Anonymous456

Hello all, Like some, I am quite late to introduce myself, but here it goes. I am Arabic (for the most part), I am in my mid twenties and I am an aspiring solicitor. I live in London. I love learning and joined this forum to learn more about my faith. It is great that there is so much diversity within SC, as we can learn a lot from others. Thank you for having me :).

I am not sure if you've done something about the situation since your first post, but I agree with a lot of the posters above. I think you should try to speak to her calmly, find out her reasons for doing what she's doing and approach this carefully, I don't know if she's your younger sister, but if so, you can come across as the caring older sister, who only wants the best for her, just make sure you listen to what she's saying and allow her to speak. I say calmly and carefully, because you do not want her to rebel and start doing things even more secretively, if somehow you can come across as caring (and not seem judgemental towards her, which may be hard to do), then maybe in the future, she will feel like she can come to you if any other situations like these arise. This is not an easy situation and obviously the above is my opinion, but whatever you decide to do, inshallah all works out for the best.

It's past 3am where I live, so I hope what I say makes sense, I won't quote anything right now, but I just want to say, I believe that until you die, there is still time in this life to make up for things. Fair enough, you've done things you're ashamed of, humans are fallible, what is important is that you acknowledge your mistakes and that you are trying to make up for them. Intention means so much in our religion and Allah is incredibly merciful, what do we constantly see in the Qur'an, but 'bismillah rahman alraheem'. Just do your best to try and live a good life and ask Allah for forgiveness, imagine the most merciful and forgiving human beings and remember that they are creations of Allah. Allah swt's mercy and forgiveness far exceeds theirs. With the Islamic stories we hear, such as the example of al hurr in Muharram, just shows us the importance of repentance in our religion. Anyway, Inshallah things start to look up for you!

I guess for some, music influences or amplifies people's moods. Whether you're sad and need to listen to something, whether you're angry and it makes you feel angrier etc. Some also become dependent on music and find it very difficult to stop listening. In those respects, music probably has a negative effect on a person, it becomes a crutch or something addictive.

It must be very difficult, I am not sure if anything has happened since you last posted. Try to somehow open up dialogue with her, I know you mentioned earlier she may be afraid of you leaving her, but that is an assumption right? If you do not want to give up on this marriage and you love her, inshallah just try to be patient and try to be kind and to get into a position where you both can really speak to each other. Is there a chance you can go to therapy with her, just to show you support her/find out what is going on? With regards to her family, just try to be persistent but calm and try to find out whether she feels you have done anything wrong, or have hurt her in any way and express that was never your intention and you just want to make things right. I know what I have said is easier said than done, but inshallah all works out for you.

Alhamdulilah!! So glad Portugal equalised! Also Team Iran!!! Inshallah they beat Bosnia, it'll be difficult for them though, lol they're more equipped to draw. If they win, and Nigeria lose to Argentina, both Iran and Nigeria will equally be in second place. So we need Argentina to thrash Nigeria because they'll start counting goals. Have I got that correct? Also supporting Algeria, Italy and Portugal.

It's a difficult thing to discuss. I think if you were exposed to Islam, you study it and you are not an ignorant follower and you knowingly do things against Islamic principles that you supposedly accept, then you will be held accountable. However, if you are an ignorant follower of Islam and you do wrong actions, will you not be held accountable for not seeking knowledge, if it was available to you? Exposure to 'Islam', may not necessarily be a positive exposure, especially nowadays where Muslims heavily abuse Islam. What about non-muslims who were able to find out more about Islam but just didn't? (By that I mean for example non- muslims living in the west who have exposure to lots of resources). Regardless of what people's beliefs are, there are general principles of morality that we are exposed to and so I think we are all held equally accountable to that regard.

Lol I think we've all had that at some point. What really helps me is a change of environment or routine. For example when revising in my room I get very sleepy, so I change my position, or go to the living room, or kitchen or somewhere random to revise there. I also like to go to the library randomly as again that change in environment helps, plus it's a lot more difficult to fall asleep in a place where you have to be vigilant over your belongings and where everyone else is revising. (Whatever you do though, try not to socialise too much as that happens a lot in libraries). In this way you can also take refreshing walks or breaks outside, before going back to studying. Eating bananas and drinking orange juice and avoiding heavy meals also helps. I also change my revision methods, for example instead of using only the computer, I would use a3 paper with different colours etc to create summaries, diagrams and mindmaps to keep me alert. Not sure if these methods will help, but they seem to work for me. Inshallah soon you find the best way to revise for you, and good luck with your studies :)

