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In the Name of God بسم الله

El Cid

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El Cid last won the day on September 3 2014

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About El Cid

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    Like A Sir
  • Birthday 08/10/1994

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    Lahore, Pakistan
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    Shia Islam

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  1. Thank you and no I havn't changed my screen-name on SC ever; I think the person you are referring to is Buggy Lemon? I don't know. Anyway You're right, I do agree with you on some levels but you're missing the bigger picture. I used the hijab as an example because when I was writing this post, aside from general research I used examples from a whole variety of women/girls I've conversed with in the past, this problem was found especially in people belonging to an arab background. And then I co-related this thought with the association theory because it is factual, If you are nagged or harassed about something. You will start to avoid it, If you associate anything with discomfort you will avoid it. It could be anything, a colour, a religious practice, a word, smell or anything. And then there's the parental relationship issue, when you go to a psychologist or a psychitrist. You see it in movies, You see it in real life. One of the first questions any professional asks is how your relationship with your parent was; It is an important factor and plays an important role in how you will become or how you will utilize your potential in later on life. One example can be let's say there was an artist with picasso level genius in the field but his father disapproved of this choice in every turn, he gives up and decides to jump into a profession he knows nothing about and fails at it. Looks back and says It was because of my father that I didn't get to do what I wanted. These are all real-life examples here. So in a way, yes. The nagging element or the forceful reinforcement issue does affect the practice of any religion or any thing really. Anything that is good can be seen as evil because of the person's personal life or experince. It simply is what it is. Walaikum-asalam, thank you for your valuable input on the discussion. And you're very right, parental relationship can have a huge impact on a person. Which is why it is our duty infact as future parents and spouses to fix the mistakes made by our elders. And these mistakes just don't come off as purely "muslim" or "eastern" mistakes, it applies to almost every culture and every race in the world.
  2. What on earth are you talking about? Anyway message me for general questions, don't stray away from the discussion.
  3. Thanks man. Thank you for your kind words and your own opinion on the topic at hand. I think what he is trying to say is that you should be a positive male-role model for your daughters so they don't go out seeking any attention from anyone else. The problem that we discussed in the post is that if you are too overbearing and too judgemental when it comes to your daughter, You will no longer be a positive male in her life and she will try to run as far away as possible from you and your nagging. And this is where those guys come in who are predators, they take advantage of this situation and lead your daughter astray by all accounts and by all means; and the girls are too blind to see what is happening because think about it; Everyone likes a yes-man. Everyone likes that one person who agrees with their beliefs and problems they face. This isn't a matter of picking suitors, it's a matter of external influence from the outside world.
  4. Salam everyone, In the name of Allah(swt), His Holy Prophet(s.w) and his noble household(a.s). Let us begin. So I've been away for a long time, but I do check things out every now and then or when I need to post an intriguing topic. Well it's time to post a topic, so recently I was in the company of some newly wed couples and the topic of children came into the discussion. I spent some time thinking about the mistakes every parent around me made with their kids. Why they are in this condition currently and what lead to their behaviour. So today we'll be discussing basically everything that the previous generation of parents have done and their errors. I've made some topics before on Muslims and new converts, alot of people have accused me of either generalization or I don't know what I'm talking about. To clear the air, THIS TIME WE'LL BE USING SCIENCE!! And by science I mean, basic psychology which I'm sure everyone will be able to grasp. So Dr.Freud, will you be my wingman as we do this? Alrighty then. #1: Introducing your kids to Religion. Now be it any religion, religion requires a certain practice and rituals which can lead to Obsessive compulsive disorder in people. Now mostly we just associate OCD with washing hands repeatedly or checking the locks again and again, but there are many subtypes of this condition which includes unwanted intrusive thoughts. If your faith commands you to stay clean at all times, many people fall into an obsession with this belief and are haunted by their own thought patterns that they can not control. Psychologists have argued OCD is rampant in ritualized societies including ours. During the wudhu, you have to wash your body in a certain "ritual" and when you are praying, many people struggle to keep "worldy thoughts" out of their head and when they cannot control any of these factors, they fall into an emotional guilt. When they committ an act considered to be a "sin", they feel even worse about themselves. I'm sure many of you have gone through this. But you are wondering, what does this have to do with introducing our children to Islam? Well my dear reader, it has everything to do with it. There are many people who push religion onto their children from a very delicate age when the mind is still developing, now if you push weight on a delicate budding flower; what do you think will happen? It will get squashed and burdened with extra duties and beliefs which in turn will lead to OCD and intrusive thoughts in the future.