk to her about the problems in our relationship, she gets mad at me for bringing it up and says that it'll ruin our relationship (I think not communicating will ruin our relationship more.) So our relationship is this: we don't talk much, she is a vey irritable person, I've become irritable too, she doesn't know much about me, and we don't communicate much even though we live under the same roof. I always compare our relationship to her relationship with my sisters, and her relationship with them is 100 times better. It makes me sad, but when I bring that up to her she gets very mad at me for making a comparison between myself and my sisters (though I think she's the one making the comparison in the first place.) Does anyone have advice on how to fix our relationship please? Thank you and Salaam.
  2. Alhamdulillah, thank you to everyone for the advice. Muslim brothers and sisters truly care about each other, and it's very touching, mashAllah. May Allah ta'ala bless you all.
  3. I'm not sure this is true; almost anything on ShiaChat should be verified with authentic sources.
  4. A daughter doing hijab, in this case, can hurt the parents by a) her possible lack of safety and b) possible cultural stigmas, unfortunately. You're right, I shouldn't have directly asked them in the first place. It's my position as their child that made me feel like that was the natural thing to do.
  5. Though I do have to say that Islam isn't an "excuse" for younger kids in the West...maybe for some, but definitely not all. Islam provides a source of peace, solace, and sense in a society that is becoming increasingly misguided. For me, it's the protection I feel while wearing hijab that makes me want to always wear it. It reminds me that Allah ta'ala is always protecting me and that He is with me all the time. It honestly is such a comforting feeling that I don't want to let it go inshAllah. May we all be kept on the straight path iA.
  6. My family is from Pakistan actually, and I have a feeling the cultural tendencies have something to do with it. I'm not sure why, but it's like hijabis are always seen in a negative way...like as if a hijabi is labeled as "that girl that wears hijab", if you know what I mean. People assume that they're trying to be "different" and "prove themselves" almost. It's devastatingly unfortunate, especially among Shia Muslims. I've thought about going this route and doing that look, because I would be fully covered and not be blantantly wearing hijab. It's something that I'm still considering, and I might do it inshAllah. Thank you for the advice, it really means a lot :)
  7. Though I don't know exactly how to go about this, I know that hijab is wajib and that I'm not under any/enough danger to not do it. And even not concerning that, I would want to do hijab even if it wasn't wajib. InshAllah I would like to start hijab before I start this school year, but ideally it would be in front of my parents, and they would know and approve of it, and so would my sisters. May Allah ta'ala grant them and me the inspiration and courage to do so, Ameen.
  8. Thank you for the advice everyone, it has helped a lot :)
  9. My parents may be able to be talked into coming around, it just depends on the circumstances (how I approach it and if any others try to sway my parents' opinions). I think taking the plunge might be the only way, and if that's the case, then inshAllah that I do and that it has benefits for me and my family.
  10. I agree, it's just a question of convincing my parents of that iA.
  11. My parents actually are, alhamdulillah, very good people and inspire me to be a better Muslim. I'm pretty sure they don't fear my hijab being a "reminder" to them, they just have many issues with my safety. And please, if anyone wants I debate the necessity of hijab, kindly take it to another thread, as this one doesn't pertain to that.
  12. You are all right, I know this is a test from Allah, and while I may not have passed the first time, He is giving me another chance Alhamdulillah. I'm not sure how my parents would react if I just started without their permission. I don't think they would be very happy at first, but maybe if they see things are going well for a bit, they will accept it inshAllah. Please do dua that my parents and family change their views soon and accept my hijab inshAllah, and that I pass this test. May Allah bless you all.
  13. I definitely see the reason behind their concern, however they should understand that I am doing this for Allah ta'ala and He will do what is best for me inshAllah. I have thought about doing hijab behind their backs, but I feel that this should be treated as an open blessing, not something I should hide and feel embarrassed for :(
  14. There aren't any other hijabis in my college. It's a small college and there are very few Muslims, most of whom sont publicly acknowledge that they are Muslim.
