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In the Name of God بسم الله

Bakir

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Bakir last won the day on October 29 2018

Bakir had the most liked content!

About Bakir

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    Shia Islam

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  1. As far as I know, in High Schools and Universities there are also counsellors. When I was 15, I remember assisting to one due to social/personal anxiety.
  2. I haven't seen any scholar in here say so. Would be embarassing to see such behaviour from a scholar (though wouldn't be surprising at all). A member just pointed out the concept of bulugh related to this issue, but as I said before, I found it ridiculous in the sense that it is very incomplete, because sins are evaluated by context in a large part. For instance, stealing. Puberty is not the sole indicator of someone's morality. In that sense, I end up hating fiqh, for real. I believe it is among the worst that has happened to our religion and community and education, as well as to hawza. Not that fiqh, as a discipline, is wrong. But when you see how it has shaped our understanding and thinking process, you really feel like it is more harmful than helpful. People asking if the sexually abused girl is guilty? And then, asking if cutting bread with a knife is halal? And then, asking if they can pray with a cat hair or not? It's like if we are just getting rid of any critical thinking and common sense in favour of fiqh, and genuinely thinking we are doing this in favour of Islam. This is real naivety.
  3. Definitely. I'm noticing the importance of taking care of yourself, both physically and mentally. I couldnt care less about my health, so anxiety, in some way, has been a good encouragement to start. I'm happy to read that time and exercises do help in overcoming it. One of the main fears I had is to bear these feelings forever :S.
  4. There are things that are better not said regardless of disclaimer. Anyway...
  5. In all due respect, this post is a joke. Are you really talking about her responsibility on this? Do you even know what manipulation and abuse of power is? You don't need to be a baligh to understand that the fiqhi viewpoint cannot be more ridiculous to mention on such a case. It is really offensive and out of place. She could be 20 and still, abuse of power and manipulation can be present.
  6. Decided to give up smoking, once again lol. I hope this time I last longer till I end up buying another pack hahah.
  7. I believe such topics shouldn't be censored at all. Rather the contrary, this should have much more visibility, as it's more common than it seems. I have heard of some cases, some close to me. The last one, the son of two close friends was sexually abused by his friend who was 5 years older (he was 7 and his friend 12). All parents know and the kid is getting psychological assistance. The family is destroyed and in rage. It was difficult for him to understand this as some sort of abuse, but it was. As for the older kid... What he has done is a crime, and he is conscious of how wrong it is, but discussing this issue with my friends, we really wonder to which point do kids at this age consider the consequences of their actions. I believe they can separate right from wrong, but not really understand the consequences fully. This destroys you. Mostly, you won't be able to see sex as something kind or lovely, but as something violent. And what's worse, you may only enjoy it through violence (domination, for instance). I don't believe it is strictly necessary to talk about it, but I don't know the case. I have also lived early "sexual" experiences with a close friend (I was 12), but he was my age and it was more out of curiosity and nothing explicit nor significantly physical. We never talked about it, and I think we both had different ways to normalize it. Yet for a few years, I felt that as some sort of secret I should consciously avoid speaking about, and I indeed felt somehow ashamed or dirty (and thats normal, we are talking about penises here, which we associate to urine and that is dirty for us). At 14, my brother asked me to measure his penis with a ruler. Again, nothing sexual, yet when we speak about family and genitals, it is extremely disgusting. My brother has always been a psychologically unstable person and a year ago we casted him out of home due to his schizophrenia and violence towards us. The thing is, once you overcome it, which is something that require time (it may be a few years, or half your life), you don't really need to talk about it. Maybe psychological help can be useful, to fully understand and accept what happened in the past, to be able to leave it at the past. But what's most important, to be able to enjoy sex in a healthy way. The problem with sexual abuses is not forgetting them. They crush us in a thousand pieces, and we have to repair our heart again in order to be a psychologically healthy person. To change our brain sexualizing violence and hate is probably the hardest part of factual recovery from this. While typing this, I also realize that I certainly passed through this, for instance, with the penis measurement thing, as it is something that I, a few years later in life, repeated out of desire with other guys as some sort of absurd sexual game.
  8. This is completely offtopic but I'm amazed by the variety of reactions to this post lol. As for the OP topic, I find it a bit controversial to criticize mutah in the basis that it is something low compared to traditional permanent marriages but support western morality, which contemplates sexual freedom. Stopped reading after that.
  9. Thank you Laayla. Indeed. Yesterday was the first day in weeks I have felt genuinely happy/stable and in peace. Already asked about my case and its okay. I have to do an effort to fast again, but not putting a burden on myself more than a sincere desire to fast, because anxiety can easily be triggered. Thank you for your words, I will make sure to do dua tonight!
  10. Funny to see now the scandal in Ibiza by Strache. Good. So people see the reality of these nazis and right wing in general.
  11. I have decided to stop fasting as well as controlling all types of stimulants. It has just got way worse, and maybe I'm learning to accept that my anxiety levels are, in fact, high. Lately been suffering from nightmare, severe dizziness, feeling like I'm going to faint, dry mouth, as well as an important level of social anxiety. This all is so contrary to how I identify myself (generally a happy, active and peaceful person). But I'm overthinking everything, having extremely negative feelings, and feeling dumb, like really dumb. It's so terrible to be conscious of such self-degradation, for things that are not even real nor I can identify. Really feeling lost on what to do... Today I also felt like crying, somehow because of anxiety but also because I'm conscious of all of this...
  12. This is a developed personality Laithe, and definitely not as black and white as people tend to portray. Its solution passes through psychological/conductual treatment, as it is not a psychological illness nor something you get cured from. It's part of your character and personality. Its causes vary as well as the different types of sadism that exist. It is generally linked to lack of freedom and rebellion. Its very name is in honor of probably one of the biggest philosophical rebels in history, Marquis de Sade. Definitely not a good person, but an interesting rebel and probably the father of the philosophical rebellion. Edit: my phone died before I could finish... Lol. Anyway, as I was saying,a notorious aspect of Sade's life was precisely his life in prison (which is the major part of his entire life). Leaving aside that Sade himself isn't necessarily a sadist according to some thinkers (in the modern sense of the word), it seems there is a link between lack of freedom and sadism. Explore that within you, ask yourself if you are a free person, and genuine to yourself.
  13. Thanks for pointing it out, indeed, zaatar does the exact contrary lol. I eat zaatar every morning yet no effects though, guess tobacco is much more imposing in that sense hahah.
  14. Men have nearly 11 erections daily. This is not because of sexual excitation but because the body must have them. As any other part of the body, blood must pass through there to keep everything in order. If what you are experiencing is just libido (sexual desire) in an excessive way, try with natural anaphrodisiacs such as zaatar*, it's very suitable for suhoor. Licolice root is terrible but good and effective as an anaphrodisiacs as well. It's also good for your mouth. Also, avoid aphrodisiacs, for obvious reasons. * Edit: zaatar is an aphrodisiac, not an anaphrodisiac actually. My bad.
  15. Lately, I'm learning how to control my anxious feelings by some exercises, learning to breathe, identify my worries, etc. To my surprise, all of this has been encouraging me to have a more positive and constructive mentality. It's really so necessary in life. In the other hand, studying on feminism lately, as I barely read anything on modern feminist theories except for Butler and a few more (I see it a platform for really interesting progressive values, probably the best union of ideas and viewpoints in our era). Right now reading Sister, Outsider by Audre Lorde. Would be nice if we made a club to discuss these authors (without having to reply to the same toxic comments from fragile masculinity). Anyone interested? I would gladly contribute with my impressions of what I'm reading heheh.
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