It must be an incredibly difficult situation. I think when you're feeling completely mentally drained, you should take some time out to do something you enjoy, to try and refresh you a bit so you don't break down or self destruct. With regards to your mother, if you can't get some space or move out, there are a few things you might want to try, some of which you may have already tried. Firstly, when she upsets you, exercise patience, do not lash out otherwise it will just make the situation worse. Try to discuss the issues calmly and rationally. If done in this way, your words may have an effect on her, even if she doesn't admit it. It may give her some food for thought. Another thing you can do if the above doesn't work or alongside it, is to try and change the way you let things she says affect you. It may sound stupid, or incredibly difficult, but believe me it can be done. It takes some time to do this though. Instead of focusing on trying to change your mother, you focus on not letting what she says get to you and lowering your expectations of her. We don't know your mother's situation and not everything is black and white, she may be upset about something, she may be depressed, inshallah in the future things will become better for her and all of your family. From your post it is obvious you love her and I'm sure she loves you. Unfortunately, my suggestions above are not quick fixes, they require a lot of patience, but inshallah if you try, they may offer you a good and long term way of dealing with these problems and inshallah Allah will reward you for all that you have had to endure.

It's a hard thing to define, but along with what some other posters have said, I guess: Truly accepting someone and their imperfections, as well as persevering through the hard times.

It is a possibility, but not a guarantee. I'm sure the benefits of having children outweigh that risk. Being a parent (presumably) is one of the most rewarding things you can do. If you raise a child properly and provide them with a good upbringing and inshallah faith, then you've done something amazing and inshallah you will see all that in your child. Yes there is a risk of the child neglecting their faith or being immoral or whatever, but I guess you can't live life with a bunch of what ifs and we know that Allah is very merciful and knows each persons intentions etc. So why limit yourself from something that can be amazing (if you want children) out of fear of something so uncertain?

As a female, this wouldn't bother me, as long as the comments are not meaningful and as long as it is not over the top.

I guess just explain to her that feelings like these cannot easily go away. The guy will continue being hung up on her (even if he has promised to 'change' because he cannot control his feelings), especially if he is exposed to her all the time. It is both not fair on him, because it makes things more difficult for him if they maintain contact, and it is not fair on you, as it makes you very uncomfortable. The only thing is it can make things awkward for her if she sees him around, would you be okay with a hi/bye thing (but nothing more) to somewhat avoid hostility/ end things in a friendlier way? She probably doesn't understand how bad the situation can get, but inshallah if you explain this stuff to her properly, she'll see your point of view.

My belief in Islam is based upon a combination of logic, rationality and faith. As for the existence of a creator, I cannot believe that the world came about as a happy accident, and even if it did, questions about the origins of the pre existing matter that came before the big bang can be raised. A similar question can be asked about God, what created him etc? . However, I believe somewhat in the teleological argument, where the intricacies of creations point to a creator and that there also must be a necessary being. It makes sense to me and I believe in Islam 100%, however I do think it requires a leap of faith, we are all still learning and there are questions that we as humans cannot answer, but there is enough there for me to believe that Islam is true. Things are obviously different for you as an atheist. I cannot make simple statements that will automatically prove to you that Islam is true. To understand Islam, one must look at it as a whole, like read the Qur'an, find reliable ahadith and exercise intellect and rationality and then one can truly make an informed decision as to whether they believe it is true or not.

Hussainiyat Zindabad has made some great points. I think you're very stressed at this point, and it may be a good idea to do something that relaxes you. Take some time out to do something you enjoy and inshallah having a bit of enjoyment or a little break will help you with that feeling of not being able to cope. As mentioned in a post above, writing things down can also help, for example think of some things you want to achieve in life, whether it is to do with education, spiritual development or anything else, make a list and focus on achieving them one by one. Inshallah with each positive step you make (even if small) it is still something, and inshallah it'll attract more positivity. Getting things done this way, may also make you more relaxed. As for the religious stuff, inshallah make dua and even if you feel you're not concentrating during prayers, alhamdulilah you're still trying, and that's important and inshallah if you take steps to help with de stressing and you make positive changes, it'll help with your belief in Allah. I think things are just getting on top of you at the moment and I hope inshallah things get easier for you soon.