angel~eyes

Thank you all for your support. I felt so down and suicidal and unable to function that i went to the dr for a review of my antidepressants - when she saw the state i was in despite a high dose of antidepressants, she said that more meds can't do anything for me until the underlying problem resolves and when i outlined the situation roughly, she asked if she could help. She suggested that she ask my parents to come in for an appointment with me and say that she was seriously worried about my health (which is true) and that am I under any stress and is there anything they can do about it... Thi

Salams. I know that it is a sin to despair but I find myself constantly overwhelmed with thoughts of suicide despite taking antidepressants etc. I am frightened that one day I won't be able to stop myself. I was in hospital last week as i am constantly ill. I have my final uni exams in a few weeks but my mind is a mess. It hurts me that my family, who I have worked so hard to please, would rather I was dead than for me to be truly happy, just for the sake of what people might say. I coped with it for 2 year but now that the guy and his family are faltering I feel so helpless.

Salam, an update on my post above: I tried every suggestion in this thread and received nothing but threats and insults from my father Yesterday, the man I would like to marry met me and said that we have not left a stone unturned but it's like fighting a brick wall - and we can now no longer think of any other way. He says he would never like me to run away and leave my family as that would not give me any respect in his family or the community. So I am helpless but yet I cannot let him go just like that, because we know we could have such a beautiful life together. I can't give up but I don'

Salam, Thank you all for your very valid points. I've been thinking about this issue long and hard from every angle since this all began. I was pretty certain that I would stand by my decision but then when things were at their worst, I often questioned whether it was worth this turmoil for me and my parents, and I asked myself all the questions above. I've reached the point now where I truly can't make a decision because there are advantages and disadvantages in both situations, and that's why I began this post. I did istikhara when my father stopped talking me, and it came out positive at t

Salam, yes inshallah I will try to obtain fatwas from Ayatulla Khamenei and Ayatullah Sistani

I agree - that's a fair, solid way of deciding, based entirely on religious principles, and one that we could all live with. I'd never thought of that. I am very glad I opened this topic -I'd imagined that I would be overwhelmed with 'thou shall burn in eternal hellfire' sort of responses. :blush: but instead it has made me think about things from a different angle and the responses have been very helpful. Thank you all.

That's a brilliant idea. Thank you, I will definitely do that.

So far, that is the plan - in a couple of months, I hope to arrange a meeting with both our parents and a sheikh. Until then I will try to persuade him with the help of as many family/family friends are willing to get involved. If he still refuses, I think I will go ahead with the nikah and try my best to maintain contact with my family in the hope that they will eventually accept the situation. With the Islamic emphasis on respecting and obeying one's parents, it is extremely difficult to go against their wishes and remain convinced that you are in the right. Also, the boy's family have tried

No, he is Pakistani too. It is more his 'lack of religiousness' that my father objects to, because although he is a practising Muslim, his 'religiousness' can't be quantified by how many years he has studied in a madressa, and is thus nil in comparison to the other boys dad has in mind. My friends at university come from more liberal backgrounds and are incredulous at how such a situation can be possible in the modern West. My friends from home are horrified at how I can defy my dad, who is such an upstanding figure in the commmunity. You are right, and I won't stop trying to reconcile with h

My sister is too young to share it with. My brothers dissaprove strongly. I have no extended family outside of pakistan - i have shared this all with some cousins there who are sympathetic and an auntie, but none of them have the power to change anything. I am too frightened to tell my uncles yet, as I'm not sure what their reaction will be, but if my father does act on his threats I will speak to them as a last resort. My father is the eldest of them all however.

Thank you all so much. I can't begin to express my gratitude for your advice, it's a pretty lonely situation to be in, and not many people understand it. I have always tried to stick to my original decision, but sometimes I begin to lose the resolve - it's difficult when everyone I know sees me as in the bad. And I feel terrible for hurting my father, because I know that in his own way he is trying to do the best for me. And "Sheraz", my mother's tears and pleading are harder to bear than my dad's anger.

Thank you 'Irishman' for your kind and sensible advice - and that is exactly what I tried to do when the situation first arose. The problem I had there was that as my father is the most religiously educated from the community, there are few people who would be willing to try to change his mind, and even if they did try, my father would refuse them on the basis of his studies - i.e. he believes that talking to a na-mahram on the phone is haram. I don't think that my father will ever change his stance - it has come to the point where I have to make a decision as to who I wish to leave and I'm f

I have done so, but to little effect. I wish to mention here that my father is a sheikh himself.

Salam un Alaikum, I write this in a state of complete and utter confusion, in the hope that someone will guide me to the best way out of this predicament. I am a Shia Muslima from a reputable family, and have been brought up with strict religious values, which I too firmly believe in. I had never had any contact with any male, not even via email. I had always anticipated a fully arranged marriage i.e. not seeing/speaking to the guy before i was married, and to someone educated to the highest of religious standards, just as my father is. I had no problem with this, until 18 months ago, when dur