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In the Name of God بسم الله

melj4375

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  1. Salams all, if you live 20 min from your family and your Inlaws (hubby family), how often would you visit? I visit my family 2 times a week with hubby and Inlaws once a week. Inlaws always complaining I don't visit them often but they have caused marriage problems in paSt and hence I stay away from them as much as possible due to their behavior. They have been nicer to me now but I keep remembering past. How often do you visit your Inlaws and your own family? Does that change in Ramadhan?
  2. I loved my husband so accepted this marriage disregarding the fact I dislike his family's actions. I now learnt that you marry the in laws when u marry the boy. Hamdulla we are moving out soon
  3. Salams everyone, I live next door to my in laws. They come from a different city and socioeconomic class so their behavior is different. During engagement MIL (mother in law) would call my mum and tell her that she has to bring a towel for the groom, when she didn't buy me a wedding dress. I had to buy my own wedding dress when culturally the groom has to get the bride the wedding dress. When the father in law found out I was going with his son (groom) to buy wedding shoes, he said: "why do u have to buy? Don't u have shoes?" I cried so bad that day as I was so offended. I come from a rich educated family and my husband from a poor socioeconomic family with no education. Every time MIL hears us open our door to go out, she will run and open her house door to greet us. She would start singing my husband songs and call him nicknames while I stand there feeling unloved and lonely. When she saw our wedding photos she went on exaggerating how good looking her son is. She didn't even mention or compliment how I looked. Once her relative saw my picture and said how I pretty I look. MIL straightaway got up and left the gathering with a strange look on her face. She didn't compliment me not once. She would come over my house and criticise- why is this there? Oh no!! Don't do that! Once she saw my husband cleaning his closet. She started saying: Noo my son is cleaning, I never let him clean in my house and winging. She would knock on the door every now and then wanting stuff like borrowing sugar blah blah Now I gave birth to a baby, she would use the emergency key we gave them to open my door and come in if I don't open her the door. She wants to see her grandson and I was recovering from the operation so I needed help. My mum was overseas. I didn't say anything about her helping herself to my house without my permission. She looked after me very well for 2 weeks. Cooks me breakie and lunch and helps around house. We thanked her as a family and got her a huge gift. Once my baby was sleeping and we were going out so were happy he is sleeping. She came and started to play with him. Me and husband asked her to leave him alone Cuz we need him to be sleeping. She didn't listen and ignored us and kept waking up our baby. Made me furious that I have no say. Every morning while husband is at work and I am Sleeping with bubs, she would knock my door. She would scream my name and keep knocking the door as if to break it. She wakes me Up cuz she wants to see her grandson!! He is sleeping too. My bubs is slim- he is always breastfeeding but is slim. It's his nature. She always comments on how he is skinny and not eating. Give him milk!! Poor baby doesn't eat. She always makes me feel that I am Not feeding my son and not a good mother. When I invite her over, she criticise everything: oh your house is so dark! Poor baby! Oh he is hungry, feed him!! He is skinny! Are u wearing that outside- it's not hijab! Don't feed him baby formula. Don't put him Baby music which comes with the toy. Do this- do that. I want you to come everyday and bring baby. Oh sorry, I can be busy, your son brings him Everyday at night. Noo!! You come and bring him. Knock door and just drop him off if ur busy. I heard ur going to the gym in a very judgemental Tone..... Sorry guys I am just ranting because I don't know how to deal with this women. I am a pharmacist and have worked for years and my parents are doctors and professional. MIL is an old fashioned lady who thinks doctors are all stupid and she is only one who knows it all. She wants me to put my baby a pearl necklace so that his face becomes less red!! Argh I have been sl tired that I cut ties with her. I visit her once every 2 weeks or so. Is it haram? I am sensitive and when she says something hurtful, it makes me have fights with my hubby. Help!
  4. Salams all, this is very awkward question. I have been attending an islamic center and perplexed by the action of this lady! They serve breakfast in the center after dua nudba at 7am- every women gets a serve of cheese, walnuts, kebab, pizza, egg etc. Yes they are very generous!! I don't eat all that food and that lady has noticed so she always takes my leftovers and puts it in a plastic bag and takes home. After few times, she has started to behave differently. When I sit on the food table- I find my food plate missing- she now takes my food before I eat and she leaves me with tiny bit. Lol I am not complaining but it's rude! Another thing she does is that when the staff are giving out food, she runs to them when it's not her turn and takes a plate that she hides in a plastic bag. When it's her turn, she takes another plate. She then starts pinching from people food the whole time and puts in her bag. Once we were low on food and we had guests come to join us. I went up to that lady and asked if I can get a bit of food to serve the guests cuz she has collected the leftovers from the table so she had dozen of bread and other food. She won't let me and was screaming nooo!! During normal days when we pass a plate of food to our guests attending lectures eg: biscuits, when the plate come to her- she takes 5 pieces instead of 1!! We don't have enough for everyone attending! I am so disgusted by the way she acts. As soon as a staff is giving food, she runs to their tray like an eagle and takes food. Hides it in her bag and waits for a second and third opportunity to attack the tray and pinch more. I don't know why she does it. Is it because she is poor? If u ask her to give you food, she will scream at you nooo!! Why?? I can't talk to her about food over taking because she is a rude lady in general. I feel she attends the mosque to steal food. I just want to stop her from taking other peoples food and not allowing people to eat. How do I do it? I can't tell her plz take 1 only.