(Yes, this happens.) It is prefered that you introduce religion into a child's mind at the age of 7-12 where they have entered into formal education; that way they can comprehend what is being taught to them. Link with psychology: OCD in Ritualized societies. #2: Transmission of Aggression. Children like to identify in our practices and our lifestyles, how we dress and how we act. In the study of Albert Bandura labelled the same as the sub-heading above, it was observed that children are quick to adapt to the behaviour of the role-model infront of them. Males imitate Males and females imitate females. Now if you go around yelling at the guy who cut you off in traffic or verbally fighting with your spouse infront of your kid, what do you think is going to happen? They are going to copy your behaviour and use it in their own advents which in turn will lead to aggressive behaviour which in turn will lead to trouble along the road. Habits such as smoking or acts such as physical violence also come into the equation as these acts will be replicated later on in the road, and all these factors equal to how your child will behave when he grows up. What you see is what you do right? Link with Psychology: Well, I already explained the study in the post. #3: Affection Now this one is purely for the ladies reading this, I'm sure you have come across a certain breed of guys? You know which ones I'm talking about here, who we label as a "Mama's boy". They are individuals who keep comparing women to their mother for example "Why can't you cook like my mom?" Or are deeply or in some cases are very creepy in their obedience to their mother which in turn leads to marital conflicts in the future. These people are actually victims and shouldn't be looked at with ridicule or contempt. They are people who either got too much affection and attention or just too little A/A in their lives growing up from their mother-figure. The ones who want their future spouses to have certain traits of their mother are induividials who were overlooked and received zero acknowledgement growing up. They are trying to search their "mother" in other women essentially speaking. The ones who are 100% slaves to their mother's will are people who got too much attention or they fall into the same zero catergory and are desperately trying to make their parent apperciate them in their adulthood because of that. Now with that explained, please don't make the same mistake and keep a certain level of moderation with your future sons or else they will slip into this very catergory probably. Link with psychology: Oedipus complex by Freud. #4: Accept that your daughter is a woman foremost. Now this one is purely for the guys reading this, and no I'm not one of those people who are trying to attract alot of female attention into their writings. I'm all for equality here. Anyway, growing up whether you were in college or in highschool; Do you remember that one guy who always kept bragging about how many girls he's with or talks to? You know what I'm talking about here, as you read this just keep his image in your head. Guys, you have to accept the fact that your little girl is destined to be a woman and nothing can change that and nothing can prevent that.(Well not unless you try to stunt their growth which do you know is highly ILLEGAL and highly IMMORAL? I'm sure you won't do that.) Most of the Muslims which come from arab eh Let's just say MUSLIM ORIGINS(I don't want to deal with the whole writing down each race thing) are products of immigration, Your arab parents or well anyone belonging to a muslim country have this feeling of a family honour and pride. They are entitled to these beliefs because they grew up in very conservative societies and different times. But as you are reading this, you do not belong to these societies nor you ever will; You are the first generation of an immigrant society reading this in a new day and age. Let's take the hijab as an example, many muslim girls growing up have experinced their parents especially their father-figure trying to push the concept of modesty onto them which is good and is a tennant of our faith apparently but the problem lies WHEN YOU OVER-DO IT. The problem lies when you turn simple things into highly complicated matters such as "Why are you wearing this? Why are you doing this? Can you cover yourself up for God's sake?" If you keep nagging on everything your daughter does, it will lead to a very fragile self-esteem and will invoke a feeling of rebellion. Now this is where that guy from highschool comes in, These men prey on women/girls and take advantage of this little rebellion in their hearts by simply agreeing with them, they manipulate them and make them feel good about themselves and turn into a "positive male-figure in their life" while secretly carrying our their own agendas. Your daughters will probably turn into one of those classes of Muslimas which put on the hijab when going out of their house infront of their family members and then take it off when away from the house. And why will this happen? Because they will associate the hijab with your nagging and your mental oppression which will make them deter from that practice. If you push something on someone TOO OFTEN or make it into a very aggressive issue, the simple fact is you will lose that someone in your life. Don't shame women for being women. Link with Psychology: Association theories of anxiety. #5: Listening to your children. (God forbid anything happens to anyone and everything is alright.) Now this point has nothing to do with the realms of psychology, it's just a general warning to everyone reading. I've read and heard from many victims of abuse who were targeted by pedophilic dangerous induividuals. The phrase that kept popping up no matter which account I read or who I spoke to "Our parents did not listen to us" or "They didn't try to find out what was happening." If your kid fears a person or feels very uncomfortable around them or anxious, You simply brush it off or laugh it off thinking it's probably nothing. But there is something very dark and sinister going on, You have to learn to listen to what your child is trying to tell you, instead of laughing; ask them why they are hesistant and anxious around that one person? And that person can be anyone, they can be a family member(60% cases of abuse comes from family members) or any person you trust(Remember, everyone has secrets.) You are the model of stability and security in your kid's eyes, if you do not act like it then you are basically just destroying them yourselves and you are as guilty as the culprit in this situation. Learn to pick up subtle hints by observing behaviour or asking your children yourself. Anyway, that's it for today. I hope everyone has a pleasant day/night ahead of themselves and hopefully learnt something new or refreshed an old concept. A big shoutout to brother Repenter for reasons he knows why. @repenter Wasalam.
