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In the Name of God بسم الله


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About AR2011

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  1. contrary to what the sayid was saying..all around us, it seems the "looser" people in our communities who are willing to engage in relationships with the opposite gender, who are donned in make-up and tight fitting clothes are the ones that get noticed and get married. the girls who are more conservative who don't wear make-up, don't interact with guys outside of what is essential stay single. am i the only one with this perception?
  2. ok so to summarise your story. u were interested in this guy. ur cousin dropped a hint that u were interested to his sisters. he saw you, brought his parents round and then he decided against proceeding stating he wanted to finish his studies. ur still interested though and since then have had some encounters with him at his shop. accurate summary? if so, then where is the dilemma? for whatever reason, he is not interested in progressing things to marriage. whether it is genuinely because of wanting to finish studies or for an unknown reason to u. whether he has a crush on u isn't the issue. even if he finds u attractive/is flattered by interest from a girl etc etc this is all immaterial if this does not translate into marriage. my advice to u is to stop going into the shop unless u really have to. move on and concentrate on other important aspects of ur life like studies/religion/finding another match through ur parents etc. if he changes his mind, he can easily get his parents involved again. if not then so be it. i don't want to sound harsh but i think u need to have some self-respect. I'm only saying this as an older sister. there are plenty more fish in the sea and inshaAllah Allah swt has someone better lined up for u. no point pursuing someone who has made it clear in no uncertain terms that he is not interested in marriage at present.
  3. it depends on ur culture and what is the norm. in my culture, the norm is that the guy and his family come to the girls house for an introduction +/- the guy and girl get talk independently for a while on this visit. if both parties are then interested then the guy may wish to ask to speak to the girl again e.g. via email or meet up at the girls house in a separate room with the door open if he still has some issues he wants to discuss. and once each family has exhausted background checks..ie asking about the guy/girl in the community and they are satisfied then things proceed to formal engagement. wat ur describing is that use met in person 3 times and have been talking over phone/email for 2 months. i think thats quite a while to be able to ascertain if ur serious about someone. wat ive noticed is a growing trend is guys shopping around. one of my brother's friends was bragging to him that he was talking to 4 potential girls at the same time and was taking his time deciding between them and enjoying the process. in my books, thats out of order. guys are largely the ones that do the proposing so unless there is a good reason to, they should be considering one person at a time. i don't think it is decent to string girls along for months partly as an ego boost, partly for entertainment and partly to hold out to see if he finds something better in the interim. now I'm not saying that this is what this guy is doing. he may well have genuine things he wants to continue discussing with you..only you can judge that. another of my brothers friends was telling him that he had visited over 50 girls' families homes in the preceding year in the pursuit of a wife. by my reckoning, that is one a week. even if he was exaggerating..it think that is ludicrous. u have to be something amazing to reject 50 girls! i genuinely think ppl have nothing better to do these days and perhaps its part of an ego trip or even whats classed as new entertainment? anyway, i would be inclined to give him a chance and meet him again but through ur mum or some how subtly suggest that he needs to get a move on and make up his mind about whether he wants to proceed or not. if every time u meet, there is meaningful and genuine discussion pertaining to trying to establish if theres compatibility for marriage etc then thats one thing but the impression i get from ur post is that much of ur interaction with him so far has been small talk? if that is the case then whats the point of meeting after meeting? is he trying to delay making a decision for some reason other than just uncertainty?
  4. kohl in public? yes, i think so. ive read it on s. sistanis website. but only if the intention is pure
  5. eyeliner/kohl is ok if intention is to follow sunnah and not for beautification. pls find me somewhere which says light make up is ok because thats the first ive heard
  6. ^oh i see. sorry perhaps i misunderstood what u were saying. in that case were on the same page :)
  7. i have no idea about henna..u will need to ask about that. in the same way u can wear makeup in front of ur mahram but not in front of non-mahram.
  8. perfect. thanks girls. for some reason, i wasn't able to find it on sayer sistanis website. jazakum Allah
  9. ^ i wouldn't advocate someone marrying a girl who in their eyes is repulsive to them. that would not be a happy marriage and would not be fair on either party. wat i was saying is that the majority would compromise to a degree on emaan in favour of beauty. iim not saying the majority are marrying overtly non-religious beautiful girls but that beauty is far higher on their list of priorities than most would like to admit (both to themselves and others). girls think differently. their priorities if they are coming from an unislamic view point is social status, wealth, education and appearance. and if they are religious, their top priority is emaan and are better able to forego things like appearance, wealth etc in favour of religiosity.