  5. Salams all, I am 8 months pregnant. Recently having problems with hubby. He feels I am not meeting his expectations and I feel he is not either. I am working full time just like him. I am in charge of house work and cooking. Even when it comes to shopping, I get fed up waiting for him and go to do grocery shopping alone after work. He doesn't appreciate all of this due to one reason. He has sexual desires and would like to engage in a relationship at least every second night. On the other hand, I am exhausted physically being full time and heavily pregnant and house etc. I refuse to engage in a sexual relationship when I am tired so I limit sexual activity to about twice a week. This is getting on his mind and we are both getting mad at each other. I feel he doesn't show me enough support. When I message him to tell him I am feeling sick at work- he doesn't reply because he is too busy. During the last 10 days of Muharam, I haven't seen him because he volunteers at an islamic center and I am proud of that. But I don't think a phone call to check on his pregnant wife would kill him. When he come home and finds me not home he gets upset. When he is not home, i go to my parents because I don't like to be alone. This rant can go on. What do u think about the situation? I wish I can get him to write his own perspective so this post is not biased.
  6. I am asking following. I understand that we need to be grateful all times and that it is possible to have wealth and be pious as highlighted by dear brothers and sisters above. The question is how? How do I train my soul to rush to prayer? How to train myself to read quran when I am working full time, married, pregnant, have house commitments and salatul rahm with family and friends?? Time is an issue but not sole one. I feel my soul is slowly drifting away from religion as I get busy with life. Some practical tips will be good. Jazakulla
  7. I don't think girls looked like 6-7 years old back in those days. They were woman in those days not considered as children. There wasn't adolescence. There was only childhood and womanhood. There are stories of parents marrying their young child (a girl) to older men and their child dies from internal bleeding. They can not cope like adults do. I hope parents who advocate child abuse by pushing them into marriage are jailed for this crime. It's very sad.
  8. Thanks for ur replies? The question is how to be a believer? I understand the importance of being a believer...
  9. I would never think about marrying a child away. That is abuse. Why deny your child their childhood? It's a very cruel thought. We live in a different century than the prophet days and our body's are different.
  10. Salams all, when we are blessed with favors from Allah (swt), some people tend to be grateful first few month but slowly as we start living that luxury life we get further and further away. Anyone experienced this? I feel very far from my religion. I was very indulged in my religion before I was blessed with a luxury life. It's a challenge to be pious and practicing (more than praying and fasting) when you have everything. When we are in trouble and stress we automatically become pious. How does one overcome this? I feel like I need to force my soul/body to recite dua or pray extra back then I would look forward to the time to read dua or pray. I dont want to lose my religion. Thanks for ur input
  11. Salams all, I went out with my husband and met our friends (hubby and wife) at the cafe. We were talking as a group and I laughed every now and then (maybe 2 or 3 times in 2 hours) and I don't laugh loud or crazy. Hubby told me I can't laugh and show my teeth as my friends husband is non-mahram. He said I can smile but not laugh. I have a habit when I see a mirror to stop and look at it to fix my hijab or check out my pregnancy bump. He tells me it's wrong I can't look at myself in mirror in public. What do u guys think? If our scholars say it's haram or makrouh I won't do it but I am not aware.
  12. Salams bro, if u read on marriage problems they start or escalate due to ignoring one another. NEVER ignore your wife and she should never ignore you. It leads to hard feelings and distance. Ur only solution is to sit down with her and explain calmly what she is doing is hurting you and you don't appreciate it. Ask her 'would you like me to treat you the way you treat me?'. If doesn't work put her in ur shoes by giving her the attitude she gives you but never cease communication
  13. Salams all, I been married for 2 months and I feel I might be spoiling my husband too much. I am a working women but since marriage my shifts were reduced so I am looking for new job. My husband is working full time. I do cleaning and cooking and all house chores. He sometimes helps out with minor things. For lunch, I gone overboard and made sure I cook for him few dishes every day. He enjoys it. He has work at 6am and I don't. Recently he has been waking me up at 6am and asking me to make him breakfast. I find it inappropriate because he is an adult and can manage to make himself his own breakie. I feel he is being lazy. He can't be bothered putting some food I prepared for him in his lunchbox. I am not a slave for anyone. I never done housework before marriage as I was busy with Univeristy studies and work. What do u think? Should he wake me up for breakie or is that ridiculous?!!
  14. Salams all, I have a dilemma. I love my husband but his parents gave me hard time during engagement. They are different to be in sense that they can be harsh tongued and demanding and rude. They don't mean it but it's their nature. Since we got married we move to a granny flat next door to them and I have kept my distance because I am sensitive and if they hurt me , I will be on antidepressants. I visit my parents 3 times a week and have lunch with them every Sunday. His parents we go over once a week for tea (30 min) and leave. Now my husband is upset that I am not being fair to his parents. He wants to have lunch and dinner in their house like I do with my parents. But I don't feel comfortable and feel insecure and could be opening a relationship with them were I will allow then to intrude and come to our house every day knocking on door and running my life. What do I do? I don't want sins. I tell my hubby go visit your parents every day but I don't need to come every day with you. Help plzzzz
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