  5. We want half of the Nobel Prize back from India. - Bilawal Bhutto.
  6. Ben Affleck is batman, Is batman ever wrong? No.
  7. It's not like we even care what the escaped ones are saying on the other side of the world, but there's a saying. If you've one problem, that's fine. If you've alot of problems, then dig up into yourself and rid yourself of your own miseries you are trying to put on the rest of the crowd. --> That's the censored version, ofcourse. :p
  8. Isn't it weird how we all have to talk about random stuff with people just for the sake of it? When you're with true friends, the awkward silence doesn't exist. Sometimes, you just have to zip up and enjoy the silence. As for the normal mundane stuff, just give your opinion on everything and indulge in trivial discussions. If you don't feel like talking, don't talk.
  9. Eleven percent is a huge figure given the population of the country.
  10. I mean to ask why does God want me to believe in him? Put my faith in him and command over me?
  11. Salam everyone, so I've been thinking about this for these last couple of days. I am away from the forum but I came back to get some opinions on the matter. My question is why does God deserve our faith? Our lives are nothing but one ordeals to another, when one ends the other problem starts to take it's roots. It's hard enough. Why isn't faith earned? Why is there a command to just obey God's laws and believe in him? I know the most cliched answers will be the ones I'm going to list below, let's get them over with first. Also, I probably won't watch any videos you may or may not link, I would rather read from here cause you know that's what people on forums usually do.. Read.. lol. Anyway. 1. God gave you life! > Well, I am pretty sure my parents brought me into this world through a thousand year old process as explained in science. 2. He made this world for you, the sun and stars. > Big bang, Science. 3. You could've been born in Africa, be grateful for what you have and thank him. > My ancestors really had no reason to move to the horn of africa, ofcourse I'd still be where I am. 4. Ah, look at this mushrik.. Lol what a loser > Well thanks for the comment man, but your itty bitty sarcasm can wash away in the realms of your own misery and despair. :) So, main point is. Why isn't our faith earned? Why is it demanded so ruthlessly?
  12. We discussed in the first point of the post, assumptions are annoying. And worse, the faces and apologies you get to hear after they confidently cross-check you with their eyes. Thanks for contributing. Yes, that is an issue indeed. But I was talking about hounding freshly converted women and how this can affect them to leave the community and religion when they see the men who are representing islam in their own way.
  13. Salam everyone, I welcome everyone to another one of my threads and I wish you the best of luck with the rest of your day or night for you owls out there. Before we begin, I'd like to remind everyone that the purpose of this thread is not to bash anyone but to educate us muslims on the mistakes and errors we make when it comes to interacting with our new brothers and sisters in the shade of Islam. Last time, we discussed the mistakes converts make with muslims but now the tables have reversed; we'll look at our own faults and take the time to make ourselves better so we can rid ourselves of these flaws altogether. I would also like to mention that I will be including a post made by PureEthics, I asked him his permission and he gave me the go ahead. So with the name of Allah, the most merciful let us begin our discussion. Everyday, people are converting to Islam which is reportedly the fastest growing religion in the world today. When said people come into our community to be a permanant place, we often make errors when conversing and dealing with them. Such as. 1. "OMG! Tell me your story!!" So, the situation is typical here. We've seen a person of a different color than us or heard his name, after we say a simple "Hello", most people immideatly ask their conversion story or why they've chose to be muslim now. This is the equivalent of bumping someone in the McDonald's line and asking them their entire life story in the coming seconds. For a convert, these two questions will haunt them for the rest of their life everywhere they go, It was cute and charming when they were freshly converted but now it has become a broken record playing on repeat for them. It's rude and offensive to some people. And the worse truth that comes with this is we now have certain expectations these people, we want to hear a story selfishly that sends us a strong dose of imaan-boost which are filled with lots of drama that can put turkish soap operas to shame. We want something along these lines: I was rockclimbing in the Grand canyon, my hand got stuck in between the boulders. I was dying of hunger and thirst and gave up, but a voice spoke to me. A ray of sunshine shined on me and I immideatly knew I had to cut my hand to survive. So I did. And I knew it was God, so now I am a muslim. Our reaction when we heard this story: Our reaction when the story is along the lines of: Yeah, my friend introduced me to Islam. It seemed great, here I am. And keep in mind, the same manners apply online too. I was randomly lurking on the thoughts thread and I found this post by PureEthics, let's take this as an example. There is a phrase "If you don't do it in real life, don't do it on the internet" and this case is the prime example of the said words. Now, our problem here is just because of someone's location, we immideatly start to assume