  10. observation and experience has taught me that "religious" men can talk the talk but when it comes to walking the walk, very few will go through with marrying someone who in their eyes they see as less than ideal in terms of beauty. now I'm not suggesting men marry someone who they see in their eyes as ugly but making the emaan of a girl the top priority in spouse selection is almost a myth. this is just my observation.
  11. can we wear nail varnish in front of non-mahram? please answer with sources. i know the issues with regards to wudhu and thats not what I'm asking thanks
  12. salam sis, for whatever reason, this union between the two of u is realistically not going to happen. u will never know the reason for sure unless u were to ask him (and i would advise u against this). ultimately, have faith that Allah wants what is good for u and as one of the other sisters posted the ayah - you may dislike something that is good for u. also remember from dua al-iftitah: "whenever I turn to Thee A temporary setback, and I, out of ignorance, begin to despair, although perhaps slowing down may be a blessing in disguise. because Thou alone knows [all] the consequences". ​so don't despair, thank Allah for what you have and strengthen your resolve and emaan in the fact Allah swt knows what is best for u. He ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì is ultimately closer than ur jugular vein. and remember imam Ali's (as) words:"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for". ​take it from someone who is almost 10 years older than u, life has its way of working out no after what. Allah swt is above us looking out for us. and what seems to u as something good, one day, something may happen, new information may come to light that reveals to u that the fact that whatever u wanted didn't happen was in fact a blessing for u. ​so don't beat urself up about it. its not a reflection on u. most girls reject and get rejected at least once before they find the right person. don't waste ur energy/time thinking about it. and definitely do not wait for him for the reasons others have pointed out. concentrate on your faith and studies and I'm sure Allah will bless u with an amazing husband inshallah. btw as a side note, anyone who admonishes anyone for "being desperate" to get married is unislamic. marriage completes half our deem so any mom in and momina should in theory be "desperate". now i understand the cultural connotations associated with the term "desperate" but lets all be honest here, any young, single guy and girl who is not involved in mutah or haram relationships will be "desperate" to get married. this has been inserted in us by Allah swt as part of our inner being to encourage union between man and woman for the obvious personal and societal benefits. i question any single mom in youngster who denies they are not "desperate" to get married. there is either something wrong with them or they may be the exception to the rule who has a genuine reason. u just have to see the posts on shiachat pertaining to marriage to appreciate this as a fact.
  13. wa alaykum al salam dear sister. u have to reach out to Allah to help u. dont take ur prayers lightly. pray them as if they are a prescription and pray them on time. at first, u may feel spiritually disconnected as u pray them but i guarantee u if u make these steps to reach out to Allah swt by committing to ur obligations then Allah swt will repay u manifold times. as time progresses, u will start to strengthen ur spiritual connection with ur Lord. remember: 40:60 And your Lord says, "Call upon Me; I will respond to you." Indeed, those who disdain My worship will enter Hell [rendered] contemptible. 50:16 And We have already created man and know what his soul whispers to him, and We are closer to him than [his] jugular vein ur relationship with Allah swt is a private one. no one need know about this. whilst u live in sheltered housing, u still have ur own space. if ur health problems prevent u from performing certain acts e.g. sujood then u can replicate these by doing sujood on a chair etc. imam ali as says: "Oh Allah, when I lose my hopes and plans, help me remember that your love is greater than my disappointments, and your plans for my life are better than my dreams." munajat al shakeen (the whispered prayer of complainers) may help u to rectify that spiritual disconnect ur feeling: i wish u all the best. do keep in touch to let us know how ur getting on
  14. its an interesting question. i think mesbah's answer sounds most plausible but doesn't necessarily mean this is the right answer. i think ppl tend to err towards pre-destination when things don't work out (be it in marriage or other major life events) as a form of solace...knowing that whatever u have been deprived of (a partner/wealth/success etc) is part of the bigger plan...that Allah swt either has something better in mind for you or is testing ur resolve and emaan or providing an opportunity for u to wipe some of ur sins can be an immense source of comfort in times of difficulty. imam ali as: "Oh Allah, when I lose my hopes and plans, help me remember that your love is greater than my disappointments, and your plans for my life are better than my dreams."
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