  15. Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatahu I have wanted to do hijab for the past couple of years, and especially within these last few months. I'm a 19 year old girl in college in the US, and I know hijab is wajib, but I have to at least ask my parents before I start. A few months ago I resolved to take the hijab and persistently asked (even begged, I would say) to let me wear hijab. However, they objected because they said my safety would be undermined while I'm at college (we live in the South, where ignorance can be abundant). Although I constantly told my parents that I am ready for any backlash, and that I would start whether they supported me or not (I just wanted their blessing, as I don't need their permission on this), they became even more against my wearing hijab. I'm the youngest of 4 girls, and my older 3 sisters all got involved as well, all of them saying I shouldn't do hijab, that I'm being a disobedient daughter, that I'm just using hijab as a protection is college and trying to "cover" myself from uncomfortable/awkward situations that can be encountered in college. While none of this is true, I unfortunately buckled under the pressure. Now, a couple of months later, hardly a day goes by that I don't regret complying with my family on this. I wish to start asking my family again, but this time leaving it just between me and my parents, and not letting things get out of hand. I have tried repeatedly talking to them in a calm manner, but even then my parents can be very defensive. How should I go about this? Please help! Thank you, JazakAllah Khairan.
  16. Thank you very much! JazakAllah khairan.
  17. Thank you! So no Adhan at all throughout Salatul Layl? (Or for that matter, in any non-obligatory Salah, like Nafilah of Fajr?)
  18. Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatahu I have some questions regarding Salatul Layl, if anyone could please clear them up for me. 1) For Nafilah of Layl, since you do a niyyat of 2 rakaats, do you do Tashahud and Salaam after every two rakaats, and then repeat that 4 times? Or do you not do Tashahud and Salaam, and go directly to stand and do the niyyat for the next two rakaats and so on? And should Adhan be recited again each time you repeat a niyyat? 2) After Nafilah of Layl, do you finish with Tashahud and Salaam and then do the niyyat of Salatul Shafa, along with Adhan? 3) After Salatul Shafa, do you finish with Tashahud and Salaam and then do the niyyat of Salatul Witr, along wih Adhan? 4) During the Qunoot of Salatul Witr, since you need a Tasbih and most likely a paper to read your duas from, is it acceptable to keep those items on a nearby table so that when the time comes to use them, you can grab them without moving from your spot of prayer? If not, then where do you keep them? 5) And finally, after Salatul Witr, you do Tashahhud and Salam. But to me, if there are multiple Salaams beforehand (if the answers to questions 1, 2, & 3 are yes), it seems like Salatul Layl is not all one "salat", but rather a combination of 6 (4 two-rakaat-salaats in Nafilah, 1 two-rakaat-salat in Shafa, and 1 one-rakaat-salat in Witr)? Am I right on this? Thank you for all the help! Salaam.
  19. I have three older sisters, all of whom don't do hijab but two of them plan to at some time in their lives inshAllah. They all say I'm being a bad daughter by not listening to my parents, and my mom and dad say this is just me being rebellious. I don't know what to do.
  20. I also have three older sisters, all of whom don't do hijab but plan to at some time in their lives inshAllah. They all say that I am being a bad daughter by not listening to my parents, and that I should wait to do hijab. I don't know what to do. InshAllah, may we all go towards and stay on the right path.
  21. Thank you for the offer though! I myself haven't faced any hazard for the first few months I've been there. The college is known to be racist in some ways though (when President Obama was first elected, there were nooses hanging on the trees on campus to signify when black slaves used to be hanged). However, I don't think that is enough of an excuse to not start. InshAllah, as of now I plan to start, but my parents aren't very happy about it :(
  22. They're telling me to not do hijab right now because they're worried for my safety, not because they disagree with the concept of hijab. They say I can claim taqiyya and wait to do hijab later, but I'm not sure I agree.
  23. I don't wear hijab, because my family doesn't want me to. I want to start by this upcoming Monday inshAllah (4 days), but I go to a college in the southern portion of the US and my parents are afraid I may be in danger if I wear hijab there. I have necver gone against my parents like that, so I'm not sure what to do. If I start, they will most likely be unhappy; not because they disagree with the concept of hijab, but because they are worried for my safety. They say I can claim taqiyya and wait to do hijab after college, but I'm not sure I agree with them. InshAllah, Allah ta'ala knows best.
  24. Thank you for all of the answers. I think it's a case of extreme OCD that was particularly irritated over the past few months. I live in the US and started college, and have involuntarily been around a lot of bad things and had no real friends, and my personal life got a little turbulent too. Going through tough sitations with no one to talk to can make a person go crazy, honestly. Instead of getting upset about it, I think inshAllah I'll carry on with my life and my schooling as best as I can, following the way of our Ahlul Bayt (a.s.).
  25. There are undoubtedly aspects to the world that we can't know as humans, so I think it's best that we respect each other's views and not get worked up because we don't seem to understand what the other is saying.
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