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In the Name of God بسم الله
El Peace reacted to Mr. Anteater in Marriage Process?
Very informative from a more open-minded view of marriage in Islam. I enjoyed it, thank you for this.
It is almost impossible these days to find a spouse unless you are well-educated and making lots of money.
It seems like in the past marriage was more about supporting each other and making it together. (starting a life as a 'marriage' couple)
You would see husbands and wives starting very poor and eventually making it through hardships together, which is what life is all about.
El Peace got a reaction from siti in I See Women Wearing Niqab
I have a friend who wears the Niqab because she believes it helps stop her from doing something wrong. Almost like a physical barrier that creates a mental barrier...you get me?
I personally, would only wear Niqab if I were to reach a high state of Iman. I think it's a duty for Niqabis to set a good example for Islam, just as it is for Hijabis. Its just a bigger duty for the Niqabis. This is because everyone generalises and once you do something wrong with a Niqab on, they'll think Islam is wrong because Niqabis are supposed to be the "most religious". I think it is very crucial for a girl to strengthen her Iman mentally before she starts symbolising Islam with a Niqab in the West.
At the same time, some girls believe that Niqab will guide them into becoming a better Muslim. It all depends on the intention I guess.
Some guys see Niqabis as religious girls and would prefer marrying a Niqabi. Unfortunately, not every Niqabi is religious
Some guys just want a practising Muslim girl and so, would judge her based on her personality and the fact that she wears the Hijab/Niqab. Again, not every Hijabi/Niqabi is religious.
Some guys would marry a girl based on her personality and intentions and not her looks. Some intend to change the girl into becoming a practising Muslim slowly, some don't.
Some guys care about the reputation of his family too much. He will marry any girl that looks practising but is not necessarily practising. Him and his luck I guess.
Some guys are blinded with love, and cannot see a better girl than her. Whether religious or not, he will still marry her. Again, he might or might not want to help make the girl a practising Muslim.
Every guy has a different preference. And the same applies to the girls in terms of the guy having a beard, prays at a mosque, attends majalis, has a good reputation (which is not always true), has had a bad past or not, whether he has a high degree or not, whether he is rich enough, etc.
Many girls think that it is better to marry a guy that has had a bad past. They think he "has had enough" and will settle once he is married. This is the case most of the time but sadly, people have come to generalise now. They think that it is better to marry a guy with a bad past than marrying a guy who was and still is perfectly fine. This is because many "religious looking" guys have turned out to be very evil and self-centred after marriage. And now these poor guys that were and still are good are considered a "threat" and noone will accept their proposals
Some girls want a house ready after they get married. Some cannot put up with waiting and struggling with the husband until they have their own house. Some girls don't mind living with their in-laws.
Some girls want their husband to be doctors. Some don't mind cleaners.
Again, everyone and their preference. :)
El Peace got a reaction from ImAli in Marrying More Than One Woman.
2. Need of Having More Than One Wife
The first category of people who opt for having more than one wife are those whose first wife is ill and is unable to satisfy their sexual desires and is also physically incapable of performing the household chores. In such a situation the husband is forced to marry a second wife. The institution of marriage is considered to be very important and necessary in Islam. Christianity strictly enforces monogamy, hence its followers are facing a lot of problems. The second category is that of people whose wives are physiologically incapable of bearing children. In such cases both husband and wife desire a child. But it is very rare that such wives agree to the husband bringing home another wife to mother a child. I appeal to such women to arrange a second marriage for their husbands. They can look for a suitable girl to adjust with the family and live amicably.
3. Marriage For Carnal Satisfaction
Some men opt for polygamy to satisfy their lust. They think that more than one wife will provide a variety to them. Despite having a wife at home, they marry a second wife, and then a third. If possible they make a haremfor themselves. This attitude arises from a very serious moral problem. The pursuit of these desires pushes a person into a dangerous valley because such desires can never be fulfilled; the person always wants more and more. There is no end to it. If you try to fulfil your desire, you will never be fully satisfied.
Imam Jafar al-Sadiqsays that even if a person has a quantity of gold and silver equal to that of a river, he will not be satisfied. Similar is the case of the sexual instinct, the more you try to satisfy it, the more you will crave for it. Thus we find that the caliphs of the Ummayad and Abbasid clans had made special dens of vice, with hundreds of women, but they always wanted to add more. The more they tried to satisfy their carnal lust, the more they craved for it. But, what is the source of this craving? Psychologists say that when men stare at women, chase them, when women move around without hijab, boldly look at and talk with namahram men, then the sexual lust is aroused. Once this happens, a man who has a beautiful and young wife, marries a second and a third; and even then continues to stare at young girls, and is still not satisfied! He dreams of setting up a harem like that of Haroun al Rashid.Similarly, those inappropriately dressed women who talk and laugh with and pay attention tonamahram men are, according to the psychologists, in a very dangerous situation. Once a woman lands in this condition, she is not shy of exposing even her sensitive body parts like the hair, bosom and the arms to namahram men. For example, we often find young women going to shops wearing sleeveless shirts, so that the shopkeeper can see her bare arms.. Similarly some women sit out in the streets without covering themselves with achador.
Psychologists say that the cause of all these conditions is the craving of the sex instinct in the human race. We also come across some old men, who are sexually weak, but stare at young girls with lustful eyes. If such a person is a shop keeper, he stares at more than a hundred young girls a day and glances at women with lustful eyes. Islam considers this to be a very dangerous situation. For a man and especially for a woman to be lounging in the street is a wrong act, especially when she is without proper hijab. Such a woman has no character. A respectable woman would not be out in the streets without proper hijab. She would be in her house, caring for her children, and her home. If she has some free time, she would read a good book, or listen to a religious cassette. Another problem is that when two or three women get together they must backbite, and accuse others falsely. Such women should know that Hadhrat Fatima Zahra (s.a) is not pleased with them. If such women claim to be the slaves of Hadhrat Zahra (s.a), they are lying because Hadhrat Zahra (s.a) has nothing to do with such women.
Going back to our topic, the basis of the second type of polygamy is a craving for sex. When a person practices polygamy only for sexual lust, he is not only cheating others but is also cheating himself. He says that he is remarrying for reward. In fact he only exposes himself to retribution because he wants to attain a reward by lying. He is really marrying only to satisfy his lust. The moralists condemn such marriages. Beware and don't make yourselves the slaves of your desires. Don't become engrossed in satisfying your hearts desires. Don't fill your stomachs to the full, do not sleep too much, do not be lazy, and do not become talkative. Keep to the path of moderation; know that marrying for lust is wrong; the educators of ethics condemn such marriages.
El Peace got a reaction from ImAli in Marrying More Than One Woman.
Give me one reason why a man would need to marry more than one wife excluding the reasons I listed.
During the war of ??? (forgot which one), a large army was targeting the Muslims so the Prophet ordered his companions to stay in the village and only ordered a few to go with him because he feared that they would attack their village. The companions didn't listen and decided to go with the Prophet. And so, the other army killed many Muslim men. There were many widows and orphan females left without any guardians and were threatened with rape by the other army so the verse on polygamy was revealed. This asked the men that could afford it, to look after other women by getting married to them. Just listen to the lectures I posted, explains everything.
Besides, many things mentioned in the Quran are conditional.