stuff. This has happened to you probably. For all we know, it could be a relocated white/desi person in Japan and you'd have to deal with the later embarresment that follows when they correct you. The point is stop making assumptions and presuming details, if you don't do any crime you don't have to apologize for stuff later along these lines: Oh sorry! I just assumed. How are you anways? Our official forum language on ShiaChat is english, now obviously if you see a black person, you won't go to them and start speaking swahili or any other language. It'd be offensive, just like in this case. Google translate isn't there to make you an expert on all languages of the world, it was designed to provide a rough translation on what we want to know or say. Many mistakes in dialect and words could've been made in the sentence above. My location says Lahore, Pakistan which is probably nothing to be excited over but it doesn't mean you come to me and start speaking punjabi all of a sudden. For all you know, I could be an afghan or a pashtun residing in Lahore. Today's age views google translate as this: 2. "OMG! This is so amazing!" Now that you've successfully and awkwardly extracted the story from the convert, just like Mr.Bond would've done in his prime. You feel like sharing it with the world. Does Ali have a low islamic morale today? Tell him this amazing story! Mom is bored, let's share this with her! Hell, at this point we're just looking for excuses to tell people what you heard but guess what? Just because you heard it doesn't mean it's yours to tell. Let's say the brown guy who sat next in calculus class has converted and he told you because he figured you were a nice guy, but he doesn't want the rest of the world to know because he doesn't want to get himself into the frustrations and trials that come along being a convert. Now you're wondering: "But He's a convert! It's a fact! Why can't I tell other people?!" Remember how Islam feels about gossip? What if people were discussing your personal business behind your back without your permission? Won't you feel hurt? 3. Acceptance The Quran says "And whoever is patient and forgives -indeed that is of the matters requiring determination. (42:43) When people convert to Islam and enter the mosque, they feel as if they are in another country with it's own laws and demands, a convert won't know if he has made a mistake or not. For example a new brother trying to shake hands with a sister or conversing with her freely. Often people come up to converts with a self-righteous attitude and give them harsh advice based on their own limited understanding. The convert is already dealing with different opinions coming from all angles and it's very discouraging to have someone correct you the harsh way. The ideal way to correct a convert is through the way of Prophet(s.w), through kindness and patience. Bare in mind, the companions like our beloved Hazrat Salman-Al-Farsi were all converts and were constantly receiving guidance directly from the Messenger(s.w). The sahaba didn't feel discouraged, rather uplifted in these moments. This is something that needs to be taken in deep consideration when advising converts who may be more sensitive to these things than a born muslim who just as much needs the same advice. Don't be like this: 4. White people This advice goes specifically to our paki/indian/arab brothers and sisters, now I get it. I really do. We are obsessed with white people, we see them in our movies, our favourite tv shows, Heck the only reason we even watch turkish soap operas is because they remind us of the white folk. We all want to be westernized, We all want to have american good ol' values and we want to be anglophiles. If given the choice, we'd all choose white skin and blue eyes rather than what God gave us right now. This has to stop my brothers and sisters, the minute we see a white convert; we all start freaking out and stare in a supernatural method as if we are possessed by lucifer himself. We even lose control of ourselves around them and start asking loose questions aside from those of the above point. This is embarresing to the Ummah and embarresing to the convert who'll be thinking; These are the people I am going to be associating with? What did I walk into? And these are just the men! Women are going to be talking about this for the rest of the day or week. Outright downright embarresing no matter which angle you view this from. 5; Marriage Hounds. This advice goes out specifically to men and sometimes women, let's assume both I suppose. We need to stop creeping fresh converts with the prospect of marriage. In some cases, it has been reported that white women and asian women are constantly harassed by hungry men for marriage in islamic centres. Don't you think this is creepy and disturbing? If you don't, then something is wrong with you. These people have left their old lives and are adjusting to a new one, they are accepting our values and changing how they see the world. At the same time, we are chasing them away like a pack of wolves has descended on a charming deer they spotted. The result will be the same, they'll leave the religion due to our own behaviour and we will have only ourselves to blame afterwards. In the end, I'd just like to say. This may be a generalization or whatever, but these behaviour patterns have been seen by alot and reported by a few. We've to better ourselves, mold ourselves into beings worthy of being Muslims and only then we can take it upon ourselves to welcome people into our community. Ameen. Your thoughts??
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